Fuck me, how the bloody hell'd I end up in this arse end of reality again, now of all sodding times?

[OOC: For this curse, John is taken from the events of the Bad Blood spinoff, which means he a) comes from a near future where Britain is on the edge of an almost farcical civil war and b) has only the fuzziest of recollections of his life before ( Read more... )

Oh, for fuck's sake, Eden--

Right. Listen up, you lot.

I hope you all know that I would be a bloody awful Warden.

For one thing, I'm usually on the other side of the law. Putting me in charge of the coppers here would be a terrible conflict of interest. Not to get into any great detail here, but they don't call me Conjob just 'cos of my name, ( Read more... )

[voice post]

[Same noises of churning gears and endless ticking as in the previous post.]

I hate this fucking City. I hate these fucking gods. I hate this fucking clock.

I want my bleeding cigarettes--

What's this?

Ha. I knew I'd find something like this eventually. Dare I pull the switch? It might mean the end of the worlds, you know--well, ( Read more... )

[voice post]

Ha, you bastards, I'm in. So much for the impenetrable clock of mystery and doom, eh?

[Strange metallic noises, as of gears grinding--and the ticking.]

And don't think you can scare me off with the usual door-swings-ominously-shut-behind-you bollocks. I don't want to go out that way ( Read more... )

Bloody fucking hell, it feels like zombie sharks chewed through to me brains.

...And I still remember what happened last night, so obviously I didn't drink enough.

Blimey--pardon my language--but the girl is gone again! Oh, what would your mother say if she were here today?

It's times like this I almost regret giving up my wild life to settle down and raise a child with my dear departed wife. But I mustn't doubt! The girl is a good child, I know she is--she's just going through a bit of a wild stage. I only ( Read more... )

Oh, I like this one. A voluntary curse. If you're a bleeding idiot, eat the waffles and have some horrible fate befall you; if you've any brains at all, stay away and be...about as safe as this place ever lets any poor sod be ( Read more... )

Right, so it turns out my inner child's a horrible little brat. Who's surprised? Anyone? I didn't fucking think so.

I've had enough of these bloody curses. It's time to say fuck this City and its little gods too. Fuck them all, right in their smallest and least lubricated holes.

Bleeding buggering bastard Christ. You don't get to toy with people ( Read more... )

[voice post]

Hullo, what's this thing? Can it get us some chips? Or tell me where I am?

I've been here since yesterday and I'm still lost. This isn't any fun anymore. Adventures are meant to be done by supper ( Read more... )

[voice post]

This--

I--

...

[Voice distinctly more soprano than usual.]

All right, so this is a little funny, I'll give you bastards that.

But it's not nearly as bleeding funny as the fucking gods who set it on me must think it is.

[Pause.]

Fuck. This shirt won't button all the way.

[OOC: female and asexual for the curse...although he hasn ( Read more... )