Get your crack here!
Crack drabbles originally posted at hd_boardgame here and here
Warnings: Threesome with Blaise, voyeurism, crossover crack with House, M.D. X-D
In response to aldebaran1977 and nekare's questions:
1. If Luna, Blaise, Pansy and Harry would go on a holiday together, where would they end up and what would be the worst thing that could happen to them there?
2. Which character would be the most likely to go insane and go into a cannibal escapade, and who would he pick as main course and why? (bonus points if you also tell me who'd be the dessert)
Harry, because-well, starved as a child. *nods fervently*
Main course is Draco, the other white meat™. Dessert is Blaise because Harry’s a shameless h0r for chocolate.
3. If Draco, House and Harry would host a charity event, whom would they invite, what kind of event would it be and for what good cause will they collect the money?
*******
Harry: "OMGSTFU I'm an underprivileged ORPHAN and we should totally pick MY dream vacation place."
Blaise: *sneers*
Pansy: "Your capslock of rage does not move me. You are a berk with no taste whatsoever. Blaise and I will be choosing our destination, thank you very much."
Harry: >=O "But I am the SAVIOR OF THE WIZARDING WORLD!111"
Luna: "Oooh, pretty beetle is scooting behind the drapes. Hello drapes. Hello beetle."
Blaise: *stops sneering* "...Is she always like this?"
Pansy: *nods sagely* "Ravenclaws. All those studying turns their brain strange."
Harry: >;-( "LISTEN TO ME BIATCHEZ!!111elventy-one"
*******
At Blaise's villa in Florence
Harry: *mutters broodingly* "Why am I in a Death Eater's Villa?"
Blaise: "Shut up Potter if you know what's good for you."
Harry: "R U threatening me? >=O !111"
Blaise: "No, but I do know where mother keeps her extensive poison Potions collection."
*******
Suddenly:
Draco: *lounging naked on Blaise's bed* "asfsdkgkfdj why is Potter here?"
Blaise: *places palm over eyes* "I told you about personal space, Draco. We may be fucking rigorously at school, but be more discreet about it when my mother is around. You know she sometimes come into my bedroom unannounced."
Harry: "DEATH EATER!111" *pounces*
Draco: "OW Potter watch where you place your knee!
I know you have exceptionally bad eyesight but I didn't know you're BLIND. No Dark Mark, stupid!111"
Harry: "You can totally be hiding it at some obscure nook in your body!"
Blaise: "..." *walks out of the bedroom, closes the door*
Bedroom door: *some more snarking, then moaning*
Blaise: *places Silencing Charm*
*was about to place a Locking Charm, but thought it serves them right if Mrs. Zabini walks in on them*
Pansy: *smirks* "You owe me fifteen galleons."
Luna: "Oohhh, pretty beetle just crawled under the door. Good bye door. Good bye beetle. Is your house warded against Animagi, Blaise?"
*******
Back in Blaise's bedroom
Draco: *still naked, but a lot more disheveled*
Harry: *mauls some more*
Draco: "OW Potter did you just _bite_ me?!111"
Harry: *licks the bite*
Draco: *whimpers*
Harry: *gnaws some more*
Blaise: *opens the bedroom door*
"...I wouldn’t even start on how it is extremely bad manners to engage in sexual activities in the private room of your host."
Bedroom door: *closes by elven Impressive Wandless Magic™*
*******
Much, much later
Blaise: *pets Draco’s damp hair while simultaneously trying to kick a snoring Harry off of his bed*
"Perhaps I should have informed you earlier that there was a beetle on the bed hanging getting front seat view all of this time."
Draco: "Mwuh?" *nuzzles in Harry's stomach*
Blaise: *resumes petting*
*******
At the Weasleys'
Mrs. Weasley: "Oh my. Harry is certainly...endowed, isn't he? I mean, one would think with all the malnutrition that he suffered as a child--"
Ron: "MOM!111" *starts capslocking epileptically*
Gred and Forge: "Ooh, these pictures gave us the perfect idea for an awesome adult line. Ride a Savior Save a Broomstick >=D"
Ginny: *tears up her wedding dress sketches into a million teeny pieces*
*******
At a slave auction
Harry: "Why am I doing this again?"
Draco: "I've told you repeatedly, Potter. The charity is for cane-wielding mistakenly-imprisoned men with pretty eyes"
Harry: "Whuh?"
Draco: *uses Sonorus* "We'll begin our bidding for the highly exquisite and desirable Mr. Zabini."
Fangirls: *squee*
Blaise: "...You owe me ten sexual favors of my choice for this stunt."
Harry: *glomps Draco* "Only if I'm in, Zabini."
Fangirl: "OMG They're so CUTE together!111 <333"
Blaise: *smirks, caresses Draco’s cheek* "Your eyes are such a startling green when you're jealous."
Draco: *pouts when Blaise stops caressing*
Blaise: *resumes caressing*
Harry: *growls*
Fangirls: "EEeeeeee~! H/D forever, but omgomg Blaise threesome is so hawt too!111"
*******
House: "...I don't get paid enough for this job."
Wilson: "You're not the one about to be auctioned off."
House: "It appears that I am ooh, cane-wielding--" *waves cane* "and have pretty eyes. So I'm the recipient of the charity. Tragic, really."
Chase: *mutters* "I have pretty eyes too."
House: "Awwww, is our widdle pretty boy jealous? Look, that blond British boy have hair more perfect than yours!" *ruffles Chase's hair*
Fangirls: *giggle* "OMGOMG Draco/Chase crossover yes pls!111"
Ginny: *is totally one of the fangirls*
*******
The End?
Warnings: Threesome with Blaise, voyeurism, crossover crack with House, M.D. X-D
In response to aldebaran1977 and nekare's questions:
1. If Luna, Blaise, Pansy and Harry would go on a holiday together, where would they end up and what would be the worst thing that could happen to them there?
2. Which character would be the most likely to go insane and go into a cannibal escapade, and who would he pick as main course and why? (bonus points if you also tell me who'd be the dessert)
Harry, because-well, starved as a child. *nods fervently*
Main course is Draco, the other white meat™. Dessert is Blaise because Harry’s a shameless h0r for chocolate.
3. If Draco, House and Harry would host a charity event, whom would they invite, what kind of event would it be and for what good cause will they collect the money?
*******
Harry: "OMGSTFU I'm an underprivileged ORPHAN and we should totally pick MY dream vacation place."
Blaise: *sneers*
Pansy: "Your capslock of rage does not move me. You are a berk with no taste whatsoever. Blaise and I will be choosing our destination, thank you very much."
Harry: >=O "But I am the SAVIOR OF THE WIZARDING WORLD!111"
Luna: "Oooh, pretty beetle is scooting behind the drapes. Hello drapes. Hello beetle."
Blaise: *stops sneering* "...Is she always like this?"
Pansy: *nods sagely* "Ravenclaws. All those studying turns their brain strange."
Harry: >;-( "LISTEN TO ME BIATCHEZ!!111elventy-one"
*******
At Blaise's villa in Florence
Harry: *mutters broodingly* "Why am I in a Death Eater's Villa?"
Blaise: "Shut up Potter if you know what's good for you."
Harry: "R U threatening me? >=O !111"
Blaise: "No, but I do know where mother keeps her extensive poison Potions collection."
*******
Suddenly:
Draco: *lounging naked on Blaise's bed* "asfsdkgkfdj why is Potter here?"
Blaise: *places palm over eyes* "I told you about personal space, Draco. We may be fucking rigorously at school, but be more discreet about it when my mother is around. You know she sometimes come into my bedroom unannounced."
Harry: "DEATH EATER!111" *pounces*
Draco: "OW Potter watch where you place your knee!
I know you have exceptionally bad eyesight but I didn't know you're BLIND. No Dark Mark, stupid!111"
Harry: "You can totally be hiding it at some obscure nook in your body!"
Blaise: "..." *walks out of the bedroom, closes the door*
Bedroom door: *some more snarking, then moaning*
Blaise: *places Silencing Charm*
*was about to place a Locking Charm, but thought it serves them right if Mrs. Zabini walks in on them*
Pansy: *smirks* "You owe me fifteen galleons."
Luna: "Oohhh, pretty beetle just crawled under the door. Good bye door. Good bye beetle. Is your house warded against Animagi, Blaise?"
*******
Back in Blaise's bedroom
Draco: *still naked, but a lot more disheveled*
Harry: *mauls some more*
Draco: "OW Potter did you just _bite_ me?!111"
Harry: *licks the bite*
Draco: *whimpers*
Harry: *gnaws some more*
Blaise: *opens the bedroom door*
"...I wouldn’t even start on how it is extremely bad manners to engage in sexual activities in the private room of your host."
Bedroom door: *closes by elven Impressive Wandless Magic™*
*******
Much, much later
Blaise: *pets Draco’s damp hair while simultaneously trying to kick a snoring Harry off of his bed*
"Perhaps I should have informed you earlier that there was a beetle on the bed hanging getting front seat view all of this time."
Draco: "Mwuh?" *nuzzles in Harry's stomach*
Blaise: *resumes petting*
*******
At the Weasleys'
Mrs. Weasley: "Oh my. Harry is certainly...endowed, isn't he? I mean, one would think with all the malnutrition that he suffered as a child--"
Ron: "MOM!111" *starts capslocking epileptically*
Gred and Forge: "Ooh, these pictures gave us the perfect idea for an awesome adult line. Ride a Savior Save a Broomstick >=D"
Ginny: *tears up her wedding dress sketches into a million teeny pieces*
*******
At a slave auction
Harry: "Why am I doing this again?"
Draco: "I've told you repeatedly, Potter. The charity is for cane-wielding mistakenly-imprisoned men with pretty eyes"
Harry: "Whuh?"
Draco: *uses Sonorus* "We'll begin our bidding for the highly exquisite and desirable Mr. Zabini."
Fangirls: *squee*
Blaise: "...You owe me ten sexual favors of my choice for this stunt."
Harry: *glomps Draco* "Only if I'm in, Zabini."
Fangirl: "OMG They're so CUTE together!111 <333"
Blaise: *smirks, caresses Draco’s cheek* "Your eyes are such a startling green when you're jealous."
Draco: *pouts when Blaise stops caressing*
Blaise: *resumes caressing*
Harry: *growls*
Fangirls: "EEeeeeee~! H/D forever, but omgomg Blaise threesome is so hawt too!111"
*******
House: "...I don't get paid enough for this job."
Wilson: "You're not the one about to be auctioned off."
House: "It appears that I am ooh, cane-wielding--" *waves cane* "and have pretty eyes. So I'm the recipient of the charity. Tragic, really."
Chase: *mutters* "I have pretty eyes too."
House: "Awwww, is our widdle pretty boy jealous? Look, that blond British boy have hair more perfect than yours!" *ruffles Chase's hair*
Fangirls: *giggle* "OMGOMG Draco/Chase crossover yes pls!111"
Ginny: *is totally one of the fangirls*
*******
The End?