I've done the scenario thinking for as long as I can remember - I remember one night, prior to age 10, thinking how relieved I'd be if my mom died, and then turning it around and trying to imagine my dad dying, and what would change. I always bit my nails, tho I finally stopped that somewhere in my 30s; I don't remember the other cannibalistic behaviors on myself. And I've not thought of myself as an anxious person; the scenarios calmed me, and have helped, I think, with my own reactions to things.
On the other hand, I'm really lost if I can't multitask, and I frequently realize I'm not actually looking at the person I'm talking to -- I'm scanning past them, watching the crowd, watching for other people, etc. Of course, my mom had a thing about being stared at, frequently alternating between "Don't stare at me!" and "Look at me when I'm talking to you!" (facepalm)
I need to find out what the Jersey Deadpan is. I expect I have it too.
I have been considering the structures of my own anxiety, this year, in part of a campaign to address it. I have some things in common with your story: empathy in excess of what I see in some other folks (especially when it comes to TV characters and such), the scenerio thinking and "thinking too much".
I haven't really thought about the roots of this stuff in my childhood - I haven't been thinking further back than college. Maybe I should.
Anyway, I don't think you're being too rah rah at all. I think you're totally justified in being excited. I know, when I figure stuff like that out, I'm usually excited, relieved or both.
Those are a lot of pieces to fit together--sounds like you've got the corners and most of the edge bits. Good luck with the middle section!
I've always loved the comment--one I often get at non-geek parties: "You're just always thinking aren't you?!" I mean, what is it with them and the breathing--in, out, in, out--give it a rest already!
This is very interesting to medrwexMay 24 2011, 19:45:59 UTC
If you don't mind I'll share my perspective/story.
For me it's partly the same, partly opposite. The constant hypervigilance and planning out what might happen - what you call "running through a lot of scenarios" - I do that all the time. Constantly. Still do. I think incredibly fast on my feet, in part because I've mentally rehearsed all of the shit I can think of beforehand.
For me the discovery was that I needed to build conscious coping behaviors to counter my own brokenness. These coping behaviors involve making myself do, by rote, things that come naturally to most people. My own experience of my deficiency is that I'm never going to have that intuitiveness; I'll just get better/faster/more practiced at the rote behaviors that will make me seem more appropriate.
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On the other hand, I'm really lost if I can't multitask, and I frequently realize I'm not actually looking at the person I'm talking to -- I'm scanning past them, watching the crowd, watching for other people, etc. Of course, my mom had a thing about being stared at, frequently alternating between "Don't stare at me!" and "Look at me when I'm talking to you!" (facepalm)
I need to find out what the Jersey Deadpan is. I expect I have it too.
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I haven't really thought about the roots of this stuff in my childhood - I haven't been thinking further back than college. Maybe I should.
Anyway, I don't think you're being too rah rah at all. I think you're totally justified in being excited. I know, when I figure stuff like that out, I'm usually excited, relieved or both.
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I've always loved the comment--one I often get at non-geek parties: "You're just always thinking aren't you?!" I mean, what is it with them and the breathing--in, out, in, out--give it a rest already!
Reply
For me it's partly the same, partly opposite. The constant hypervigilance and planning out what might happen - what you call "running through a lot of scenarios" - I do that all the time. Constantly. Still do. I think incredibly fast on my feet, in part because I've mentally rehearsed all of the shit I can think of beforehand.
For me the discovery was that I needed to build conscious coping behaviors to counter my own brokenness. These coping behaviors involve making myself do, by rote, things that come naturally to most people. My own experience of my deficiency is that I'm never going to have that intuitiveness; I'll just get better/faster/more practiced at the rote behaviors that will make me seem more appropriate.
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