Lead the Way - Chapter 039 - I Like You
My apologies for taking so long to answer your comments after Thursday's chapter! I was at a bachelorette party on Friday and well... things were a little slow after that ;)
Of course I realize that Thursday's chapter was an episode chapter and really quite short. I'd like to think that this makes up for it ;)
Lead the Way - 039 - I Like You
As JJ sat in the waiting area her mind wandered back to the reason she had made an appointment here.
A week ago she had made love to a woman for the very first time in her life. For the first time, Emily had allowed JJ to touch her and the memories were overwhelming. While JJ had given her lover what she thought would please her, Emily hadn’t merely taken it. She had given back just as much. Looks, touches, words, whispers, moans - never before had JJ known such satisfaction without actually being pleased. It had been everything she had imagined and so much more. But before all this had been doubt and fear.
Fear because the media liaison couldn’t be sure that what she had dared would not upset Emily. JJ had felt empowered and sexy, entitled and feminine, all at the same time, but she had no idea if Emily would like that side of her.
Quickly enough, these fears were dispelled and everything had seemed all right until she had taken off the other woman’s underwear. Could this have been the reason Emily hadn’t allowed herself to be touched? So JJ wouldn’t be uncomfortable about her own body? She thought long and hard if this sounded like anything the profiler would do.
So far Emily had always put herself above JJ. She had tried to give JJ as much space as she needed, had even been willing to step aside should she choose a life with Will. Why then was it so hard for her to believe that the reason for her distance came from the same place?
“Jennifer Jareau?”
“Yes.”
“Hello, I’m Kate. Follow me, please?”
As JJ lay back on the bed, naked from her waist down, she thought: ‘The things we do for love.’
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The room was dark, the air still hot. JJ lay awake in her bed unable to find any rest. Although the brunette lying next to her was quiet now, JJ still heard her voice resounding in her mind:
‘You didn’t have to do that.’
Well, obviously she knew that, but she had wanted to. Could Emily not see that she had no idea how to be in a lesbian relationship? What was done differently and what stayed the same?
While she wanted to learn it all, she did not want to scare the more experienced woman away. By now JJ had gathered that she wasn’t Emily Prentiss’ first female lover which made it all the harder for her.
What if she couldn’t please Emily? What if her inexperience turned her away? JJ simply couldn’t bear the thought. If Emily was to leave her, she wanted it to be for a real reason and nothing as asinine as inadequacy in the bedroom.
Could she not see that this was the reason she followed her lead? That she would try to mirror everything the other woman did so as not to upset her? How could she say that she didn’t have to do the one thing JJ knew wouldn’t be wrong?
‘I like you just the way you are.’
JJ knew it was supposed to be reassuring, but all she heard was that Emily liked her. That word really stung. She had left her home, broken a man’s heart, changed her life so drastically, put her reputation in the bureau in jeopardy, possibly even ended her career and Emily liked her, whereas JJ…
JJ was in love with another woman. That thought still sounded new, not to mention the sensation she felt when saying it out loud in an empty room. She was in love with Emily. She was in love with another woman. Then again, Emily had never been just another woman.
Right from the start JJ had been impressed by her. How educated she was, how many languages she spoke, the places she had seen, her courage and sophistication. Emily was confident, self-assured, but never arrogant or cocky. She was beautiful, oh yes, yet she never played on that.
It had been awkward at first, to think of touching her, but after their night in Vegas that feeling had quickly vanished. The way Emily had made her feel that night and every night they had shared after that was nothing short of exhilarating.
Yet JJ started to notice a growing feeling in her gut that she was missing something. The other woman was a skilled lover by all means and it wasn’t satisfaction that the media liaison was missing. It was something deeper, harder to grasp.
Emily had seen so much and shown her so little. JJ was certain that she was holding back on her. So far all they had shared was sex. Passionate, rough, gentle, quick, earth-shattering and hungry, yes, all of that; but ultimately all they had shared was sex.
It hurt the blonde to admit it, but as she lay in the dark watching her lover sleep, she realized Emily had never let her in. Never had she caught a glimpse of the woman she knew was in there somewhere. In fact she had seen more of her when they had been just colleagues, working together.
Was this all there was: sex? Did she throw away her chance at happiness with Will for casual sex that could jeopardize her career? Had she made a terrible mistake? JJ turned on her back to look at the ceiling.
‘No’ she told herself. Deep down she knew this was more. At least it was to her. What did Emily think of all this? What did this mean to her? She wouldn’t be on maternity leave forever. How would they go on after that? Would they even go on? If it was just sex, was there a point in asking all these questions?
JJ had so many of them and hardly any answers. All she knew was what she felt. She wanted this to last, to mean more. She wasn’t sure how much more she wanted but she wanted to find out. She wanted to learn if she could grow to love Emily Prentiss.
There was only one way to find out. She would have to ask her - get her to reveal something of herself. JJ decided that now was as good a time as ever and she leaned over to kiss her lover softly on the cheek.
“Mhmm… just five more minutes, Dave.” JJ sat up straight so fast she almost pulled a muscle.
“DAVE?”
“What?” Slowly, Emily pried her eyes open. “Good morning.”
“Are you kidding me?”
“What on Earth are you talking about?” the brunette yawned.
“Dave? As in David Rossi?” JJ had resorted to her ‘press-conference-voice’ as Emily liked to call it. She found it extremely sexy when JJ took charge, but the mentioning of her co-worker’s name had her fully awake and sitting up straight within seconds.
“What’s going on? Is there a case?”
“No.”
“Oh good.” Emily fell back onto her pillow. Still sleepy, she closed her eyes again.
“Emily, I’m serious.”
“About what, Honey?” JJ was startled. It was the first time she had used any word of endearment when speaking to her. She always only called her JJ, except…in bed… then it was Jennifer.
“Emily, why are you talking about Rossi, when I’m waking you up?”
“I did not!” Disgruntled, the profiler propped herself up on her elbows.
“Right now, I kissed you on the cheek and you said: ‘Five more minutes, Dave.’”
Emily laughed out loud.
“Well I’m glad you find that funny, but I sure as hell don’t.” JJ crossed her arms now genuinely infuriated with the other woman.
“JJ, I didn’t mean Dave as in Rossi - what ever gave you that idea? - but as in Dave, my Yorkshire terrier. He was the only friend to come with us wherever my mother was posted. He used to sneak into my room and wake me so I would feed him.”
“And you thought of him just now?” JJ still wasn’t convinced.
“Oddly enough I didn’t. I haven’t thought about him in years, but I just had a dream about… never mind.” Emily rubbed her eyes. “So why did you wake me?”
‘So close’ JJ thought. ‘She was just so close to telling me something personal…’
“So?”
“Hmm? Oh I’m sorry, I just wanted to ask you something.” Emily sat up a little more and the bed sheets dropped off her, leaving her chest exposed to JJ’s longing glances.
“Again?” the brunette asked a little stunned. For such a small woman, her lover sure had an appetite. Not that she was complaining.
“What? Oh no… not that… sorry…” This answer did not wipe off the smirk on Emily’s face, but JJ continued: “I was wondering if maybe…”
“Yeeees?” Her voice was teasing.
“If maybe… we could go out someday… you know… someplace you usually go to.” JJ stuttered.
“You mean… like a gay club?”
“Yeah. I mean, do you go out much?”
“Every now and then.”
“Well, do you have friends?”
Emily laughed again, causing JJ to say: “I’m serious.”
“Yes, I have friends.”
“Could I meet them?”
“You know them.” The profiler frowned. Either she was still too sleepy to follow this conversation or JJ was.
“No… do you have friends you go out with? Other than us, I mean?”
“I don’t know… I don’t know if this is such a good idea, JJ.” In fact, Emily was strongly convinced that this was a very, very bad idea. There were things her lover was bound to find out about her that she knew she did not want to share.
“Why not?”
Emily had stopped smiling, and thought ‘She just had to ask.’ Out loud she said: “I don’t know… could we maybe talk about this in the morning?” ‘When I’ve come up with an answer,’ she finished in her mind.
“I’d really like to go.”
Emily made the mistake of looking into JJ’s eyes and found her resistance once more shattered into a million pieces. “If it means that much to you, sure. Let’s go.”
A wide smile spread across the younger woman’s face and she leaned over to kiss Emily. As the kiss grew deeper she heard her moan: “Again?”
Of course I realize that Thursday's chapter was an episode chapter and really quite short. I'd like to think that this makes up for it ;)
Lead the Way - 039 - I Like You
As JJ sat in the waiting area her mind wandered back to the reason she had made an appointment here.
A week ago she had made love to a woman for the very first time in her life. For the first time, Emily had allowed JJ to touch her and the memories were overwhelming. While JJ had given her lover what she thought would please her, Emily hadn’t merely taken it. She had given back just as much. Looks, touches, words, whispers, moans - never before had JJ known such satisfaction without actually being pleased. It had been everything she had imagined and so much more. But before all this had been doubt and fear.
Fear because the media liaison couldn’t be sure that what she had dared would not upset Emily. JJ had felt empowered and sexy, entitled and feminine, all at the same time, but she had no idea if Emily would like that side of her.
Quickly enough, these fears were dispelled and everything had seemed all right until she had taken off the other woman’s underwear. Could this have been the reason Emily hadn’t allowed herself to be touched? So JJ wouldn’t be uncomfortable about her own body? She thought long and hard if this sounded like anything the profiler would do.
So far Emily had always put herself above JJ. She had tried to give JJ as much space as she needed, had even been willing to step aside should she choose a life with Will. Why then was it so hard for her to believe that the reason for her distance came from the same place?
“Jennifer Jareau?”
“Yes.”
“Hello, I’m Kate. Follow me, please?”
As JJ lay back on the bed, naked from her waist down, she thought: ‘The things we do for love.’
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The room was dark, the air still hot. JJ lay awake in her bed unable to find any rest. Although the brunette lying next to her was quiet now, JJ still heard her voice resounding in her mind:
‘You didn’t have to do that.’
Well, obviously she knew that, but she had wanted to. Could Emily not see that she had no idea how to be in a lesbian relationship? What was done differently and what stayed the same?
While she wanted to learn it all, she did not want to scare the more experienced woman away. By now JJ had gathered that she wasn’t Emily Prentiss’ first female lover which made it all the harder for her.
What if she couldn’t please Emily? What if her inexperience turned her away? JJ simply couldn’t bear the thought. If Emily was to leave her, she wanted it to be for a real reason and nothing as asinine as inadequacy in the bedroom.
Could she not see that this was the reason she followed her lead? That she would try to mirror everything the other woman did so as not to upset her? How could she say that she didn’t have to do the one thing JJ knew wouldn’t be wrong?
‘I like you just the way you are.’
JJ knew it was supposed to be reassuring, but all she heard was that Emily liked her. That word really stung. She had left her home, broken a man’s heart, changed her life so drastically, put her reputation in the bureau in jeopardy, possibly even ended her career and Emily liked her, whereas JJ…
JJ was in love with another woman. That thought still sounded new, not to mention the sensation she felt when saying it out loud in an empty room. She was in love with Emily. She was in love with another woman. Then again, Emily had never been just another woman.
Right from the start JJ had been impressed by her. How educated she was, how many languages she spoke, the places she had seen, her courage and sophistication. Emily was confident, self-assured, but never arrogant or cocky. She was beautiful, oh yes, yet she never played on that.
It had been awkward at first, to think of touching her, but after their night in Vegas that feeling had quickly vanished. The way Emily had made her feel that night and every night they had shared after that was nothing short of exhilarating.
Yet JJ started to notice a growing feeling in her gut that she was missing something. The other woman was a skilled lover by all means and it wasn’t satisfaction that the media liaison was missing. It was something deeper, harder to grasp.
Emily had seen so much and shown her so little. JJ was certain that she was holding back on her. So far all they had shared was sex. Passionate, rough, gentle, quick, earth-shattering and hungry, yes, all of that; but ultimately all they had shared was sex.
It hurt the blonde to admit it, but as she lay in the dark watching her lover sleep, she realized Emily had never let her in. Never had she caught a glimpse of the woman she knew was in there somewhere. In fact she had seen more of her when they had been just colleagues, working together.
Was this all there was: sex? Did she throw away her chance at happiness with Will for casual sex that could jeopardize her career? Had she made a terrible mistake? JJ turned on her back to look at the ceiling.
‘No’ she told herself. Deep down she knew this was more. At least it was to her. What did Emily think of all this? What did this mean to her? She wouldn’t be on maternity leave forever. How would they go on after that? Would they even go on? If it was just sex, was there a point in asking all these questions?
JJ had so many of them and hardly any answers. All she knew was what she felt. She wanted this to last, to mean more. She wasn’t sure how much more she wanted but she wanted to find out. She wanted to learn if she could grow to love Emily Prentiss.
There was only one way to find out. She would have to ask her - get her to reveal something of herself. JJ decided that now was as good a time as ever and she leaned over to kiss her lover softly on the cheek.
“Mhmm… just five more minutes, Dave.” JJ sat up straight so fast she almost pulled a muscle.
“DAVE?”
“What?” Slowly, Emily pried her eyes open. “Good morning.”
“Are you kidding me?”
“What on Earth are you talking about?” the brunette yawned.
“Dave? As in David Rossi?” JJ had resorted to her ‘press-conference-voice’ as Emily liked to call it. She found it extremely sexy when JJ took charge, but the mentioning of her co-worker’s name had her fully awake and sitting up straight within seconds.
“What’s going on? Is there a case?”
“No.”
“Oh good.” Emily fell back onto her pillow. Still sleepy, she closed her eyes again.
“Emily, I’m serious.”
“About what, Honey?” JJ was startled. It was the first time she had used any word of endearment when speaking to her. She always only called her JJ, except…in bed… then it was Jennifer.
“Emily, why are you talking about Rossi, when I’m waking you up?”
“I did not!” Disgruntled, the profiler propped herself up on her elbows.
“Right now, I kissed you on the cheek and you said: ‘Five more minutes, Dave.’”
Emily laughed out loud.
“Well I’m glad you find that funny, but I sure as hell don’t.” JJ crossed her arms now genuinely infuriated with the other woman.
“JJ, I didn’t mean Dave as in Rossi - what ever gave you that idea? - but as in Dave, my Yorkshire terrier. He was the only friend to come with us wherever my mother was posted. He used to sneak into my room and wake me so I would feed him.”
“And you thought of him just now?” JJ still wasn’t convinced.
“Oddly enough I didn’t. I haven’t thought about him in years, but I just had a dream about… never mind.” Emily rubbed her eyes. “So why did you wake me?”
‘So close’ JJ thought. ‘She was just so close to telling me something personal…’
“So?”
“Hmm? Oh I’m sorry, I just wanted to ask you something.” Emily sat up a little more and the bed sheets dropped off her, leaving her chest exposed to JJ’s longing glances.
“Again?” the brunette asked a little stunned. For such a small woman, her lover sure had an appetite. Not that she was complaining.
“What? Oh no… not that… sorry…” This answer did not wipe off the smirk on Emily’s face, but JJ continued: “I was wondering if maybe…”
“Yeeees?” Her voice was teasing.
“If maybe… we could go out someday… you know… someplace you usually go to.” JJ stuttered.
“You mean… like a gay club?”
“Yeah. I mean, do you go out much?”
“Every now and then.”
“Well, do you have friends?”
Emily laughed again, causing JJ to say: “I’m serious.”
“Yes, I have friends.”
“Could I meet them?”
“You know them.” The profiler frowned. Either she was still too sleepy to follow this conversation or JJ was.
“No… do you have friends you go out with? Other than us, I mean?”
“I don’t know… I don’t know if this is such a good idea, JJ.” In fact, Emily was strongly convinced that this was a very, very bad idea. There were things her lover was bound to find out about her that she knew she did not want to share.
“Why not?”
Emily had stopped smiling, and thought ‘She just had to ask.’ Out loud she said: “I don’t know… could we maybe talk about this in the morning?” ‘When I’ve come up with an answer,’ she finished in her mind.
“I’d really like to go.”
Emily made the mistake of looking into JJ’s eyes and found her resistance once more shattered into a million pieces. “If it means that much to you, sure. Let’s go.”
A wide smile spread across the younger woman’s face and she leaned over to kiss Emily. As the kiss grew deeper she heard her moan: “Again?”