Jul 01, 2008 06:20
I don't want to let the past control what happens in the future for me and Ty. I can't get rid of the persistent feeling though that he's not telling me the complete truth. He tells me he's told me everything, but for some reason I don't believe him. Maybe I'm just going crazy or something. Then I find things that make me believe that he hasn't told me the complete truth. If he had been completely honest from the beginning, I don't think I would be going through all this bullshit. I feel like I'm going to destroy my marriage if I don't get over this shit. I wish the cards had been laid on the table. And now with these doubts, I don't know if I want to have a baby. At least not right now, with all the issues we're going through. Maybe God is trying to tell me something. If I'm quiet enough, maybe I will hear the answer. The only thing I know is that I only have two options - to move on and get over this shit and try to make our marriage work or to leave it all behind. Tough decisions. Third time was suppose to be the charm. . .