NOT FUNNY ENOUGH FOR A CERTAIN HUMOR PUBLICATION THEATRE presents:

[ludickid]

The Official State Vices

Alabama: yelling “ROLL TIDE”!
Alaska: bear-baiting
Arizona: making convicts wear pink underwear
Arkansas: pig-fucking
California: weed
Colorado: fundamentalist Christianity
Connecticut: overuse of SportsCenter catchphrases

Comments

[tritium]

Man, you're really hung up on that MARTA thing, huh?

[ludickid]

It just kills me that I've been to Atlanta two times as an adult, and both times, total strangers told me nigger jokes about MARTA. What, am I wearing a t-shirt that say "PLEASE INVOLVE ME IN YOUR RACISM! I LOVE IT!"?

[kudaspeaks]

"Your racism? I'M SOAKING IN IT."

I don't even know what the MARTA thing is, I just know I am a magnet for the "poop-handed third worlders are intentionally giving you burritos full of hep-C" demented cranks whenever I leave the Bay Area, so I sympathize.

Also, seriously, I will die with enjoyment if you can ever get McSweety's to print the word "pigfucking."

[ludickid]

'Twas not them, but a pub once noted for their high-larious janitor mascot.

[lester22]

OK, I need to know what "ether frolics" means before I can lambaste you for making fun of my home state.

WATCH THIS JOKE DIE AS I AM FORCED TO EXPLAIN IT

[ludickid]

See, Rhode Island, it's kinda boring. See. Not incredibly exciting. It's just a very small New England state. And I thought, well, their vice would probably not be anything modern and sexy like ecstasy or mainlining the blood of Mexican fetuses, but something kinda old-fashined and square, like, I dunno, ether frolics. Which were these things popular in the mid-1800s where people would huff ether and dance around like spastics. (It was in this way, incidentally, that anaesthesia was invented.) It's just this incredibly obscure, old-timey amusement, like submarine races or bare-knuckles boxing. AND I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUNNY BUT OBVIOUSLY NOT AND HERE'S THE PROOF.

Re: WATCH THIS JOKE DIE AS I AM FORCED TO EXPLAIN IT

[lester22]

Hmph. Rhode Island is not boring. It's at least more exciting than the whole of the midwest...but I digress.

Ether. I had some experience with that. That was in New Jersey, however, which is, in fact, the worst state on the eastern seaboard, and would indeed drive people to huff ether.

Yeah, Chicago and Minneapolis have nothing on Woonsocket and Tiverton

[ludickid]

It's at least more exciting than the whole of the midwest...

That was in New Jersey, however, which is, in fact, the worst state on the eastern seaboard

After I'm done killing you, a lot of my friends list is gonna want a crack at it.

[janehex]

This all sounds about right, but a Washington native could tell you that our home state is actually also well-known for its serial killers.

[joshwand]

well, it made ME snort my rugelach...

[steakumms]

I thought Wyoming's was "trying to figure out why I can't quit you."