What You Wish For (Chapter 12)
Title: What You Wish For
Author: alliterationhor
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Spoilers: nope.
Rating: pg-13
Status: 12/12 chapters.
Author's note: ... sad. and happy. but sad.
Final word count (of these 12 chapters, anyway): 45,636
Fanfic archive here.
Comments/concrit appreciated.
Previous chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12
Master post with the Prologue, Prequel, Epilogue, and unofficial chapters here.
What You Wish For
So what you wish for could come true
You act surprised love, are you?
-Guster, What You Wish For
Chapter Twelve
Kurogane closed his eyes and jumped.
They were still too high when he leaped from one of the castle’s arched windows. The snow would provide some soft landing, but it would not be soft enough. They would be lucky to make it to the ground alive.
But after a moment, Kurogane opened his eyes.
They were not falling, they were floating.
Chii was hovering over the snowy ground a safe distance from the castle crumbling in the sky. One of her hands was upturned, palm toward the sky. The index finger of her other hand was drawing through the air, slow and steady, toward her palm.
When the tip of her index finger met the center of her palm, Kurogane’s feet touched the ground lightly.
“Here.” Chii said, kneeling down.
Kurogane knelt down also, cradling Fai’s limp body. “What’s wrong with him?”
There was no blood, no broken bones, no visible wounds. Kurogane did not know what to do. He could deal with blood, he could make a splint for a broken bone. But Fai was just too still.
Chii pressed one palm against Fai’s forehead and the other against Fai’s chest, over his heart. She frowned and made a small sound, as if what she found hurt.
“What’s wrong with him?” Kurogane asked again.
“Fai is broken.” she said quietly, taking one of Fai’s unresponsive hands in hers. “Fai is going to die.”
“He is not going to die!”
Chii touched a fingertip to Fai’s forehead, traced it around his face, drew it down his nose, chin, and throat, then pressed her palm over his heart again.
“Fai is going to die if Chii does not help him.” she whispered.
“Then help him, dammit!”
Chii nodded, resolutely. “Bring him? This way.”
Kurogane gathered Fai into his arms and followed. He realized now that Fai was also too light, like he might float away on a strong breeze.
“Where are we going?”
“This way.” she answered.
Kurogane followed Chii through what looked to have once been gardens. But it was now only trees and shrubs without any leaves, the bare branches reaching eerily to the sky.
She led him to the remains of something that appeared to have been a wide fountain, surrounded by a low marble wall. At the center there was a large marble bird. The fountain did not look to have been in use for some time; there was a frozen arc of water from the bird’s beak, and there was snow on top of the bird’s head and the frozen surface of the water.
“Could-” Chii looked at him, blinked.
“Kurogane.”
“Could Kuro-chan please break the ice for Chii?”
Kurogane grumbled, “Did he get that annoying habit from you or did you get it from him?”
Chii frowned. “I do not understand.”
“Never mind.”
Kurogane set Fai down gently, leaning the mage’s body against the rock wall. He did not like the way Fai’s head rolled against the stone. Then he plunged Souhi’s sheathed tip into the pool, cracking the ice.
“There you go.”
Chii began clearing chunks of ice from the hole. “Thank you.”
Kurogane watched, frowning, as Chii started to trace a fingertip on top of the water. “What are you doing?” he asked, impatiently. “This is not helping him.”
“Shh. Chii is busy.”
“Busy doing what?”
“Chii is busy.” she repeated, enunciating pointedly.
“If you’re not going to help him, then tell me how I can-”
Chii drew a wide circle and the water suddenly glowed bright.
Kurogane shielded his eyes until the light faded a little. “What the-?”
The face of the Dimension Witch stared up at them from within from the circle Chii had drawn.
“Hello, Kurogane-san. It has been a long time.” Yuuko said, blithely. “You know, I’m still waiting for my White Day present from you.”
Kurogane grumbled something that sounded like, “don’t owe you a thing.”
“You are the Time-Space Witch?” Chii interrupted. “You grant wishes.”
“Yes, I do. For a price.”
“Chii has a wish. I wish for Fai to live.”
The Witch paused before answering. “I cannot give him eternal life.”
“No.” she said quickly. “Chii wishes for Fai to heal from these wounds. I wish that Fai will not die now.”
The Witch nodded once. “The price will still be quite high. It is unfortunate that you have only one thing precious enough to equal the exchange.” Her voice was very grave, “It is a high price for you as well as a great responsibility for me; one I would not take if there was any other option. You must trust that I will not take it lightly.”
Chii nodded without hesitation. “Fai trusts you. Chii trusts you.”
“In exchange for Fai-san to live, I will take your soul.”
“I agree.”
“Wait!” Kurogane interrupted. “You can’t-!”
But it was too late. Chii was already fading, tiny sparkles of light emanating from within her. She looked over at Kurogane and smiled.
“Tell Fai that Chii wishes him to be happy.”
“I will.” he said, because what else could he say? “Thank you.”
But Chii was already gone.
The water glowed brightly again, so bright that Kurogane had to turn his face away. When he looked back, there was a small, unfinished wooden box floating in the air above the glowing circle. He took it and the light winked out.
The little box had a deep blue velvet-lined interior and a small black leather pouch inside. Kurogane opened the pouch and pulled out a small note card. It read,
Condensed Water of Life.
Take 2 immediately; and
1 every 6 hours until supply is gone.
Do not operate heavy machinery
while taking this potion.
Kurogane reached into the bag again and pulled out one of the pills. It was small and had the consistency of jelly, and seemed to have no true shape and no shell. It looked like it was made out of a combination of water and light.
“Witch, if this doesn’t work, I will kill you.” Kurogane promised.
He opened Fai’s mouth and put the pill on his tongue, and it seemed to dissolve into nothing. But Kurogane noticed that Fai’s breathing seemed easier and his body relaxed as if some of the pain was relenting. Kurogane sighed with relief and dropped the second pill into the mage’s mouth.
* * *
Kurogane had found stables about twenty yards away from the fountain. He had almost gone past them because they were built into the side of a stone hill and buried under snow. He found the door only because it was protected from the snow by a long, walled entrance and a dark roof that was sticking out from the snow. As it was, he had to shovel some snow from the entrance before he could get the door open.
The stables were deserted, not a human or animal inside. Kurogane set Fai down near the doors and went to find a room that would be warm. It would need to be ventilated too, so that they could have a fire, which would be a problem.
He found a room that had a high window and used a pitchfork to break through the snow that was piled up outside the window. He gathered some straw in a corner and draped some blankets over it to make a bed for Fai.
When he returned, it did not look like the magician had woken up or moved at all. He touched Fai’s cheek; the skin was cold. For a moment he panicked and pressed two fingertips to Fai’s throat, seeking the pulse there.
“Not rid of me yet, Kurogane.” Fai murmured without opening his eyes.
“You’re like ice.” Kurogane stood and hooked his hands under Fai’s shoulders so he could pull him up. “You need to be warmer. There’s a room back there, I can start a fire.”
Fai’s hand closed around Kurogane’s wrist with a grip that was surprisingly strong. His voice was still weak, not much more than a whisper, “No, Kuro-tu.”
“More stupid nicknames.” Kurogane knelt down next to Fai. “Great, you must be feeling better.”
Fai opened his eyes, though they were still somewhat bleary. “I need to be cold.”
“Fai-”
“My blood is different than yours.”
Kurogane paused, his eyes narrowed. “Different?”
Fai smiled a little, his eyes drifting closed again. “You must have noticed. My body temperature is lower than yours.”
Kurogane thought of cool skin that warmed under his hands, the way Fai was always basking in the sunshine every chance he got, the way Fai was always snuggling up to him at night. “I noticed.”
“For you, heat is good for healing. For me, cold is good for healing.”
“So, does this fucking freezing cold feel normal to you?”
“Somewhat. It is more that I have a broader spectrum between what is too cold for me, and what is too hot.” He drew in a long, slow breath, released it just as slowly. “I prefer warm.”
Kurogane sighed, and sat next to Fai against the wall. He tugged the wizard over against his side gently, and then wrapped himself in his cloak. If Fai was staying by the door where it was cold, Kurogane would stay there with him.
“Does it surprise you?” Fai murmured, voice low and sleepy. “We are from different worlds.”
“I know that. I just didn’t think ...”
“We were that different?” Fai managed a small smile. “We are not, really. Not in the ways that matter.” He sighed again, tiredly. “I suppose it might be a problem if we were going to have children-”
“Don’t tell me the men from your world can bear children?”
Fai laughed softly. “No.”
Kurogane was relieved. He did not think he could handle the mage insane and hormonal.
“Are there other differences?” Kurogane questioned. He knew that Fai needed rest, but Fai really did feel like ice and Kurogane wanted to keep him talking for a little while longer, for his own reassurance.
“I require less oxygen than you. The air here is very thin.” His voice trailed off weakly, “Your air feels very rich to me.”
“Anything else?”
“I think those are the only major ones. You already know I have the same number of toes as you.”
Fai wished he had the strength to knock his foot gently against Kurogane’s when he said that, but he remained still.
Kurogane took a moment to consider this new information. “Hm.”
“Kuro-pippi?” Fai mumbled, his voice faint.
“Yes?”
“I am going to pass out now.”
“Okay.”
* * *
Souhi was not made for chopping down trees. But she was made for keeping him alive, and Kurogane needed fire for that. Still, Kurogane felt guilty with every chop and offered her a silent apology after every sapling and every branch fell.
He had made a small fire about four yards away from where Fai was now lying on some blankets near the doorway.
Fai was too still, and Kurogane did not like it. As he crouched near the fire to warm up, he watched the wizard to make sure he was still breathing. When he was warmer, he went over to Fai and sat against the wall near him.
Fai murmured, “Kurogane ...” His hand moved slowly, reaching for the ninja’s.
Kurogane’s hand closed around his. “I’m here.”
“... where is Chii?”
Kurogane took a long breath, he did not want to have to tell him about Chii. “She wished for you to live and the Dimension Bitch took her soul in exchange.”
“Oh.”
Kurogane frowned at the lack of reaction. “Is that all you have to say? She’s dead.”
Something of a smile touched Fai’s lips. “Chii is not dead.”
“She’s not?”
“No. Yuuko-san will probably put her soul in a box somewhere in her store, until someone wishes for a true friend, or something like that. Chii will be fine until then.” Fai smiled a small, sleepy smile. “I do hope Yuuko-san used the right size box though, or she could get a cramp.”
“Then what happened to her body?” Kurogane questioned.
“Hm?”
“Her body disappeared.”
“Oh.” He sighed, his eyes still closed. “The body and the soul are connected. When they are separated, that is death. Yuuko-san does not want that on her karma; she will take care of the body too, until it is needed.”
Kurogane nodded in understanding. “She told me to tell you, she wants you to be happy.”
Fai smiled a little, sadly, but remained silent.
* * *
Kurogane woke up in the dark, leaning against the wall near the smoldering fire. He shifted and realized Fai was leaning heavily against his shoulder.
“What are you doing?” Kurogane murmured.
Fai grunted a little, and Kurogane felt something being draped over him. He opened his eyes and saw that it was Fai’s fluffy white coat.
“You need this more than I do.” Fai mumbled sleepily, and yawned.
Kurogane tugged the coat closer around him, trying not to disturb Fai as he did so because the wizard was already asleep again.
“Thanks,” Kurogane whispered anyway, and rested his head against Fai’s.
* * *
Kurogane looked like a demented caveman.
There was a closet with a bountiful supply of blankets in the back of the stables. He had cut holes in the middle of two of them and draped them over his shoulders. He had stitched a few blankets together to wrap around his chest and stomach. Two blankets fastened lengthwise at his waist formed a kind of heavy skirt.
He might look like a demented caveman, but he was much warmer.
And Kurogane did not mind; the only one to see him was a demented magician.
* * *
So far, Kurogane had seen carnivorous long-furred deer complete with fangs, a few long-haired, long-necked horses, thick-furred winged bunnies the size of birds, large furry cats that seemed to be herbivores despite their claws, and what he thought were white bears about the size of mice. He could never get close enough to the bear-mice to see them very well.
“Hey.” He dropped a few white foxes onto the ground beside the fire. “Those big scaly dogs with no ears? Can we eat those?”
Fai struggled up onto one elbow. “It did not bite you, did it?”
“No.”
“Good.” He fell back onto his makeshift bed. “No, we cannot eat them. Both their fangs and their blood are poisonous. Best to just stay away from them, if possible.”
* * *
Kurogane had found a short knife-like instrument in the same closet as the blankets. He was thankful he would not have to use Souhi to skin and prepare their food.
* * *
It had been over two weeks, and Fai was learning how to walk again.
“I feel like a-oofff.”
His knees gave and Kurogane caught him easily.
“Thanks. A very old man.”
“I would have said a two year old.” Kurogane commented, without malice. “You act like one, most of the time.”
“Ha ha. Two year olds do not have canes.” he said, and whacked Kurogane’s ass with said cane lightly. “Thank you for this, by the way. It comes in handy.”
“You’re getting better.”
“I know how to walk,” Fai complained, wobbling as he took another step. “But my legs and the rest of me have forgotten.”
“I know.” Kurogane murmured. He knew that Fai was not irritated at him.
Fai grumbled, petulantly, “I hate this world.”
“I know.”
“You hate this world too.”
Kurogane agreed, “I do.”
Fai sighed. “Sorry about this. Being stuck here.”
“Shut up.”
“So mean.”
“You’re stupid.” Kurogane informed him. “I know it’s not your fault, so don’t apologize. I know you need to heal, and I’ll be fine until you do.” His voice was serious, “So shut up.”
“Okay.”
Fai smiled at him, and Kurogane smiled in return.
Then Fai stopped, fell down into the snow, and sighed. “This feels good.”
Kurogane crouched down beside the mage. “So, what happened?”
“We won.”
“How did we win?” he asked pointedly, rolling his eyes.
“Oh, that.” Fai snuggled down further into the snow, eyes closed. “I gave him my marking.”
“Your-”
Fai hooked a finger into his clothes and pulled it away from this neck. Below his collarbone, there was no curl of inky black tattoo.
“The tattoo was about control. The better control you have, the better it works for you. The better control you have, it makes you stronger. It applies to magic, but also to emotions. Ashura had no control over his hatred.” Fai opened his eyes and looked up at Kurogane. “You said it; he was filled with it. It controlled him. The less control you have, the more the tattoo restricts your magic. It makes you weaker. It made Ashura weak enough to be killed.”
Kurogane started to smile. “You’re a bit brilliant, you know that?”
Fai laughed a little. “It was gamble. I did not know that it would work.”
“But it worked.”
“He still had some magic, though. What he had left, he used to curse me-to kill me. I had used much of my magic to send the marking through his barrier, so I was weakened too. His curse would have succeeded, if not for Chii. That is why I am so weak now.”
“No.” Kurogane stated with absolute conviction, “You’re not weak. You should know that.”
“I can barely walk.” Fai muttered.
“You came back to a world you hate to fight a battle you did not expect to win. You were willing to give your own life to protect others. That is strength.”
Fai looked up into Kurogane’s eyes for a long moment.
They were both serious; neither one smiled.
Fai believed him.
“I’m still pissed about that, by the way.” Kurogane continued.
Fai shrugged and closed his eyes again. “It seemed like a good idea at the time.”
Kurogane grumbled, “You don’t get to make any more plans.”
“Alright.” He laughed softly. “You have one, then?”
“We stay here until you heal.” Kurogane said, simply. “Then we go home.”
“I like that plan.”
* * *
It was snowing. The snow was falling lightly, soft flakes drifting slowly from the night sky as if they had all the time in the world.
Fai was sitting in the open doorway, watching the snow sparkle in the moonlight. Kurogane was staring into the fire he had built at the end of the short hallway from the doors to the interior of the stables.
Despite being in a world they both hated, it was a nice, quiet moment.
Fai looked up. “I can hear them.”
“Who?” Kurogane asked, instinctively reaching for his sword.
“The stars.”
Kurogane relaxed, his hand sliding off Souhi’s handle. “You’ve heard them before.”
“No.” Fai murmured. “I have never heard the stars on my world sing before.”
“Why is that?”
“I do not know.” Fai mused, “Perhaps they have never wanted me to hear them before.”
Fai closed his eyes and smiled. Perhaps the stars had forgiven him.
“Tonight their song is of joy.”
* * *
By the end of week four, they were both thoroughly sick of everblue needle stew.
* * *
Kurogane was skinning one of the large snow squirrels by the fire when Fai sat up suddenly with a strange look on his face.
“What’s the matter?” Kurogane asked.
Fai looked at his hands, touched his throat and his forehead, and after a minute, he started to smile.
“What?” Kurogane demanded.
“My magic is ... different.” His eyes fluttered closed. “Less.”
“Less?”
“Not as powerful as it was, before. I still have some magic. But I will not need a marking to control it anymore.” He opened his eyes. “I cannot send us home. But I believe I will have enough magic to connect to Tomoyo-chan, when I get stronger.”
Kurogane nodded. “You’re happy, aren’t you.”
“Yes.” Fai laid back down, eyes closed. “For many reasons. One reason is that my magic slowed my aging. When we return to your world, I believe now I should age the same as you do.”
“That reminds me. How old are you?”
Fai frowned thoughtfully for a long moment. He finally said, “I am ... older than you.”
Kurogane pressed, “How much older?”
“Time in Celes passes very differently than time in your world. The measure of my age in Celesian time is not the same as the way age is measured in your time.”
Kurogane narrowed suspicious eyes. “You don’t know?”
“Older.”
“Hm.” Kurogane had a strong suspicion Fai had a better idea than that, but there would be time to argue it later. “Do you think this is because of that prophecy? That your magic is-less?”
“Hm.” Fai opened his eyes and stared at the dark ceiling. “Prophecies are complicated things. It is possible that the prophecy was about Ashura and I; it is equally possible it was not. ‘Power’ could mean many things: magic, or kingship, or something else. So it is possible that the prophecy came true. But it is also possible that it did not.”
Kurogane sighed, somehow not surprised by the vague answer. “So you don’t know.”
“No, I do not know.”
“Well.” Kurogane poked a stick into the fire, stirring the embers. “It’s over. That’s all we need to know.”
“It is over.” Fai repeated, trying to get used to the idea.
* * *
Fai poked at his portion of roasted rabbit. He was never very hungry. But Kurogane insisted that he eat, so Fai ate.
The pills had still not run out, and Kurogane was irritatingly diligent about making Fai take them. They made Fai light-headed and floaty and made him feel strangely full. He did not exactly dislike them, their effect was not entirely unpleasant. But he did not exactly like them much, either.
Fai ate as much as he could, then set his plate down. He looked over at Kurogane. “Did I tell you I love you?”
Kurogane looked up at Fai and smiled. “Yeah.”
“Good.”
“I love you too.”
“I know.”
Fai made a small noise. Kurogane rolled his eyes, recognizing it as contained laughter.
“Go ahead.” Kurogane muttered, glancing over at the mage.
Fai had a strange look on his face. “Excuse me, just-a minute.”
Kurogane watched as Fai ran out into the snow, promptly fell down, and started rolling around in it. Kurogane was confused until he realized-Fai was laughing.
There were some things he might never understand about the magician, and he was okay with that.
But Kurogane understood this. This was joy.
* * *
Kurogane had bad dreams, ever since Ashura had taken control of his mind. He dreamed of himself doing things he would never do, things he would never want to do. He dreamed of Fai, with Kurogane’s sword in his belly, his white clothes stained red with blood. He dreamed of laughing as Fai fell.
He had thought Fai slept too heavily to notice his nightmares, but it seemed that he was wrong.
“I could ...” Fai hesitated. “I could get rid of those bad dreams for you.”
“You can do that?”
“Yes.” Fai added quickly, “Only if you are sure. I would never choose to this, except to help you. I would not read any of your thoughts. I would only search for Ashura’s influence and vanish it. That will take care of the bad dreams.”
Kurogane did not have to think about it for more than a few seconds. “I trust you.”
“Watch this symbol I draw.” Fai raised a hand in the air, two fingers pointing upward. He traced the two fingers in the shape of an S that curled into itself, the innermost curl connecting to the other innermost curl by a curved line. “You will have to draw it too.”
Kurogane stared at glowing symbol, practicing the tracery. “Why will I?”
“It is permission. It is ... you opening the door for me. It will not hurt.”
“Will this work if I don’t have magic?”
Fai smiled a little. “You have more than you know.”
Kurogane asked, doubtfully, “Are you sure you’re strong enough for this?”
The answer came without hesitation, “Yes.”
Kurogane practiced the symbol a few more times. He supposed that he must have gotten it right when his own symbol began to glow in the air. Fai pressed his palm to Kurogane’s forehead, then took the ninja’s hand and pressed it to his own forehead.
The two symbols merged together and glowed even brighter.
Fai touched his middle fingers to Kurogane’s temples, his palms cool against the ninja’s cheeks. Kurogane closed his eyes.
This was the strangest feeling. Pressing, gentle. But it was still an invasion, to have someone else inside his mind. It was not entirely comfortable, but it was comforting at the same time. Fai’s presence was much softer than Ashura’s had been. Fai’s presence was like company, like sharing mind-space instead of having his mind forced completely out of his will.
He could feel as Fai went through his mind, clearing out the darkness that Ashura had left behind. It was a cleansing sensation. He felt a little lighter, and he felt much more like himself.
Kurogane woke up, with himself and Fai slumped into each other across the blankets. He made sure that Fai was still breathing properly, then touched a cold cheek.
“Sorry,” Fai murmured sleepily. “I should have warned you, it can be a little overwhelming.”
Kurogane shook his head, and sighed. “You should have told me you weren’t really strong enough.”
Fai grumbled. “I will be much better knowing that Ashura’s poison is gone from your mind.”
“Thank you.”
Kurogane kissed Fai’s forehead and settled himself back onto the blankets. He fell quickly into a deep, dreamless sleep.
* * *
The sixth week in, Fai was able to walk for ten minutes at a time before he had to take a rest. He found some ice mushrooms and a few herbs in the forest that would improve the everblue needle stew.
* * *
“By the way.” Kurogane said, one sunny (albeit snowy) afternoon. “You were going to leave our world without telling me, weren’t you.”
Fai was quiet for a long moment that would have told Kurogane the truth, even if he had not already known.
“I was going to leave you a note.” Fai offered, lamely.
Kurogane swung his fist hard and connected with Fai’s jaw. “Bastard.”
Fai looked up from where he had fallen in the snow, a splash of red at the corner of his mouth.
“You deserved that.” Kurogane stated, offering his hand to pull Fai up.
Fai took his hand and stood. “That is why I did not duck.”
“Don’t ever do that again.” Kurogane demanded. One hand held tightly onto Fai’s sleeve, the other raised to the mage’s mouth to tenderly wipe away the smear of blood.
Fai wrapped his arms around the ninja and stated solemnly, “I promise I will never again leave our world to fight an evil warlord without telling you first.”
* * *
“I need to see it.”
“There’s nothing left.”
“I need to see it, one last time. I have to know it is over.”
* * *
The snow had already covered the ruins of the castle in a pristine blanket of white. It looked like nothing more than a small mountain, just a part of the landscape. It looked as if it had stood that way since time had begun, and would stand that way until time was no more.
“So ends the Kingdom in the Sky.”
“The Kingdom in the Sky?” Kurogane echoed, glancing over at him.
“That was what he called it.” Fai explained, his voice blank. “His Kingdom in the Sky.”
It was over, Fai realized. It was really, truly, finally over. What amazed him even more than that was that at the end, he was still standing. He still wanted to be standing. He could really live now, without fear; he could live a life with Kurogane and he could be happy.
This was behind him now.
“Come on.” Kurogane curled a fist into Fai’s coat and tugged. “Let’s go home.”
Fai turned away from the snowy mountain and looked at Kurogane. And Fai had something of an epiphany.
To be loved by you twice in one lifetime is not such a terrible fate.
Fai laughed and smiled a beautiful smile. He took Kurogane’s arm as they started walking together.
“Yes. We should go home.”
~ the end ~
* * * * *
so, y’know when you get to the end of a fanfic and there are those silly “thank you’s!” that make you roll your eyes? well, commence eye rolling.
first, if it was possible to say thank you to a song, I would say thank you to this one: Guster - What You Wish For. when I stole the fic title from the song, I didn’t realize the lyrics would fit with such divine perfection.
and a thank you to the long lines at Super-Walmart. I wandered into the book section to find something to read while I waited, picked up Tsubasa and was totally hooked by like, the sixth page. without the long lines at Super-Walmart, I would not be here today.
and much much much thanks to mela, because I downloaded the scanlations from her site. this probably would not have been written if I hadn’t found a way to catch up with the manga, and I was about to give up on finding a site with all the volumes I needed. so, thank you mela!
and to everyone who commented, a heartfelt thank you! I have read every one at least three times and squeed over every one like the silly fangirl I am.
next Monday: the unofficial chapter 13!
ETA: and here's the links if anyone wants to download the whole thing: (pdf via sendspace) and (html via sendspace)
Author: alliterationhor
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Spoilers: nope.
Rating: pg-13
Status: 12/12 chapters.
Author's note: ... sad. and happy. but sad.
Final word count (of these 12 chapters, anyway): 45,636
Fanfic archive here.
Comments/concrit appreciated.
Previous chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12
Master post with the Prologue, Prequel, Epilogue, and unofficial chapters here.
What You Wish For
So what you wish for could come true
You act surprised love, are you?
-Guster, What You Wish For
Chapter Twelve
Kurogane closed his eyes and jumped.
They were still too high when he leaped from one of the castle’s arched windows. The snow would provide some soft landing, but it would not be soft enough. They would be lucky to make it to the ground alive.
But after a moment, Kurogane opened his eyes.
They were not falling, they were floating.
Chii was hovering over the snowy ground a safe distance from the castle crumbling in the sky. One of her hands was upturned, palm toward the sky. The index finger of her other hand was drawing through the air, slow and steady, toward her palm.
When the tip of her index finger met the center of her palm, Kurogane’s feet touched the ground lightly.
“Here.” Chii said, kneeling down.
Kurogane knelt down also, cradling Fai’s limp body. “What’s wrong with him?”
There was no blood, no broken bones, no visible wounds. Kurogane did not know what to do. He could deal with blood, he could make a splint for a broken bone. But Fai was just too still.
Chii pressed one palm against Fai’s forehead and the other against Fai’s chest, over his heart. She frowned and made a small sound, as if what she found hurt.
“What’s wrong with him?” Kurogane asked again.
“Fai is broken.” she said quietly, taking one of Fai’s unresponsive hands in hers. “Fai is going to die.”
“He is not going to die!”
Chii touched a fingertip to Fai’s forehead, traced it around his face, drew it down his nose, chin, and throat, then pressed her palm over his heart again.
“Fai is going to die if Chii does not help him.” she whispered.
“Then help him, dammit!”
Chii nodded, resolutely. “Bring him? This way.”
Kurogane gathered Fai into his arms and followed. He realized now that Fai was also too light, like he might float away on a strong breeze.
“Where are we going?”
“This way.” she answered.
Kurogane followed Chii through what looked to have once been gardens. But it was now only trees and shrubs without any leaves, the bare branches reaching eerily to the sky.
She led him to the remains of something that appeared to have been a wide fountain, surrounded by a low marble wall. At the center there was a large marble bird. The fountain did not look to have been in use for some time; there was a frozen arc of water from the bird’s beak, and there was snow on top of the bird’s head and the frozen surface of the water.
“Could-” Chii looked at him, blinked.
“Kurogane.”
“Could Kuro-chan please break the ice for Chii?”
Kurogane grumbled, “Did he get that annoying habit from you or did you get it from him?”
Chii frowned. “I do not understand.”
“Never mind.”
Kurogane set Fai down gently, leaning the mage’s body against the rock wall. He did not like the way Fai’s head rolled against the stone. Then he plunged Souhi’s sheathed tip into the pool, cracking the ice.
“There you go.”
Chii began clearing chunks of ice from the hole. “Thank you.”
Kurogane watched, frowning, as Chii started to trace a fingertip on top of the water. “What are you doing?” he asked, impatiently. “This is not helping him.”
“Shh. Chii is busy.”
“Busy doing what?”
“Chii is busy.” she repeated, enunciating pointedly.
“If you’re not going to help him, then tell me how I can-”
Chii drew a wide circle and the water suddenly glowed bright.
Kurogane shielded his eyes until the light faded a little. “What the-?”
The face of the Dimension Witch stared up at them from within from the circle Chii had drawn.
“Hello, Kurogane-san. It has been a long time.” Yuuko said, blithely. “You know, I’m still waiting for my White Day present from you.”
Kurogane grumbled something that sounded like, “don’t owe you a thing.”
“You are the Time-Space Witch?” Chii interrupted. “You grant wishes.”
“Yes, I do. For a price.”
“Chii has a wish. I wish for Fai to live.”
The Witch paused before answering. “I cannot give him eternal life.”
“No.” she said quickly. “Chii wishes for Fai to heal from these wounds. I wish that Fai will not die now.”
The Witch nodded once. “The price will still be quite high. It is unfortunate that you have only one thing precious enough to equal the exchange.” Her voice was very grave, “It is a high price for you as well as a great responsibility for me; one I would not take if there was any other option. You must trust that I will not take it lightly.”
Chii nodded without hesitation. “Fai trusts you. Chii trusts you.”
“In exchange for Fai-san to live, I will take your soul.”
“I agree.”
“Wait!” Kurogane interrupted. “You can’t-!”
But it was too late. Chii was already fading, tiny sparkles of light emanating from within her. She looked over at Kurogane and smiled.
“Tell Fai that Chii wishes him to be happy.”
“I will.” he said, because what else could he say? “Thank you.”
But Chii was already gone.
The water glowed brightly again, so bright that Kurogane had to turn his face away. When he looked back, there was a small, unfinished wooden box floating in the air above the glowing circle. He took it and the light winked out.
The little box had a deep blue velvet-lined interior and a small black leather pouch inside. Kurogane opened the pouch and pulled out a small note card. It read,
Condensed Water of Life.
Take 2 immediately; and
1 every 6 hours until supply is gone.
Do not operate heavy machinery
while taking this potion.
Kurogane reached into the bag again and pulled out one of the pills. It was small and had the consistency of jelly, and seemed to have no true shape and no shell. It looked like it was made out of a combination of water and light.
“Witch, if this doesn’t work, I will kill you.” Kurogane promised.
He opened Fai’s mouth and put the pill on his tongue, and it seemed to dissolve into nothing. But Kurogane noticed that Fai’s breathing seemed easier and his body relaxed as if some of the pain was relenting. Kurogane sighed with relief and dropped the second pill into the mage’s mouth.
* * *
Kurogane had found stables about twenty yards away from the fountain. He had almost gone past them because they were built into the side of a stone hill and buried under snow. He found the door only because it was protected from the snow by a long, walled entrance and a dark roof that was sticking out from the snow. As it was, he had to shovel some snow from the entrance before he could get the door open.
The stables were deserted, not a human or animal inside. Kurogane set Fai down near the doors and went to find a room that would be warm. It would need to be ventilated too, so that they could have a fire, which would be a problem.
He found a room that had a high window and used a pitchfork to break through the snow that was piled up outside the window. He gathered some straw in a corner and draped some blankets over it to make a bed for Fai.
When he returned, it did not look like the magician had woken up or moved at all. He touched Fai’s cheek; the skin was cold. For a moment he panicked and pressed two fingertips to Fai’s throat, seeking the pulse there.
“Not rid of me yet, Kurogane.” Fai murmured without opening his eyes.
“You’re like ice.” Kurogane stood and hooked his hands under Fai’s shoulders so he could pull him up. “You need to be warmer. There’s a room back there, I can start a fire.”
Fai’s hand closed around Kurogane’s wrist with a grip that was surprisingly strong. His voice was still weak, not much more than a whisper, “No, Kuro-tu.”
“More stupid nicknames.” Kurogane knelt down next to Fai. “Great, you must be feeling better.”
Fai opened his eyes, though they were still somewhat bleary. “I need to be cold.”
“Fai-”
“My blood is different than yours.”
Kurogane paused, his eyes narrowed. “Different?”
Fai smiled a little, his eyes drifting closed again. “You must have noticed. My body temperature is lower than yours.”
Kurogane thought of cool skin that warmed under his hands, the way Fai was always basking in the sunshine every chance he got, the way Fai was always snuggling up to him at night. “I noticed.”
“For you, heat is good for healing. For me, cold is good for healing.”
“So, does this fucking freezing cold feel normal to you?”
“Somewhat. It is more that I have a broader spectrum between what is too cold for me, and what is too hot.” He drew in a long, slow breath, released it just as slowly. “I prefer warm.”
Kurogane sighed, and sat next to Fai against the wall. He tugged the wizard over against his side gently, and then wrapped himself in his cloak. If Fai was staying by the door where it was cold, Kurogane would stay there with him.
“Does it surprise you?” Fai murmured, voice low and sleepy. “We are from different worlds.”
“I know that. I just didn’t think ...”
“We were that different?” Fai managed a small smile. “We are not, really. Not in the ways that matter.” He sighed again, tiredly. “I suppose it might be a problem if we were going to have children-”
“Don’t tell me the men from your world can bear children?”
Fai laughed softly. “No.”
Kurogane was relieved. He did not think he could handle the mage insane and hormonal.
“Are there other differences?” Kurogane questioned. He knew that Fai needed rest, but Fai really did feel like ice and Kurogane wanted to keep him talking for a little while longer, for his own reassurance.
“I require less oxygen than you. The air here is very thin.” His voice trailed off weakly, “Your air feels very rich to me.”
“Anything else?”
“I think those are the only major ones. You already know I have the same number of toes as you.”
Fai wished he had the strength to knock his foot gently against Kurogane’s when he said that, but he remained still.
Kurogane took a moment to consider this new information. “Hm.”
“Kuro-pippi?” Fai mumbled, his voice faint.
“Yes?”
“I am going to pass out now.”
“Okay.”
* * *
Souhi was not made for chopping down trees. But she was made for keeping him alive, and Kurogane needed fire for that. Still, Kurogane felt guilty with every chop and offered her a silent apology after every sapling and every branch fell.
He had made a small fire about four yards away from where Fai was now lying on some blankets near the doorway.
Fai was too still, and Kurogane did not like it. As he crouched near the fire to warm up, he watched the wizard to make sure he was still breathing. When he was warmer, he went over to Fai and sat against the wall near him.
Fai murmured, “Kurogane ...” His hand moved slowly, reaching for the ninja’s.
Kurogane’s hand closed around his. “I’m here.”
“... where is Chii?”
Kurogane took a long breath, he did not want to have to tell him about Chii. “She wished for you to live and the Dimension Bitch took her soul in exchange.”
“Oh.”
Kurogane frowned at the lack of reaction. “Is that all you have to say? She’s dead.”
Something of a smile touched Fai’s lips. “Chii is not dead.”
“She’s not?”
“No. Yuuko-san will probably put her soul in a box somewhere in her store, until someone wishes for a true friend, or something like that. Chii will be fine until then.” Fai smiled a small, sleepy smile. “I do hope Yuuko-san used the right size box though, or she could get a cramp.”
“Then what happened to her body?” Kurogane questioned.
“Hm?”
“Her body disappeared.”
“Oh.” He sighed, his eyes still closed. “The body and the soul are connected. When they are separated, that is death. Yuuko-san does not want that on her karma; she will take care of the body too, until it is needed.”
Kurogane nodded in understanding. “She told me to tell you, she wants you to be happy.”
Fai smiled a little, sadly, but remained silent.
* * *
Kurogane woke up in the dark, leaning against the wall near the smoldering fire. He shifted and realized Fai was leaning heavily against his shoulder.
“What are you doing?” Kurogane murmured.
Fai grunted a little, and Kurogane felt something being draped over him. He opened his eyes and saw that it was Fai’s fluffy white coat.
“You need this more than I do.” Fai mumbled sleepily, and yawned.
Kurogane tugged the coat closer around him, trying not to disturb Fai as he did so because the wizard was already asleep again.
“Thanks,” Kurogane whispered anyway, and rested his head against Fai’s.
* * *
Kurogane looked like a demented caveman.
There was a closet with a bountiful supply of blankets in the back of the stables. He had cut holes in the middle of two of them and draped them over his shoulders. He had stitched a few blankets together to wrap around his chest and stomach. Two blankets fastened lengthwise at his waist formed a kind of heavy skirt.
He might look like a demented caveman, but he was much warmer.
And Kurogane did not mind; the only one to see him was a demented magician.
* * *
So far, Kurogane had seen carnivorous long-furred deer complete with fangs, a few long-haired, long-necked horses, thick-furred winged bunnies the size of birds, large furry cats that seemed to be herbivores despite their claws, and what he thought were white bears about the size of mice. He could never get close enough to the bear-mice to see them very well.
“Hey.” He dropped a few white foxes onto the ground beside the fire. “Those big scaly dogs with no ears? Can we eat those?”
Fai struggled up onto one elbow. “It did not bite you, did it?”
“No.”
“Good.” He fell back onto his makeshift bed. “No, we cannot eat them. Both their fangs and their blood are poisonous. Best to just stay away from them, if possible.”
* * *
Kurogane had found a short knife-like instrument in the same closet as the blankets. He was thankful he would not have to use Souhi to skin and prepare their food.
* * *
It had been over two weeks, and Fai was learning how to walk again.
“I feel like a-oofff.”
His knees gave and Kurogane caught him easily.
“Thanks. A very old man.”
“I would have said a two year old.” Kurogane commented, without malice. “You act like one, most of the time.”
“Ha ha. Two year olds do not have canes.” he said, and whacked Kurogane’s ass with said cane lightly. “Thank you for this, by the way. It comes in handy.”
“You’re getting better.”
“I know how to walk,” Fai complained, wobbling as he took another step. “But my legs and the rest of me have forgotten.”
“I know.” Kurogane murmured. He knew that Fai was not irritated at him.
Fai grumbled, petulantly, “I hate this world.”
“I know.”
“You hate this world too.”
Kurogane agreed, “I do.”
Fai sighed. “Sorry about this. Being stuck here.”
“Shut up.”
“So mean.”
“You’re stupid.” Kurogane informed him. “I know it’s not your fault, so don’t apologize. I know you need to heal, and I’ll be fine until you do.” His voice was serious, “So shut up.”
“Okay.”
Fai smiled at him, and Kurogane smiled in return.
Then Fai stopped, fell down into the snow, and sighed. “This feels good.”
Kurogane crouched down beside the mage. “So, what happened?”
“We won.”
“How did we win?” he asked pointedly, rolling his eyes.
“Oh, that.” Fai snuggled down further into the snow, eyes closed. “I gave him my marking.”
“Your-”
Fai hooked a finger into his clothes and pulled it away from this neck. Below his collarbone, there was no curl of inky black tattoo.
“The tattoo was about control. The better control you have, the better it works for you. The better control you have, it makes you stronger. It applies to magic, but also to emotions. Ashura had no control over his hatred.” Fai opened his eyes and looked up at Kurogane. “You said it; he was filled with it. It controlled him. The less control you have, the more the tattoo restricts your magic. It makes you weaker. It made Ashura weak enough to be killed.”
Kurogane started to smile. “You’re a bit brilliant, you know that?”
Fai laughed a little. “It was gamble. I did not know that it would work.”
“But it worked.”
“He still had some magic, though. What he had left, he used to curse me-to kill me. I had used much of my magic to send the marking through his barrier, so I was weakened too. His curse would have succeeded, if not for Chii. That is why I am so weak now.”
“No.” Kurogane stated with absolute conviction, “You’re not weak. You should know that.”
“I can barely walk.” Fai muttered.
“You came back to a world you hate to fight a battle you did not expect to win. You were willing to give your own life to protect others. That is strength.”
Fai looked up into Kurogane’s eyes for a long moment.
They were both serious; neither one smiled.
Fai believed him.
“I’m still pissed about that, by the way.” Kurogane continued.
Fai shrugged and closed his eyes again. “It seemed like a good idea at the time.”
Kurogane grumbled, “You don’t get to make any more plans.”
“Alright.” He laughed softly. “You have one, then?”
“We stay here until you heal.” Kurogane said, simply. “Then we go home.”
“I like that plan.”
* * *
It was snowing. The snow was falling lightly, soft flakes drifting slowly from the night sky as if they had all the time in the world.
Fai was sitting in the open doorway, watching the snow sparkle in the moonlight. Kurogane was staring into the fire he had built at the end of the short hallway from the doors to the interior of the stables.
Despite being in a world they both hated, it was a nice, quiet moment.
Fai looked up. “I can hear them.”
“Who?” Kurogane asked, instinctively reaching for his sword.
“The stars.”
Kurogane relaxed, his hand sliding off Souhi’s handle. “You’ve heard them before.”
“No.” Fai murmured. “I have never heard the stars on my world sing before.”
“Why is that?”
“I do not know.” Fai mused, “Perhaps they have never wanted me to hear them before.”
Fai closed his eyes and smiled. Perhaps the stars had forgiven him.
“Tonight their song is of joy.”
* * *
By the end of week four, they were both thoroughly sick of everblue needle stew.
* * *
Kurogane was skinning one of the large snow squirrels by the fire when Fai sat up suddenly with a strange look on his face.
“What’s the matter?” Kurogane asked.
Fai looked at his hands, touched his throat and his forehead, and after a minute, he started to smile.
“What?” Kurogane demanded.
“My magic is ... different.” His eyes fluttered closed. “Less.”
“Less?”
“Not as powerful as it was, before. I still have some magic. But I will not need a marking to control it anymore.” He opened his eyes. “I cannot send us home. But I believe I will have enough magic to connect to Tomoyo-chan, when I get stronger.”
Kurogane nodded. “You’re happy, aren’t you.”
“Yes.” Fai laid back down, eyes closed. “For many reasons. One reason is that my magic slowed my aging. When we return to your world, I believe now I should age the same as you do.”
“That reminds me. How old are you?”
Fai frowned thoughtfully for a long moment. He finally said, “I am ... older than you.”
Kurogane pressed, “How much older?”
“Time in Celes passes very differently than time in your world. The measure of my age in Celesian time is not the same as the way age is measured in your time.”
Kurogane narrowed suspicious eyes. “You don’t know?”
“Older.”
“Hm.” Kurogane had a strong suspicion Fai had a better idea than that, but there would be time to argue it later. “Do you think this is because of that prophecy? That your magic is-less?”
“Hm.” Fai opened his eyes and stared at the dark ceiling. “Prophecies are complicated things. It is possible that the prophecy was about Ashura and I; it is equally possible it was not. ‘Power’ could mean many things: magic, or kingship, or something else. So it is possible that the prophecy came true. But it is also possible that it did not.”
Kurogane sighed, somehow not surprised by the vague answer. “So you don’t know.”
“No, I do not know.”
“Well.” Kurogane poked a stick into the fire, stirring the embers. “It’s over. That’s all we need to know.”
“It is over.” Fai repeated, trying to get used to the idea.
* * *
Fai poked at his portion of roasted rabbit. He was never very hungry. But Kurogane insisted that he eat, so Fai ate.
The pills had still not run out, and Kurogane was irritatingly diligent about making Fai take them. They made Fai light-headed and floaty and made him feel strangely full. He did not exactly dislike them, their effect was not entirely unpleasant. But he did not exactly like them much, either.
Fai ate as much as he could, then set his plate down. He looked over at Kurogane. “Did I tell you I love you?”
Kurogane looked up at Fai and smiled. “Yeah.”
“Good.”
“I love you too.”
“I know.”
Fai made a small noise. Kurogane rolled his eyes, recognizing it as contained laughter.
“Go ahead.” Kurogane muttered, glancing over at the mage.
Fai had a strange look on his face. “Excuse me, just-a minute.”
Kurogane watched as Fai ran out into the snow, promptly fell down, and started rolling around in it. Kurogane was confused until he realized-Fai was laughing.
There were some things he might never understand about the magician, and he was okay with that.
But Kurogane understood this. This was joy.
* * *
Kurogane had bad dreams, ever since Ashura had taken control of his mind. He dreamed of himself doing things he would never do, things he would never want to do. He dreamed of Fai, with Kurogane’s sword in his belly, his white clothes stained red with blood. He dreamed of laughing as Fai fell.
He had thought Fai slept too heavily to notice his nightmares, but it seemed that he was wrong.
“I could ...” Fai hesitated. “I could get rid of those bad dreams for you.”
“You can do that?”
“Yes.” Fai added quickly, “Only if you are sure. I would never choose to this, except to help you. I would not read any of your thoughts. I would only search for Ashura’s influence and vanish it. That will take care of the bad dreams.”
Kurogane did not have to think about it for more than a few seconds. “I trust you.”
“Watch this symbol I draw.” Fai raised a hand in the air, two fingers pointing upward. He traced the two fingers in the shape of an S that curled into itself, the innermost curl connecting to the other innermost curl by a curved line. “You will have to draw it too.”
Kurogane stared at glowing symbol, practicing the tracery. “Why will I?”
“It is permission. It is ... you opening the door for me. It will not hurt.”
“Will this work if I don’t have magic?”
Fai smiled a little. “You have more than you know.”
Kurogane asked, doubtfully, “Are you sure you’re strong enough for this?”
The answer came without hesitation, “Yes.”
Kurogane practiced the symbol a few more times. He supposed that he must have gotten it right when his own symbol began to glow in the air. Fai pressed his palm to Kurogane’s forehead, then took the ninja’s hand and pressed it to his own forehead.
The two symbols merged together and glowed even brighter.
Fai touched his middle fingers to Kurogane’s temples, his palms cool against the ninja’s cheeks. Kurogane closed his eyes.
This was the strangest feeling. Pressing, gentle. But it was still an invasion, to have someone else inside his mind. It was not entirely comfortable, but it was comforting at the same time. Fai’s presence was much softer than Ashura’s had been. Fai’s presence was like company, like sharing mind-space instead of having his mind forced completely out of his will.
He could feel as Fai went through his mind, clearing out the darkness that Ashura had left behind. It was a cleansing sensation. He felt a little lighter, and he felt much more like himself.
Kurogane woke up, with himself and Fai slumped into each other across the blankets. He made sure that Fai was still breathing properly, then touched a cold cheek.
“Sorry,” Fai murmured sleepily. “I should have warned you, it can be a little overwhelming.”
Kurogane shook his head, and sighed. “You should have told me you weren’t really strong enough.”
Fai grumbled. “I will be much better knowing that Ashura’s poison is gone from your mind.”
“Thank you.”
Kurogane kissed Fai’s forehead and settled himself back onto the blankets. He fell quickly into a deep, dreamless sleep.
* * *
The sixth week in, Fai was able to walk for ten minutes at a time before he had to take a rest. He found some ice mushrooms and a few herbs in the forest that would improve the everblue needle stew.
* * *
“By the way.” Kurogane said, one sunny (albeit snowy) afternoon. “You were going to leave our world without telling me, weren’t you.”
Fai was quiet for a long moment that would have told Kurogane the truth, even if he had not already known.
“I was going to leave you a note.” Fai offered, lamely.
Kurogane swung his fist hard and connected with Fai’s jaw. “Bastard.”
Fai looked up from where he had fallen in the snow, a splash of red at the corner of his mouth.
“You deserved that.” Kurogane stated, offering his hand to pull Fai up.
Fai took his hand and stood. “That is why I did not duck.”
“Don’t ever do that again.” Kurogane demanded. One hand held tightly onto Fai’s sleeve, the other raised to the mage’s mouth to tenderly wipe away the smear of blood.
Fai wrapped his arms around the ninja and stated solemnly, “I promise I will never again leave our world to fight an evil warlord without telling you first.”
* * *
“I need to see it.”
“There’s nothing left.”
“I need to see it, one last time. I have to know it is over.”
* * *
The snow had already covered the ruins of the castle in a pristine blanket of white. It looked like nothing more than a small mountain, just a part of the landscape. It looked as if it had stood that way since time had begun, and would stand that way until time was no more.
“So ends the Kingdom in the Sky.”
“The Kingdom in the Sky?” Kurogane echoed, glancing over at him.
“That was what he called it.” Fai explained, his voice blank. “His Kingdom in the Sky.”
It was over, Fai realized. It was really, truly, finally over. What amazed him even more than that was that at the end, he was still standing. He still wanted to be standing. He could really live now, without fear; he could live a life with Kurogane and he could be happy.
This was behind him now.
“Come on.” Kurogane curled a fist into Fai’s coat and tugged. “Let’s go home.”
Fai turned away from the snowy mountain and looked at Kurogane. And Fai had something of an epiphany.
To be loved by you twice in one lifetime is not such a terrible fate.
Fai laughed and smiled a beautiful smile. He took Kurogane’s arm as they started walking together.
“Yes. We should go home.”
~ the end ~
* * * * *
so, y’know when you get to the end of a fanfic and there are those silly “thank you’s!” that make you roll your eyes? well, commence eye rolling.
first, if it was possible to say thank you to a song, I would say thank you to this one: Guster - What You Wish For. when I stole the fic title from the song, I didn’t realize the lyrics would fit with such divine perfection.
and a thank you to the long lines at Super-Walmart. I wandered into the book section to find something to read while I waited, picked up Tsubasa and was totally hooked by like, the sixth page. without the long lines at Super-Walmart, I would not be here today.
and much much much thanks to mela, because I downloaded the scanlations from her site. this probably would not have been written if I hadn’t found a way to catch up with the manga, and I was about to give up on finding a site with all the volumes I needed. so, thank you mela!
and to everyone who commented, a heartfelt thank you! I have read every one at least three times and squeed over every one like the silly fangirl I am.
next Monday: the unofficial chapter 13!
ETA: and here's the links if anyone wants to download the whole thing: (pdf via sendspace) and (html via sendspace)