Responding to tepid box office for his latest venture into transgressive ersatz hardcore, Ang Lee is developing a simultaneous sequel to his two greatest hits to date, tentatively entitled Crouching Penis, Hidden Arsehole.

At the onset of puberty the fortunate schoolboy meets the most intense excitement that befalls a human explorer. What alien terrain stirred up more virile pilgrims than the landscape of female anatomy? ( Read more... )

        Strange Sex We Have Known

My first encounter with “Dr. Benway” (whom I was later to know as the master scribe and film buff extraordinaire, William S. Burroughs) was on the sleepy sands of St. Tropez in the south of France in the summer of ’47. I had been suffering from-or rather, complaining of-a certain lesion, a rather persistent lesion ( Read more... )

Herewith a convincing candidate for the most nauseating screed in the history of mankind: ( Read more... )

Your family has assembled around a festive table. All are in full feather. Most are slightly ruffled. One geezer stands out. They say he is somebody’s uncle. He came alone. No one knows his name. The tablecloth is bouncing above his lap. The putative uncle is jerking off. More like, just jerking ( Read more... )

Thus quoth Hermione Eyre in The Dictionary of National Celebrity, co-authored and inspired by Willie Donaldson:Fry, Stephen (b.1960). Stupid person’s idea of a clever person.

Hilton, Paris (b.1981). Looks like a shivering whippet dipped in bleach. She is the great-granddaughter of hotel magnate Conrad Hilton and grand- niece of Nicholas Conrad ( Read more... )

The popping sound you never hear:
Your head departing from your rear.


( Read more... )

“If Brokeback Mountain taught us anything, it’s that there’s nothing wrong with coming in number two.”
- Bill Maher  
( Read more... )

    Pat Garrett: Say, I understand those Mexican señoritas are still pretty as ever down there.
    Holly: Yeah?
    Pat Garrett: Yeah. [Holly smiles.]
    Holly: Yeah.
    Luke: Yeah. [Luke smiles.]
    Billy the Kid: I know one’s waiting on you, hoss, with a knife. Remember them sisters?
    Pat Garrett: No. Which ones were they?
    Billy the ( Read more... )

In honor of the winter solstice marking ( Read more... )