As an aspiring author I personally prefer line edits. I absolutely hate when I get smaller edits. They are useful, yes, but if there is enough wrong that there could potentially be a line by line, then I need to know about it. If someone tells me "these are a few of the things that need to be looked at" then I am screaming in my mind what are the rest??? That's just my preference and that's why I shared it.
To the original author: "Spruce it up" is meant as a suggestion. Apologies if felt otherwise. :)
I'll keep this in mind. I usually critique something according to how the author wants to be critiqued. If someone says 'critique it as harshly as you want' then I will.
Long replies are always welcome. If you'd like to discuss the merits of critiquing I also would not mind.
I was taught that line by line edits apply to technical errors such as typos, grammatical errors and layout issues. When doing these it is best to list them and often they need no explanation. This way, an author can scan down the list and correct. If not a list, these are made inside the actual document such as 'trackchanges' in word.
Explanation is needed if an author makes the same basic error over and over.
A lot in your line by line edit can be reduced to general comments with a few examples. If an author wishes for a detailed breakdown, they will usually ask for it.
In general though, the format for a critique goes like so:
Overview with something positive. -examples of what worked. Comment on the pacing, word choice, characters, style, setting etc.(relevant options)
Overview with something potentially negative. -same kinds of examples.
Grammatical overview with nitpicks. -explanation if needed.
Suggestions of improvement.-this can refer to anything
( ... )
i agree with elly about your critique. while it definitely shows intelligence, and a good knowledge of writing conventions etc, this is the kind of critique that is only appropriate to give someone who knows you, or someone who's asked for a thorough edit. strangers, especially over the internet, can't know whether your intentions are good or not. cracks such as the one about zork would be funny and appreciated to people who are sure that you have good intentions, but they sound harsh to people who aren't sure. if you get in here, and we get to know you and to understand what kind of person you are, then you can start bringing out this kind of critique, and we'll be grateful for it
( ... )
critique continuedfirstredmoonSeptember 17 2008, 09:38:04 UTC
this sentence was the clearest moment of the piece where i could really get a visual: 'and granted her blue Celica unrestricted passage to a smooth, dark asphalt river running between banks of beautiful green grass.' i think it's also the most natural, unselfconscious part of the piece. if you could bring more of that kind of writing in, i think this piece would greatly improve. a good moment in dialogue and simple, direct action: '"Nah, I just come to watch all those asses move back and forth." She pulled a paddle out of her backpack with a mischievous grin. "I bring these for the naughty ones."' lovely, and funny. 2) i don't really get why xiaoling fakes her accent -- what's that about ? i didn't get it, and many readers won't. it needs to be explained somehow. grammatical stuff: i'm a little perplexed as to why you use 'had been' in the first paragraph, instead of 'was'. it's unconventional in a way that doesn't add to the story, in fact i found it kind of distracting. some minor points: 'And a good back end, yum!' this is
( ... )
Re: critique continuedthefaewaySeptember 17 2008, 10:13:59 UTC
Thanks for the critique as it's the first thorough response I've had from this piece and it's the one most needing, I think. Even though you recommended submitting 'best work' :D
( ... )
i forgot to add...thefaewaySeptember 17 2008, 10:18:27 UTC
I must have left it out of the story itself...
the two characters are...erm... strange opposites, I guess. Mai was born in Vietnam (I wrote a companion piece suggestion she was 9 when she immigrated) but sheds her Asian persona in favor of Americanism. Xiaoling, on the other hand, was born in the USA but clings desperately to the stereotypes of FOB Asians. That would be why Xiaoling fakes it.
unt!
Those first few paragraphs haven't been edited, actually. I wasn't trying for anything different, it just came out that way. *shrug* I should probably fix it, though, since I don't do much of that sort of writing elsewhere in the piece, I don't think.
For the most part this piece was not edited. *shrug*
I used to critique much differently. Later I got overly involve with the same pieces making the same mistakes as I'd just given examples of in early drafts. It seems like a much more efficient way of fixing things.
And how do you tell someone they are frequently using commas incorrectly, anyway? It seems like telling them: You don't know how to use commas. Just curious, it seems quite pretentious as an editor regardless of whether you know the person or not.
I can't write straight through. It's impossible. If others can do it then awesome for them but for me I get stuck and I have to read what I've written so far so I know where I am at and what's happened. I don't really edit when I do that but I can see where over-thinking something could give me some details that end up missing in the writing itself.
I'd have to disagree with you on the first thing you said. I rather think that the way ellymelly presented is much more efficient and organized and easier to take in and to store away in your head to use later. If it is necessary to list things instead of making a general overview, then maybe it would be better to group them in sections. For example the comments on certain sentences involving punctuation issues could all be grouped together in some way, so the person reading the critique can read it, take it in, and then move on to the next major issue.
Did that make sense? xD
And you don't necessarily have to tell them that they need to learn how to use commas. A few comments could tell them what exactly they need to improve on it. But I think the use of commas is kind of broad, so it's not easy to tell them all the necessary rules. Just some comments like "You never need to put a comma before 'and'" would work as it is a general rule to remember.
Well I am just talking from personal experience. I prefer a strong line by line as opposed to a few select quotes. I understand the foundation of the idea but it doesn't work with everyone. I could theoretically give everyone the same type of critique but it is not going to have the same usefulness to each individual. Some are brilliant enough to see all their mistakes if someone points out one or two and some are not, leading to 3-300 edits of exactly the same problem in the next sentence. That is very tiring.
Anyway, as I replied to the other two, it is something I will have to work on because it seems there is something of a standard. I'm figuring that once I get myself to critique in that fashion I may not abhor receiving that kind of critique as much.
Yes I see your point about a general rule but I am afraid of those because they are somewhat vague. You never need to put a comma before and but sometimes you should. Sometimes it's better to do so. Oh? Where should you put a comma, then? The more I have to answer later
( ... )
I basically agree with everything that firstredmoon said, so I won't repeat it :D If you do wish a full edit on your story (which was very good) you're welcome to drop me a line.
Just wanted to let you know that you missed line breaks here:
"So how long has this been going on and when were you planning on telling me about it?” Mai shrugged
Comments 38
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To the original author: "Spruce it up" is meant as a suggestion. Apologies if felt otherwise. :)
I'll keep this in mind. I usually critique something according to how the author wants to be critiqued. If someone says 'critique it as harshly as you want' then I will.
Long replies are always welcome. If you'd like to discuss the merits of critiquing I also would not mind.
Reply
I was taught that line by line edits apply to technical errors such as typos, grammatical errors and layout issues. When doing these it is best to list them and often they need no explanation. This way, an author can scan down the list and correct. If not a list, these are made inside the actual document such as 'trackchanges' in word.
Explanation is needed if an author makes the same basic error over and over.
A lot in your line by line edit can be reduced to general comments with a few examples. If an author wishes for a detailed breakdown, they will usually ask for it.
In general though, the format for a critique goes like so:
Overview with something positive.
-examples of what worked. Comment on the pacing, word choice, characters, style, setting etc.(relevant options)
Overview with something potentially negative.
-same kinds of examples.
Grammatical overview with nitpicks.
-explanation if needed.
Suggestions of improvement.-this can refer to anything ( ... )
Reply
Reply
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a good moment in dialogue and simple, direct action:
'"Nah, I just come to watch all those asses move back and forth." She pulled a paddle out of her backpack with a mischievous grin. "I bring these for the naughty ones."' lovely, and funny.
2) i don't really get why xiaoling fakes her accent -- what's that about ? i didn't get it, and many readers won't. it needs to be explained somehow.
grammatical stuff:
i'm a little perplexed as to why you use 'had been' in the first paragraph, instead of 'was'. it's unconventional in a way that doesn't add to the story, in fact i found it kind of distracting.
some minor points:
'And a good back end, yum!' this is ( ... )
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the two characters are...erm... strange opposites, I guess. Mai was born in Vietnam (I wrote a companion piece suggestion she was 9 when she immigrated) but sheds her Asian persona in favor of Americanism. Xiaoling, on the other hand, was born in the USA but clings desperately to the stereotypes of FOB Asians. That would be why Xiaoling fakes it.
unt!
Those first few paragraphs haven't been edited, actually. I wasn't trying for anything different, it just came out that way. *shrug* I should probably fix it, though, since I don't do much of that sort of writing elsewhere in the piece, I don't think.
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I used to critique much differently. Later I got overly involve with the same pieces making the same mistakes as I'd just given examples of in early drafts. It seems like a much more efficient way of fixing things.
And how do you tell someone they are frequently using commas incorrectly, anyway? It seems like telling them: You don't know how to use commas. Just curious, it seems quite pretentious as an editor regardless of whether you know the person or not.
I can't write straight through. It's impossible. If others can do it then awesome for them but for me I get stuck and I have to read what I've written so far so I know where I am at and what's happened. I don't really edit when I do that but I can see where over-thinking something could give me some details that end up missing in the writing itself.
Thanks for lookin' at it. :)
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Did that make sense? xD
And you don't necessarily have to tell them that they need to learn how to use commas. A few comments could tell them what exactly they need to improve on it. But I think the use of commas is kind of broad, so it's not easy to tell them all the necessary rules. Just some comments like "You never need to put a comma before 'and'" would work as it is a general rule to remember.
Reply
Anyway, as I replied to the other two, it is something I will have to work on because it seems there is something of a standard. I'm figuring that once I get myself to critique in that fashion I may not abhor receiving that kind of critique as much.
Yes I see your point about a general rule but I am afraid of those because they are somewhat vague. You never need to put a comma before and but sometimes you should. Sometimes it's better to do so. Oh? Where should you put a comma, then? The more I have to answer later ( ... )
Reply
Just wanted to let you know that you missed line breaks here:
"So how long has this been going on and when were you planning on telling me about it?”
Mai shrugged
those...
“Anna!”
So yes, my vote is yes. LOL
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Yes if you don't mind doing a full edit, I would appreciate it. :D
Thanks !
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congrats, be active, post often! i've made you a 'member - thefaeway' tag, so don't forget to use it or your posts won't get counted up properly.
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