Maturity - PG [Koyama, Ryo/Shige]
Title: Maturity
Author: Kamika Farinas aka tinyangl
Rating: PG
Words: 2140
Characters: Koyama, Ryo/Shige, Hint of Koyama/Yamapi
Summary: Koyama watches over Ryo and Shige, but sometimes he knows when to just step back and let others do it for him
Author's Note: Written for the White Day Remix. A remix of procreational's Satisfaction. as;ldkfjasldkfj I hope I did it justice, dear. @.@ I've never remixed a fic before so um, I don't really even know. Also, it should be noted that I wrote this in the middle of a writer's block. I am wordy as heck.
Koyama thinks that he has to act like the mature one because sometimes, only sometimes, do his band mates need someone there to help lead them on their way. It doesn't hurt that he's technically the oldest - it only helps to re-enforce the idea that he has to be the "sane" one in a group where they're scattered by just the slightest of things. Of course, Koyama doesn't see this as a necessity as much as just his own personal desire.
Yamapi's the leader - the reluctant leader at that - who drowns himself in work that he loses sight of what it means sometimes - more often then sometimes, Koyama thinks sadly - to just enjoy himself. Tegoshi's the young newbie who sometimes - pretty much all the time really - can't do things on his own (sometimes, Koyama wonders if it's all an act, but Tegoshi's hard to read). Massu's often the forgotten one who's more than content just doing the things that makes him happy - whether that be exercising, dancing, rehearsing, and of course, eating. Koyama worries that it'll affect his self-esteem, but then Massu smiles and more often than not, Koyama's worries are squelched.
Then Koyama has to worry about Ryo and Shige. The thought of the two never used to be together, but with the way Shige's been acting, Koyama thinks it's only appropriate.
Shige's not subtle - well, no, that's a lie. He's subtle to everyone who isn't paying attention and to the person he likes, admires (somewhat surprisingly on that note), worships. To Koyama though, who knows Shige so well and has spent so much time with that people have started to become confused about their relationship, Shige is easy to read - like the back of his hand.
On the other hand, Ryo's harder to read as compared to Shige. Sometimes, Koyama thinks Ryo returns it, what with the attention he lavishes (lavishing probably being used in Ryo's definition than Koyama's) on Shige. Then again, he's sweet on Tegoshi, friendly (as friendly as Ryo gets) with Yamapi, picks on Massu almost as much as he picks on Shige (even if it's a little different comparing the two) and a combination of friendly and snarky with Koyama.
It's Ryo that Koyama worries about more when it comes to the two, because despite the persona that fans have long since painted on him, Ryo's just a big softie in the end. Koyama would know - after all, they were like peas in a pod.
-
Sometimes, only sometimes, does Koyama think his role as the big brother of the group kinda, sorta, just a little sucks when he has the entirety of NewS swarming into his apartment so they can sleepover. It's not that he doesn't want to accommodate them.
It's just there are so many factors here that they have to keep in mind, or that he's keeping in mind for them since they're all so obviously exhausted. For one thing, Koyama can't remember the last time he cleaned. For another, he's not even sure he has enough sheets and room to fit all six of them.
But when he's faced with Tegoshi's pleading eyes, Koyama can't help but say yes. To make matters worse, Yamapi had even given him the same kind of eyes. They know exactly where his weaknesses lie.
He's still frantic while they're in the car, his mind running through all the worse case scenarios - especially when Yamapi insisted on driving. Koyama's barely been in a car with Yamapi, but he doesn't want to take any chances and repeatedly checks the mirrors, which he only stops after Yamapi scolds him in that gentle tone that Koyama's not quite used to (but wouldn't mind hearing more than once).
Before Koyama can stop fidgeting, he takes a glance at the back, and something about the way Shige looks as he's staring pointedly out the window strikes Koyama the wrong way. He turns back, lips set and eyebrows furrowed. Koyama thinks he can feel Yamapi looking at him in confusion as he glances away from the road every now and then - Koyama's too distracted to even scold him for taking his eyes off the road.
"Is something wrong?" Yamapi whispers to Koyama in a voice so low that Koyma's sure he's the only one that can hear it. "Are we intruding?"
There's a tone of worry and helplessness in Yamapi's voice that makes Koyama simultaneously feel like he's an ass and like his heart is squeezing out of sheer delight that Yamapi cares this much.
"No, not at all," Koyama answers confidently. "It'll be fine."
When they arrive (only a fifteen minute drive, but Koyama feels like what should've gone by in a flash went on for longer than he would've liked), both Koyama and Shige refuse to wake up Ryo and Tegoshi which prompts Koyama to throw an amused look in Shige's direction as Yamapi leans over to shake the two awake.
As they're walking up the stairs to Koyama's apartment, the frantic thoughts of what he's going to do come streaming back with a fury. He's not distracted enough, though, to miss out on Shige's obvious tension when it comes to Ryo and Tegoshi's closeness.
He can feel his hands shaking as he tries to put the keys in the appropriate slots and it's not until Yamapi covers Koyama's hands with his own steady hands before Koyama can finally unlock his doors. (Although that in itself is strange and irregular.) There's a grateful smile exchanged before Koyama dashes inside, leaving the door open for the others to enter, in order to grab all the needed blankets and pillows.
Koyama can hear Yamapi's small chuckles as he follows quickly behind him, immediately helping take control, which Koyama's grateful for when he's as frazzled as he is at the moment. There's something really comforting in the idea that he doesn't have to do everything himself as he starts unrolling the futons.
There's also something comforting in the sight of Shige's panicked look as Ryo manages to get tangled in his shirt - Koyama thinks that Ryo's awfully subtle in showing his affections. As he snuggles into his blankets, Yamapi taking the spot beside him, Koyama thinks that in the morning, when his mind is in less of a haze, he'll try to get things sorted out.
"It'll be fine," Yamapi whispers in a reassured tone, as though he knows just what Koyama's thinking about. Sometimes, less than sometimes really, Koyama thinks that Yamapi is a better leader than people give him credit for as Yamapi finds Koyama's hand in the dark and covers it with his, squeezing it gently - giving Koyama just enough of a relaxed feeling to drift off to sleep.
Except it doesn't last long as Koyama shoots out of bed the next morning, the thought that they don't even have food in the place. And that can't do what with two of the bigger eaters in the same place. His first thought is to panic, only for a moment. Just a moment, because panicking won't solve problems in the end.
His second is to rush out and get food that second - Koyama ends up waking Shige up in order to help him go out. It's a little less than comforting when Shige throws him glances that make him feel like he's being silly, worrying about this kind of thing.
But, it's Shige's hand on his arm, Shige's fingers tracing patterns on his wrist that calm him down more than anything else. The feeling's practiced - Shige's done this more than once and sometimes, always really, when Koyama thinks that this is the kind of comforting that Koyama wishes he could grant Shige when he's frantic sometimes.
He's more than grateful when Tegoshi suggests, in an exhausted voice that makes Koyama feel guilty for having woken the younger boy up, that they'll make breakfast together. Koyama sees the relieved look on Shige's face, and he's almost sure he has the same expression on his own face.
As though he'd just been running on adrenaline, Koyama can feel the overwhelming exhaustion take over, and he's more than happy to slip into bed. But not before chancing a glance over at Ryo and Shige. There's this look on Shige's face that makes Koyama think something had just happened, but Yamapi's hand finds his again and the relaxed sigh of their leader manages to slip Koyama to sleep all over again.
In the proper morning, Ryo and Yamapi end up having to leave, and this dread inside Koyama builds up as he watches Ryo give Tegoshi a kiss on the cheek. The look on Shige's face makes Koyama want to fix things then and there, make things right and get them to stop messing with each other in ways that they shouldn't, aren't really, but it feels that way.
He almost does open up his mouth to say something, maybe to insist that Ryo and Shige should talk in private, Koyama's not really quite sure.
But Koyama happens to glance in Yamapi's direction and the look on the younger male's face makes him stop in his tracks - he looks stern, confident in his gaze, like he knows just waht's going on. Koyama swallows. Maybe, just maybe, Yamapi acts more like a leader than people think he does, more than even Koyama, who's eternally optimistic about people, thinks.
Koyama lets it go, firmly pressing his lips together as he just watches everything play out like they're meant to. He hopes it anyway.
-
It's not as though Koyama expects Shige to tell him everything that's happened - it'd just be nice if he would. Then again, maybe Shige figures that Koyama already knows - considering that even Yamapi seems to have caught on.
"It's not like I care that Shige hasn't told me," Koyama confesses when Yamapi confronts him, except it's not as much of a confrontation when Koyama had blurted it out as soon as Yamapi'd entered the empty room.
Yamapi blinks at Koyama, a little more than startled, before cocking his head to the side. "Tell you what?"
Koyama frowns, lips pursed. "About Ryo. About his growing affection."
"Ne, Koyama-kun," Yamapi starts, his voice filled with confusion, "What are you talking about?"
"You've noticed, haven't you?" Koyama asks. He doesn't elaborate, out of fear that maybe, just maybe, he was giving Yamapi credit that he shouldn't have.
Yamapi joins Koyama on the couch and hums softly, which startles Koyama a little. "I've noticed something different, but I'm not sure what's really going on."
It's always surprising to Koyama when he hears someone's observed something as much as he has, and that it's Yamapi of all people. "You do pay attention, don't you?" Koyama murmurs softly and the wide-eyed look on Yamapi's face makes his heart squeeze just a little more.
"Well, I..." Yamapi murmurs, embarrassed as he combs through his hair with his hand.
"Maybe you should talk to Shige," Koyama blurts out. Yamapi blinks at him.
"What?"
Koyama fumbles with his hands. "Shige will tell me in his own time; I won't push him, but maybe he'll open up to you." He can feel his heart pounding at the thought of relinquishing his usual role onto someone else.
Yamapi stops Koyama's hands, steady hands over his again and it's familiar this time, not startling like it had been before. He gives Koyama a gentle smile, nodding. "I'll do my best."
Koyama holds back his sigh of relief and just gives Yamapi a shaky smile - hoping for the best.
A day later, Yamapi gives Koyama a thumbs up and he gives Koyama hope. A little more than he had before and it makes all the difference.
-
The next handful of days go by in a flash as work starts to pile up (which Koyama's infinitely pleased about), but it'd gotten to the point that Koyama actually stops worrying about Ryo and Shige, and believing that it'll work itself out in the end.
It's only when Koyama sees Ryo's nikki that he's reminded about it all over again. He's a little surprised that it's a message to all the members (and Uchi), but it's a pleasant surprise. As he reads through it, Koyama thinks that Ryo's letting his outer shell break open - something he didn't think would happen for a very long time.
When he gets to the end and reads what Ryo'd written to Shige, Koyama thinks that he shouldn't worry so much - not about Ryo and Shige when things are going the way they are.
He likes being the mature one of the group, the one who takes care of everyone, but when Koyama sees Yamapi giving Shige a thumbs up and Shige's embarrassed smile in return, Koyama thinks that he can let some people take responsibility.
Especially when it obviously gets good results in the end.
Koyama gives himself a pat on the back. (Then gives Yamapi one as well, which surprises him, but he gives Koyama a smile in return.)
Author: Kamika Farinas aka tinyangl
Rating: PG
Words: 2140
Characters: Koyama, Ryo/Shige, Hint of Koyama/Yamapi
Summary: Koyama watches over Ryo and Shige, but sometimes he knows when to just step back and let others do it for him
Author's Note: Written for the White Day Remix. A remix of procreational's Satisfaction. as;ldkfjasldkfj I hope I did it justice, dear. @.@ I've never remixed a fic before so um, I don't really even know. Also, it should be noted that I wrote this in the middle of a writer's block. I am wordy as heck.
Koyama thinks that he has to act like the mature one because sometimes, only sometimes, do his band mates need someone there to help lead them on their way. It doesn't hurt that he's technically the oldest - it only helps to re-enforce the idea that he has to be the "sane" one in a group where they're scattered by just the slightest of things. Of course, Koyama doesn't see this as a necessity as much as just his own personal desire.
Yamapi's the leader - the reluctant leader at that - who drowns himself in work that he loses sight of what it means sometimes - more often then sometimes, Koyama thinks sadly - to just enjoy himself. Tegoshi's the young newbie who sometimes - pretty much all the time really - can't do things on his own (sometimes, Koyama wonders if it's all an act, but Tegoshi's hard to read). Massu's often the forgotten one who's more than content just doing the things that makes him happy - whether that be exercising, dancing, rehearsing, and of course, eating. Koyama worries that it'll affect his self-esteem, but then Massu smiles and more often than not, Koyama's worries are squelched.
Then Koyama has to worry about Ryo and Shige. The thought of the two never used to be together, but with the way Shige's been acting, Koyama thinks it's only appropriate.
Shige's not subtle - well, no, that's a lie. He's subtle to everyone who isn't paying attention and to the person he likes, admires (somewhat surprisingly on that note), worships. To Koyama though, who knows Shige so well and has spent so much time with that people have started to become confused about their relationship, Shige is easy to read - like the back of his hand.
On the other hand, Ryo's harder to read as compared to Shige. Sometimes, Koyama thinks Ryo returns it, what with the attention he lavishes (lavishing probably being used in Ryo's definition than Koyama's) on Shige. Then again, he's sweet on Tegoshi, friendly (as friendly as Ryo gets) with Yamapi, picks on Massu almost as much as he picks on Shige (even if it's a little different comparing the two) and a combination of friendly and snarky with Koyama.
It's Ryo that Koyama worries about more when it comes to the two, because despite the persona that fans have long since painted on him, Ryo's just a big softie in the end. Koyama would know - after all, they were like peas in a pod.
-
Sometimes, only sometimes, does Koyama think his role as the big brother of the group kinda, sorta, just a little sucks when he has the entirety of NewS swarming into his apartment so they can sleepover. It's not that he doesn't want to accommodate them.
It's just there are so many factors here that they have to keep in mind, or that he's keeping in mind for them since they're all so obviously exhausted. For one thing, Koyama can't remember the last time he cleaned. For another, he's not even sure he has enough sheets and room to fit all six of them.
But when he's faced with Tegoshi's pleading eyes, Koyama can't help but say yes. To make matters worse, Yamapi had even given him the same kind of eyes. They know exactly where his weaknesses lie.
He's still frantic while they're in the car, his mind running through all the worse case scenarios - especially when Yamapi insisted on driving. Koyama's barely been in a car with Yamapi, but he doesn't want to take any chances and repeatedly checks the mirrors, which he only stops after Yamapi scolds him in that gentle tone that Koyama's not quite used to (but wouldn't mind hearing more than once).
Before Koyama can stop fidgeting, he takes a glance at the back, and something about the way Shige looks as he's staring pointedly out the window strikes Koyama the wrong way. He turns back, lips set and eyebrows furrowed. Koyama thinks he can feel Yamapi looking at him in confusion as he glances away from the road every now and then - Koyama's too distracted to even scold him for taking his eyes off the road.
"Is something wrong?" Yamapi whispers to Koyama in a voice so low that Koyma's sure he's the only one that can hear it. "Are we intruding?"
There's a tone of worry and helplessness in Yamapi's voice that makes Koyama simultaneously feel like he's an ass and like his heart is squeezing out of sheer delight that Yamapi cares this much.
"No, not at all," Koyama answers confidently. "It'll be fine."
When they arrive (only a fifteen minute drive, but Koyama feels like what should've gone by in a flash went on for longer than he would've liked), both Koyama and Shige refuse to wake up Ryo and Tegoshi which prompts Koyama to throw an amused look in Shige's direction as Yamapi leans over to shake the two awake.
As they're walking up the stairs to Koyama's apartment, the frantic thoughts of what he's going to do come streaming back with a fury. He's not distracted enough, though, to miss out on Shige's obvious tension when it comes to Ryo and Tegoshi's closeness.
He can feel his hands shaking as he tries to put the keys in the appropriate slots and it's not until Yamapi covers Koyama's hands with his own steady hands before Koyama can finally unlock his doors. (Although that in itself is strange and irregular.) There's a grateful smile exchanged before Koyama dashes inside, leaving the door open for the others to enter, in order to grab all the needed blankets and pillows.
Koyama can hear Yamapi's small chuckles as he follows quickly behind him, immediately helping take control, which Koyama's grateful for when he's as frazzled as he is at the moment. There's something really comforting in the idea that he doesn't have to do everything himself as he starts unrolling the futons.
There's also something comforting in the sight of Shige's panicked look as Ryo manages to get tangled in his shirt - Koyama thinks that Ryo's awfully subtle in showing his affections. As he snuggles into his blankets, Yamapi taking the spot beside him, Koyama thinks that in the morning, when his mind is in less of a haze, he'll try to get things sorted out.
"It'll be fine," Yamapi whispers in a reassured tone, as though he knows just what Koyama's thinking about. Sometimes, less than sometimes really, Koyama thinks that Yamapi is a better leader than people give him credit for as Yamapi finds Koyama's hand in the dark and covers it with his, squeezing it gently - giving Koyama just enough of a relaxed feeling to drift off to sleep.
Except it doesn't last long as Koyama shoots out of bed the next morning, the thought that they don't even have food in the place. And that can't do what with two of the bigger eaters in the same place. His first thought is to panic, only for a moment. Just a moment, because panicking won't solve problems in the end.
His second is to rush out and get food that second - Koyama ends up waking Shige up in order to help him go out. It's a little less than comforting when Shige throws him glances that make him feel like he's being silly, worrying about this kind of thing.
But, it's Shige's hand on his arm, Shige's fingers tracing patterns on his wrist that calm him down more than anything else. The feeling's practiced - Shige's done this more than once and sometimes, always really, when Koyama thinks that this is the kind of comforting that Koyama wishes he could grant Shige when he's frantic sometimes.
He's more than grateful when Tegoshi suggests, in an exhausted voice that makes Koyama feel guilty for having woken the younger boy up, that they'll make breakfast together. Koyama sees the relieved look on Shige's face, and he's almost sure he has the same expression on his own face.
As though he'd just been running on adrenaline, Koyama can feel the overwhelming exhaustion take over, and he's more than happy to slip into bed. But not before chancing a glance over at Ryo and Shige. There's this look on Shige's face that makes Koyama think something had just happened, but Yamapi's hand finds his again and the relaxed sigh of their leader manages to slip Koyama to sleep all over again.
In the proper morning, Ryo and Yamapi end up having to leave, and this dread inside Koyama builds up as he watches Ryo give Tegoshi a kiss on the cheek. The look on Shige's face makes Koyama want to fix things then and there, make things right and get them to stop messing with each other in ways that they shouldn't, aren't really, but it feels that way.
He almost does open up his mouth to say something, maybe to insist that Ryo and Shige should talk in private, Koyama's not really quite sure.
But Koyama happens to glance in Yamapi's direction and the look on the younger male's face makes him stop in his tracks - he looks stern, confident in his gaze, like he knows just waht's going on. Koyama swallows. Maybe, just maybe, Yamapi acts more like a leader than people think he does, more than even Koyama, who's eternally optimistic about people, thinks.
Koyama lets it go, firmly pressing his lips together as he just watches everything play out like they're meant to. He hopes it anyway.
-
It's not as though Koyama expects Shige to tell him everything that's happened - it'd just be nice if he would. Then again, maybe Shige figures that Koyama already knows - considering that even Yamapi seems to have caught on.
"It's not like I care that Shige hasn't told me," Koyama confesses when Yamapi confronts him, except it's not as much of a confrontation when Koyama had blurted it out as soon as Yamapi'd entered the empty room.
Yamapi blinks at Koyama, a little more than startled, before cocking his head to the side. "Tell you what?"
Koyama frowns, lips pursed. "About Ryo. About his growing affection."
"Ne, Koyama-kun," Yamapi starts, his voice filled with confusion, "What are you talking about?"
"You've noticed, haven't you?" Koyama asks. He doesn't elaborate, out of fear that maybe, just maybe, he was giving Yamapi credit that he shouldn't have.
Yamapi joins Koyama on the couch and hums softly, which startles Koyama a little. "I've noticed something different, but I'm not sure what's really going on."
It's always surprising to Koyama when he hears someone's observed something as much as he has, and that it's Yamapi of all people. "You do pay attention, don't you?" Koyama murmurs softly and the wide-eyed look on Yamapi's face makes his heart squeeze just a little more.
"Well, I..." Yamapi murmurs, embarrassed as he combs through his hair with his hand.
"Maybe you should talk to Shige," Koyama blurts out. Yamapi blinks at him.
"What?"
Koyama fumbles with his hands. "Shige will tell me in his own time; I won't push him, but maybe he'll open up to you." He can feel his heart pounding at the thought of relinquishing his usual role onto someone else.
Yamapi stops Koyama's hands, steady hands over his again and it's familiar this time, not startling like it had been before. He gives Koyama a gentle smile, nodding. "I'll do my best."
Koyama holds back his sigh of relief and just gives Yamapi a shaky smile - hoping for the best.
A day later, Yamapi gives Koyama a thumbs up and he gives Koyama hope. A little more than he had before and it makes all the difference.
-
The next handful of days go by in a flash as work starts to pile up (which Koyama's infinitely pleased about), but it'd gotten to the point that Koyama actually stops worrying about Ryo and Shige, and believing that it'll work itself out in the end.
It's only when Koyama sees Ryo's nikki that he's reminded about it all over again. He's a little surprised that it's a message to all the members (and Uchi), but it's a pleasant surprise. As he reads through it, Koyama thinks that Ryo's letting his outer shell break open - something he didn't think would happen for a very long time.
When he gets to the end and reads what Ryo'd written to Shige, Koyama thinks that he shouldn't worry so much - not about Ryo and Shige when things are going the way they are.
He likes being the mature one of the group, the one who takes care of everyone, but when Koyama sees Yamapi giving Shige a thumbs up and Shige's embarrassed smile in return, Koyama thinks that he can let some people take responsibility.
Especially when it obviously gets good results in the end.
Koyama gives himself a pat on the back. (Then gives Yamapi one as well, which surprises him, but he gives Koyama a smile in return.)