Brigits_Flame, November Entry 03: Limelight
This ... This is really nerdy. I apologize to those of you who hate politics, or, similarly, love politics but are sick of some of these people. Myself, I find them delightful founts of entertainment. And I felt like this had to be done.
This piece is not complete unless you hear the REALLY IMPORTANT AUDIO COMPONENT, which is here.
or here:
https://dl.getdropbox.com/u/70652/The%20Governors%27%20Ball%20Rough%20Cut.mp3
Open it in another window or tab. Listen and read along.
Enjoy.
-D
INT. Miami Hotel
The REPUBLICAN GOVERNORS' ASSOCIATION press junket is just beginning. Anxious reporters take their seats, and Governors BOBBY JINDAL, ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER, HALEY BARBOUR, and CHARLIE CRIST, among others, take the stage.
BOBBY JINDAL
Hello -
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER
Hello -
HALEY BARBOUR
Hello!
Suddenly, all the lights go out except for one spotlight on the corner of the stage - GOVERNOR SARAH PALIN, astride a polar bear, throws a big wave to the audience.
SARAH PALIN
He-ell-oooo-oo-hoo-hoo. Hee-hee.
OTHER GOVERNORS
Hi, Sarah.
SARAH PALIN
Hey, you guys! How's it goin'?
The governors look at their feet. Even Linda Lingle of Hawaii looks embarrassed that Palin's shown up. Lower 48 for the snub, and the Aloha state, too? Harsh.
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER
I'm okay, I guess, Sarah.
CHARLIE CRIST
Oh, hi, Sarah.
HALEY BARBOUR
Well, uh, Mississippi ain't doin' too good.
Sarah Palin sighs a knowing sigh, and then nods a knowing nod. Then, as if she has heard a distant bell, winks a knowing wink, dismounts from her polar bear (who exits stage left), and begins to sing.
SARAH PALIN
It seems our star is fading/
across this Good Old Land/
the last eight years have broken us/
and devalued our brand.
OTHER GOVERNORS
Destroyed our bra-and!
SARAH PALIN
BUT!
Jaunty music.
SARAH PALIN (CONT'D)
I'm goin' on a press tour/
to fill the loving cup/
'cuz I'm Sarah the Maverick/
and we need some fixin' up/
She grabs the microphone stand and holds it close to her chest.
SARAH PALIN (CONT'D)
So I won't leave the limelight/
'cuz there's so much more to do-o/
She thrusts a "we-can-do-it" fist in the air.
SARAH PALIN (CONT'D)
To wrest the poli-process from the hands of thieving Jews -
The other governors are mortified. The spotlight dies and the whole stage is lit. The governors reach out and try to stop her.
OTHER GOVERNORS
Hold on, Sarah!
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER
Ba doom boom.
OTHER GOVERNORS
Enough, Sarah!
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER
Ba doom boom.
OTHER GOVERNORS
You're on a tearer/
And you're makin' news
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER
Not the good kind.
OTHER GOVERNORS
Hold on, Sarah!
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER
Yes, hold.
OTHER GOVERNORS
Enough, Sarah!
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER
Stoppit, Sarah.
BOBBY JINDAL
Nobody is to blame but us/
Don't put it on the Jews.
Charlie Crist, white-haired and dreamy, puts forth and begins to pontificate.
CHARLIE CRIST
We're called the Good Old Party/
But old's no longer good/
And lately we've been party to/
Ideas misunderstood/
Like compassionate conservatism!
BOBBY JINDAL
Minorities!
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER
Iraq!
OTHER GOVERNORS
The party's lost its way/
And it needs us to bring it back/
CHARLIE CRIST
The Celebripolitician! Take one example:
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER
Me!
They thought I was a joke/
but I've substantive policy/
BOBBY JINDAL
You've got to govern thoughtfully/
Don't be a party shill/
Example, Sarah - energy!
SARAH PALIN
Let's see. 'Drill, Baby, Drill'!"
BOBBY JINDAL
(speaking)
No, no, Sarah.
SARAH PALIN
Bobby, I don't see why I can't do this on personality alone. I mean, I've got it in spades.
BOBBY JINDAL
It takes more than that, Sarah! Mitt Romney ran Massachusetts relatively efficiently, and he has the personality of varnished wood.
SARAH PALIN
But he's so shiny! And also, McCain trounced him in the primary.
BOBBY JINDAL
Okay, bad example. But don't you see, Sarah?
He holds out his hand to her.
BOBBY JINDAL (CONT'D)
A republican governor needs gumption, wit, and truth! He, or she, must stand for Liberty, Justice, and smaller government!
Beat.
SARAH PALIN
Sooo. What you're saying is I should lie low for a while and make high-minded platitudes while I secretly plan my 2012 run?
BOBBY JINDAL
If that's what makes you happy, then yes. But get off the stage.
SARAH PALIN
Okay.
BOBBY JINDAL
(singing)
We can rebuild it, Sarah/
and rid ourselves of drama/
to build a Grand New Party/
We must get behind Obama
SARAH PALIN
You betcha, Gov'nor Jindal/
He's a unifying figure/
He's young and smart and promising/
And also, he's a ni -
OTHER GOVERNORS
SARAH, NO!
SARAH PALIN
(embarrassed)
Nicotine recoverer. I mean, he used to smoke, y'know!
Beat.
SARAH PALIN (CONT'D)
Okay fine, I'm leaving. I'm sorry. I'm leaving.
End.