Second Best -- Chapter 8
Over the next few weeks, Jordan was exceptionally sweet to Adam, going out of his way to pamper him with unexpected gifts and romantic surprises. He seemed anxious to prove to Adam that his shocking behavior had been nothing more than a fluke - a momentary lapse in judgment caused by his panic at not knowing whether or not Adam was safe. He was almost painfully careful not to do or say anything that might offend Adam or make him unhappy.
As the weeks faded into months, however, and things returned to normal between the two of them, Jordan seemed to become more and more comfortable with voicing his opinions to Adam, on anything and everything - especially… well, Adam.
Adam began to notice a very critical side of his boyfriend, as Jordan accompanied him on the various activities surrounding the promotion and release of his new album; it seemed that he had something to say about almost everything Adam did.
“Are you really going to wear that? It makes you look cheap,” he remarked as Adam stepped out of his walk-in closet dressed for an interview.
After an interview a week later: “You could have worded that differently; it would have made you sound more intelligent.”
And Adam’s personal favorite, whispered into his ear as he reached for a pastry off a tray offered to him at a photo shoot - “You sure you need to eat that, sweetie?”
Adam had tried to ignore it for as long as possible, telling himself that Jordan was entitled to his opinions, even if they happened to be unfavorable toward him. That last comment, however, was as much as he could take. He smiled sweetly, aware of the cameras that surrounded them, as he took Jordan’s hand and led him aside into the private dressing room that had been provided for him.
“What is your deal?” he demanded with quiet frustration once the door was closed and locked behind them. “Why do you feel the need to criticize every little thing I do?”
Jordan looked startled by the accusation, frowning and shaking his head in denial. “I don’t…”
“Lately it seems like you do,” Adam insisted, an edge of hurt creeping into his voice against his will as he crossed his arms over his chest and took a step backward, looking away. “If you disapprove of me so much, why are you even with me?”
“Adam!” Jordan sounded appalled by the very suggestion, quickly closing the gap that Adam had just created between them, gently taking him by the arms and moving in close. “Adam, baby… no. I don’t… disapprove of you, I love you! I think you’re amazing and talented and brilliant and beautiful… everything I’ve ever wanted, baby. I don’t want you to think for a second that you’re anything less than that.”
Still stung by the none-too-subtle comment on his weight, feeling unusually vulnerable under the combination of the insecurities it brought to the surface, and the gentle touch of Jordan’s hand, Adam blinked rapidly, keeping his face turned away, determined not to allow his hurt feelings to show in his eyes.
“Well… what else can I think, when you… you say things like…”
His voice trailed off, and Jordan was quiet for a moment, watching him contemplatively. Finally, he spoke, his voice calm and composed. “Adam… look at me.” When Adam refused, Jordan shook him slightly, gently, insisting, “Look at me.”
Adam reluctantly complied.
Jordan’s expression was filled with affectionate patience as he continued. “Adam, you are amazing in so many ways. You are… as close to perfect as anyone I’ve ever met. Okay? There’s nothing more I could ask for in a guy. But…” He paused, weighing his words as he went on cautiously, “… you’re not perfect. No one is. And… when you’re close enough to someone to feel that comfortable… that safe… you can tell them the truth. You want to. Because… you want to help make them the best that they can be.”
Adam frowned, considering that, uncertainty creeping in around the edges of his indignation.
“I love you enough to be completely honest with you, Adam,” Jordan explained softly, sliding one arm around Adam’s waist to pull him in closer. He gave Adam a gently teasing smile and shrugged slightly. “I think… you’re used to dating guys who are really good at giving you exactly what you want and telling you exactly what you want to hear. Maybe they haven’t had the confidence - or hell, haven’t cared enough - to speak up to you and be real… but I love you too much to be anything else. A healthy relationship should make you a better person… right?”
Adam hesitated before nodding slowly, guardedly. He wasn’t sure whether or not he agreed with what Jordan was saying. He thought back over his past relationships, and realized he couldn’t remember any of the guys he’d dated offering up any such criticisms as Jordan did. And, it wasn’t as if the things Jordan had pointed out weren’t true. A second look in the mirror before that interview had told him that the outfit did look a little slutty; and he supposed that he could have given a better answer to the question posed to him a week later in another interview.
And he knew that he did not need to eat that pastry.
Maybe he’s right. Maybe I just can’t take the criticism because I’m not used to hearing it. Maybe it’s actually better for me to hear it.
“You’re right,” he conceded at last, relaxing into Jordan’s arms around him, his gaze downcast. “I just… I guess I’m not… used to people being so… so straightforward about things like that…”
Jordan nudged his hip teasingly with his elbow, a gentle smirk on his lips. “You? The most straightforward person I know?”
“I know, right?” Adam laughed softly, rolling his eyes in self-deprecation. “I guess I’m just… a little oversensitive about… some things.”
Jordan leaned in to press a light kiss to Adam’s lips, drawing back to give him a warm, reassuring smile. “It’s all right, baby,” he murmured. “Don’t worry about it. You know I wouldn’t tell you anything that wasn’t for your own good.”
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“What are you watching?” Katy asked as she walked into the living room with a magazine under her arm and a steaming cup of coffee in her hand, glancing with mild interest toward the television screen. She gave Kris a sideways glance that he didn’t notice as she asked casually, “Is that Adam?”
“Yeah,” Kris replied, sounding distracted, his gaze focused on the screen. “It’s his album release party on E! News.”
Katy looked at the screen again as she cuddled in close to her husband, and Kris wrapped an arm around her automatically, without thinking about it. “He looks really happy,” Katy observed as Adam moved across the screen, hand-in-hand with his boyfriend of more than three months now.
“Yeah,” Kris repeated… though he wasn’t sure he agreed.
Something about Adam’s smile - a strange uncertainty, a sort of reserve that had never been there before - made Kris wonder if Adam was happy. This was supposed to be his big moment. His CD had already sold nearly 500,000 copies in its first week, and his song was all over the radio. He should have been thrilled out of his mind - and Kris knew very well that Adam thrilled out of his mind was a lot more exuberant and excited than the image of his friend he saw on the television screen.
“Why didn’t you go?” Katy’s quiet question drew his attention, and he frowned, considering the answer. “You were invited, right?”
“Yeah.” Kris nodded. “I just… I don’t know. I… don’t think he wants me there.”
Katy frowned, puzzled. “But you guys are so close.”
“We… we were,” Kris amended quietly. “We, uh… I guess we kind of… had a fight. Right before the end of tour.”
He didn’t think Katy needed any more details than that.
Katy apparently thought otherwise.
“What did you fight about?” she asked, sitting up to meet his eyes, a curious expression on her face.
Kris shrugged, avoiding her gaze. “It was nothing. I mean… I hardly even remember. It just… made things weird.”
Katy considered that for a moment. “Well…” she asked at last. “… did you try to talk to him? Work it out? You guys are too close to let a little fight get in the way of your friendship.”
“It wasn’t exactly a little fight,” Kris amended with a heavy sigh, his solemn gaze focused back on the screen as Adam spoke to a reporter, smiling and laughing at something the woman had just said. “And… I did try. I called him a couple of months ago, left a message with his boyfriend.” He paused, swallowing hard before making the painful admission. “He never called back.”
And hadn’t that been an awkward conversation.
Jordan had been cold from the moment Kris had told him who was calling. Kris still winced inwardly at the memory of the subtle accusation in Jordan’s voice. He knew Adam and Jordan had been close friends before they’d ever dated. It was not an unreasonable assumption to think that Adam might have confided in Jordan about how Kris had rejected and hurt him; and judging by Jordan’s demeanor when Kris had called, that seemed to be the case.
Jordan had coolly told Kris that he would inform Adam that he had called. Kris wouldn’t have been surprised if he’d failed to pass on the message - and honestly, he wouldn’t have blamed him. He had broken Adam’s heart. Adam probably didn’t want to talk to him anyway.
Adam was happy now.
Wasn’t he?
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Adam was in a good mood, smiling and waving to the crowd as Jordan led him by the hand toward their waiting car. Jordan smiled and waved as well as he opened Adam’s door for him and then shut it carefully once he was inside. Jordan walked around the car, politely evading the paparazzi as he got into the back seat on the other side of the car.
“Hey, Julie,” Adam greeted their driver cheerfully. “Some night!”
She nodded and smiled politely before returning her attention to the windshield.
Julie had been driving for them for a couple of months now - ever since Manny had been fired. Adam had been stunned when some of his jewelry had gone missing, and Jordan had discovered it in Manny’s possession. Adam had insisted that he did not want to press charges, and Jordan had grudgingly agreed - but there was no way they could allow a thief to continue working for them, especially given their current security concerns.
The stalker had still not been found.
Tonight, however, Adam was not going to let that ruin his good mood. He hummed softly as he looked out the window, smiling as the lights of the four-star hotel where the party had been held faded into the distance. He turned his smile toward Jordan, lips parted to speak as he reached out for his hand.
Whatever he was going to say died on his lips as Jordan jerked his hand away, turning his head pointedly toward the other window. His expression was dark and stormy, his jaw set with quiet anger.
Adam felt an uncomfortable stirring in his stomach at the sight.
“What’s wrong with you?” he asked quietly. “Didn’t you have a good time?”
Jordan was quiet for a long moment before speaking in a terse, controlled voice. “Of course I did. Wonderful time.” He paused a beat before adding in the same tone, “What could be more fun than watching my boyfriend behave like a slut all night with every other man at the party?”
Adam flinched, stunned by the harsh comment. He felt his face flame with embarrassment as he glanced instinctively toward Julie, but she did not appear to have noticed the exchange, her gaze focused calmly on the road in front of her. Adam swallowed hard, his mouth suddenly dry and his stomach fluttering queasily. His voice was quiet, tentative, when he finally replied.
“All I did was dance…”
“All you did,” Jordan cut him off sharply, still without looking at him, “was to practically fuck every guy on that dance floor tonight, for all the cameras and reporters to see. I can just imagine the tabloids tomorrow!” He paused in his bitter, scathing rant to glare at Adam and demand quietly, “Are you my boyfriend or not?”
“Of course I am,” Adam immediately replied, his voice trembling slightly with hurt. “I…”
“Then maybe you should show me the respect of not throwing yourself like a little whore at every good-looking man who crosses your path.”
Adam heard the warning edge in Jordan’s voice, and felt a sharp jolt of alarm. He steadied his breathing with an effort, trying to ease the tension from his shoulders as he turned to look out the window again, his smile completely vanished. He reminded himself that Jordan wouldn’t hurt him, hadn’t hit him again after that first time.
And that time a couple of weeks ago, when he pushed me… that doesn’t matter. He didn’t hit me, really, and he didn’t hurt me. Didn’t mean to, anyway. Didn’t mean for me to hit the banister like that…
He lowered a hand absently, subconsciously to his side, where the bruise from that encounter had faded days ago. He flinched, startled when Jordan suddenly reached out to grasp the back of his neck in a firm, unyielding hold - not hard enough to hurt him, but definitely enough to get his attention.
“Are you even listening to me?” he demanded.
Adam’s stomach lurched, but he did not pull away. “Yeah,” he replied, nodding hurriedly. “Yeah, I’m sorry…”
Jordan released him abruptly, and Adam raised a hand to rub the back of his neck, casting nervous eyes toward his furiously fuming boyfriend.
“Yeah,” Jordan muttered, glaring out the window again. “You sure are.”
“What?” Adam’s indignation momentarily overcame his unease, and he stared at Jordan incredulously.
“Nothing,” Jordan snapped.
The drive continued in tense, painful silence, as Jordan sat seething, and Adam wrestled with his embarrassment and hurt and frustration. He glanced toward the driver again, but if she had heard any of their argument, she was completely unfazed by it.
If she’s worked for celebrities long, she’s probably heard a lot worse than this.
When they arrived home and Jordan stalked off to their room, slamming the door behind him, Adam worried, wondering what he should do. When he finally decided to go upstairs and try to apologize, he felt a little sick, anxious as to whether or not Jordan would accept his apology, and what might happen if he didn’t.
And when Jordan finally relented, embracing Adam and apologizing as well before kissing him and laying him down on the bed to make love to him - Adam’s relief was overwhelming. He closed his eyes, fighting back the tears of confusion and hurt that lingered in spite of their reconciliation, repeating in his mind over and over the mantra that seemed to fill his thoughts more and more with every passing day.
He loves me. We’re gonna be all right. He loves me...