life
most of my teenage years i have lived so far has been spent hiding behind lies. not wanting to face my problems, not caring about myself, giving up, an wishing i was dead. i've faced plenty of road bumps, an know theres just more to come. lately i've been woundering wats the point of going on. i hate who i am and wat i've become. i'm lost in this world i don't know myself. the last 3 weeks i've been hiding from the problems popping pills every day, going to bed not knowing if i were to wake the next day. having over 2000+ mgs in my body, mixing pills with liqour. getting to the point that my pills are more important then some friends. not beinging able to let go, loveing the numbness the pills will bring. when i tryed going without taking any my day would be hell. my best friend just joined the army it's been his dream since he was 10. he is most likely to be sent to Iraq. he leaves on march 15 which just happens to be my birthday. he will be gone for 16-19 weeks doing baisic trainning then might have a week pass home. he's going to be stationed in goregia. i've been trying to suport him as much as it's been killing me. i find myself sitting or laying somewhere an tears just start falling. i'm going to miss hime so much i just had to barie one friend i'm not to burie another. another thing that just recently happened is i found out that this guy is going to our school. well just happens that he talks to one of the guys that raped me he's best friends with him. so yesterday when i saw him an was in the same class with him i went into a full blown panic attack.cause just him and his face scares the living hell out of me. i'm scared shitless of him!!! ahhhhhhh. on another had i will be having 3 major proceders done on feb.22 i'm scared cause they have to knock me out for it but my mind is just screaming at me ponding. blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh