The Letter - J2 [part 3/?]
Title: The Letter - J2 [part 3/?]
Author: kimisgirl
Pairing: Jensen/Jared
Rating: PG - NC17
Warnings: Some what AU (the boys knew each other and went to college together, oh and Jensen is gay, but in the closet. They still work on Supernatural now though)
Summary: Jared finds a letter written by Jensen and it turns his whole world upside down. Will he man up and work out how he feels about Jensen now he knows the truth or will their friendships crash and burn?
AN: Just a little plot bunny that wouldn't leave me alone till I wrote it down. This is a work in progress and a chapter will be put up every second day!
The graphics: The letter was written and made by me, the story artwork was put together by me, the image used was made by b_split and she very wonderfully granted me permission to use it :D so thank you very much love! Hope you like the story when it's done.
Previous Chapter
~*~
Jared woke early as normal and pulled himself out of bed and into the shower before heading down to start the coffee machine and grab the dogs leashes.
He was halfway to the door when an idea stopped him and he stood chewing his lip tensely as he rolled it over in his head. Sadie and Harley sat staring at him wondering what their Daddy was doing and why they weren’t out running yet.
Nodding to himself more to convince himself that it was a good idea than anything else, Jared dropped the dogs leashes and ran back to his room quietly. He took out the letter. He’d placed it carefully in his dresser draw the night before. Sitting down by his bed side table he quickly took out a red pen, so it could be seen easy and scribbled down a few words for Jen.
His hand shook as he folded the paper back up and he walked back to the kitchen, his pace some what slower than normal. Nerves getting the better of him suddenly and making him draw out the time it took for him to arrive in the kitchen.
He carefully placed the letter on top of Jensen’s favourite coffee mug, knowing that he would have to move the paper to use the mug. Sighing to himself and wondering if he’ll now have the guts to come back inside after his run. He turned quickly before he could chicken out and left the house with the dogs. Planning to run out the nerves that were making his body shake, what he’d just done might cost him his best friend. He hoped however that it would maybe help to bring them closer together. Even if Jared wasn’t sure yet just how close he wanted them to be. Though he was starting to realise that Jensen meant more to him than pretty much anyone in the world, up there with even his Momma and little sister. If loving him and... well he could think about the other stuff later, is what he has to do to make Jensen happy, then hell, it wasn’t to much to ask as far as Jared was concerned.
He knew Jensen well enough though, to know that he really had to love him, not just want to give it to him, he had to want him the way he apparently wanted Jared or it would never be enough. Jensen doesn’t do anything half way. His Momma hadn’t raised him like that, neither had Jared’s for that matter. It was part of the reason they worked so well together, both put in everything they had. So Jared knew he was gonna need to be all in... and you know something; he really thought that he might be there already. What he needed now was Jensen to talk to him and not shut him out any more.
~*~
Jensen dragged himself out of bed and wandered sleepily down to the kitchen, grinning when the smell of coffee assaulted his nostrils as he closed in on the only room he gave a damn about in the mornings. Cause it held the coffee, and Jensen needed coffee like fish need water.
He loved that Jay always put on the coffee before he left for his run. Jensen hardly ever came down in the morning without there being coffee already waiting for him. It made his smile groggily as he padded across the room, rubbing his bare stomach lazily.
As he reached the counter he saw his mug already out of the cupboard and waiting for him. He chuckled when he saw a folded paper and figured Jay had left him a note about something. And it totally didn’t make him giddy at how adorable he thought that was. Nope not at all... Ok, maybe a little giddy. But he’d just gotten up so he was blaming it on lack of food; yeah that’s the reason, totally believable. Nodding to himself he moved the paper and grabbed the coffee, filling the mug and moving to sit at the breakfast table.
The paper looked a little weird as Jensen unfolded it, old and a little faded, sort of yellowing around the edges. Shrugging he unfolded it and looked down, and that was when his heart all but blew up on him. His eyes locked on the letter in his hands and he all but froze to his seat working hard on remembering how to breathe. Oh hell no he thought to himself desperately. This can’t be happening his brain whined at him. As the shock of seeing something he’d all but forgotten about, thought was long gone, started to wear off a little he noticed the additions to the letter. He didn’t need to read what he’d written on it, he remembered it by heart. And he really didn’t need reminding about how fuckin’ tragic he’d sounded in the written words.
He couldn’t stop himself from running his eyes over the new red ink though. It was Jay’s hand writing, he could see that. The red pen made him think of how teachers used red ink to correct students mistakes, the thought would have made him grin if he’d been capable of it right now. Jay’s mother was a teacher, and he thought that Jared might have picked up the habit from her.
Jensen felt his heart race as he read the small message Jared had written. He read it over and over again and tried to work out what it meant. How to interrupt it. It didn’t sound like Jay hated him at least, didn’t sound like he was... disgusted. Jensen couldn’t help the snort of pained laughter at how Jay had crossed out the word asshat and told him he wasn’t one. He ran his thump over the small smiley face the man had drawn next to it. God I am such a girl! he thought to himself.
He took a deep breath and sighed as he finally took his coffee and drank it down as fast as he could without burning himself. It wasn’t easy, the shit was damned hot! But he needed it now more than anything. He knew now exactly what he needed to do, something he should have done a long time ago. Yes, he was stupidly embarrassed that Jared had found out this way, hell Jensen hadn’t even had the guts to give him the damned letter. But he never wanted Jared to find out like that. Not really. Yeah ok, so he sort of never wanted Jay to find out. Now that he had though, Jensen was upset it hadn’t been done differently.
So he would try to do the right thing, and grow a set. He would do what Jared asked him, he would finally talk to the man he had been in love with for years. Even if the thought of it scared him to death. He didn’t want to lose Jared. Because no matter how he felt about him, the man was first and foremost, his best friend and Jensen didn’t want to lose that.
~*~
The door banged open and the dogs came skidding into the kitchen and straight to their water bowls. Jensen got up and put out some food for them and gave them a scratch behind their ears. Not being able to hold back the smile Jared’s dogs always seemed to put on his face.
“Hey guys, good run?” He murmured to them softly as they started to eat.
He straightened up and turned back to his coffee on the table, he figured he should start making breakfast now that Jay was back.
He froze when he turned and saw Jared standing in the door of the kitchen, the other man was leaning up against the door frame, still sweaty and a little out of breath from his run. Jensen couldn’t stop his eyes from travelling over the man’s more than impressive body. Realising what he was doing he cursed himself under his breath and forced his eyes back up to meet Jared’s.
He could see a number of emotions playing over Jared’s face. Caution, worry, confusion, question, fondness, amusement... and something that Jen couldn’t name... or rather wasn’t sure he wanted to name. So he decided to ignore it.
“Hi” he managed to get out, and was immensely proud of himself when it didn’t sound anywhere near as terrified as he actually was right now.
“Hey” Jared replied from his perch in the door. He still wasn’t moving and Jensen wondered briefly if it was because Jay was now scared to be too close to him. The thought caused his chest to tighten with regret and worry.
“Jen, you ok?” Jared asked softly, concern evident in his tone. Something in Jensen’s face must have given his current mood away.
“Umm” Jensen replied softly, trying to decide what he should do now. “Honestly Jay?” he asked, needing to know if the man really wanted to do this. Wanted to know what Jensen was going to say.
“Yeah, honestly, I wanna know Jen... please” Jared returned as he edged into the room and took a few steps toward Jensen.
“Yeah ok, ok, um look maybe you... we, should sit down. Might take me a while to get this out yeah?”
“Yeah ok man” Jared said as he moved to the table and took a seat directly beside where Jensen had been sitting and it warmed Jensen a little that Jared hadn’t chosen to sit as far away from him as possible.
Jensen sat down beside him after grabbing the pot of coffee, a mug for Jay and the milk and sugar, cause he knew Jay liked his coffee with too much sugar and white. He placed it all down and took his own coffee in his hand. Staring down into it and refusing flat out, to look anywhere near Jared.
“So... you ah.. found this then?” He asked as he pushed the letter toward Jared.
“Yeah, yesterday when I was cleaning out some college stuff. I’m sorry Jen, I wouldn’t have looked, I wouldn’t have read it if I’d known what it was. I feel like I invaded your privacy. I mean I know it was for me, but you clearly never wanted me to read it, you know or you would have given it to me back then. But it had my name on the front and it was there and I didn’t know what it was and so I....”
Jared was rambling clearly lost and worried that Jensen was going to be angry that he’d read the letter.
“Whoa” Jensen said cutting off the younger man with a gentle grin and a hand on his shoulder, which he very quickly pulled away again after realising that he really had no right to be touching Jared at all any more. “Jay, calm down, I’m not mad at you for reading it. Mad at myself for being stupid enough to leave it somewhere you’d find it sure. Honestly though, I’d forgotten the damned thing altogether until I saw it again this morning.”
“Yeah well I’m still sorry...”
They sat in silence for a few moments, both looking down into their coffees.
“Do you... I mean” Jared started and then stopped clearing his throat and looking up at the side of Jensen’s face. Studying his profile and letting himself for the first time study the man in the way that he would study a beautiful woman. God Jay thought as he ran his eyes over the delicate skin of Jensen’s face, the pale skin covered in a soft scattering of freckles. Everything about Jensen was... well just... right. Like he’d been painted on canvas, flawless and agelessly beautiful. How was it Jared had never let himself notice it before? He felt a fluttering in his stomach and moved a little nervously in his sit when he noticed that the fact that Jensen was shirtless was not lost on him the way he thought it should be.
“Do I what Jay?” Jensen whispered. “Ask me, I won’t lie to you”
He could feel Jared's eyes on him, feel him looking at him but he couldn't bring himself to lift his head and look back.
“Look at me” Jared insisted
Jensen forced himself to pull his eyes from his mug and turn his head to look directly into Jared’s beautiful eyes.
“Do you still feel this way Jen, about me?” Jared murmured softly, his eyes soft and searching. Jensen saw nothing in them that told him that Jared hated him, or was disgusted by him. What he did see there was... hope.
“Yes” Jensen breathed out. “I’m so sorry Jay, I never wanted you to find out” he added quickly, desperately. Not sure what was going to happen now.
Part 4
Comments are love as always. Sorry about the wait, real life getting in the way as always! Unbeta'd again, sorry.
Author: kimisgirl
Pairing: Jensen/Jared
Rating: PG - NC17
Warnings: Some what AU (the boys knew each other and went to college together, oh and Jensen is gay, but in the closet. They still work on Supernatural now though)
Summary: Jared finds a letter written by Jensen and it turns his whole world upside down. Will he man up and work out how he feels about Jensen now he knows the truth or will their friendships crash and burn?
AN: Just a little plot bunny that wouldn't leave me alone till I wrote it down. This is a work in progress and a chapter will be put up every second day!
The graphics: The letter was written and made by me, the story artwork was put together by me, the image used was made by b_split and she very wonderfully granted me permission to use it :D so thank you very much love! Hope you like the story when it's done.
Previous Chapter
~*~
Jared woke early as normal and pulled himself out of bed and into the shower before heading down to start the coffee machine and grab the dogs leashes.
He was halfway to the door when an idea stopped him and he stood chewing his lip tensely as he rolled it over in his head. Sadie and Harley sat staring at him wondering what their Daddy was doing and why they weren’t out running yet.
Nodding to himself more to convince himself that it was a good idea than anything else, Jared dropped the dogs leashes and ran back to his room quietly. He took out the letter. He’d placed it carefully in his dresser draw the night before. Sitting down by his bed side table he quickly took out a red pen, so it could be seen easy and scribbled down a few words for Jen.
His hand shook as he folded the paper back up and he walked back to the kitchen, his pace some what slower than normal. Nerves getting the better of him suddenly and making him draw out the time it took for him to arrive in the kitchen.
He carefully placed the letter on top of Jensen’s favourite coffee mug, knowing that he would have to move the paper to use the mug. Sighing to himself and wondering if he’ll now have the guts to come back inside after his run. He turned quickly before he could chicken out and left the house with the dogs. Planning to run out the nerves that were making his body shake, what he’d just done might cost him his best friend. He hoped however that it would maybe help to bring them closer together. Even if Jared wasn’t sure yet just how close he wanted them to be. Though he was starting to realise that Jensen meant more to him than pretty much anyone in the world, up there with even his Momma and little sister. If loving him and... well he could think about the other stuff later, is what he has to do to make Jensen happy, then hell, it wasn’t to much to ask as far as Jared was concerned.
He knew Jensen well enough though, to know that he really had to love him, not just want to give it to him, he had to want him the way he apparently wanted Jared or it would never be enough. Jensen doesn’t do anything half way. His Momma hadn’t raised him like that, neither had Jared’s for that matter. It was part of the reason they worked so well together, both put in everything they had. So Jared knew he was gonna need to be all in... and you know something; he really thought that he might be there already. What he needed now was Jensen to talk to him and not shut him out any more.
~*~
Jensen dragged himself out of bed and wandered sleepily down to the kitchen, grinning when the smell of coffee assaulted his nostrils as he closed in on the only room he gave a damn about in the mornings. Cause it held the coffee, and Jensen needed coffee like fish need water.
He loved that Jay always put on the coffee before he left for his run. Jensen hardly ever came down in the morning without there being coffee already waiting for him. It made his smile groggily as he padded across the room, rubbing his bare stomach lazily.
As he reached the counter he saw his mug already out of the cupboard and waiting for him. He chuckled when he saw a folded paper and figured Jay had left him a note about something. And it totally didn’t make him giddy at how adorable he thought that was. Nope not at all... Ok, maybe a little giddy. But he’d just gotten up so he was blaming it on lack of food; yeah that’s the reason, totally believable. Nodding to himself he moved the paper and grabbed the coffee, filling the mug and moving to sit at the breakfast table.
The paper looked a little weird as Jensen unfolded it, old and a little faded, sort of yellowing around the edges. Shrugging he unfolded it and looked down, and that was when his heart all but blew up on him. His eyes locked on the letter in his hands and he all but froze to his seat working hard on remembering how to breathe. Oh hell no he thought to himself desperately. This can’t be happening his brain whined at him. As the shock of seeing something he’d all but forgotten about, thought was long gone, started to wear off a little he noticed the additions to the letter. He didn’t need to read what he’d written on it, he remembered it by heart. And he really didn’t need reminding about how fuckin’ tragic he’d sounded in the written words.
He couldn’t stop himself from running his eyes over the new red ink though. It was Jay’s hand writing, he could see that. The red pen made him think of how teachers used red ink to correct students mistakes, the thought would have made him grin if he’d been capable of it right now. Jay’s mother was a teacher, and he thought that Jared might have picked up the habit from her.
Jensen felt his heart race as he read the small message Jared had written. He read it over and over again and tried to work out what it meant. How to interrupt it. It didn’t sound like Jay hated him at least, didn’t sound like he was... disgusted. Jensen couldn’t help the snort of pained laughter at how Jay had crossed out the word asshat and told him he wasn’t one. He ran his thump over the small smiley face the man had drawn next to it. God I am such a girl! he thought to himself.
He took a deep breath and sighed as he finally took his coffee and drank it down as fast as he could without burning himself. It wasn’t easy, the shit was damned hot! But he needed it now more than anything. He knew now exactly what he needed to do, something he should have done a long time ago. Yes, he was stupidly embarrassed that Jared had found out this way, hell Jensen hadn’t even had the guts to give him the damned letter. But he never wanted Jared to find out like that. Not really. Yeah ok, so he sort of never wanted Jay to find out. Now that he had though, Jensen was upset it hadn’t been done differently.
So he would try to do the right thing, and grow a set. He would do what Jared asked him, he would finally talk to the man he had been in love with for years. Even if the thought of it scared him to death. He didn’t want to lose Jared. Because no matter how he felt about him, the man was first and foremost, his best friend and Jensen didn’t want to lose that.
~*~
The door banged open and the dogs came skidding into the kitchen and straight to their water bowls. Jensen got up and put out some food for them and gave them a scratch behind their ears. Not being able to hold back the smile Jared’s dogs always seemed to put on his face.
“Hey guys, good run?” He murmured to them softly as they started to eat.
He straightened up and turned back to his coffee on the table, he figured he should start making breakfast now that Jay was back.
He froze when he turned and saw Jared standing in the door of the kitchen, the other man was leaning up against the door frame, still sweaty and a little out of breath from his run. Jensen couldn’t stop his eyes from travelling over the man’s more than impressive body. Realising what he was doing he cursed himself under his breath and forced his eyes back up to meet Jared’s.
He could see a number of emotions playing over Jared’s face. Caution, worry, confusion, question, fondness, amusement... and something that Jen couldn’t name... or rather wasn’t sure he wanted to name. So he decided to ignore it.
“Hi” he managed to get out, and was immensely proud of himself when it didn’t sound anywhere near as terrified as he actually was right now.
“Hey” Jared replied from his perch in the door. He still wasn’t moving and Jensen wondered briefly if it was because Jay was now scared to be too close to him. The thought caused his chest to tighten with regret and worry.
“Jen, you ok?” Jared asked softly, concern evident in his tone. Something in Jensen’s face must have given his current mood away.
“Umm” Jensen replied softly, trying to decide what he should do now. “Honestly Jay?” he asked, needing to know if the man really wanted to do this. Wanted to know what Jensen was going to say.
“Yeah, honestly, I wanna know Jen... please” Jared returned as he edged into the room and took a few steps toward Jensen.
“Yeah ok, ok, um look maybe you... we, should sit down. Might take me a while to get this out yeah?”
“Yeah ok man” Jared said as he moved to the table and took a seat directly beside where Jensen had been sitting and it warmed Jensen a little that Jared hadn’t chosen to sit as far away from him as possible.
Jensen sat down beside him after grabbing the pot of coffee, a mug for Jay and the milk and sugar, cause he knew Jay liked his coffee with too much sugar and white. He placed it all down and took his own coffee in his hand. Staring down into it and refusing flat out, to look anywhere near Jared.
“So... you ah.. found this then?” He asked as he pushed the letter toward Jared.
“Yeah, yesterday when I was cleaning out some college stuff. I’m sorry Jen, I wouldn’t have looked, I wouldn’t have read it if I’d known what it was. I feel like I invaded your privacy. I mean I know it was for me, but you clearly never wanted me to read it, you know or you would have given it to me back then. But it had my name on the front and it was there and I didn’t know what it was and so I....”
Jared was rambling clearly lost and worried that Jensen was going to be angry that he’d read the letter.
“Whoa” Jensen said cutting off the younger man with a gentle grin and a hand on his shoulder, which he very quickly pulled away again after realising that he really had no right to be touching Jared at all any more. “Jay, calm down, I’m not mad at you for reading it. Mad at myself for being stupid enough to leave it somewhere you’d find it sure. Honestly though, I’d forgotten the damned thing altogether until I saw it again this morning.”
“Yeah well I’m still sorry...”
They sat in silence for a few moments, both looking down into their coffees.
“Do you... I mean” Jared started and then stopped clearing his throat and looking up at the side of Jensen’s face. Studying his profile and letting himself for the first time study the man in the way that he would study a beautiful woman. God Jay thought as he ran his eyes over the delicate skin of Jensen’s face, the pale skin covered in a soft scattering of freckles. Everything about Jensen was... well just... right. Like he’d been painted on canvas, flawless and agelessly beautiful. How was it Jared had never let himself notice it before? He felt a fluttering in his stomach and moved a little nervously in his sit when he noticed that the fact that Jensen was shirtless was not lost on him the way he thought it should be.
“Do I what Jay?” Jensen whispered. “Ask me, I won’t lie to you”
He could feel Jared's eyes on him, feel him looking at him but he couldn't bring himself to lift his head and look back.
“Look at me” Jared insisted
Jensen forced himself to pull his eyes from his mug and turn his head to look directly into Jared’s beautiful eyes.
“Do you still feel this way Jen, about me?” Jared murmured softly, his eyes soft and searching. Jensen saw nothing in them that told him that Jared hated him, or was disgusted by him. What he did see there was... hope.
“Yes” Jensen breathed out. “I’m so sorry Jay, I never wanted you to find out” he added quickly, desperately. Not sure what was going to happen now.
Part 4
Comments are love as always. Sorry about the wait, real life getting in the way as always! Unbeta'd again, sorry.