for John

[lastof_five]

Since it had been a few days since the disastrous mistletoe incident and Helen hadn't actually seen John, she decided she'd go hunt him down instead. It was probably a very bad idea but after a few days of separation, she realized she wasn't exactly overly upset with him for having kissed her. She was a little upset, yes, but not so much that she

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[iliketodruitt]

John had been hiding from Helen for some time now. Oddly, it was an almost comforting activity. While he desperately wanted to see her, he was not unused to the two conflicting desires. Even in a place as small as this version of London, John could go unnoticed if he wished. He had a lot of practice doing it when necessary

[iliketodruitt]

John was glad that she hadn't, he would not wish that sort of thing on anyone, let alone the woman he loved. He only wished that he could keep it from her all together.

The similarities between her experience with the parasite and his own were almost amusing. While Nikola had not meant to cure John when he killed him, that had been one of the side effects.

"I'm sorry that you both had to experience such a thing."

[lastof_five]

"As am I. Such are the hazards of my work, though," Helen said, shrugging slightly. "Abnormals don't always play by my rules, as much as I would like them to. I suppose the same could apply to Nikola, albeit inadvertently."

[iliketodruitt]

"Only he was that way before he became what he is," John pointed out. He was still of the mind that Nikola did as much as he did because Helen let him get away with it. The man deserved to be locked up every bit as much as John did.

"I am glad that Will was able to save you though."

[lastof_five]

"As am I. Will has always been there for me when I've needed him and has always saved me when I needed saving. He's good to have around."

Helen stood and took the skates into her hands. "Come on, there's a patch of ice with our name on it, I'm sure of it."

[iliketodruitt]

John worked his jaw in frustration as Helen spoke about Will. He knew that she deserved that sort of thing and it shouldn't be any surprise that she sought someone who did give her that. John couldn't help how that made him feel though.

"I would enjoy that very much," he said, offering her his arm. "I hope you are not out of practice?"

[lastof_five]

"I don't suppose one actually forgets how to ice skate," Helen said, laughing a bit and taking his arm. "If I break my coccyx, you'd better let me be the one to explain it to Will. I suspect if I come home unharmed, it won't be an issue."

She'd always been good at skating, though.

[iliketodruitt]

"I promise, I won't let you get hurt. Not while you're with me," he said, conviction in his voice that spoke of more than just a simple skating excursion.

"But I have no doubt you are just as good as ever, Helen. You always enjoyed whatever physical activities were considered proper for a woman."

[lastof_five]

"And a few that weren't, if my memory serves," Helen said dryly. "Father despaired of me learning to shoot from horseback, you know. That's a man's activity right there and a woman belonged in a side-saddle jumping fences at home."

[iliketodruitt]

"Well your father refused to build fences in your home, so what were you to do?"

Of course, there were other such activities that Helen enjoyed that "proper" Victorian women weren't supposed to.

"And learning to ride and shoot has no doubt served you well."

[lastof_five]

"Riding and shooting has always served me well, be it from horseback or from a moving vehicle. I wanted to join the navy, once," Helen said, grinning a bit. "When I was a girl. Father had a friend who was an admiral and I was besotted with the idea."

It would have been patently ridiculous, though, a girl in the navy and she was glad she'd decided to become a surgeon instead.

[iliketodruitt]

"A ship was no place for a woman," John scoffed, holding up a hand to avoid a tongue lashing from Helen.

"Not because you couldn't handle it, but because the men would not be able to."

[lastof_five]

"I should think the men would have to learn to deal," Helen said, frowning a bit. "I have never let my sex ban me from what I want. If I wanted to join up on a ship, they would have to learn to control their base impulses long enough to let it happen."

[iliketodruitt]

"And what happens when they cannot?" John asked. This was not a conversation he wanted to have with her, not when it hit so close to home. Sometimes she put too much stock in reason though.

[lastof_five]

"I can protect myself," Helen said, drawing her chin up.

"You only hurt me the way you did because I trusted you, John. Had I not been in love with you, I would never have allowed it to happen and I was hoping every time you'd come to your senses and be gentle with me instead."

[iliketodruitt]

"And I am sorry I did not," John said, looking away.

He couldn't look her in the eye, even if she probably deserved it. He was too ashamed of himself, of what he had done to her. It made it all the worse that he was able to do them because she did love him. It was the worst perversion of things that he could think of.