SGA\\Promises\\McShep\\NC-17
Title: Promises
Author: kibou_sueshijuu
Fandom: Stargate: Atlantis
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort
Pairing: McShep
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 2,057
Spoilers: major spoilers for 3x12: Echoes
Challenge: 12 Kinks of Christmas: Healing or Comfort Sex
Episode Tag: 3x12: Echoes
Summary: Rodney’s got more issues than John realizes, but that’s okay. John’s there to fix them, or at least make a half-decent bandage.
Warnings: n/a
Beta: n/a
Archive: wraithbait, kinkofthemonth, here
Author's Notes: I always thought Rodney was one of the more layered characters of the team. Echoes, to me at least, compounded that assumption. He has a lot of issues, I think. John can help him work through them, though. Those two can beat anything.
More often than not, John found himself humouring Rodney. He tended to get carried away with his ideas or with his many - imagined or not - ailments. As a general rule, John didn’t mind - it pleased him to see his lover happy, which for Rodney, usually only required listening and nodding, or whatever else made him feel superior to the rest of the world.
However, when Rodney became interested - John had had to convince Weir that it was just an interest, and not an obsession - in Sam, John felt that it wasn’t just another case of Rodney finding something new to understand and thereby conquer. Understand, perhaps, but John didn’t get a sense of the familiar superiority Rodney so often exuded.
Instead, there was affection in Rodney’s voice when he spoke about Sam. There was excitement glittering in his eyes when he pulled the binoculars away, after watching Sam breach the waves momentarily.
John found that he wasn’t just humouring Rodney. Sam, and everything about Sam, seemed to make Rodney so genuinely excited and happy, that John couldn’t help but get a little excited about it himself. Sure it was just a fish - albeit a giant fish that could probably swallow them whole - but it was Rodney’s fish.
When it became clear that the headaches - and consequently the nosebleeds and eardrum rupturing - were being caused by Sam and his fishy friends, John could almost see Rodney deflating, just to puff back up like a bullfrog when they realized that the whales - the fish - were trying to help them, to warn them. Rodney told him, when they’d stolen a few moments to themselves, that having Sam around was almost like having his cat back.
John knew that was pretty impressive; Rodney loved Hawking, even now, three years later. Rodney was like that - he kept himself at arms distance from most people and things, protecting himself with a wall built from intellect, work, and hypochondria. When John had discovered that he was inside the wall, that he had made it through Rodney’s defenses, he discovered just how much Rodney could love, could care - something he honestly hadn’t been sure Rodney could do.
So, John knew just how much Sam meant to Rodney, and when everything was over, he knew just how sad Rodney was when the whales left, though he tried his best to hide it. Rodney kept looking for Sam long after he had finally left the immediate area; kept heading out to balconies to scan the horizon for any sign of a fluke or a splash.
Finally, John couldn’t deny it anymore. Rodney was getting depressed. It had been over a month, Sam was long gone, but Rodney was still hanging out on balconies with his binoculars glued to his face.
One evening, John found Rodney out on one of his more common whale-watching haunts. He strode up behind Rodney and gently placed a hand on his shoulder.
Rodney jumped, surprised at the contact. “Jesus,” he breathed in relief. “Give a man a heart attack, will you?” He shot a glare at John before turning his attention back to the horizon.
“Rodney,” John said firmly, stopping his arm before he could lift the binoculars back up to his eyes.
“What?” Rodney hissed, pulling his arm away from John and planting the binoculars back against his face.
“You need to eat. And sleep.”
“I’m not hungry. Or tired,” Rodney muttered, half-distracted, sweeping slowly along the horizon.
John sighed. “Rodney,” he started again. Rodney ignored him. “Rodney, he’s gone.” Rodney ignored him harder. John swore he could see his temple throbbing. “Rodney!”
Rodney jerked the binoculars down and stalked over to the other side of the balcony. John sighed, and followed him. He stopped next to him and leaned on the railing. He didn’t say a word, and a few moments later, Rodney crumpled himself up and sat on the floor, leaning his side against the railing. John looked down and sighed.
He slid down and joined Rodney on the floor. He put his arm around him and Rodney leaned into him. John took a second to double-check that they were alone, although if someone stumbled across them, he could pass this off as friendly comfort. The whole of Atlantis knew he was the kind of guy who’d offer you a hug if it seemed like you needed one, regardless of the nature of your sexual organs.
Rodney finally looked up at him, and John saw that his nose was slightly pinked and his eyes were glassy; he was moments away from tears. John’s heart wrenched at the sight.
“Let’s get you back to your quarters. I think you need to decompress,” he whispered softly, lightly stroking the back of Rodney’s head. Rodney nodded, looking defeated and miserable.
John stood up, and then offered his hand to help Rodney up from the floor. For the first time in weeks, Rodney grasped the hand offered and allowed himself to be led by John, although once they reached the corridors, they released their grasps on each other. Even then, though, John took hold of Rodney’s elbow - a seemingly platonic gesture, had any of the few night personnel noticed - and led them back to Rodney’s quarters.
Once inside Rodney’s quarters, John wasn’t quite sure what to do. Rodney still looked miserable. They sat on the edge of the bed, and Rodney leaned back into John, who wrapped both his arms around him, now that they were in private. He absent-mindedly stroked his back, as he tried to think of something to say, something that might make it better. He knew there was nothing, but he felt as f he should say something.
He glanced down at Rodney, and any words that may have been inching along his tongue dissolved when he saw wet tracks along Rodney’s exposed cheek. A tear hovered on the edge of his chin, and John’s heart wrenched again. He reached a hand up and brushed the tear away with his thumb.
“It’s alright,” he whispered, cursing himself in his head for sounding like an uncompassionate idiot. Rodney hiccupped a soft sob, and John pulled him closer, tightening the lock his arms had around him. John placed a few small kisses on the top of Rodney’s head, and stroked his thumb along his jaw line.
“I miss him,” Rodney whispered. John murmured his understanding into the top of his head. “He’s the closest thing to a pet you could have out here,” he continued. “And he reminded me of Hawking, and I wanted him to stick around, but he left, and that’s really nothing unusual anyway, but… but…” Rodney’s voice trailed off into a jumbled mix of whimper and gibberish, and John tried to calm him down with some extra back rubbing, and a few kisses placed along his hairline.
“John,” Rodney whispered after a moment, his voice heavy with hesitation. John paused, waiting for his lover to continue. “Promise me you won’t leave me.”
John started. Was that what this was about - abandonment issues? He dropped his head next to Rodney’s, and responded, in not quite a whisper. “I’m never leaving you.” He brought his lips to Rodney’s, and sealed his promise with a gentle kiss.
Rodney lifted his hands and buried them in John’s hair, suddenly and desperately devouring John’s mouth. John let him have control, understanding the need he felt emanating from the man crushing his lips.
After a few moments of tongues dancing around mouths, Rodney pushed John back on the bed and straddled him, leaning forward to rest a good portion of his weight on John. He supported himself some with his elbows, not wanting to crush the smaller man under his weight. John may be taller and more muscular, but Rodney was stocky, and definitely had a weight advantage on John.
Rodney rolled his hips slightly, and felt John’s hardening erection through jeans, finally noticing that John wasn’t in uniform, and that meant it must be pretty late.
John groaned quietly at the sensation of Rodney’s groin against his own. He needed this, so bad. Rodney had been so out of it for the past few weeks that they had barely touched. He felt his cock harden, but he ignored it. This wasn’t really about him.
Rodney pulled back a little and stared down at John. John stared back, face serious, patient. “Promise me you won’t disappear on me, or find someone better, or… or…” Rodney trailed off.
John stared up at this man, and felt like crying for him. He hadn’t realized just how insecure he really was; it had never occurred to him that there may have been a reason for that wall of protection that John had, for some unknown reason, been allowed through.
“Rodney,” John whispered, hooking a leg up around Rodney’s waist. “There’s no way in heaven, hell, Pegasus, or anywhere else in the universe, you are getting rid of me. I’m here ‘til the end. I won’t leave you. There’s no one in existence that I would leave you for.”
Rodney looked about ready to start crying again, but instead, reached down between them and quickly undid buttons and zippers. He pulled away for a moment, to shuck the pants off both of them, and then returned to his position of half-lying on top of John. They separated again moments later to rid themselves of shirts and boxers.
When they were completely naked, they rolled onto their sides, facing each other, and entwined their legs and arms until there was no possible way they could have been any closer to one another besides occupying the same space. Rodney almost believed it might be possible - surely his beloved physics could make an exception for him and his beloved.
They stayed like that for a moment, breathing each other in, feeling each other. John tried to transfer every emotion he felt for Rodney to the other man, hoping maybe, by some sort of pheromone-induced osmosis, Rodney may understand that John meant everything he said - he wouldn’t leave him for the world.
Finally, they started to move again, hips rolling together, cocks rubbing, arms tightening their grasp, trying to get closer still. They were both only half hard, but this wasn’t about sex as much as it was about contact. John wanted Rodney to know he wasn’t going to let him go, and that he wasn’t going to let him face any sort of loss on his own.
They rocked together, until Rodney started to cry again, and then they just held each other while John whispered meaningless noises into his ear, and stroked his back and his shoulders, accepting the tears, and not trying to make them stop. Rodney needed the release, and John wasn’t about to make him feel like he had to be macho around him. He figured he was probably one of the only, if not the only, safe place Rodney had on Atlantis, and he couldn’t imagine compromising that trust.
Eventually, Rodney’s breath evened out, and John realized he had fallen asleep. He really shouldn’t stay the night, but John couldn’t bring himself to leave. If anyone asked, he could tell them they fell asleep watching a movie. It was not an uncommon occurrence, anyway.
John shifted a bit to pull the blankets up over them, nearly falling out of the small bed to do so, but managed to get them wrapped up and secure without waking Rodney.
As John drifted off into his own slumber, he couldn’t help but wonder what had happened to Rodney for him to have such abandonment issues. Who had hurt him? Who had left him?
John wasn’t sure he wanted to know. He did know, though, that he was going to make sure it never happened again. He wrapped his arms tighter around Rodney, rested his chin on the top of his head, and let sleep wash over him.
-
Rodney was surprised one morning, a few days after the latest supply drop off by the Deadalus, to find two stuffed creatures sitting on his bed: one a small grey tabby cat, and the other a fluffy grey whale. Rodney couldn’t help but smile - John had to have pulled some weird strings to get these sent. They were silly, and impractical, but Rodney hugged them to his chest momentarily anyway.
Author: kibou_sueshijuu
Fandom: Stargate: Atlantis
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort
Pairing: McShep
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 2,057
Spoilers: major spoilers for 3x12: Echoes
Challenge: 12 Kinks of Christmas: Healing or Comfort Sex
Episode Tag: 3x12: Echoes
Summary: Rodney’s got more issues than John realizes, but that’s okay. John’s there to fix them, or at least make a half-decent bandage.
Warnings: n/a
Beta: n/a
Archive: wraithbait, kinkofthemonth, here
Author's Notes: I always thought Rodney was one of the more layered characters of the team. Echoes, to me at least, compounded that assumption. He has a lot of issues, I think. John can help him work through them, though. Those two can beat anything.
More often than not, John found himself humouring Rodney. He tended to get carried away with his ideas or with his many - imagined or not - ailments. As a general rule, John didn’t mind - it pleased him to see his lover happy, which for Rodney, usually only required listening and nodding, or whatever else made him feel superior to the rest of the world.
However, when Rodney became interested - John had had to convince Weir that it was just an interest, and not an obsession - in Sam, John felt that it wasn’t just another case of Rodney finding something new to understand and thereby conquer. Understand, perhaps, but John didn’t get a sense of the familiar superiority Rodney so often exuded.
Instead, there was affection in Rodney’s voice when he spoke about Sam. There was excitement glittering in his eyes when he pulled the binoculars away, after watching Sam breach the waves momentarily.
John found that he wasn’t just humouring Rodney. Sam, and everything about Sam, seemed to make Rodney so genuinely excited and happy, that John couldn’t help but get a little excited about it himself. Sure it was just a fish - albeit a giant fish that could probably swallow them whole - but it was Rodney’s fish.
When it became clear that the headaches - and consequently the nosebleeds and eardrum rupturing - were being caused by Sam and his fishy friends, John could almost see Rodney deflating, just to puff back up like a bullfrog when they realized that the whales - the fish - were trying to help them, to warn them. Rodney told him, when they’d stolen a few moments to themselves, that having Sam around was almost like having his cat back.
John knew that was pretty impressive; Rodney loved Hawking, even now, three years later. Rodney was like that - he kept himself at arms distance from most people and things, protecting himself with a wall built from intellect, work, and hypochondria. When John had discovered that he was inside the wall, that he had made it through Rodney’s defenses, he discovered just how much Rodney could love, could care - something he honestly hadn’t been sure Rodney could do.
So, John knew just how much Sam meant to Rodney, and when everything was over, he knew just how sad Rodney was when the whales left, though he tried his best to hide it. Rodney kept looking for Sam long after he had finally left the immediate area; kept heading out to balconies to scan the horizon for any sign of a fluke or a splash.
Finally, John couldn’t deny it anymore. Rodney was getting depressed. It had been over a month, Sam was long gone, but Rodney was still hanging out on balconies with his binoculars glued to his face.
One evening, John found Rodney out on one of his more common whale-watching haunts. He strode up behind Rodney and gently placed a hand on his shoulder.
Rodney jumped, surprised at the contact. “Jesus,” he breathed in relief. “Give a man a heart attack, will you?” He shot a glare at John before turning his attention back to the horizon.
“Rodney,” John said firmly, stopping his arm before he could lift the binoculars back up to his eyes.
“What?” Rodney hissed, pulling his arm away from John and planting the binoculars back against his face.
“You need to eat. And sleep.”
“I’m not hungry. Or tired,” Rodney muttered, half-distracted, sweeping slowly along the horizon.
John sighed. “Rodney,” he started again. Rodney ignored him. “Rodney, he’s gone.” Rodney ignored him harder. John swore he could see his temple throbbing. “Rodney!”
Rodney jerked the binoculars down and stalked over to the other side of the balcony. John sighed, and followed him. He stopped next to him and leaned on the railing. He didn’t say a word, and a few moments later, Rodney crumpled himself up and sat on the floor, leaning his side against the railing. John looked down and sighed.
He slid down and joined Rodney on the floor. He put his arm around him and Rodney leaned into him. John took a second to double-check that they were alone, although if someone stumbled across them, he could pass this off as friendly comfort. The whole of Atlantis knew he was the kind of guy who’d offer you a hug if it seemed like you needed one, regardless of the nature of your sexual organs.
Rodney finally looked up at him, and John saw that his nose was slightly pinked and his eyes were glassy; he was moments away from tears. John’s heart wrenched at the sight.
“Let’s get you back to your quarters. I think you need to decompress,” he whispered softly, lightly stroking the back of Rodney’s head. Rodney nodded, looking defeated and miserable.
John stood up, and then offered his hand to help Rodney up from the floor. For the first time in weeks, Rodney grasped the hand offered and allowed himself to be led by John, although once they reached the corridors, they released their grasps on each other. Even then, though, John took hold of Rodney’s elbow - a seemingly platonic gesture, had any of the few night personnel noticed - and led them back to Rodney’s quarters.
Once inside Rodney’s quarters, John wasn’t quite sure what to do. Rodney still looked miserable. They sat on the edge of the bed, and Rodney leaned back into John, who wrapped both his arms around him, now that they were in private. He absent-mindedly stroked his back, as he tried to think of something to say, something that might make it better. He knew there was nothing, but he felt as f he should say something.
He glanced down at Rodney, and any words that may have been inching along his tongue dissolved when he saw wet tracks along Rodney’s exposed cheek. A tear hovered on the edge of his chin, and John’s heart wrenched again. He reached a hand up and brushed the tear away with his thumb.
“It’s alright,” he whispered, cursing himself in his head for sounding like an uncompassionate idiot. Rodney hiccupped a soft sob, and John pulled him closer, tightening the lock his arms had around him. John placed a few small kisses on the top of Rodney’s head, and stroked his thumb along his jaw line.
“I miss him,” Rodney whispered. John murmured his understanding into the top of his head. “He’s the closest thing to a pet you could have out here,” he continued. “And he reminded me of Hawking, and I wanted him to stick around, but he left, and that’s really nothing unusual anyway, but… but…” Rodney’s voice trailed off into a jumbled mix of whimper and gibberish, and John tried to calm him down with some extra back rubbing, and a few kisses placed along his hairline.
“John,” Rodney whispered after a moment, his voice heavy with hesitation. John paused, waiting for his lover to continue. “Promise me you won’t leave me.”
John started. Was that what this was about - abandonment issues? He dropped his head next to Rodney’s, and responded, in not quite a whisper. “I’m never leaving you.” He brought his lips to Rodney’s, and sealed his promise with a gentle kiss.
Rodney lifted his hands and buried them in John’s hair, suddenly and desperately devouring John’s mouth. John let him have control, understanding the need he felt emanating from the man crushing his lips.
After a few moments of tongues dancing around mouths, Rodney pushed John back on the bed and straddled him, leaning forward to rest a good portion of his weight on John. He supported himself some with his elbows, not wanting to crush the smaller man under his weight. John may be taller and more muscular, but Rodney was stocky, and definitely had a weight advantage on John.
Rodney rolled his hips slightly, and felt John’s hardening erection through jeans, finally noticing that John wasn’t in uniform, and that meant it must be pretty late.
John groaned quietly at the sensation of Rodney’s groin against his own. He needed this, so bad. Rodney had been so out of it for the past few weeks that they had barely touched. He felt his cock harden, but he ignored it. This wasn’t really about him.
Rodney pulled back a little and stared down at John. John stared back, face serious, patient. “Promise me you won’t disappear on me, or find someone better, or… or…” Rodney trailed off.
John stared up at this man, and felt like crying for him. He hadn’t realized just how insecure he really was; it had never occurred to him that there may have been a reason for that wall of protection that John had, for some unknown reason, been allowed through.
“Rodney,” John whispered, hooking a leg up around Rodney’s waist. “There’s no way in heaven, hell, Pegasus, or anywhere else in the universe, you are getting rid of me. I’m here ‘til the end. I won’t leave you. There’s no one in existence that I would leave you for.”
Rodney looked about ready to start crying again, but instead, reached down between them and quickly undid buttons and zippers. He pulled away for a moment, to shuck the pants off both of them, and then returned to his position of half-lying on top of John. They separated again moments later to rid themselves of shirts and boxers.
When they were completely naked, they rolled onto their sides, facing each other, and entwined their legs and arms until there was no possible way they could have been any closer to one another besides occupying the same space. Rodney almost believed it might be possible - surely his beloved physics could make an exception for him and his beloved.
They stayed like that for a moment, breathing each other in, feeling each other. John tried to transfer every emotion he felt for Rodney to the other man, hoping maybe, by some sort of pheromone-induced osmosis, Rodney may understand that John meant everything he said - he wouldn’t leave him for the world.
Finally, they started to move again, hips rolling together, cocks rubbing, arms tightening their grasp, trying to get closer still. They were both only half hard, but this wasn’t about sex as much as it was about contact. John wanted Rodney to know he wasn’t going to let him go, and that he wasn’t going to let him face any sort of loss on his own.
They rocked together, until Rodney started to cry again, and then they just held each other while John whispered meaningless noises into his ear, and stroked his back and his shoulders, accepting the tears, and not trying to make them stop. Rodney needed the release, and John wasn’t about to make him feel like he had to be macho around him. He figured he was probably one of the only, if not the only, safe place Rodney had on Atlantis, and he couldn’t imagine compromising that trust.
Eventually, Rodney’s breath evened out, and John realized he had fallen asleep. He really shouldn’t stay the night, but John couldn’t bring himself to leave. If anyone asked, he could tell them they fell asleep watching a movie. It was not an uncommon occurrence, anyway.
John shifted a bit to pull the blankets up over them, nearly falling out of the small bed to do so, but managed to get them wrapped up and secure without waking Rodney.
As John drifted off into his own slumber, he couldn’t help but wonder what had happened to Rodney for him to have such abandonment issues. Who had hurt him? Who had left him?
John wasn’t sure he wanted to know. He did know, though, that he was going to make sure it never happened again. He wrapped his arms tighter around Rodney, rested his chin on the top of his head, and let sleep wash over him.
-
Rodney was surprised one morning, a few days after the latest supply drop off by the Deadalus, to find two stuffed creatures sitting on his bed: one a small grey tabby cat, and the other a fluffy grey whale. Rodney couldn’t help but smile - John had to have pulled some weird strings to get these sent. They were silly, and impractical, but Rodney hugged them to his chest momentarily anyway.