Things in the life of Loz...

[lozenger8]

1. I have started my new T-shirt collection. It is aces. And 17 t-shirts strong already. I'm very proud of myself. I actually rebought three of the tees I had before, because I love them so much

Comments

[jillwise]

Man, I wish we got two weeks of Easter holidays! That's awesome. I could use it after this never-ending winter.

That is so frustrating that people are still commenting on your weight. Why does it have to be so important?

Sometimes I think most people are just fucking idiots though, and don't understand the concept of boundaries. I remember my cousin saying when she was pregnant with her son, strangers used to come up to her and touch her belly or give her parenting advice. She'd be like, get the fuck away from me, I don't know you! Probably the same kind of assholes who don't even know you but feel the need to comment on your body.

They must just have really sad lives that they don't have anything better to do…

[lozenger8]

Our system works in that we have 4 terms, the first 11 weeks, the next three 10 weeks long. We get 2 week breaks in between each term and 5 weeks off for summer vacation.

Thanks for getting one of the reasons this annoys me :D A friend of mine is pregnant and will soon have to contend with non-consensual belly-touching.

[jillwise]

Ah, I think we get a longer summer break (two months), so I guess that makes sense. We have two weeks off at Christmas and maybe half a dozen long weekends in there too, and then July and August off for summer.

Yeah, I don't see how people who don't know you well keep bringing it up or saying it in a rude way to you. Like, I could understand if it was someone you hadn't seen in a couple years or something, since any change is more noticeable when you don't see the person regularly. But I just don't get the rudeness about it! I mean, especially from women. We all know what it's like to be judged based on our appearance so why do it to other people unless you're trying to be an asshole. Like you said, you have other qualities… and it's not like it's new at this point anymore either.

Hmm, that comment got longer than I meant it to be. I guess I'm frustrated on your behalf!

[piapiapiano]

Matt's sister-in-law has lost nearly 8 stone in the last few years and it's impossible not to comment on it. To not mention her changed appearance would feel like I was saying I hadn't noticed it, which I think would be a bit rude given how much effort she's put into her weight loss. But my saying "wow, well done you for losing so much weight!" is not a veiled criticism of her previous fatness but a genuine expression of admiration for her achievement. It takes so much self-discipline to change the self, in any way, and I am in awe of anyone who manages it.

I totally wouldn't be surprised if you were projecting more confidence and thus drawing more people towards you, you know.

Anyway, at the risk of pissing you off, well done on losing 88 pounds! That's phenomenal! I can't think of anything I've done in my life that would equal that for sheer determination and sticking-at-it-ness.

And hurray for new t-shirts!

[lozenger8]

So now I ask you some questions - has Matt's sister in law started conversations about trying to lose weight? What's your quota for mentioning it, do you think? If someone mentions it before you, do you then feel the need to chime in with your two cents about how suddenly fantastic she's looking? (This one I can sort of understand as then feeling rude at not wanting to act like you didn't notice it, btw.) Does she seem genuinely happy when you express your admiration, or do her eyes slide to the side, does her face become peaky, and does she suddenly up and leave/change the subject

[piapiapiano]

Yes, she's initiated conversations re dieting. She likes to talk, and is very pleased with herself. She had to lose weight to be eligible for IVF so it wasn't something she started out of any desire of her own to change, and maybe that makes a difference? I don't tend to mention it unprompted (ie I will, as you say, chime in if someone else has mentioned it) as I know she gets comments all the time (works in a shop in a small village so everyone knows her and sees her regularly). I do make a point of complimenting her hair or her clothes, if they seem new to me.

Is that bad? You've got me doubting myself!

the discipline was so far as 'I won't eat that cake today, but by fuck I'll eat it at some point'/'I won't skip eating until dinner and then eat 8 slices of toast with jam, instead I will have a balanced day with more vegetablesIt's still a change, and change is -- for most people -- hard

[lozenger8]

Your sister in law and I are very different people. ;) <3

[basaltgrrl]

I understand having mixed feelings about this, and yet... It is a huge physical, visible change, when a person loses a lot of weight. We (humans) are really good at noticing change. And no doubt everyone thinks they're giving you kudos for having the motivation to stick with a program.

Also, there is a gigantic fat phobia in, well, most of the world. One has only to look at any advertisement for clothes or food or cars or whatever. It's not pretty--and speaking of that word, I'd like to see a far more generous definition of "pretty" in use. Stick thin models with layers of makeup? No thanks.

But anyway. Thinner is healthier, for the most part--kudos for finding happiness in food and walking and new t-shirts!

[lozenger8]

I've been doing it slowly and I am sick of the kudos, tbqh. Praise me for something else already. I have hundreds of other awesome traits. (ETA: this is not directed at you, BG, you know I <3 you.)

The fat-phobia of the world is utterly disgusting and is bringing me down, I am not going to lie.

[basaltgrrl]

And you know I've always thought you were brilliant for the important things--your mind and your writing and your engagement. I don't know if I've ever said how much I admire teachers, but that I do.

[draycevixen]

I have posted about this before

I have people I work with that go out of their way to tell everyone that they're on a diet and it's obvious that they want feedback, see it as reinforcement, like their own version of joining Weight Watchers. For those people I'll be sure to say something if I notice a change. BUT they are setting the parameters.

I'm the sort of person who'll compliment someone on a lovely flattering dress or a new hair-do but I would *never* comment directly on their physical person except for the above.

As I said in my post, my weight varies some and I will sometimes get (unsolicited) remarks from other women about it. I usually shut them right down, "yeah I have -- *insert new subject here*) The more I do it the less often it happens. I think it's because most of them do *mean* well and are just unaware of the messages they've absorbed. If I show no sign of finding the topic interesting they tend to move right on.

[lozenger8]

We are so alike in so many key ways, Drayce. I think I've come to the conclusion that it is precisely because I've never really hated my body that these comments give me the epic shits. I don't see the point in hating a vessel that never did anything but do its best. And at the end of the day, I am more than my physical attributes.

(Oh God, the constant 'you're so good' comments. My standard lunch is 95 g tuna in springwater, an apple & a small salad -- because it is convenient, because I enjoy it, and because it's relatively nutritious. The number of times people have called me good for it are ridiculous. And people NEVER appreciate it when I say I'm planning on having pizza for dinner.)

I think maybe I am too polite because some people never seem to pick up on the fact I don't want to talk about it.

[piapiapiano]

The "you're so good" comments would be an excellent opportunity to have a heated discussion about applying "good" and "bad" to food and how fucked up our culture is in that regard. People generally hate getting into heavy discussions at work so I bet they'd hesitate before saying anything like that to you again. I used this method to shoot down similar comments when I was vegan.

Ha. Another thing I'm learning from this is that I'm a much less tolerant and much less nice person than you, Loz!

[lozenger8]

Aaahaha. We'll have to see how pissed I am on any given day and this may happen. Truthfully, I don't want to put anyone off talking to me. I just want to put them off talking to me about this. You know how hard I find it to relate to other humans. I'm currently at a place of work where there are several people who don't hate talking to me - a couple who actively seek me out - and I value that. But there is a bit of a cross-section there with people who also want to chat to me about weight loss, so, conundrum.

I hardly think I'm being tolerant when I rant about it ad nauseam. And I know I'm not 'nice'.

[jasper_su]

Insert here my broken record comment agreeing that people need to shut up about other people's bodies and particularly weight loss. My experience is that they eventually do shut up, mostly. Not that people wised up and changed their ways, but since I have maintained my weight for a couple of years and kind of stabilized and stopped changing size and shape, they stopped being startled into blurting unsolicited remarks.

I have an altered perspective on fat phobia, though. I keep uncomfortably recognizing it in myself, usually in moments when I feel the influence of other people's choices and actions on my mind.

[lozenger8]

<333 I love you, Su.

... is it really going to take a couple of years? I may murder someone before that time arrives.

I have not yet slipped into a fatphobic mindset, although I was trying to get my mum to make her eating habits healthier, as she was recently diagnosed with high blood pressure. It didn't work, so I've given up forcing the issue.

[jasper_su]

Apart from the repeat offenders, may take that long to run into all the acquaintances who will have known you at a larger size. The cousins I hadn't seen in years gave me an earful in the fall. Just a couple of weeks ago I heard it from an art teacher I see once or twice a year, at the district art show. For probably three years running, that's the only thing she has said to me, but since it offends me and is probably meaningless to her, I can see why it sticks in my brain while she doesn't remember she said it last time. This year she added "When are you going to retire?" I am 20+ years from retirement age, so I just looked at her like she had grown another head.

I don't know if I am really phobic, but I catch the judgmental thoughts floating through and it really makes me want to school my mind.

[lozenger8]

This other art teacher sounds a bit toxic. :/

I am concluding here that people are tactless arseholes all over the world. :D