i've tried so hard just being friends with john but i can't do it. he treats me like i'm a sex object and everything he ask  for i have to give. i spent this hole weekend crying myself to sleep and all of today crying. i love hime but i now can say i'm not in love with him. it's soooo hard he knows my past with the rapes and everything, but he ( Read more... )

i'm so confused today i saw john for the first time in almost a year. we broke about a month ago and it's so hard seeing as just friends my mind is in the wrong place well my heart is in the right place i feel like nothing he says i love you but i can't help but not to believe him ( Read more... )

so i haven't written or blogged in ver long time so i'll just give u guys the update this is also long
so i don't know when i las updated u guys was so i'll just start with march on 3-6-07 my great great aunt died and was burried on 3-9-07. then on 3-12-07 my great grandpa died and he was buried on 3-16-07 also in march on 3-14-07 my current ( Read more... )

most of my teenage years i have lived so far has been spent hiding behind lies. not wanting to face my problems, not caring about myself, giving up, an wishing i was dead. i've faced plenty of road bumps, an know theres just more to come. lately i've been woundering wats the point of going on. i hate who i am and wat i've become. i'm lost in this ( Read more... )

don't know sometimes i feel like i'm not able to be loved. i always look for it in the wrong people,wrong places. it sucks loving someone so much an them not to even have a bit of love for you. i get hurt so many times because i open my heart up to let people in an i become really attached to that person, but in the end i'm always the one left in ( Read more... )

today was crazy i got the baby at 6am and have been up with him all day. until 4pm. i'm running on 5 hours of sleep. i'm excausted, i messed my back up again today so it hurts really bad. i'm tired but can't fall asleep i tried for like 2 hours, but here i am

i' still feeling sick. i'm over 300 miles away from home i just want to be home in my own bed, since thats the only time i can sleep in my own bed is fridays and saturdays :(because onthe week days i have to sleep downstairs on the coach, i get the baby at 6 in the morning and if i'm sleeping in my room i won't hear her coming so i won't get up. ( Read more... )

i'm sicker then a dog right now and babysitting my god son. he shouldn't be here but i have no one to get a hold of to see if they can come pick him up. i can't hold anything down also have a miserbale headach. i can't take my migrain med with him here b/c i sometimes get really loopy so i can't have that happening.my house phone has been ringing ( Read more... )