What is my life?

[ladymeltintalle]

I hate nights alone. I feel so freaking alone and disconnected. Amanda is staying at her mom's house tonight and Colleen has been sleeping for hours now. It's just me and my thoughts. And this is how I start going crazy and slipping into anxiety attacks. It's so damn pathetic. I can't be alone for one night without losing my god damn mind

Comments

[enchanted_jae]

Are there any clubs in your area you could join? Somewhere you can meet people with mutual interests? How about some volunteer work? Search LJ and find new communities to join that you're interested in. You can at least make some new online friends that way. Don't stop trying!

[ladymeltintalle]

I suppose there might be clubs and stuff, but I'm so freakishly quiet and withdrawn in real life that I wouldn't know how to reach out. I've been in choir for years (up until last year) and never made a single friend in there even though I was surrounded by 60 or so people obviously interested in the same thing as me. People assume I'm a bitch, usually, because I don't talk. But the truth is, I have zero people skills. Plus I actually have a hard time speaking in general, even around people I'm comfortable with. Somewhere between my brain and my mouth some wires cross and I mess up my words and stuff. It's very weird and embarrassing. The friends I do have, I've had since 8th grade, so they don't even realize how weird I am anymore lol.

BUT! I've usually been pretty good at making online friends. Here nobody can hear me stumble over my sentences, or assume I'm aloof on purpose xD

Thank you for your support and advice, it does mean a lot <3

[clionona]

Oh, sweetie... *HUGE HUGS* I'm so sorry that everything is changing and that you're going to be on your own. I'm also sorry that I haven't been connecting more. Ever since I moved to Colorado and was completely isolated from everyone and everything I ever knew, I kind of shut down. I hope to be getting back to normal soon. In the meantime, please know that I am always here if you need anything. I love you, dolface. ♥

[ladymeltintalle]

Oh darling, do not apologize at all! I know you do the best you can to keep in contact. Most of the time you're the only one that does, so never fear that I think you're neglecting me *hugs* We always have each other's backs <333