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I'm not proud to say that in my emotionally unstable moments, I have said the nastiest things to the hubs. He has reacted but stood firmly by my side as his commitment to the fulfilment of our wedding vows. In spite of the financial concerns, he wants me to quit so I have time to concentrate on resting and getting better.

And his ways of cheering ( Read more... )

I've not written an entry here for the longest time. Trawling through days and nights and months of things (preparing for a wedding, getting married, trying to buy a house, buying a house, work, being married, etc etc) have left me much exhausted.

In the words of the husband, all these things adds up and creates stress. Since the meltdown in ( Read more... )

Talk about what is going on cos nobody understands, only God does. And I do not need to open my mouth to another Hunan being to get God's understanding and responses. Much like Job and his well-meaning friends, it hurts me more when people don't understand the depth and extent of what I'm experiencing.

Still through it all, through all of these ( Read more... )

Still sick even when I'm on a strong antibiotic dose. It's kinda sickening to be just sick! Just when I thought I was getting better, I woke up feeling weak all over and just sicker again!!!

It doesn't help when I feel awfully guilty about missing work even though I was on medical leave cos it's a busy period at work. But it's kinda hard to be ( Read more... )

What kind of year has it been?

- Learning to let go of people
- Learning that it's not about how much I know cos I don't know that much at all
- Learning what it means to be disappointed again and again...and again and again
- Learning what it feels like to not even have the words to pray through the deepest anguish and heartaches
- Learning that He ( Read more... )

I'm not as capable
I'm already trying my best

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To gather my thoughts
To pray
To rest at Your feet
To just...stop

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1. Regroup. Restrategize. Recalibrate.

2. Gek sim. Discouraged.

3. 20/80 or 80/20 now?

4. Stop. Regroup. Restrategize. Recalibrate.

(Before I resign...)

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It is easier to envision and even plan for my own funeral - the music to play, the flowers to use, the simple and elegant style, the people who will speak. It's easier to plan for my funeral when my life has ebbed and flowed away because I can decide how I want it to be.

I'm not premorbid or morose. I can even inject humor into the whole funeral ( Read more... )