Phantom Load - Part 9

[lovesrain44]

Friday, January 24th, 1992

Dean made it through the week by avoiding the hallway near the auditorium, by taking the long way around for his geography class, and by keeping his eyes open the whole time. He hardly dared blink. His eyes were as dry as dusty bones, but at least his homework had been handed in, and he wasn’t limping anymore. He still

Comments

[pharis]

Lovely, painful, and beautifully written. Wow.

[lovesrain44]

Why thank you! That's very lovely of you to say! It's not often, I think, that pain and beauty come together like you say.

[lori_leaf]

Jesus, that made my stomach hurt to read. You did an amazing job keeping the tension high the entire story. The analogy of the janitor as a hunter and Dean as prey, was perfect. It was like a horrible chase. And part of me is glad the X's the ghost left, were to mark places he already looked. As soon as the horrible ex-principal mentioned the files and the boy who came forward, I thought the X's were marking all of the janitors "conquests", all in a neat little row above the lockers. Really wonderful story, but geez... it made my stomach hurt.

[lori_leaf]

Oh and I forgot to mention, but I love how you used Deans POV for the past, and Sam's for the present. It was nice to hear both boys thoughts. It was also interesting to get a more rounded view of the situation. Sam's trying to figure out what's going on in Dean's head, and only Dean and the reader knows why he's acting like that

[lovesrain44]

I'll respond to both of your posts here, okay?

I'm sorry your stomach hurt, but man, that's quite a compliment! Writing this story had that effect on me but I didn't really realize that it would have a similar effect on other people! Boy was I wrong.

And it's funny about the POV thing, about halfway through I said, oh shit, I'm not giving Dean a present POV. Wondered if I should, and then decided to be brave and not. I'm glad the results turned out well.

And John, yeah, John. John does his best, always. It was fun to write a dad that was a lot lot lot nicer than the Spart verse dad, while at the same time being concerned and strict about rules and trust and fatherly things like that.

I don't know any stories with rainbows and kittens in them, I'm sorry. So bundle up, maybe get a portable space heater, make some tea....and think of me smiling hugely that my story had such an effect on you! A marvelous compliment, TRULY!!!

[lori_leaf]

My stomach hurting is a compliment to you, so I'm glad you took it as such. *g* I'm always surprised when a story literally hits me in the gut.

I'm glad you chose to switch POVs. It gave both boys a voice and let me as a reader see a more rounded view of the situation. Plus, you showed Dean's thoughts in Sam's POV, through Dean's body language. Sam may not have known what was going on, but the reader could tell what Dean was thinking most of the time.

And yeah, much love to John.

And no worries about the kittens. I ended up staying up way later then I meant to, but I found some really fun happy stories to etch-a-sketch my brain. Then I was able to sleep without visions of child molesters dancing in my head.

[junalele]

Man. Are you sure we couldn't resurrect that janitor guy and then send him to hell once more but so much more painful? Dude.

Poor Dean. And I have to say I find the fact that he didn't feel that he could tell anyone almost more painful than the abuse itself. But yeah - Winchester dynamic to a t.

[lovesrain44]

This is what I think. I think we should resurrect the janitor AND John. Tell John what this guy did, and then leave the two of them alone in a room together. When we opened the door, of the janitor there would be nothing left but bloody skidmarks on the floor. That would be very satisfying.

Thank you for saying that I captured the Winchester dynamic, too, that's a very lovely compliment!

[junalele]

Oooh. Or maybe one could sent John a message in hell. I'm sure he could kick the heat up another notch for the janitor down there.

[lovesrain44]

Oh, yeah! John could make a few deals, con a few demons...and Gunnarson would go DOWN!

[coell]

Good story; very sad. ;__;

[lovesrain44]

Yeah, I like it angsty and dark; it somehow adds more flavor. I'm glad you enjoyed the story, thank you!

[sdt543]

This was a wonderful story. Thank you so much.

[lovesrain44]

You are welcome very much! I'm glad you enjoyed it, and I thank you for coming by to tell me so. : D