so I am battling again. My depression is hitting and I have no idea what to do. I don't care about myself at all, Billy had to remind me it'd been 4 days since I showered and wouldn't I like to do that? My bump has shrunk to less than half so now I just look pudgy (oh and my thighs and hips have softened and increased by over 3" in the last 2 weeks ( Read more... )

stupid sever constipation and nausea. ugh. rawr. at least I'm not throwing up!

but what I wouldn't give for a normal digestive system right now!!!

I don't know if it's because Billy has been gone the last two nights or just hormones...but I'm not feeling very good. Kinda down i guess. And it's weird that I don't feel my pregnancy today. No stretching pains, my boobs aren't sore at all, nothin. I also realized today that my "bump" is actually almost all just body fat I need to loose. Not ( Read more... )

It's funny ( Read more... )

i want to be in charge of everything so I can make sure it gets done right, then other times I don't want to have to deal with any of it! It's a weird connundrum, offten hitting at the exact same time. I wish I knew how to deal with it.. how to change it. There are moments where it seems I have a grip on it, that I can find a happy medium of ( Read more... )

Behind a glass wall. desperatly beating my fists to the sound of my silent tears dropping. Seeing, almost tasting the world only inches away. Lost. Wondering what it's like to smell that air, to feel the breeze ( Read more... )

a constant. a never ending beacon of hope, love, laughter, companionship...a true friendship. How can it be that it can just dissapear? That the warmth becomes cold, the love..indifference, the kindness sharp, the laughter replaced by one worded answers. And why? How is it that when you are this person to them as well..they can just turn and ( Read more... )

But in one way it's like "wow, ok. He's really gone now. We're all moving on. And he's not walking next to us. He's behind us. IN our memories and that's it" It's like her dating again makes it all so real now. Like closing the cover on a book you just read and realizing that the story didn't have an ending. It's just over. No matter how many times ( Read more... )

a hollow feeling
surrounded by tiny lies
rushing in to replace
a loud voice to cover a lost embrace

map and compass in hand
ireprably lost without a north star
desperatly searching for a familar stream
finding instead an echo of a dream

( Read more... )