chapter 7
Finally done! You will enjoy this one, I promise. Hell of an awesome chapter ^___^
Once I was pulled out of water and regained consciousness, an intense feeling of guilt came over me. Not only the town was burned and ruined, but water was everywhere too, in the buildings, on the streets.
Of course, I couldn’t see the horrible scene in front of me.
The only things that were visible to me were the embers and small flames.
Running a search of the buildings that survived fire we found some injured people. Fortunately, they were mostly tribesmen. It might be imprudent to talk about fortune here, but considering the innocent people who lost their houses in that fire, from their perspective the tribesmen got what they deserved.
Still I couldn’t just let them suffer.
Leaving Dacascos and Captain to treat the injured, I returned to the the building that served as our headquarters, supported by Wolfram and Conrad.
It was a crushing defeat.
Although, since we didn’t actually lose to anyone, it would be right to call it my own failure.
Not wanting to think about the consequences of my plan I was sitting on a hard chair, waiting for Conrad, who was standing in front of me, to say something. Maybe he was still angry, but I didn’t hear a single word of comfort from him.
“I saw my older brother.”
That was a sudden thing to say, but before I could think about what I was saying I’d already said it out loud.
Even though those words escaped my mouth simply because I couldn’t stand the silence anymore, it was still an unexpected thing to bring up.
“I mean I met him.”
It was indeed Shori. Our fingers touched and we talked to each other. But because we were both under water we didn’t use our actual voices.
“To my surprise he was with a girlfriend. But she was a foreigner... Must have been American! But, Shori, when did you?!”
“When?”
“... when I fell in the lake.”
“When you lost yourself?”
”That’s not a nice way to put it.”
Conrad apologized immediately.
“However, I always thought that a huge amount of power or magic is needed to be able to meet someone that way. Does Your Brother posses maryoku?”
“Well... He does know a lot about it.”
“If Your Brother didn’t have maryoku, you would not have been able to summon him.”
“Can I even do something like that?!”
“It is not for me to judge. We better ask at Shinou’s Temple. However, earlier, you mentioned that he was not alone. If we had a chance to ask that person, I wonder what kind of explanation she would offer.”
“I wasn’t alone either. I was with Hazel. Maybe she was able to see Shori too. Maybe even that girl... She did look familiar... indeed she did.”
From the moment I saw that girl with Shori, her features really looked familiar.
I concentrate on remembering their faces and silhouettes as much as I can. Both were wearing tight clothes and it seemed that the girl was clinging to Shori.
“W-W-WHAT?! What were you doing there, Sho-chan?! Hugging her wearing those tights all over your body!”
That’s not a scene for the eyes of you family members! It’s too embarrassing!
I’ve been suspicious about his preferences for a long time, but that was the first time I saw the proof with my own eyes. Holy cow, Shori! So you stopped being addicted to those gal games and developed a secret fetish for wearing tights?
Having learned about brother’s changed preferences I felt very uncomfortable. For some reason my bottom was itchy. Or, rather, than itchy, it felt prickly.
“Huh?” When I stuck my hand into my back pocket I discovered that the glasses that I picked up in the lake were still there. The frame was pushing into my skin and it hurt. I remember them. Maybe they are a parting gift from Shori. I can’t believe it, did he come to this far away world just to leave his glasses and go back? Don’t know if they have any special meaning.
“.. feeling?”
“Huh? What was it?”
“I asked, how are you feeling?”
At first, I didn’t understand why he asked such a thing. I can’t raise my right shoulder, the wound on my left palm hasn’t closed yet and I can’t see what’s in front of my eyes. Conrad should already know about it. He probably knows about the extent of my injuries more than I do.
“My stomach hurts.”
“That is because you have drunk it, the unfiltered water,” he
says shocked.
He was observing what effects water polluted with houjutsu has on human body with me as example.
Apparently, Conrad too thought that water here wasn’t being cleaned to neutralize the effects of houjutsu, but simply filtered.
“Anything else?”
“No changes other than that.”
“Even after that showy display of magic?”
“Ah, that’s what it is about.”
So he is worried about me having gone on rampage.
There are a lot of reasons to make him feel uneasy. Not only me staying in Maoh-mode for a long time, but also the fact that this country by the name of Holy Sand is the land of shinzoku. He must be worried about me collapsing from exhaustion, having used maryoku on the land full of houryoku.
“There is not much of a difference. It just feels different than before. I ended up collapsing almost every time I used it before, but this time it doesn’t look like I’m going to pass out. It’s just an ordinary physical exhaustion. Following the underground route yesterday, execution of this plan today - after all of that it’d be a lie to say I’m not tired... I’m sleepy and my muscles hurt. It’s probably just simple lack of sleep and muscle ache.”
But it seems that this answer didn’t satisfy him. He kept asking different questions Does your head hurt? or Has your vision returned? and the like. Finally, after that he grumbled:
“Keeping Wolf away from you was meaningless. You used a non-healing magic anyway.”
“Huh? ”
I couldn’t hold back a smile. His very strict attitude towards Wolfram at the time of our reunion was worrying me.
“I just thought it was strange, how harshly you said that.”
Lord Weller cleared his throat and continued in a different voice.
“By all rights what he did is a serious crime. For me to get over this so quickly - I must be becoming too soft. But is it true? You are not hurting anywhere?”
“Give me a break, I can’t feel any strange effects. Or is it that you won’t stop unless there is something wrong with my health?”
“How can I do such a thing! I was just worried about you. I have told you before, worrying about you is my duty.”
“If you want to worry so much I guess you’re never gonna stop. Even though I’ve already said that I don’t feel any different than usual. Just like before my eyesight is weak and....and....”
Wait a second. I have just told Conrad that my eyesight hasn’t returned. Indeed, I can’t see his face clearly, neither can I see most of the room I’m in. But how could I possibly see Shori then? I didn’t just see my brother, I can even recall the face of the girl who was with him. I can remember it so clearly, I can even say it looked familiar. Why is that?
“.... I did see them.”
“Heh?”
I can’t see the expression on Conrad’s face when he asks it. Even when I raise my head, the only thing in front of my eyes is the silhouette of the left half of his body illuminated by the light of candlesticks. But back then I could really see them, the girl’s hair swaying in water and white bubble rising to the lake surface. I could see them clearly.
“I saw them. I really did. Back then. I just remembered.”
“So you could only see when you were under water?”
“Yeah... no, that’s not what I mean....”
As I went back through my memories, the scenes that were in front of my eyes lined up one by one just like photos. Shori, foreign girl, the column of water rising into the night sky, shining in the orange light, the silhouette of the water dragon.... fire, fire, fire, people, devastated, trying to escape. And then several tribesmen standing amid the flames. Wait a second, I can see them better now. Right, there are three of them, in the middle - a slightly built person, their king. For a mere second his face comes into view from under the hood used to keep away the hot air and golden eyes sparkle with reflected light.
“....This can’t be.”
“What’s the matter? What did you see, what have you remembered?”
I press my index and middle fingers to the corner of my eye. This is impossible. He can’t be in this town. My eyesight hasn’t been functioning well, that must have been an optical illusion.
“Nothing, nothing special. Just fire, water and then Shori. Anyway I could see only in Maoh mode and for a short time after that. Have no idea why though. It doesn’t work now.”
“I see.... Temporary recovery should be a good sign. Maybe slowly you will be able to use your eyesight for longer periods of time.”
I must have looked so dispirited at that that Conrad hastily added, “According to some theory it makes the rest of your senses sharpen and that might be useful in sports. As they say, what you see with your eyes is not everything.”
“Well, that’s kind of opposite to what Hazel says. If I’m not mistaken she said, that everything that you can see with your eyes must be happening.”
“So I have heard.”
That’s what the only person who went through the underground passage, Hazel, said, everything that you can see with your eyes must be happening. No matter how much the witnessed phenomenon goes against common sense. But maybe Conrad’s words hold true too. What you see with your eyes is not everything.
I press my wounded palm to cover my useless eyes. Think, try to remember everything that happened to us.
I saw mice. They quickly ran from the ashen carpet over my feet. But no birds or bats. Those didn’t come to attack me. So if only those things we see with our eyes happen to us, then what? Maybe everything is an illusion, but because we see it with our eyes we get convinced it’s true, what if it’s that way?
“Then... Then maybe Yozak is not dead. Right, Conrad?”
“For now it’s best if you don’t think about it.”
“No, it’s not!”
Lord Weller took a tiny breath and after that his voice was full of disgust, as though it belonged to some stranger.
“What did he tell you?”
“Told me?”
“I am asking, what were his final words to you?”
As that scene is being resurrected in my mind I bite my lips and squeeze my eyes shut so hard, that my eyelids twitch.
“He told me.... to run away.”
“That is why please, do as he told you. You should not look back.”
“Even, if he is still alive?!”
“If he is alive he will be able to do something by himself.”
I still remember the earth rumbling after the dam collapsed, rocks colliding with massive slates. I could even feel the impact traveling through the palms of my hands like a shock wave when pressed to the ground. Even now when I think about that moment my hands seem to go numb. It’s not something I’ll be able to forget.
“He wouldn’t have a chance, not a single chance. You haven’t seen it, you haven’t seen it yourself that’s why you’re saying like that’s so simple, but he won’t be able to get out of there by himself, no matter how hard he tries!”
“If he can’t escape he will think of some other way. Gurrier is a soldier, he was prepared for that.”
“Prepared for what?”
“At any rate he would never wish to see Your Majesty troubled at the loss of him.”
“I will only give up if he’s dead!”
He was smiling like someone from a Christmas picture, like a saint from that other religion. If it was his last breath, if it’s impossible to bring him back, then I’ll stop. But if he’s still breathing, if we can still talk, smile and be together?
“I will accept it if we find out he is dead. I will stop. But if Hazel is right, then Yozak can still be alive, can’t he? If everything that happened was just an illusion, it’s possible that the rocks didn’t really fall down. But what if because of what we saw we got convinced, naively thinking that the dam fell, and left Yozak behind?.... Yes. That’s what it was!”
I raised my face and clasped both Conrad’s arms. I felt like I could see his tea-colored with sprinkles of silver eyes.
“After I lost my sight underground, nothing happened. Before you arrived I had been mistaking Wolfram for an enemy soldier, because I’d seen the glint of his sword. Because I was convinced that if he had a weapon he must have been the enemy. I couldn’t see anything already when Sara said someone was coming, but after all nothing happened. Just this tiny scratch that I’d got earlier....”
“But if you got this wound before, why does it still remain on your cheek?”
“Ah....”
When I raised a hand to my face, there was a dried scab on it. The wound was barely two centimeters long, but there still was a proof of its existence.
“That is because for a mere moment I was sure you were coming. Just for a second I was convinced there was some suspicious movement, just a flock of birds or maybe bats. But believing it even for a second affects one’s body. Even if it was immediately proven wrong. No matter how much it is denied, that instant fit of fear doesn’t go away. Now, how about Yozak? In that case we saw a giant mass of stones going down. That leaves no room for doubt." /Conrad/
“Stop it.”
I couldn’t take my fingers off the cut. It is okay if it doesn’t heal.
“So we let the dam collapse to protect ourselves. For him that rock wasn’t an illusion. There is no way he wasn’t injured.”
“Please, stop.”
If only this wound didn’t exist, then Conrad’s words could have been not true. I tried to rub it with my index finger, but it wouldn’t go away.
“You do understand it, don’t you?”
“Shut up for a second!”
I grabbed a cup and threw it in Conrad’s direction. There was a sound of ceramics breaking.
It was obvious which theory was right. If you calm down and think about it carefully, there certainly is a point in what he says. If it was an illusion without real power, then the wound on my cheek shouldn’t exist. But sometimes mind can affect you physical body too. Brain can control your body if it believes something without a doubt. But still...
“... but still.”
My fist hit the table once. I didn’t think I could manage to do it again. I had already lost the strength, my knees were weak and even keeping myself upright was troublesome.
“You must be thinking that I am a coldhearted person.” /Conrad/
“I do think so. Have been since the very beginning.”
“That can’t be helped.”
Giving in to exhaustion I flopped on the hard chair, put my elbows on the splintery table and buried my face in my hands.
“... and still you’re telling me to be just like that, to become heartless.”
“I did not say that. It is okay for you to stay yourself.”
“But your words say otherwise!”
“These are unique circumstances, next time we will deal with things differently.”
There was a sound of approaching footsteps, treading on the shattered remains of the ceramic cup, his voice seemed to be coming from above. He stood at the table and being this close continued to speak.
“Let us deal with complicated matters, either me or Lord von Voltaire. Or, at times, Lord von Christ. There is no need for your heart to be troubled with this. That is what we exist for.”
“That’s what Gwendal would say.”
“Someone has to tell you this.”
“Then leave it to Gwen! It sounds much more believable coming from him, something I can agree with.”
Lord Weller was at a loss for words. “He’s not even here, but he has much more persuasive power than you.”
“Then, please, take it as Lord von Walter’s words and listen.”
“How can I do that?!”
I took a deep breath, held it and then deliberately let it out very slowly, exhaling until there was no air left in my lungs. That was to keep my emotions under control.
“You can’t just say that someone else told me to do it. Leaving others to deal with everything as soon as things get bitter, while praising only myself - I can’t accept such cowardice. And don’t want to.”
“By no means can this be called cowardi-”
“Weren’t you the one saying that commanders are responsible for their soldiers’ deaths? That’s right, that’s what you said!”
“But Your Majesty, -”
“Listen up! I am the one standing at the very top, if we lose I am the one responsible. I don’t know what other kings think, but I am like that. Victory can only be achieved with combined efforts of everyone, but defeat is the sole responsibility of the commander. Do you know why?”
“.... No.”
“That is because one cannot win if left to struggle all alone, however it is very easy to lose all by yourself. It was my own fault, my thoughtless actions. Because of me this town is now in ruins!”
Shocked by such egotism Lord Weller let out a long sigh.
“You should rest a bit.”
“I am going to.”
I followed the wall towards the door, and, searching for the knob somewhere at the height of my waist, turned around. Conrad was standing by the window, and just like before only left half of his body was illuminated by the light from candlesticks.
“Hey, Conrad...”
There was a sound of fabric rustling. He must have moved his arms.
“Did you cry a bit?”
Even as I left the room Conrad didn’t follow. Of course, my eyesight can’t be trusted, but there is no way I won’t be able to walk a distance of ten meters and open the door in two minutes.
I opened the bedroom door and without holding onto anything I walked towards the candle left by the window.
Wolfram was lying down on the bed by the wall, his back turned on me.
"Are you sleeping?"
"Yeah."
"Liar. A sleeping person wouldn't have answered."
"It was a conditioned response. I sensed that you'd become all whiny, so I couldn’t leave you without a reply."
"Not even pretending to be asleep like you usually do?"
"That's because I am a kind person."
I sat on the tough mattress filled with straw and looked at the part of the night sky cut by the window frame. It's all black with a brighter rectangle in the middle. Inside of it there are flecks of yellow light. It’s not moon. Neither can I see the stars. Those flecks are the glowing embers.
Wind that smelled of burned walls, sand and water was blowing into my face. Part of the window glass must have been broken.
"I'm really glad that you’re here."
"So obedient now, it's almost sickening."
"I have no energy left to protest."
The other bed is already damp to the touch. Water from the lake must have gotten inside through the broken window and soaked even this room. Was this also a punishment for today’s failure?
"Can I sleep here?"
In the dim light Wolfram rose slightly and shook the object fastened around his waist.
"Gyunter is staying too though, Okay with that?"
"That's some bad news." I couldn’t keep myself from laughing anymore. I was laughing so much that my voice began to quaver, so to hide that I pressed my face into the pillow. A small light disappeared from the field of my vision. I probably won’t fall asleep for a long time, feeling guilty and regretting what happened. But I have to let my body rest. With this kind of lifestyle I don’t know when the next time that I will be able to sleep in bed will be.
--------------------
.... now, I personally find this conversation between Conrad and Yuri quite shocking... Seriously, I couldn't really imagine Yuri yell and throw things at him and Conrad be so cold. Compared with that the following scene with Wolfram seems to be the exact opposite. I wonder if he heard the conversation in the other room, because unlike Conrad he doesn't leave Yuri without a reply, he says that he is kind (well, at least today xD) and leaves a candle by the window so that Yuri could get around... well, you know I support WolfYu, but still I am at a loss for words here, seeing Conrad like that is really heartbreaking...
Once I was pulled out of water and regained consciousness, an intense feeling of guilt came over me. Not only the town was burned and ruined, but water was everywhere too, in the buildings, on the streets.
Of course, I couldn’t see the horrible scene in front of me.
The only things that were visible to me were the embers and small flames.
Running a search of the buildings that survived fire we found some injured people. Fortunately, they were mostly tribesmen. It might be imprudent to talk about fortune here, but considering the innocent people who lost their houses in that fire, from their perspective the tribesmen got what they deserved.
Still I couldn’t just let them suffer.
Leaving Dacascos and Captain to treat the injured, I returned to the the building that served as our headquarters, supported by Wolfram and Conrad.
It was a crushing defeat.
Although, since we didn’t actually lose to anyone, it would be right to call it my own failure.
Not wanting to think about the consequences of my plan I was sitting on a hard chair, waiting for Conrad, who was standing in front of me, to say something. Maybe he was still angry, but I didn’t hear a single word of comfort from him.
“I saw my older brother.”
That was a sudden thing to say, but before I could think about what I was saying I’d already said it out loud.
Even though those words escaped my mouth simply because I couldn’t stand the silence anymore, it was still an unexpected thing to bring up.
“I mean I met him.”
It was indeed Shori. Our fingers touched and we talked to each other. But because we were both under water we didn’t use our actual voices.
“To my surprise he was with a girlfriend. But she was a foreigner... Must have been American! But, Shori, when did you?!”
“When?”
“... when I fell in the lake.”
“When you lost yourself?”
”That’s not a nice way to put it.”
Conrad apologized immediately.
“However, I always thought that a huge amount of power or magic is needed to be able to meet someone that way. Does Your Brother posses maryoku?”
“Well... He does know a lot about it.”
“If Your Brother didn’t have maryoku, you would not have been able to summon him.”
“Can I even do something like that?!”
“It is not for me to judge. We better ask at Shinou’s Temple. However, earlier, you mentioned that he was not alone. If we had a chance to ask that person, I wonder what kind of explanation she would offer.”
“I wasn’t alone either. I was with Hazel. Maybe she was able to see Shori too. Maybe even that girl... She did look familiar... indeed she did.”
From the moment I saw that girl with Shori, her features really looked familiar.
I concentrate on remembering their faces and silhouettes as much as I can. Both were wearing tight clothes and it seemed that the girl was clinging to Shori.
“W-W-WHAT?! What were you doing there, Sho-chan?! Hugging her wearing those tights all over your body!”
That’s not a scene for the eyes of you family members! It’s too embarrassing!
I’ve been suspicious about his preferences for a long time, but that was the first time I saw the proof with my own eyes. Holy cow, Shori! So you stopped being addicted to those gal games and developed a secret fetish for wearing tights?
Having learned about brother’s changed preferences I felt very uncomfortable. For some reason my bottom was itchy. Or, rather, than itchy, it felt prickly.
“Huh?” When I stuck my hand into my back pocket I discovered that the glasses that I picked up in the lake were still there. The frame was pushing into my skin and it hurt. I remember them. Maybe they are a parting gift from Shori. I can’t believe it, did he come to this far away world just to leave his glasses and go back? Don’t know if they have any special meaning.
“.. feeling?”
“Huh? What was it?”
“I asked, how are you feeling?”
At first, I didn’t understand why he asked such a thing. I can’t raise my right shoulder, the wound on my left palm hasn’t closed yet and I can’t see what’s in front of my eyes. Conrad should already know about it. He probably knows about the extent of my injuries more than I do.
“My stomach hurts.”
“That is because you have drunk it, the unfiltered water,” he
says shocked.
He was observing what effects water polluted with houjutsu has on human body with me as example.
Apparently, Conrad too thought that water here wasn’t being cleaned to neutralize the effects of houjutsu, but simply filtered.
“Anything else?”
“No changes other than that.”
“Even after that showy display of magic?”
“Ah, that’s what it is about.”
So he is worried about me having gone on rampage.
There are a lot of reasons to make him feel uneasy. Not only me staying in Maoh-mode for a long time, but also the fact that this country by the name of Holy Sand is the land of shinzoku. He must be worried about me collapsing from exhaustion, having used maryoku on the land full of houryoku.
“There is not much of a difference. It just feels different than before. I ended up collapsing almost every time I used it before, but this time it doesn’t look like I’m going to pass out. It’s just an ordinary physical exhaustion. Following the underground route yesterday, execution of this plan today - after all of that it’d be a lie to say I’m not tired... I’m sleepy and my muscles hurt. It’s probably just simple lack of sleep and muscle ache.”
But it seems that this answer didn’t satisfy him. He kept asking different questions Does your head hurt? or Has your vision returned? and the like. Finally, after that he grumbled:
“Keeping Wolf away from you was meaningless. You used a non-healing magic anyway.”
“Huh? ”
I couldn’t hold back a smile. His very strict attitude towards Wolfram at the time of our reunion was worrying me.
“I just thought it was strange, how harshly you said that.”
Lord Weller cleared his throat and continued in a different voice.
“By all rights what he did is a serious crime. For me to get over this so quickly - I must be becoming too soft. But is it true? You are not hurting anywhere?”
“Give me a break, I can’t feel any strange effects. Or is it that you won’t stop unless there is something wrong with my health?”
“How can I do such a thing! I was just worried about you. I have told you before, worrying about you is my duty.”
“If you want to worry so much I guess you’re never gonna stop. Even though I’ve already said that I don’t feel any different than usual. Just like before my eyesight is weak and....and....”
Wait a second. I have just told Conrad that my eyesight hasn’t returned. Indeed, I can’t see his face clearly, neither can I see most of the room I’m in. But how could I possibly see Shori then? I didn’t just see my brother, I can even recall the face of the girl who was with him. I can remember it so clearly, I can even say it looked familiar. Why is that?
“.... I did see them.”
“Heh?”
I can’t see the expression on Conrad’s face when he asks it. Even when I raise my head, the only thing in front of my eyes is the silhouette of the left half of his body illuminated by the light of candlesticks. But back then I could really see them, the girl’s hair swaying in water and white bubble rising to the lake surface. I could see them clearly.
“I saw them. I really did. Back then. I just remembered.”
“So you could only see when you were under water?”
“Yeah... no, that’s not what I mean....”
As I went back through my memories, the scenes that were in front of my eyes lined up one by one just like photos. Shori, foreign girl, the column of water rising into the night sky, shining in the orange light, the silhouette of the water dragon.... fire, fire, fire, people, devastated, trying to escape. And then several tribesmen standing amid the flames. Wait a second, I can see them better now. Right, there are three of them, in the middle - a slightly built person, their king. For a mere second his face comes into view from under the hood used to keep away the hot air and golden eyes sparkle with reflected light.
“....This can’t be.”
“What’s the matter? What did you see, what have you remembered?”
I press my index and middle fingers to the corner of my eye. This is impossible. He can’t be in this town. My eyesight hasn’t been functioning well, that must have been an optical illusion.
“Nothing, nothing special. Just fire, water and then Shori. Anyway I could see only in Maoh mode and for a short time after that. Have no idea why though. It doesn’t work now.”
“I see.... Temporary recovery should be a good sign. Maybe slowly you will be able to use your eyesight for longer periods of time.”
I must have looked so dispirited at that that Conrad hastily added, “According to some theory it makes the rest of your senses sharpen and that might be useful in sports. As they say, what you see with your eyes is not everything.”
“Well, that’s kind of opposite to what Hazel says. If I’m not mistaken she said, that everything that you can see with your eyes must be happening.”
“So I have heard.”
That’s what the only person who went through the underground passage, Hazel, said, everything that you can see with your eyes must be happening. No matter how much the witnessed phenomenon goes against common sense. But maybe Conrad’s words hold true too. What you see with your eyes is not everything.
I press my wounded palm to cover my useless eyes. Think, try to remember everything that happened to us.
I saw mice. They quickly ran from the ashen carpet over my feet. But no birds or bats. Those didn’t come to attack me. So if only those things we see with our eyes happen to us, then what? Maybe everything is an illusion, but because we see it with our eyes we get convinced it’s true, what if it’s that way?
“Then... Then maybe Yozak is not dead. Right, Conrad?”
“For now it’s best if you don’t think about it.”
“No, it’s not!”
Lord Weller took a tiny breath and after that his voice was full of disgust, as though it belonged to some stranger.
“What did he tell you?”
“Told me?”
“I am asking, what were his final words to you?”
As that scene is being resurrected in my mind I bite my lips and squeeze my eyes shut so hard, that my eyelids twitch.
“He told me.... to run away.”
“That is why please, do as he told you. You should not look back.”
“Even, if he is still alive?!”
“If he is alive he will be able to do something by himself.”
I still remember the earth rumbling after the dam collapsed, rocks colliding with massive slates. I could even feel the impact traveling through the palms of my hands like a shock wave when pressed to the ground. Even now when I think about that moment my hands seem to go numb. It’s not something I’ll be able to forget.
“He wouldn’t have a chance, not a single chance. You haven’t seen it, you haven’t seen it yourself that’s why you’re saying like that’s so simple, but he won’t be able to get out of there by himself, no matter how hard he tries!”
“If he can’t escape he will think of some other way. Gurrier is a soldier, he was prepared for that.”
“Prepared for what?”
“At any rate he would never wish to see Your Majesty troubled at the loss of him.”
“I will only give up if he’s dead!”
He was smiling like someone from a Christmas picture, like a saint from that other religion. If it was his last breath, if it’s impossible to bring him back, then I’ll stop. But if he’s still breathing, if we can still talk, smile and be together?
“I will accept it if we find out he is dead. I will stop. But if Hazel is right, then Yozak can still be alive, can’t he? If everything that happened was just an illusion, it’s possible that the rocks didn’t really fall down. But what if because of what we saw we got convinced, naively thinking that the dam fell, and left Yozak behind?.... Yes. That’s what it was!”
I raised my face and clasped both Conrad’s arms. I felt like I could see his tea-colored with sprinkles of silver eyes.
“After I lost my sight underground, nothing happened. Before you arrived I had been mistaking Wolfram for an enemy soldier, because I’d seen the glint of his sword. Because I was convinced that if he had a weapon he must have been the enemy. I couldn’t see anything already when Sara said someone was coming, but after all nothing happened. Just this tiny scratch that I’d got earlier....”
“But if you got this wound before, why does it still remain on your cheek?”
“Ah....”
When I raised a hand to my face, there was a dried scab on it. The wound was barely two centimeters long, but there still was a proof of its existence.
“That is because for a mere moment I was sure you were coming. Just for a second I was convinced there was some suspicious movement, just a flock of birds or maybe bats. But believing it even for a second affects one’s body. Even if it was immediately proven wrong. No matter how much it is denied, that instant fit of fear doesn’t go away. Now, how about Yozak? In that case we saw a giant mass of stones going down. That leaves no room for doubt." /Conrad/
“Stop it.”
I couldn’t take my fingers off the cut. It is okay if it doesn’t heal.
“So we let the dam collapse to protect ourselves. For him that rock wasn’t an illusion. There is no way he wasn’t injured.”
“Please, stop.”
If only this wound didn’t exist, then Conrad’s words could have been not true. I tried to rub it with my index finger, but it wouldn’t go away.
“You do understand it, don’t you?”
“Shut up for a second!”
I grabbed a cup and threw it in Conrad’s direction. There was a sound of ceramics breaking.
It was obvious which theory was right. If you calm down and think about it carefully, there certainly is a point in what he says. If it was an illusion without real power, then the wound on my cheek shouldn’t exist. But sometimes mind can affect you physical body too. Brain can control your body if it believes something without a doubt. But still...
“... but still.”
My fist hit the table once. I didn’t think I could manage to do it again. I had already lost the strength, my knees were weak and even keeping myself upright was troublesome.
“You must be thinking that I am a coldhearted person.” /Conrad/
“I do think so. Have been since the very beginning.”
“That can’t be helped.”
Giving in to exhaustion I flopped on the hard chair, put my elbows on the splintery table and buried my face in my hands.
“... and still you’re telling me to be just like that, to become heartless.”
“I did not say that. It is okay for you to stay yourself.”
“But your words say otherwise!”
“These are unique circumstances, next time we will deal with things differently.”
There was a sound of approaching footsteps, treading on the shattered remains of the ceramic cup, his voice seemed to be coming from above. He stood at the table and being this close continued to speak.
“Let us deal with complicated matters, either me or Lord von Voltaire. Or, at times, Lord von Christ. There is no need for your heart to be troubled with this. That is what we exist for.”
“That’s what Gwendal would say.”
“Someone has to tell you this.”
“Then leave it to Gwen! It sounds much more believable coming from him, something I can agree with.”
Lord Weller was at a loss for words. “He’s not even here, but he has much more persuasive power than you.”
“Then, please, take it as Lord von Walter’s words and listen.”
“How can I do that?!”
I took a deep breath, held it and then deliberately let it out very slowly, exhaling until there was no air left in my lungs. That was to keep my emotions under control.
“You can’t just say that someone else told me to do it. Leaving others to deal with everything as soon as things get bitter, while praising only myself - I can’t accept such cowardice. And don’t want to.”
“By no means can this be called cowardi-”
“Weren’t you the one saying that commanders are responsible for their soldiers’ deaths? That’s right, that’s what you said!”
“But Your Majesty, -”
“Listen up! I am the one standing at the very top, if we lose I am the one responsible. I don’t know what other kings think, but I am like that. Victory can only be achieved with combined efforts of everyone, but defeat is the sole responsibility of the commander. Do you know why?”
“.... No.”
“That is because one cannot win if left to struggle all alone, however it is very easy to lose all by yourself. It was my own fault, my thoughtless actions. Because of me this town is now in ruins!”
Shocked by such egotism Lord Weller let out a long sigh.
“You should rest a bit.”
“I am going to.”
I followed the wall towards the door, and, searching for the knob somewhere at the height of my waist, turned around. Conrad was standing by the window, and just like before only left half of his body was illuminated by the light from candlesticks.
“Hey, Conrad...”
There was a sound of fabric rustling. He must have moved his arms.
“Did you cry a bit?”
Even as I left the room Conrad didn’t follow. Of course, my eyesight can’t be trusted, but there is no way I won’t be able to walk a distance of ten meters and open the door in two minutes.
I opened the bedroom door and without holding onto anything I walked towards the candle left by the window.
Wolfram was lying down on the bed by the wall, his back turned on me.
"Are you sleeping?"
"Yeah."
"Liar. A sleeping person wouldn't have answered."
"It was a conditioned response. I sensed that you'd become all whiny, so I couldn’t leave you without a reply."
"Not even pretending to be asleep like you usually do?"
"That's because I am a kind person."
I sat on the tough mattress filled with straw and looked at the part of the night sky cut by the window frame. It's all black with a brighter rectangle in the middle. Inside of it there are flecks of yellow light. It’s not moon. Neither can I see the stars. Those flecks are the glowing embers.
Wind that smelled of burned walls, sand and water was blowing into my face. Part of the window glass must have been broken.
"I'm really glad that you’re here."
"So obedient now, it's almost sickening."
"I have no energy left to protest."
The other bed is already damp to the touch. Water from the lake must have gotten inside through the broken window and soaked even this room. Was this also a punishment for today’s failure?
"Can I sleep here?"
In the dim light Wolfram rose slightly and shook the object fastened around his waist.
"Gyunter is staying too though, Okay with that?"
"That's some bad news." I couldn’t keep myself from laughing anymore. I was laughing so much that my voice began to quaver, so to hide that I pressed my face into the pillow. A small light disappeared from the field of my vision. I probably won’t fall asleep for a long time, feeling guilty and regretting what happened. But I have to let my body rest. With this kind of lifestyle I don’t know when the next time that I will be able to sleep in bed will be.
--------------------
.... now, I personally find this conversation between Conrad and Yuri quite shocking... Seriously, I couldn't really imagine Yuri yell and throw things at him and Conrad be so cold. Compared with that the following scene with Wolfram seems to be the exact opposite. I wonder if he heard the conversation in the other room, because unlike Conrad he doesn't leave Yuri without a reply, he says that he is kind (well, at least today xD) and leaves a candle by the window so that Yuri could get around... well, you know I support WolfYu, but still I am at a loss for words here, seeing Conrad like that is really heartbreaking...