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Confused . . .
I don't want to let the past control what happens in the future for me and Ty. I can't get rid of the persistent feeling though that he's not telling me the complete truth. He tells me he's told me everything, but for some reason I don't believe him. Maybe I'm just going crazy or something. Then I find things that make me believe that he hasn' ( Read more... ) -
musings...
Maybe I am delusional. I can't be anyone other than who I am. I can't change what is fundamentally essentially me. I won't change it, nor will I compromise it for anyone. I don't know what I was thinking. I've been feeling really down lately. Don't know if it will change much in the coming days. I feel like there's a dark cloud brewing ( Read more... ) -
Misbegotten
I don't feel like me any longer. The Cassie I used to know has gone. Where's she gone, nobody knows. I wonder if it was ever meant for me. To be happy I mean. It just seems like the older I get the more things start to change and I can't quite figure out what life has in store for me. I want to say that my possibilities are endless. I want ( Read more... ) -
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Life is full of regrets . . . . . -
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I'm sitting here thinking. . . of a life I wish I had. One full of hope and dreams and limitless possibilities. I think of all the things I dreamed about as a little girl and I wonder sometimes where they went. How I've failed that little girl so many countless times. And I wonder sometimes could I get it back. . . that innocence, that purity ( Read more... ) -
Drought
I've been looking back at some of the poems I've written. I've come to a cold realization: I haven't written a poem in two years! It's amazing to me. For the majority of my life, writing has been what's kept me from going off the deep end, for at least giving me some semblance of normalcy and now I don't know where its gone. I sat down tonight ( Read more... ) -
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I was looking through my journals the other day. What would I do with my journals. I know as of right now I want to keep them, but I don't want anyone ever reading them whether I'm dead or alive. Maybe after a certain time I can burn them so no one will ever know what is in them. Nothing new going on, just feeling down as usual. My emotions ( Read more... ) -
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You know, as I look at the title of my blog I realize a lot of things have changed over the years. I'm no longer that deluded or disoriented girl anymore. In fact, I felt like in the past few years I've really grown into my skin. It didn't always feel like it though. It's been very important to me to be able to feel that way especially after ( Read more... ) -
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I feel so hopeless tonight. My thoughts, my feelings are mangled into this giant unrecognizable shape. Like my life isn't the way I want it to be. I want it to be like it was a long time ago, when I only needed to depend on myself and all my goals and aspirations were my own, I don't quite know how to feel anymore. I don't know too much except ( Read more... ) -
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So, I'm getting married! And I am very excited. I thought when it was time for me to get married it was going to be a small simple affair, but after talking to my parents I already see it turning to something else. Just looking at reception places and caterers, getting married is expensive! I don't know, I guess I'll see how it goes. Other ( Read more... )