for John

[lastof_five]

Since it had been a few days since the disastrous mistletoe incident and Helen hadn't actually seen John, she decided she'd go hunt him down instead. It was probably a very bad idea but after a few days of separation, she realized she wasn't exactly overly upset with him for having kissed her. She was a little upset, yes, but not so much that she

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[iliketodruitt]

John had been hiding from Helen for some time now. Oddly, it was an almost comforting activity. While he desperately wanted to see her, he was not unused to the two conflicting desires. Even in a place as small as this version of London, John could go unnoticed if he wished. He had a lot of practice doing it when necessary.

It wasn't so much Helen's anger that he was afraid of facing. He had faced far worse from her before, although this time he had only himself to blame. What he was truly hiding from was his own lack of impulse control. A kiss like that to Helen, while ultimately harmless, could represent a far larger problem in the long run. Already he suspected that others knew who, or at least what, he was. The fact that Kate had warned Samantha Carter was proof that they were telling people. So it was relatively easy for him to avoid being seen.

Eventually though, he knew that he would have to face her and the longer he went avoiding her, the harder than confrontation would be.

He found her in the kitchen, reading a book. It was a good place to meet again, in public, so no one could accuse him of impropriety. Hands clasped behind him, he stepped up behind her, just off to one side.

"Romance novel. Really Helen, The Magnificent Rogue?

[lastof_five]

"Don't judge. The bookshelf seems to think I need more ripping of corsets in my life," Helen said dryly, putting the book down and turning to look up at him.

"I was looking for you, actually. Fitting that once I stopped looking, I actually found you."

[iliketodruitt]

"And you don't seem to be doing must to dissuade it of the notion," he pointed out.

He wasn't sure what to make of her reaction. It was normal as far as he could tell. Have they had such a terrible past that what he did was not considered cause for lingering anger? Or was Helen merely that practical about it all?

"I'm sure there's a parable in there somewhere. But I have come bearing gifts as... an apology of sorts."

Reaching out from behind his back, he presented her with a pair of ice skates.

[lastof_five]

"Oh, John," Helen said, melting a little at the sight of the skates. It was probably stupid but she had so many fond memories of skating with him back at Oxford that it touched her.

"You really shouldn't have, you know. You know I love to skate."

[iliketodruitt]

John couldn't help but feel a sense of satisfaction at Helen's reaction. He wasn't overtly trying to manipulate her, but with their history and his newly regained sanity and the desire to want to make up the past to her it was difficult not to be strategic about what he did for her.

"I do believe the point of the gift was because you would love it."

[lastof_five]

"Still, you really shouldn't," Helen said, touching the skates lightly. "Is it too much to hope that you got yourself a pair? Will doesn't skate and I'm not sure Nikola does either."

Helen frowned a bit. "Nikola and I aren't exactly speaking, as it is. He's a bit cross I didn't invite him to my wedding."

[iliketodruitt]

"I did, but I did not bring them. I did not want to... assume anything. But it would be no trouble for me to get them," he assured her.

The idea that Nikola was cross with her was amusing. Nikola could be a bit of a diva, but the man rarely got so genuinely upset he wouldn't speak.

"Surely he didn't expect to be invited?"

[lastof_five]

"He was quite hurt that his best friend didn't invite him to her wedding. Will didn't want him there, though, and didn't want him interfering with our vows. I agreed. I feel badly about it now, though."

Helen sighed a bit and gave him a little smile. "Surely you're not interested in mine and Nikola's troubles, though."

[iliketodruitt]

"If you would like someone to talk to, I am happy to listen. I can even refrain from offering advice and merely be a sounding board," he said, giving her a smile. John absolutely wanted Helen to talk to him, about anything and everything. He missed being close to her, knowing her better than anyone.

"And Nikola knows how he acts. There are consequences to behaving as a child, and he must be willing to pay the price."

[lastof_five]

"Somehow I suspect an ulterior motive. I talked to Will about it briefly but Will just doesn't have our history. It's hard to handle Nikola sometimes but truthfully, I hate being on the outs with him. He's my oldest friend and one of the dearest."

Helen tucked her hair behind her ear and shook her head, trying to clear the melancholy. "You suppose he'll come around, right? I mean, Nikola cares about me. He can't stay angry forever, can he?"

[iliketodruitt]

John really wished that she would have asked him not to offer advice. He had always been honest with Helen before the creature became a part of him and even then, he had only lied about things related to being the Ripper.

"No, he cannot. But he can remain bitter a long time. The question is... do you wish Nikola to learn from this, or do you merely wish him no longer upset at you?"

[lastof_five]

"Hoping for the former would be futile," Helen admitted.

"Mostly I just want him to speak to me again. I enjoy his company and I never wanted to alienate him. I just...I didn't think I could trust him. I fully anticipated him interrupting the wedding an declaring his undying love for me and it's the last thing I wanted. I wanted my wedding to be about Will and I, not about Nikola."

[iliketodruitt]

John held back a sigh. As long as Helen gave into these sort of moods, then Nikola would keep having them because they were effective.

"If you insist on encouraging him, then I do not believe it would be too difficult to mend things with him."

[lastof_five]

"No? I suppose I shall try. Besides, I'm having civil conversation with you and you haven't slit my throat yet so anything's possible, isn't it?"

That was said with a little curve of a smile, though, and she touched the ice skate again. "You're different, now. It's a good thing to see you like this, you've no idea."

[iliketodruitt]

John winced at the slit her throat comment. While he was glad that she felt the matter one so far behind them it was acceptable to make a joke of it, it was all still very raw and new to John. He had hurt Helen badly, physically and emotionally, and that was something the he could never forgive himself for.

"It is good to be like this. Living with those thoughts and ideas, believing they were my own were... horrific."

[lastof_five]

"I can't imagine. I've never had such urges," Helen admitted quietly.

"I've never...the only time I've been out of my head that way was when Will and I took a trip to the Bermuda triangle and I got infected by a parasite that made me violent. Will had to kill me to get it to vacate and bring me back with CPR."