Somewhere, I. - CHAPTER 2/4 (URUHA/RUKI) - PART II
Title: Somewhere, I. - Chapter 2/4
Part: 2 of 2 - … forever ...
Author: luna_no_koibito
Genre: Life, angst, romance, AU
Warnings: none I believe (for this chapter)
Rating: PG-13 (for now)
Pairing: Uruha/Ruki
Bands: the GazettE
Disclaimer: I don't own them, and don't wish I did because I'd be sorry for what could befall them （・＿・；）！
Summary: -No they won't, and I don't want to spend my life hiding, and lying to myself. I want things to change Uruha, and it will never, until somewhere, someone will make it change, and I decided to be that someone- sternly concluded the brunette, grabbing mop and bucket, speed walking to another section.
MAIN
2 PART 1
… Forever …
-So now, do you understand why we can't take the integral of sine times cosine squared, without taking some sort of derivative first?-
Uruha slowly nodded his head in agreement, blankly staring at the two sheets he was loosely holding in his hands, both filled with the detailed, yet sloppy, solution carefully jotted down by Ruki, but the truth was that … No. He didn't understand it.
Although the brunette had spent the past half an hour explaining the not-so complicated operation, the truth was that, Uruha's mind had just not been able to concentrate. It had been quite some time since the last time he had found himself in this kind of situation with the brunette. They were so close to each other, and under Ruki's persistent scrutiny, who would intently observe his every move, or the tiniest face distortion, in order to catch him in the act of lying, such as now.
-Uruha? ...- suspiciously called Ruki, dragging out his name, while leaning closer to the other, intensively studying the blank expression on the honey blonde, who calmly turned to look at the brunette, and slowly shook his head in negation as if in a daze, realizing how close they were at the moment, just a little closer and …
-I am not the one, who is going to fail this tomorrow- sternly observed Ruki swiftly backing away - … so if you don't understand it, just tell me, and I will keep explaining it until you get it-
Uruha calmly turned around facing Ruki's desk in front of him, and resignedly threw the two papers on it, which were escorted by the honey blonde's deep sigh.
-Let's wait for Aoi … - he proposed- folding his arms on the desk, and resting his head inside them - … there is no way in hell he got any of this stuff, or the stuff we've been doing till now, so you'll surely have to repeat it- righteously pointed out Uruha, whose observation sounded more like a mumble, having his mouth covered by his arm.
-It's okay, I'll explain it again when he comes back, so let's continue- firmly suggest Ruki, trying to pull a notebook from under Uruha's folded arms, who swiftly raised from the desk sighing
-Don't you get tired of repeating the same things over and over again- plainly inquired Uruha, staring at Ruki, who was intently searching in his notebook for another way to explain the concept - … wouldn't it be just easier, to wait for Aoi, and just say whatever at once? ... Wait for the right moment, instead of simply wasting time and words- concluded Uruha, folding his arms on his chest.
-I don't know what you are talking about … - swiftly replied Ruki, still gazing at his notebook pages - … sounds like excuses to me - whispered the brunette
-Excuses? For what? Trying to find a better why to apply and not fry my brain? - indignantly state Uruha, still gazing at the brunette
-Do I sense hostility? ...- calmly inquired Ruki closing his notebook, and staring back at the honey blonde -cause, if you haven't noticed, I am the one doing you a favor here - pointed out Ruki, dropping the notebook on the desk.
-Oh hail Ruki-sama- swiftly retorted Uruha, slightly bowing at the brunette - do you want me to kneel at you, and praise your greatness?- he then questioned, not quite understanding what he was getting all worked up about, Ruki had a point, and he was perfectly right ... so much for making it to his house in one piece.
-Fuck you ...- whispered the brunette, irritatedly looking away
-oh would you? ...- swiftly replied Uruha immediately biting his tongue, instantly realizing the inappropriateness of his statement, which he could have simply apologized for, but something in his head wasn't working correctly at the moment, as he was getting ready to verbally destroy the brunette.
-That was so uncalled for!- exclaimed Ruki, shockingly staring at the taller, who simply looked away, while resignedly sighing, and leaning back on the computer chair -... can you please tell me? - he then forcefully requested - what is it about me that annoys you so much!-
-It's nothing never mind ...- swiftly whispered Uruha, newly grabbing the two sheets of paper, which were now under the notebook, previously dropped by Ruki -whatever … let's just move on-
-No!- exclaimed Ruki, pushing Uruha's wheeled chair, in such a way that the honey blonde was now facing him - I am tired of this, and honestly I am in such stress lately, that I don't need you snapping at me every single time!- precised the brunette
-Snapping?- offensively retorted Uruha - who the fuck was snapping? You are the one who's yelling at me, after I told you to forget about it!- continued Uruha - and forgive me but, I am not the one, who decided to barge out the closet, so whatever stress you are going through, is your fucking fault, I had warned you so many times, so now deal with it!- he then shouted turning towards the brunette's desk once more, wishing Aoi would magically show up, before the situation could degenerate further; he wasn't too sure he could control himself any longer at this point.
-So that's what it is? … - angrily whispered Ruki, newly pushing Uruha's chair, facing him once more -... it bothers you doesn't, it bothers you that I am gay, uh?- he hissed, as the honey blonde, furiously exhaled from his nose, keeping one hand on his forehead, and banging the clenched other on the desk, slightly starling the brunette, who was still firmly keeping his unwavering gaze on him … 99.8 degrees
-You know! Nobody is forcing you to stay, in fact this is my house, you can fucking leave for all I care- quickly added the brunette. Uruha swiftly stood up, and began randomly throwing his belongings into his backpack, under Ruki's maddened and intensive gaze.
-There you go, pick up and leave. Run away from me, from everything, as you usually do- angrily observed Ruki -... how about you being a man for once, and simply state shit as it is, uh Kouyou?- concluded Ruki, as Uruha roughly dropped his bag on the desk, closing his eyes.
… 100 degrees.
-It's everything about you ... - suddenly uttered Uruha, his head lowered, his eyes still closed - there is not one single cell in you that doesn't affect me- breathed out Uruha massaging his nasal septum with his index finger - and it hurts so bad Takanori, every single time- paused the honey blond
-Every time you want me to just stand and stare, when you get relentlessly attacked in front of me ... it kills me. Every time you put up this strong front of yours, when you should be obviously suffering, pushing me away by doing so … it feels like you're suffocating me- he almost whispered, as if finally realizing exactly what he felt, as if he was able to finally put every piece of his million piece puzzle in place.
-...Did you know? ...- he continued, in a lighter tone- Did you know I can't stand being away from you? Even some seconds ago, when I felt like hurting you with my own hands, the moment I would have stepped out that door, I would have instantly regretted it … -resignedly tried to explain the honey blonde, as if talking to himself, finally coming to terms with himself, for he knew that no matter the outcome, the already oversensitive walls of his fragile heart, were slowly giving up under the unbearable weight of the emotions inside it; that was it.
-Did you know that you are the first thing I think when I wake up in the morning, and the last when I go to bed?- he confessed with a bitter smile, sadly staring at the brunette- did you know your voice, your smile, your mere presence, makes me feel so happy to be alive? ...- continued Uruha in a low tone, absently looking in direction of the stunned brunette, as if he were looking at one of the many pictures he had of him, as if he weren't really there.
-But this doesn't quite answer you question does - rambled on Uruha, who didn't feel himself in his own body anymore, wondering where he had found the strength to even begin what he had, and just as he began to lose himself in thought, as he usually did, he was forced to acknowledge the brunette's presence, when suddenly, Ruki's arms where wrapped around his neck, tightly holding him.
-Finally … - whispered Ruki
-Uh? ...- bemusedly whispered Uruha, who wasn't expecting any of the following to happen, as he tried to register the recently uttered word
-I said finally ...- repeated Ruki with a sigh - but then again … mine was just wishful thinking wasn't it?- he then smirked, into the crook of Uruha's neck.
Uruha's body began to lightly tremble, it had taken him already so much energy to professed what he had, and now, it appeared as if Ruki had some feelings for him as well; maybe it really was the case to get checked. In the mist of it all, the first thing he wanted, was to somehow regain the control of his body, which was just acting to his own will. Ruki was still tightly hugging him, and the honey blonde wanted to hug him back so bad, he had wished for such a thing to happen for so long, but instead, his knees suddenly gave up on him, as he swiftly caught himself on the desk, bring Ruki with him.
-Are you okay?- kindly asked Ruki, pulling away from the taller, whose expression was as indescribable as any of Picasso's paintings -don't look at me like that ...- he then lightly hit him on the chest - … I just said that I like you too Kouyou … I always have- admitted Ruki in a whisper, staring at the honey blonde, who simply nodded mechanically, and suddenly hugged the brunette bringing him close to himself, basking in the warmth of his body, drowning into its scent; it felt so real … and it was.
-So … - attempted Uruha, who was slowly regaining himself - … are you trying to say that for all this time, you thought I acted gay?- he then cynically observed
-There is no such thing as acting gay Uruha- corrected the brunette with a smirk, circling his arms around the honey blonde's waist - being homosexual is a preference, such as being heterosexual. What people commonly referred as gay has a name and is called being effeminate, and no Uru, you are not effeminate- he chuckled.
-So … how ...-hesitantly asked Uruha, who still wasn't getting the whole situation, but wasn't hating on it either, not at all, as he tightened the grip around the brunette
-I guess ...- uncertainly began the younger - is one of those things you can't explain ... I felt it maybe? or rather … I hoped for it- he then concluded, as the honey blonde simply nodded in acknowledgment. It really didn't matter, did it? What mattered was that he finally was with who he wanted to be, and as he had suspected and dread, it just felt so right.
-...and ...- hesitantly commenced the honey blond -what about ... Akira? ...-
-I ...- calmly began Ruki, shifting his head on the side, gently playing with the collar of the taller's shirt -... I kinda had given up on you ...-
-Given up?- bemusedly inquired Uruha
-After I told you guys about me being gay, I kinda expected you to say something, but you didn't … so I just … -paused the brunette, taking a light breath -it had been four years, and we have been running around each other for so long, and I decided to make the first move, and confess, to give you a push, in the case you did feel the same way ...- he explained - … but you said nothing, so I concluded, that it had been only my misinterpreting of feelings and ...- he then paused once more - … the next day I got with Akira-
-What? … but you said ...- swiftly replied Uruha in slight shock, pulling away from the brunette, gazing straight at his face
-Akira had asked me, a week before I confessed to you guys, but of course you were the person I really wanted to be with … I asked him to give me a little time, and then, well … -
-What? Did you expect me to be like ... “hey I am gay too!” - skeptically remarked Uruha with a smirk
-... kinda ...- hesitantly stated Ruki, innocently looking up at the honey blonde, who smirked once more
-… so wrong- he then whispered
-apparently ...- chuckled the brunette, replacing his head on the taller chest, who didn't mind in the least, as he kindly stroke the red and black looks on his head, having fully regained his body functions, but still having no sense of time or place.
-So … are we … a couple now?- hesitantly asked Uruha
-I would say so … unless now that you are comfortable outside the closet you feel like gallivanting ...- jokingly observed the brunette.
-Like you weren't the only reason why I am gay in the first place ... dumb-ass- grinned the honey blond
-Don't call my ass dumb!- quickly retorted Ruki -... since you sure gonna want a piece of it, sooner or later … - pointed at Ruki with a diverted grin, looking up at the Uruha's extremely reddened face.
-... s-speaking of which … h-have you and Akira … you know ...- hesitantly asked Uruha, in a whisper, which he wasn't sure the younger heard, considering that his heartbeat was probably louder.
-I am homo Kouyou, not a whore ...- swiftly replied Ruki with a smile -... and you shouldn't be think of that right now, when we haven't even touched first base ...- calmly pointed out the brunette, moving his arms around the honey blond's neck, leaning closer, with their lips centimeters apart.
-... true ...- whispered Uruha; this was just too good to be true.
-Ah!- yelled a voice, as the door to Ruki's room blasted open, ushering a frenzied Aoi -I fucking knew you were gay Uruha!- he shouted out pointing his index at Uruha - … I knew it! haven't I always said it?- he then inquired swiftly looking at Ruki, who quickly nodded in agreement - G-a-y ...gay~!- chanted Aoi nonchalantly throwing his bag on Ruki's bed.
...of course ... to good to be true.
-Shut the fuck up Aoi- blankly replied Uruha, who still had no intention of releasing his brunette captive anytime soon.
-And you know what's even gayer? - swiftly continued Aoi, dropping himself on the bed -The fact that you made him wait so long … - he concluded
-... I'll give you that- Uruha admitted in a lowly tone - but you have some fucking bad timing do you know that Aoi ...- he swiftly added
-Uh?... wh- the brunette was about to ask, but remembering the last part of the conversation he had eavesdropped, he stopped his sentence -oooh …- he then nodded in acknowledgment- ... my bad!- he quickly apologized, flashing two peace signs with his finger.
-That won't cut- was about to retort Uruha, when his lips were swiftly sealed by those of Ruki, who quickly kissed him and, moved back to his chair … Uruha's mental thermometer had officially exploded, he was now happily dancing in la-la-land.
-Aaaaw ...- mockingly chanted Aoi, bringing out his notebook - … aren't you two cute ...- he concluded with a laughter, as he was flipped off by Uruha in response.
-Well at least Ruki will have a partner in fighting now ...- added Aoi, turning pages, at which statement Uruha swiftly opened his mouth but said nothing, and Ruki most have noticed, given the following statement.
-No Aoi, this is my fight! How many times do I have to tell you!- he quickly retorted -... I don't need more exhibitionist- he concluded with a smirk.
-... You are not yet ready to come out are you? ...- calmly asked Aoi, gazing at a particular page in his notebook, at which the honey blond silently and slowly shook his head in negation, as if the other could see him.
He wasn't ready, and if he had to be honest to himself, he hadn't really thought through the whole meaning of him finally being able to be with Ruki. Now, that they were together, he was most likely the happiest being on Earth, but that meant he was on the same boat of the brunette. Just when he thought his dilemma was over, a bigger one had suddenly arose. There was no doubt in the fact that he absolutely wanted to be Ruki, for as he stated he couldn't think of being without him, but was he ready to be then abandon by everyone else? Was Ruki all that he needed?
-...I guess I will use the week that he was given to think about it ...- slowly replied Uruha, biting his lip, wondering whether the short brunette had felt betrayed.
-You ...- hesitantly began Ruki, looking at him with a gentle smile - … you really don't have to … if you don't want to ...- he then reassured, with another smile, which left Uruha again wondering, whether he really meant it, and to his disbelieve he didn't even attempt to ask the question, finding momentary relief in the brunette's statement, not wanting to hear him state differently, realizing how not ready he was at the moment to come out.
-Whatever you guys say ...- sighed Aoi, getting off the bed, with his notebook, walking towards Ruki -... just remember that a half-baked cake is as bad as not baked one- he concluded, sternly looking at Uruha for a few seconds.
Aoi was right, and there was no going around it. The mere thought of it made Uruha feel rather uneasy, which released a heavy sigh, and as if the shorter brunette could sense his distress, he gently placed his hand on Uruha's, continuing with the explanation of whatever it was that Aoi had just asked him. Instantly, he felt his heartbeat decrease, it felt as if everything stood still for a while, in peace and harmony in their proper place, as he wished that this feeling, this moment could just remain the way it was forever. No tomorrow, nobody else, inside nowhere, forever him and Ruki; the right thing for him.
3 PART 1