...but that savage animal mrdankelly beat me to that shit, bitin' like he was Rich Kiel ( Read more... )

Today’s dream come true is the wishiest wish of mckennl, who, were this the 1930s, I would describe as a plenty swell dame. In fact, I am going to do so, even though this is not the 1930s. Anyway, her Christmas wish was for a list of songs that would please her were she to “download” them, which is apparently something the kids do these days ( Read more... )

And now, because I know you’ve been waiting for it all year, my best-in-music picks for 2006 (THAT RHYMES!). Some version of this list will be appearing in two magazines, two free weeklies, and a couple of websites, but you get it for nothin', just for showing up today! It’s like you’re Sir Galahad, and your Holy Grail is having a fat music geek ( Read more... )

IN FOR 2007 ( Read more... )

Speaking of the Geneva Conventions, though, they really do need to be reassessed. Whether or not torture works as an interrogation tactic, our forces do need to be able to threaten captured terrorists with something in order to prevent further loss of life, and honestly, those WWI-era codes are simply too restrictive for our modern era. Just look ( Read more... )

The Official State Vices

Alabama: yelling “ROLL TIDE”!
Alaska: bear-baiting
Arizona: making convicts wear pink underwear
Arkansas: pig-fucking
California: weed
Colorado: fundamentalist Christianity
Connecticut: overuse of SportsCenter catchphrases ( Read more... )

This is dedicated to my awesome girlfriend ninafarina. She and her ridiculously adorable daughter gave me a fine weekend and a couple of swell presents for "Leonard's Day", and so, by request, here we go ( Read more... )

1. No rapper can rap quite like he can (rap ( Read more... )

This stuff was all thought up a long time ago when people were like totally old and square and stuff. It's time for a change.

PROPOSED NEW NAMES FOR THE DAYS OF THE WEEK
Monday: Sickday
Tuesday: Pizzaday
Wednesday: Humpday
Thursday: Bushday
Friday: Partyday
Saturday: ATVday
Sunday: Godday

PROPOSED NEW NAMES FOR THE MONTHS OF THE YEAR ( Read more... )

And finally, my cultural Year in Review.

BEST PORNOGRAPHIC MOVIES OF THE YEAR
1. Bareback Mountin'
2. Capooty
3. The 20-Year-Old Virgin
4. Syriyoni
5. Good Night and Good Fuck

ALBUMS OF THE YEAR
1. The Decemberists, Hipsteresque
2. Sufjan Stevens, The Story of a Singer/Songwriter Desperately in Search of Something Interesting to Say About ( Read more... )