I treated the last Friday he was on late shift like it was goodbye and I’ve been acting like it was ever since.
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I have no more emotions on this except: I still want to have sex with you. As often as possible before this is over.

The thought of this being over still hurts Iike being punched in the chest.

At what point did I start being uncomfortable with you? Because that was the point when we stopped being friends. It’s just that it’s taken me this long to notice and I don’t know where I should be pointing to say ‘this is why this isn’t working’

Just withdrew from uni.
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I had the realisation that I am not special.
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I’m depressed as fuck but feel more myself then I have for a while.

It’s weird, that in this state of mind, I have nothing I need to say

That hurts me to write. Which makes me think it’s not true.

And yet

Who do I want to be?

Who I have been isn’t working.

I’m scared to be on my own.

I’ve come to the conclusion that a large part of why I feel so unmoored is that I’m not making anywhere my home. The house that I’ve lived in for the past 14 (what) years of my life I don’t consider my home or I stopped considering my home. It’s my mums home and I just live there. It’s my mums house and I just keep it tidy. The issue with this is ( Read more... )

The long hello

I don’t think he quite got what I was trying to say to him.
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When did I make the decision that I was bad at emotions.

Was it when I told my dad to leave because it was the more logical choice

Was it when my mum told me she didn’t believe I loved her. Or when she insinuated that she didn’t think I was capable of love.

Was it in primary school when everybody had a crush and I just didn’t

Was it when I abandoned ( Read more... )