Comments | liashi: One Piece fic-PoSM, Chapter 7

liashi

One Piece fic-PoSM, Chapter 7

Jun 02, 2010 02:03

Title: The Psychology of a Shattered Mind
Chapter Title: Apparent Wind
Rating: PG-13 / T
Characters: Usopp, Robin, Zoro, a little Luffy and Chopper
Word Count: About 3.7k
Warnings: Disturbing imagery, implications of non-con/dub-con, and violence. Potential spoilers for entire series. Angsty Usopp and blatant excuse for nakama comfort. This will be ( Read more... )

zoro, usopp, gen, celestial dragon, hurt/comfort, one piece, fanfic, nakamaship, pg-13, robin, chopper, luffy, fic: posm

Comments 2

printfogey July 3 2010, 22:45:58 UTC

Heya, got some comments/reactions and a few nitpicks for you. Really late, I know. Take what you can use, ignore the rest.

Italics for normal quotes, underlines added for text that was in italics to start with.

As always, great to see a new chapter of this story! Like before, this continues to be a dark and painful but very involving story whose instances of heartwarming moments shine all the brighter.

Earlier-the snowballs, Usopp with a little grin, Luffy's boisterous laughter-comes rushing back, and he looks over in the direction of the snores with widening eyes-or, rather, tries to do so.I really like this reminder of the unexpected but very welcome heart-warming part of the last chapter ( ... )

liashi July 7 2010, 06:12:31 UTC

Thanks muchly for your always-helpful comments and compliments ♥

I'm not quite sure about the construction "Earlier [stuff-within-dashes] comes rushing back", though it didn't bother me the first read-through. I'm wavering between feeling it works just fine and being a bit iffy about it.

Well, I have become aware over time that I can be very dash happy. I like my pretty little straight lines that let you break apart and join thoughts at the same time. XD It's a bad habit. Occasionally I catch myself using them way too freely...like some people like to throw around parentheses, or commas, or conjunctions, or what have you...

And it may be that with that third dash later in the sentence, that the thing is becoming overrun. I may be able to structure it better. I don't know. Hmm. *ponders*

I felt surprised again by Usopp having allowed himself to fall asleep like that, so close to the other two. But you've made it clear he's come to trust Luffy by now, and I assume Chopper has been taken off the list of possible threats by now as ( ... )