“Who are you, and what the fucking hell are you doing in my flat?” he said to the signature in the shape of a man.

“AAAAAH!” the heat signature replied.

“Huh,” said Andy.  The figure clutched at its own chest, then its thigh.  Then it collapsed.

“O-okay,” Andy said.

Anthony woke ( Read more... )

Anthony rubbed his temples and pawed his comm.  "What do you mean, 'it isn't in the dumpster'?  You looked twice?  Then the tree!  Try the tree.  Probability heuristic is at 92% now, since it wasn't in the dumpster, the grocery store, or the public pool.  Yeah.  Call me back."

He took a sip of coffee.  "Fucking cats.  Why can't they fucking stay ( Read more... )

Truth

Rocco’s restaurant is closed.  Nobody’s there except him, and Jésus, the night porter.  I have brought a medium to-go cup of espresso with me.  Not black coffee.  All espresso.  Twelve ounces.  I only have to hit the back-door buzzer once before Jésus gets the door.

“Hey, Jack,” he says, propping the door open with a foot.  He’s ( Read more... )

Another one of these! Harlotbug3, I tried to heed your advice on this one; tell me if it's too long and I'll fix subsequent entries.

Click to view

-D

Chaos.

Her apartment is always a huge mess. It used to bother me a whole lot, but I’ve been with Eris for, oh, eight months now. And it’s starting to grow on me. It all started because Tethys noticed how lonely I was. This was, oh - maybe a year ago? She said I looked depressive. Which is technically untrue. I was just washing dishes! And I ( Read more... )

He adjusted his tie.  “It is important,” he said into the camera, “for Americans of all stripes to come together at this time.  This is an era of bipartisanship, as my former opponent has so graciously noted.  I will not pursue a radical agenda.  That’s not what my White House will be about.  We have to fix what’s wrong with our country, and we’re ( Read more... )

Author’s note:

I have just read some Jane Austen juvenilia for this seminar I’m in; we read all the major works and now we’re reading stuff she came up with as a teenager.  It’s all ridiculous, and a lot of it is really funny.

I apologize to those of you that do not like Jane Austen.  But, then again, I also thumb my nose.

-D

“I dread these ( Read more... )

Yes, this is me. Yes, I decided to do this randomly after dinner. Yes, it is improvised.

God help us all.

Click to view

This ... This is really nerdy. I apologize to those of you who hate politics, or, similarly, love politics but are sick of some of these people. Myself, I find them delightful founts of entertainment.  And I felt like this had to be done.

This piece is not complete unless you hear the REALLY IMPORTANT AUDIO COMPONENT, which is here.

or here:

https:// ( Read more... )

Author's note: Let's see how this goes.  Points for you if you can identify the country this takes place in.  The portrait is a fictional composite, but the man he's based on is real, and really scary.

My phone was dead.  I had been captured by insurgent militants twice in my career; once ransomed, once escaped.  This would be the third time, and ( Read more... )