J2: I'll Keep Tossing Rocks At Your Window [ Part 1 ]
I'LL KEEP TOSSING ROCKS AT YOUR WINDOW
Rating/Warnings: NC-17. Alternate Universe. Enough fluff to stuff a million marshmallow Peeps. TEQUILA. Disclaimed.
Words: 17,000+
Movie remixed: Based loosely on Laws Of Attraction; written for whenboymeetsboy. I kept the basic premise, not much else.
Notes: Betaed by the incomparable half_elf_lost. Absolutely dedicated to joans23, flawedamythyst, matalinolukaret, englishblue, and all the girls from the Support Group. ♥
Summary: Jared Padalecki ruined Jensen's life. The life he counted on having, anyway. Ever since he finished law school, Jensen had a plan. Pass the Bar, start a practice with Jeff, and never, ever get married.
Part One || Part Two || Part Three
Jared Padalecki ruined Jensen's life.
The life he counted on having, anyway. Ever since he finished law school, Jensen had a plan. Pass the Bar, start a practice with Jeff, and never, ever get married.
But then there was Jared. And tequila.
And Jensen's carefully constructed plan came crashing down.
Fucking tequila.
ONE
When Jensen was twelve years old, he watched his big sister get married.
Fluffy white dress, a tight and stuffy tuxedo, and more relatives than he knew he had. It was a special day, his mother told him. He remembers hearing that word a lot. Special moments. Special guests. Special arrangements. When he asked Josh, his older brother said it was because weddings only happened once. That's what made them special.
So Jensen enjoyed it. Too many pictures were taken and he had to behave all day even though his cousins built a fort under one of the catering tables. Jensen and Josh stayed up late, lost their tuxedo jackets, and were chased away from the dessert table while all the other guests were dancing.
Finally, collapsed on a futon in their guest room, Jensen fell asleep already looking forward to his brother's special day.
<><>
"Just tell me what I need to do to get half of his shit!"
The soon to be ex-Mrs. LeBronte's screams echo through the hall. Heads turn and Jensen cringes, ushering his client quickly into the empty courtroom. Though Jensen's the choir she's preaching to, the divorcee keeps seething.
"That man barely gave me enough to live on for three damn years! Bad enough I'll only get half now. As if that's enough for my suffering!"
Ah, there it is. Jensen's favorite word.
All of his clients suffer. They suffer with children, through infidelity. Suffer through blah blah blah. If there's one thing Jensen knows about marriage, it's that it inevitably leads to divorce. And suffering.
His parents are divorced now - claiming 'irreconcilable differences' before Jensen even knew what it meant. Josh is currently going through his first divorce, and his sister has 'suffered' through three poor choices. Half the Christmas cards Jensen gets every year are from ex-family members.
Mrs. LeBronte goes quiet when her husband and his lawyer, Richard Taylor, walk in. Jensen gets an exasperated smile from Rick right before the judge arrives, effectively sidelining everything but this marriage's final death throes.
The hearing is quick, drab, and uneventful - the opposite side of the coin from what Jensen knows was a lavish and expensive wedding ceremony. He's always thought marriages should end with a bang - the same way they start. Sometimes that's the way it happens.
"I'd say that result goes in the tie column."
Rick walks over as Jensen packs up his things.
"Sorry, I know how much you love your trial record. At least I didn't beat you."
"True," his friend laughs. "You up for a drink or five tonight? I'm primed and ready to celebrate still being single."
"After dealing with the now ex-Mrs. LeBronte, I'm game. Have someplace in mind?"
Rick grabs his thin portfolio and watches Jensen stuff a pile of folders in his briefcase.
"Yeah, there's a new pub over on 10th. I'll text you the address when I'm back at the office. Nine o'clock work?"
"Sure, I'll meet you there."
Jensen gets a thumbs-up and Rick disappears, leaving him to wrangle his files. Pulling the case shut, he's startled by a deep voice behind him.
"Sorry, I didn't know anyone was in here."
He looks back and sees - fuck. And yeah, just that. Jensen's eyes travel from a blinding smile, dimples as a bonus, down a tanned throat, and down down down over a crisp tailored suit to shined loafers. Damn.
"I - uh. I was just leaving," he attempts, no idea if his voice is steady. "My case just finished."
"Lucky you," the tall guy smirks. "Mine's just starting and I guess I'm a little early."
"Guess so."
Jensen racks his brain for anything - fucking anything - to say so he doesn't have to walk out of the room.
"Divorce case?" Apparently, that was the best his brain could do.
"The Capelli-Addelson divorce, yeah."
He sets a Coach attaché on one of the tables, missing the surprised look on Jensen's face. He's obviously heard of the case - millions at stake between the two married celebrities, but never expected one of the lawyers to look like this.
A throat clears behind him, alerting Jensen that he and the younger attorney are no longer alone and yes, he'd been staring like a psychopath. Several more sharply dressed people enter and make their way to the tables.
"Well, good luck."
"Thanks," Jensen gets another wide, genuine smile. "Maybe I'll see you around, since I'll probably be in court all this week."
Jensen hopes he's not imagining the question in the guy's voice, but there's nothing he can manage to do but nod, and walk away with a matching grin.
TWO
A week later, just before Valentine's Day, Jensen gets a text from Rick.
U gotta come out 2nite. Met a guy, need wingman & you're it, Ackles.
Jeff looks up and glares when the phone beeps.
"Just Rick Taylor," Jensen says, quickly texting back - where & when?
"Doesn't that hot shot have a case or anything better to do?"
"Apparently not."
Jeff huffs in response.
9pm. Caulders. Don't dress better than me.
Jensen snorts at Ricks reply.
The office he and Jeff share is small, but it could be worse. Enough space for two large desks, plenty of cabinets and a small conference room off to the side. Jensen had his sister do the decorating after her second divorce, to help keep her mind off it. She did a great job actually, creating a comfortable yet efficient space for the two men and their small client base.
Jeff pushes aside the rest of his lunch and tosses a section of the New York Times onto Jensen's desk.
"The Capelli-Addelson divorce finishes today," his partner points out when Jensen grabs the paper. He flips below the fold and sees a picture of Daniella Capelli, the stunning model, and her lawyers. And to the left, towering over his client, is the current star of Jensen's jerk off fantasies.
"Jared Padalecki," he reads from the photo's caption. Great, a name to put with the moaning.
"Did you say Padalecki? I didn't know he was part of that divorce." Jeff ignores Jensen's gaping. "Was only a matter of time before his name showed up in the papers again."
Jensen's confusion is obvious - Jeff shoots him a look that asks 'seriously?' before continuing.
"His parents are big time New York socialites and Jared's their only child. I haven't heard much about him since he went off to Stanford and Stanford Law."
He looks back at the photo, Jared gorgeous even in black and white.
"I guess he's back practicing in the city."
"Must be talented if he's already on a case like that," Jeff adds. "I think he's only twenty-six or so."
The older man turns back to his work and Jensen slides easily into distraction.
Jared Padalecki, son of socialites. It sounds daunting to Jensen; the upper crust of New York City society seriously freaks him out. But now he's got a name for that perfect face, and that's something.
<><>
As soon as Jensen walks into Caulder's, Rick's on top of him.
"Man, aren't you trying to pick up a guy?"
"Yeah," the freckled ginger-haired man answers loudly in his ear.
"Then get the hell off me," Jensen pushes him away. "Not a very good impression if he's watching."
"He's not here yet, don't freak." He lets Rick lead him towards the crowded bar, pushing right up to the polished surface. "God, Jensen, wait 'til you see this guy!"
Jensen's used to meeting Rick's 'crushes'; he's been there for the last four and isn't expecting anything major to come of the latest. He doesn't mind, it's always a good time, but his friend's got to realize by now that he's a catch - hilarious and fairly successful. Rick's one of the most confident attorneys Jensen knows, yet he's not sure why that doesn't translate to his social life.
Not that he's about to start that conversation with Rick. That would lead to a thorough dissection of Jensen's dating neuroses and no, he's not in the mood.
Taking the beer Rick passes him, Jensen checks out the crowd. It's busy - the young and successful are out in full force.
"Come on Jensen, drink up."
He takes a long draw of his beer before seeing the rocks glass and clear liquor in front of him.
"Patrón," Rick answers at Jensen's raised eyebrow.
"Tequila?" Jensen almost chokes. "Where's the lime and salt?"
"Don't need that stuff with Patrón, Jensen. Just drink it." Rick sips his quickly, savoring the silver Reposado. Jensen follows suit, feels the liquor warming his throat and stomach instead of burning. It's actually pleasant. Rick's grinning when he sets the glass down.
"So when's this guy showing up?"
"No clue."
"Well, what's his name?"
"Matt, I think."
"You think? What the hell, Rick, don't you know the guy?"
His friend orders them each another beer. "I was a little drunk when we met, but his name definitely starts with a 'Ma-'. I overheard him saying he was coming here tonight."
"Jesus, Rick." Jensen takes the second beer after quickly draining the first. "You're on your own for a minute, I'll be right back."
The bar seems more crowded when Jensen exits the men's room. He's making his way to Rick when he hears it - a deep laugh over the din of the room that sends a shudder through Jensen's body.
He knows what he's going to see when he looks over, but it's like a slow motion scene. Jared Padalecki is in the corner of the bar laughing with a small group. Jensen recognizes the other lawyers from Daniella Capelli's team. No tie, royal blue shirt unbuttoned to his collarbone, and hair falling into his face.
"Oh god," Jensen exhales. He feels stuck. Rick's waiting for him at the bar and Jared's across the room. It makes no sense - and maybe it's the Patrón - but he wants to go over, draw Jared's attention, and exorcise the feeling he gets every time he thinks about the younger man.
Maybe it's fate that finally decides.
Walking back to Rick, Jensen looks back. Jared's watching him, recognition clear even at a distance. He smiles and Jensen's night changes course. There's another tumbler of Patrón waiting for him and his friend's chatting with a shorter man.
"Oh hey, Jensen, this is Mark," Rick sounds pleased, probably ready to start into some buddy story meant to impress.
"Nice to meet you," Jensen gives a quick handshake and picks up the tequila, ditching the empty beer bottle. He cuts his friend off before he can start. "Sorry Rick, there's someone I've got to talk to. Have a great night, both of you."
He doesn't wait for an answer and crosses the room, bright eyes watching his approach. Jared's body shifts, opening his circle of colleagues, automatically making space for Jensen. It's a small gesture but it warms his stomach more than the tequila.
"Hey."
It's not Jensen's best opening line but it's enough for Jared to step away from his group.
"I guess this means your case ended well."
"'My case' is an overstatement, but yeah, thanks." Jared's smile is warm and Jensen remembers they haven't actually introduced themselves.
"I'm Jensen, by the way."
"Of 'Morgan and Ackles', I know." Jared doesn't look embarrassed at his knowledge. The tequila must be dulling Jensen's reactions because he's not surprised. "I read the court dockets and saw your case. Actually, I went to your website and since you're clearly not closing in on fifty, Jensen Ackles was the only other option. I'm-"
"Jared Padalecki, youngest associate on this season's headline divorce trial." Now Jared's chuckling. "I saw your picture in the Times, and God, I hope I didn't butcher your last name."
"No man, you nailed it. But talk about a non-traditional introduction!"
The ice is very much broken and Jensen takes a swallow of his drink.
"Hey, I'm empty," Jared tilts his empty bottle. "What are you drinking?"
"Would you believe Patrón?"
Jared claps a hand on Jensen's shoulder, solid and large, throwing his head back and laughing again.
"Tonight, I definitely believe it. Would you settle for a beer?"
Jensen grins.
"Absolutely."
<><>
"You look really good, by the way."
Jared picks up a new bottle from their bucket of beer. Jensen's face is already red from the alcohol so his immediate blush probably goes unnoticed.
"Shit, that's terrible!" He's not sure if he pulls off a straight face, but Jared looks semi-horrified.
"What?"
"Rick, the friend I came with, told me not to look better than him."
Jared's expression softens. "Why?"
"He wanted to impress a guy."
"The things we do for friends, huh?"
"Seriously." Jensen brings the tip of his bottle to Jared's for a toast.
"Well, you failed your mission," Jared starts, fully peeling the label off his bottle. "I don't know who your friend is, but you look better than every guy in here."
Jensen can't not meet Jared's eyes and his face feels fluorescent. The younger man looks absolutely sincere, his words go beyond flattery to honest compliment.
They've moved to an open booth, staying close but it gives them privacy. Jensen knows where the night is headed, unwilling to stop the momentum, but he's nervous. He and Jared are emptying bottles at a decent pace - eyes getting softer and movements more languid.
The conversation is easy and steady, and before long the bar's crowd has thinned. Even Rick's gone, hopefully with Mark. Jensen doesn't spare much thought for his friend, too focused on Jared. The bucket is empty and Jared's looking over at him. He knows what's about to be asked - the question's already been answered.
Jared's voice isn't slurred, but it's quiet and careful.
"I live a couple of blocks aw-"
"Yes."
Jared blinks. Jensen probably should have waited for the actual question. But thank God, he smiles and slides out of the booth.
"So let's get out of here."
<><>
The hurried walk to Jared's place is a blur and if quizzed, he has no clue what the apartment looks like. As soon as he's pressed up against Jared's bedroom door, his senses wake up and kick back into gear.
It's a new and fucking exciting sensation, being with a guy big enough to manhandle Jensen. Jared's got a grip on his waist, lifting Jensen to anchor him between his hard body and the door.
They'd started kissing when they walked in and it's gone way beyond making out. It's licking and sucking, moaning and breathing. It’s far from perfect and so damn wet, but it's fucking hot. Jared's tongue winds around Jensen's, almost distracting him from what's going on with the rest of their bodies.
Fortunately, Jared's ready to move things along even if Jensen's content to be pinned against the door for the rest of his friggin' life. His hazy mind doesn't miss that Jared is practically carrying him to the bed, grateful when he's dropped onto the firm mattress.
"God, from the first time I saw you," Jared starts and leans back, taking in Jensen's sprawled form before reaching down and yanking Jensen's shirt off. "Wanted you then...needed to know what you tasted like. Fuck...how you kissed."
Jensen tries to help Jared undress him but he's eager to get beyond that - wants to see Jared naked and huge and over him. But Jared keeps talking, short circuiting Jensen's actions.
"So fuckin' gorgeous, wanted to throw you on that table in the courtroom and just fuck."
Jensen's belt is the next to go, clearing the way for Jared to undo the button fly of Jensen's jeans.
"Thought about it, seeing you again..."
As hot as Jared's voice is making him, Jensen's just got to get in on the talking thing.
"Me too, Jared - fuck. Imagined you like this."
Hazel eyes immediately focus on him. "You did, huh, Jensen?"
"Yeah. God, yeah."
"What did you think about?" Jared's lips are inches away, blood full and parted. The truth clearly won't hurt Jensen here, even if the alcohol wasn't making half his decisions.
"You, naked like this, with me."
"What'd you want to do?" His brain tries to keep up. Jared's starting to strip, dress shirt hitting the floor and exposing his tanned torso, just as perfect as Jensen imagined when he caught the first tantalizing glimpse of Jared's throat. He keeps talking and Jared keeps shedding clothes, straddling Jensen again when he's completely naked.
"Wanted everything with you," Jensen can't get much hotter. Liquor warms him from the inside and Jared takes care of the rest, hands never ceasing. He's more in control than Jensen, listening and doing. Everything's happening so quickly and he's so caught up, nearly missing the next dirty whisper.
"You like me over you, Jensen?"
Jared's biting along his throat, grinding down onto him. He can feel Jared's dick against his through his open jeans.
"Fuck yes!"
"Gonna like this, then."
He misses Jared's body heat for a moment but when it returns, Jensen arches into the warmth, mouth closing around Jared's tongue. A condom packet and lube drop next to him and Jensen's so fucking ready. He tries to spread his legs but Jared's just laughs low and soft.
"No Jensen, not like that. This."
It's a dream. Just a big damn dream and Jensen's going to wake up hung-over and hard. There's no way Jared's stretching himself. Only he is. Jared slicks himself, moaning sogood and driving Jensen out of his mind. He rolls the condom on Jensen, so much better than any fantasy he dreamt up. He doesn't wake up when Jared sinks onto him, hot flesh adding to the burn already under Jensen's skin. Jared's hips are solid in his hands, but the younger man's doing all the work.
If Jensen could fucking think, he'd be amused that he's the bottom here in every single way except for the important fact that Jared. Is. Riding. Him. Jared's controlling the rhythm he needs, making it phenomenal for Jensen at the same time.
He can't think, though - only feel. Jared's done talking and so is Jensen. They're both moaning and gasping into each other's mouths when Jared bends low enough, their bodies rocking fast and hard. It's amazing and before he can process, Jared's jacking himself, spilling on Jensen's chest. It feels amazing and Jensen realizes he's coming too.
"Jared. Jared. Jared." Jensen's groaning and the sensations around him are too much, too everything. It's almost a relief when Jared pulls off, collapsing next to him. Jensen catches the snap of the condom when Jared removes it for him, another gesture that would surprise him if his brain cells weren't rendered useless by orgasm.
Relaxing, he feels Jared's hands soft against his chest, the tip of his nose tucked into Jensen's neck. He's trying to remember. Something about this needs to change - feels unusual and uncomfortable. The feeling nags until he finds his voice.
"I should go."
"No, you shouldn't."
Jared kisses his throat gently then gets up. He wants to move but it's difficult. Sex-sated limbs fight the suggestion of movement. Jared reappears with two bottled waters and a handful of ibuprofen, offering the treasures to Jensen. His body still doesn't want to cooperate and it should be embarrassing the way Jared helps him take two pills and down the water, but his mind settles on 'nice'.
But the strange feeling remains.
"I have to go, Jared," he attempts weakly, unconvinced he's telling the truth.
"No, you don't."
Jared's back beside him and Jensen gives up. He pushes away the dizzying swirl of thoughts and falls asleep.
<><>
Jensen gasps and sits up, fingers clutching soft navy sheets that definitely don't belong to him.
Jared. They're Jared's sheets.
The younger man doesn't wake up with Jensen's harsh breathing, alcohol and exhaustion leaving him dead to the world. Jensen might be in the same condition if he were in his own bed, but the overwhelming feeling of wrong won't him sleep here.
Looking down, he gets the chance to study Jared without the soft haze of alcohol. He's truly handsome, even if Jensen knew that, but there's something about watching another person sleep, reading into positions and expressions.
Jared's on his side, facing where Jensen would have been, almost conscious of his partner's place even in sleep. They weren't cuddled together, but in a way this seems more intimate. Jared knew he was still there, didn't have to be pressed against him to know and take comfort in it. Jensen's eyes move along Jared's strong shoulder, down his arm to where Jared's hand is still clasped in his.
Jensen's breath hitches and stops momentarily. He wants this, God, he does. But he's never stayed, doesn't know what to say or do when Jared wakes up. Afraid it could be nothing more than a one-night thing for Jared and like a coward, Jensen would rather avoid it than find out. He's never wanted to fall in love, never sought it, but he's sure rejection is the worst part of it.
Remembering this, Jared's hand in his as a perfect moment, seems like the better option, even if it means running away.
He sits for a minute, caught by the quiet breaths Jared's taking and the feel of his hand, before breaking contact. It's a miracle he finds his clothing, scattered between the bedroom and the front door. It's a crumb trail in reverse, leading him away from the thing he's pretty sure he wants, but doesn't know how to have.
The sky is just starting to lighten when Jensen slips out of the brownstone, feet heavy with the knowledge that he's fucking up.
THREE
You left early, everything okay?
Fine, sorry. Just a lot of work to catch up on.
We should meet up later this week.
Hey Jensen, I'm heading out to Cutler's Brewery tonight with some friends. Meet me there?
I would, but I'm taking on part of Jeff's caseload. Maybe next time?
I came to your office yesterday but I think you were in court. Call me if you want to get together this weekend...
...Jensen, I really want to see you.
<><>
"Are you sure, Jeff? You've been planning your speech for this conference since before Christmas."
"Well I can't exactly give a talk on small practice divorce law in a hospital gown and bare feet, can I?" Jeff's voice is weak and scratchy over the phone reinforcing his point and Jensen clicks up the volume on his cell.
"Fine, I'll go up to Boston," Jensen concedes. "But I can write my own lecture in, dammit, a week."
"I heard that," Jeff coughs. "If you want to write something, that's fine. You can find my talk printed out in my desk if you want to use part of it. I don't care."
"If you start feeling better before I leave, tell me, Jeff."
"Will do, Jensen. Thanks for taking care of all my crap, I owe you."
"Get well, man. I'll call you later this week."
Jeff hangs up and Jensen sighs. His partner's out for the count with mono of all fucking things, leaving Jensen with his cases and obligations. And apparently, his appearance at a divorce law conference in Boston next week. It's icing on the fact that's Jensen's worked nonstop for over three weeks and he's starting to go insane.
He thinks about Jared, the way he slinked out of the apartment, and he's tempted to drown in regret and cheap beer but he can't. Jensen doesn't have the time. After the conference he'll actually call Jared, attempt to explain why he suddenly panicked and ran away from something that could have been, well, something. It's even written in his agenda - 'talk to Jared, you pussy' - marked like a commandment to follow on March 18th. A little over a week to figure out how he can explain his flight, the fact that he couldn't stay to see Jared's face when he woke up even though right now, he'd do anything for a do-over of that morning.
The more he thinks about it, the more he doesn't want to wait. Jared might have forgotten him by now - the one-line emails back and forth have stopped, no calls, no chance meetings in court - but he hopes not. Hopes that what he remembers from their night together was real and not a drunken hallucination.
Jensen pushes it all from his mind before he's distracted too badly. He's due in court in less than forty-five minutes and dear God, he needs a Red Bull.
<><>
Jensen sits down as the applause for his speech - and Jeff's - starts to quiet. The next speaker is introduced and he breathes a deep sigh of relief. Finally, I can sleep. After another week run ragged, he nearly missed his train to Boston, and pulled an all-nighter polishing his additions to Jeff's presentation. Jensen's beyond tired.
He barely notices the final speakers, caught in an uncaffeinated daze. When the conference is over he's just glad no one saw him drift off once or twice. Making his way out of the hotel's lavish conference hall with the well dressed crowd, Jensen's nearly at the elevators when his arm is grabbed.
"Dude-" he starts but loses his voice when he turns and finds a familiar face.
"Hey Jensen."
Jared looks amazing. The tailored, deep brown suit and powder blue tie make his eyes seem lighter and more intense, silky hair that Jensen's fingers itch to remember is pushed back from his face, curling against the collar of his jacket. But his expression, still welcoming and excited, carries a trace of hesitation and shyness. Suddenly, instead of feeling tired, Jensen feels guilty and tired.
"Jared, man, I didn't know you were going to be here." It's a perfect opening for sarcasm, but Jared doesn't take it like Jensen expects and deserves.
"Yeah, my firm thought it would be a good opportunity to meet and greet," Jared's smiling, oblivious to everyone trying to get around them to the elevators. "I couldn't pass up St. Patrick's Day in Boston, though. A few of my friends from Stanford practice here."
Jensen's too ashamed to admit he'd completely forgotten about the holiday until he'd set foot in Boston. After that, it would be hard to ignore. He'd spent one infamous St. Patrick's Day in Savannah during college, and was glad to see that Boston celebrated a whole different way. Less focus on alcohol and nudity, and more on true celebration, thank goodness.
"It's great that you get to see friends," Jensen finally manages. "I don't really know anyone up here."
"Well, you can't stay in tonight," Jared's practically bouncing and before he can cause bodily harm to passerby, Jensen moves them away from the elevators. "How about coming out with us?"
"I don't know-"
"You can't have an excuse, Jensen." Softer now, almost a plea, and it aims straight for Jensen's gut. "If it's me, there'll be tons of other people. I promise, it will be fun."
"God, it's not you," he wants to reach out and touch Jared, smooth down the rich fabric of his jacket, anything to connect them. “It's going to sound like a horrible excuse, but I'm exhausted, Jared. You don't want to hear it, I know, but this last month has been hell."
"Believe me, I know." Jared never looks away, as if he could read more into Jensen by examination rather than listening. "I would have understood, Jensen."
Jensen doesn't want to walk away, but he has to. He's too tired and one more look in Jared's eyes and he'll start spilling everything he's kept hidden for the last month.
"How about this," he meets Jared's gaze. "If I don't catch a few hours of sleep, I'll turn into a zombie. But, I'll come out with you later tonight."
Jared's body language immediately changes. "That's great! I think we're heading out around seven, and that gives you a few hours to sleep. Can I come down to your room around then? I'll call first."
"I'm in room 1181 and unless I'm in a coma, I'll be ready. Now can I go before I collapse right here?"
"I'd carry you if you passed out," Jared jokes.
"Seriously..." Jensen wasn't kidding about falling over.
"Fine, go! I'll see you tonight!" With a wave he's gone, leaving Jensen wondering what the hell he's getting himself into.
<><>
"All right, people! What're we drinking?"
Jared's friend Jackson, a bulky, long haired blonde, yells towards their group. He's the closest to the bar and automatically becomes the designated order-man.
"How about some green beer?" Jared asks, low enough for only Jensen to hear.
"You order me a green beer, and I'm leaving."
Jared laughs and orders them a couple pints of Smithwick's, uncolored. They're in a small, crowded bar, basically a hole-in-the-wall. Jared's friends had led them there, swearing it was a well-kept secret but the place to be on St. Patrick's Day. It's comfortable and their group is large enough to spread from the bar to a corner where Jensen and Jared are tucked into their own small table.
A few hours of sleep had been enough to help Jensen recover, but he blames Jared for the eagerness thrumming through him, making him more awake. Once beers are passed around, Jared doesn't monopolize Jensen's time. Like the first time they'd hung out, Jared includes him and draws him into conversations. His friends are a varied group; mostly lawyers like Jackson and his girlfriend Tara, but there's also Parker, a social worker, a computer programmer named Alec, and an older acquaintance Nathan, who's actually a judge, out with his wife, Sophie.
Between nerves and the bar's jovial atmosphere, Jensen finishes his first beer quickly. Jackson passes down another before he can ask. He doesn't want to drink heavily but he needs something to dull the manic edge he feels, unsure where the night is going. Last time it was easy, the anticipation mellowing their actions and the attraction already obvious.
But when Jared gives him a soft, easy smile, he thinks for a moment that perhaps this doesn't need to be weird or awkward. The attraction is still there - Jared's one of the most gorgeous men he's ever seen and it's becoming clear, purely because he puts up with Jensen, that his heart is just as flawless.
"Glad you came out yet?" Jared asks, switching to his second beer.
"Getting there."
He leans closer to Jared's side of the table, trying to convey what his mind's telling him. The younger man picks up on the movement and mirrors it, sliding his chair without anyone noticing.
Jensen's content to listen to the cheery conversations going on around him, feeling Jared's presence mere millimeters away, when Jackson's yell turns the night in a new and horrifying direction.
"Time to step it up, guys!" He calls, grabbing everyone's attention. "I'm ordering shots!"
Tara, the pretty brunette with Jackson, groans and speaks for everyone. "You're kidding, right?"
"No one has to work tomorrow, baby. Why not? Bartender!" Clearly Tara and the others are used to this behavior - they roll their eyes and laugh while Alec shuffles up to the bar to help Jackson.
Jensen can smell the alcohol before the shot glass is dropped in front of him. Fucking tequila. Jared chuckles and yells something at Jackson.
"You don't have to drink it, Jensen," Jared slides his own shot over towards Parker who's eyeing it with near-lust. "Don't be afraid to tell Jackson to shove it, we do it a lot."
It's tempting, but the clear liquor might go a long way towards easing the last traces of strangeness. Jensen swallows it down, Jared's eyes wide as he watches, not waiting for the salt shaker and limes Alec is passing around. He can't help the reactive shudder the burn causes.
"Guess that wasn't Patrón, huh?" Jensen coughs, thinking the burn is worth it when Jared pats and rubs his back.
"Hell no, not if Jacks is buying!"
He notices that Jared's hand stays at the small of his back as they watch the bitter expressions when the others take their shots. Sophie sips hers as her husband downs his without salt and citrus.
An hour, two beers and another tequila shot later, Jensen can't feel much besides warmth. The bar's gotten busier, no one in Boston missing the chance to live it up on St. Patrick's Day. Jared's flirty and charming, gradually working his way beneath Jensen's defenses and objections as the alcohol works into his blood. After Nate started drinking a single-malt and telling lewd stories to Alec and Jackson, Sophie moved to their table, unabashedly asking Jared and Jensen to 'spill their story'.
Surprisingly, it's Jensen who speaks up after catching a worried look on Jared's face. Thanks to the tequila, he probably says more than he intends but Sophie is hooked on every word, ooooh-ing and awww-ing at the appropriate moments. Jared is blushing as he listens, subtly moving to twine his fingers with Jensen's underneath the table, the affection in Jensen's words spreading through both of them.
As thrilled as Sophie is with their extremely short-but-dramatic saga, Jensen wishes she wasn't there when Jared finally asks the question he's dreading.
"Why'd you leave, Jensen?" His hand is gripped tighter. "It didn't feel like a one-night stand to me..."
Jared trails off, looking down at the table, and Jensen can't lie.
"Honestly, I don't know," he starts quietly, desperate to keep the explanation between the two of them. Sophie catches onto the plea in his voice and she turns back to Parker and Alec. "I woke up and saw myself with you and..."
"What?"
"You were so perfect," he finally says, the simple explanation coming to him. "I've never been the guy who stays, but I wanted to. I know it doesn't make any sense..."
"So, you ran away?"
"I realized I wanted to stay, wake up with you, and I was terrified." In truth, Jensen's a little shocked by his own honesty. Even his closest friends, Rick and Jeff, don't get this much from him. He blames it on the tequila and the open expression Jared wears. "I didn't know what to do with that."
"You're right, that makes absolutely no sense.” Jared looks up at him, a smile pulling at the corners of his mouth and Jensen lets out a breath. The younger man leans closer, creating a private space between them even in the midst of the crowd. "But I understand. I'm sorry if my emails pushed you..."
"No, Jared. I got them and I felt so horrible. When they stopped, that's when I figured I needed to fix this. I just couldn't, not with everything that was going on." His hands shift to Jared's forearms, pulling the other man closer, the next words spoken against his cheek. "I'm sorry."
"You're forgiven," he feels whispered into the curve of his neck.
"I don't deserve it," Jensen rests his face against Jared's, oblivious to everyone else.
"You do, you said I was perfect."
"I meant it."
Jared relaxes until his forehead is pressed against Jensen's shoulder. Out of the corner of his eye he catches Sophie's gaze, sees the warm smile on her face. She doesn't point them out to the others, lets them have their moment alone and he suddenly loves Jared's friends, even Jackson.
But when the larger blonde spots them a few moments later, privacy is a thing of the past.
"To the happy couple," he shouts, the noise in the room meaning that really, they're the only ones who can hear him. Jackson raises his beer and orders more for the table, Jared still hiding his face letting Jensen bear the brunt of everyone's jovial teasing. He grabs a new beer when Alec passes them down, drinking carefully with one hand, unwilling to lose his hold on Jared.
Sophie and Tara are giddy-drunk, cooing over the picture he and Jared are making, and he's glad he can't really hear anyone. Parker's studying the beer menu with an intensity Jensen usually reserves for legal briefs and subpoenas, while Alec, Nate, and Jackson are slapping each other's shoulders and pointing around the room.
Taking another long swallow of beer, Jensen nudges Jared, getting him to look up and shift even closer. There's no space left between their chairs, and Jared's legs sprawled out to encompass Jensen's.
"Hey," Jared mumbles softly, the word unslurred; he hasn't had nearly as much to drink as Jensen.
"I'm glad I came out," he responds just as quietly, earning a bright smile. His hands moves to Jared's chest, pressing over his collarbone, thumb toying with the undone top buttons of his dress shirt. Their moment's broken when Alec jumps up.
"Oh, I have a great idea, y'all!" Alec's practically shaking Nate in his excitement, drawing Jensen and Jared's eyes away from each other. He's gesturing wildly, long arms forcing Parker to duck and Jackson to move behind him. "Nate should marry you guys!"
Parker snorts and Sophie gasps, but Jared draws Jensen in for a slow kiss as if he hadn't even been listening, tuning out everything and everyone. There's almost no heat to the kiss, a soft touch of tongue to Jensen's lips, supple muscle tracing but not pushing inside. He's sleepy and happy and well past tipsy, never imagined that a simple kiss could feel so damn good. Jensen tries to ignore everyone else, the man tucked up against him utterly distracting, but Alec is loud.
"Naw, naw, it's perfect," Alec continues, gripping Nate and pulling him front and center. "You can do it, man, right? Well, why not? More of a reason to party!" He keeps going, sputtering about printing certificates, witnesses, and rings until Parker reaches back and smacks him.
But all Jensen can process is Jared's warm palm on his arm, the feel of his hand still on Jared's chest. He doesn't listen to the scuffle five feet away, just concentrates when Jared looks up, the barest hint of something in his eyes.
"Jensen..." he starts, and the worry is evident. It's panic in Jared's expression, Jensen realizes. They've spent all night building whatever this is back up and now Jared expects a crash more monumental and heartbreaking than the last. At least when Jensen snuck out like a coward, Jared didn't have to watch him do it. He needs to show Jared that fleeing is the absolute last thing on his mind, leaning forward and laying soft kisses along Jared's cheekbones.
His body knows exactly what to do to calm Jared. His mind...well, his drunksleepyhappy mind takes it a step further.
"So what'dya say, Jared?" Jensen's lips travel across Jared's jaw, move so they're just barely brushing the skin of his neck. "Want to marry me?"
Part Two
Rating/Warnings: NC-17. Alternate Universe. Enough fluff to stuff a million marshmallow Peeps. TEQUILA. Disclaimed.
Words: 17,000+
Movie remixed: Based loosely on Laws Of Attraction; written for whenboymeetsboy. I kept the basic premise, not much else.
Notes: Betaed by the incomparable half_elf_lost. Absolutely dedicated to joans23, flawedamythyst, matalinolukaret, englishblue, and all the girls from the Support Group. ♥
Summary: Jared Padalecki ruined Jensen's life. The life he counted on having, anyway. Ever since he finished law school, Jensen had a plan. Pass the Bar, start a practice with Jeff, and never, ever get married.
Part One || Part Two || Part Three
Jared Padalecki ruined Jensen's life.
The life he counted on having, anyway. Ever since he finished law school, Jensen had a plan. Pass the Bar, start a practice with Jeff, and never, ever get married.
But then there was Jared. And tequila.
And Jensen's carefully constructed plan came crashing down.
Fucking tequila.
ONE
When Jensen was twelve years old, he watched his big sister get married.
Fluffy white dress, a tight and stuffy tuxedo, and more relatives than he knew he had. It was a special day, his mother told him. He remembers hearing that word a lot. Special moments. Special guests. Special arrangements. When he asked Josh, his older brother said it was because weddings only happened once. That's what made them special.
So Jensen enjoyed it. Too many pictures were taken and he had to behave all day even though his cousins built a fort under one of the catering tables. Jensen and Josh stayed up late, lost their tuxedo jackets, and were chased away from the dessert table while all the other guests were dancing.
Finally, collapsed on a futon in their guest room, Jensen fell asleep already looking forward to his brother's special day.
<><>
"Just tell me what I need to do to get half of his shit!"
The soon to be ex-Mrs. LeBronte's screams echo through the hall. Heads turn and Jensen cringes, ushering his client quickly into the empty courtroom. Though Jensen's the choir she's preaching to, the divorcee keeps seething.
"That man barely gave me enough to live on for three damn years! Bad enough I'll only get half now. As if that's enough for my suffering!"
Ah, there it is. Jensen's favorite word.
All of his clients suffer. They suffer with children, through infidelity. Suffer through blah blah blah. If there's one thing Jensen knows about marriage, it's that it inevitably leads to divorce. And suffering.
His parents are divorced now - claiming 'irreconcilable differences' before Jensen even knew what it meant. Josh is currently going through his first divorce, and his sister has 'suffered' through three poor choices. Half the Christmas cards Jensen gets every year are from ex-family members.
Mrs. LeBronte goes quiet when her husband and his lawyer, Richard Taylor, walk in. Jensen gets an exasperated smile from Rick right before the judge arrives, effectively sidelining everything but this marriage's final death throes.
The hearing is quick, drab, and uneventful - the opposite side of the coin from what Jensen knows was a lavish and expensive wedding ceremony. He's always thought marriages should end with a bang - the same way they start. Sometimes that's the way it happens.
"I'd say that result goes in the tie column."
Rick walks over as Jensen packs up his things.
"Sorry, I know how much you love your trial record. At least I didn't beat you."
"True," his friend laughs. "You up for a drink or five tonight? I'm primed and ready to celebrate still being single."
"After dealing with the now ex-Mrs. LeBronte, I'm game. Have someplace in mind?"
Rick grabs his thin portfolio and watches Jensen stuff a pile of folders in his briefcase.
"Yeah, there's a new pub over on 10th. I'll text you the address when I'm back at the office. Nine o'clock work?"
"Sure, I'll meet you there."
Jensen gets a thumbs-up and Rick disappears, leaving him to wrangle his files. Pulling the case shut, he's startled by a deep voice behind him.
"Sorry, I didn't know anyone was in here."
He looks back and sees - fuck. And yeah, just that. Jensen's eyes travel from a blinding smile, dimples as a bonus, down a tanned throat, and down down down over a crisp tailored suit to shined loafers. Damn.
"I - uh. I was just leaving," he attempts, no idea if his voice is steady. "My case just finished."
"Lucky you," the tall guy smirks. "Mine's just starting and I guess I'm a little early."
"Guess so."
Jensen racks his brain for anything - fucking anything - to say so he doesn't have to walk out of the room.
"Divorce case?" Apparently, that was the best his brain could do.
"The Capelli-Addelson divorce, yeah."
He sets a Coach attaché on one of the tables, missing the surprised look on Jensen's face. He's obviously heard of the case - millions at stake between the two married celebrities, but never expected one of the lawyers to look like this.
A throat clears behind him, alerting Jensen that he and the younger attorney are no longer alone and yes, he'd been staring like a psychopath. Several more sharply dressed people enter and make their way to the tables.
"Well, good luck."
"Thanks," Jensen gets another wide, genuine smile. "Maybe I'll see you around, since I'll probably be in court all this week."
Jensen hopes he's not imagining the question in the guy's voice, but there's nothing he can manage to do but nod, and walk away with a matching grin.
TWO
A week later, just before Valentine's Day, Jensen gets a text from Rick.
U gotta come out 2nite. Met a guy, need wingman & you're it, Ackles.
Jeff looks up and glares when the phone beeps.
"Just Rick Taylor," Jensen says, quickly texting back - where & when?
"Doesn't that hot shot have a case or anything better to do?"
"Apparently not."
Jeff huffs in response.
9pm. Caulders. Don't dress better than me.
Jensen snorts at Ricks reply.
The office he and Jeff share is small, but it could be worse. Enough space for two large desks, plenty of cabinets and a small conference room off to the side. Jensen had his sister do the decorating after her second divorce, to help keep her mind off it. She did a great job actually, creating a comfortable yet efficient space for the two men and their small client base.
Jeff pushes aside the rest of his lunch and tosses a section of the New York Times onto Jensen's desk.
"The Capelli-Addelson divorce finishes today," his partner points out when Jensen grabs the paper. He flips below the fold and sees a picture of Daniella Capelli, the stunning model, and her lawyers. And to the left, towering over his client, is the current star of Jensen's jerk off fantasies.
"Jared Padalecki," he reads from the photo's caption. Great, a name to put with the moaning.
"Did you say Padalecki? I didn't know he was part of that divorce." Jeff ignores Jensen's gaping. "Was only a matter of time before his name showed up in the papers again."
Jensen's confusion is obvious - Jeff shoots him a look that asks 'seriously?' before continuing.
"His parents are big time New York socialites and Jared's their only child. I haven't heard much about him since he went off to Stanford and Stanford Law."
He looks back at the photo, Jared gorgeous even in black and white.
"I guess he's back practicing in the city."
"Must be talented if he's already on a case like that," Jeff adds. "I think he's only twenty-six or so."
The older man turns back to his work and Jensen slides easily into distraction.
Jared Padalecki, son of socialites. It sounds daunting to Jensen; the upper crust of New York City society seriously freaks him out. But now he's got a name for that perfect face, and that's something.
<><>
As soon as Jensen walks into Caulder's, Rick's on top of him.
"Man, aren't you trying to pick up a guy?"
"Yeah," the freckled ginger-haired man answers loudly in his ear.
"Then get the hell off me," Jensen pushes him away. "Not a very good impression if he's watching."
"He's not here yet, don't freak." He lets Rick lead him towards the crowded bar, pushing right up to the polished surface. "God, Jensen, wait 'til you see this guy!"
Jensen's used to meeting Rick's 'crushes'; he's been there for the last four and isn't expecting anything major to come of the latest. He doesn't mind, it's always a good time, but his friend's got to realize by now that he's a catch - hilarious and fairly successful. Rick's one of the most confident attorneys Jensen knows, yet he's not sure why that doesn't translate to his social life.
Not that he's about to start that conversation with Rick. That would lead to a thorough dissection of Jensen's dating neuroses and no, he's not in the mood.
Taking the beer Rick passes him, Jensen checks out the crowd. It's busy - the young and successful are out in full force.
"Come on Jensen, drink up."
He takes a long draw of his beer before seeing the rocks glass and clear liquor in front of him.
"Patrón," Rick answers at Jensen's raised eyebrow.
"Tequila?" Jensen almost chokes. "Where's the lime and salt?"
"Don't need that stuff with Patrón, Jensen. Just drink it." Rick sips his quickly, savoring the silver Reposado. Jensen follows suit, feels the liquor warming his throat and stomach instead of burning. It's actually pleasant. Rick's grinning when he sets the glass down.
"So when's this guy showing up?"
"No clue."
"Well, what's his name?"
"Matt, I think."
"You think? What the hell, Rick, don't you know the guy?"
His friend orders them each another beer. "I was a little drunk when we met, but his name definitely starts with a 'Ma-'. I overheard him saying he was coming here tonight."
"Jesus, Rick." Jensen takes the second beer after quickly draining the first. "You're on your own for a minute, I'll be right back."
The bar seems more crowded when Jensen exits the men's room. He's making his way to Rick when he hears it - a deep laugh over the din of the room that sends a shudder through Jensen's body.
He knows what he's going to see when he looks over, but it's like a slow motion scene. Jared Padalecki is in the corner of the bar laughing with a small group. Jensen recognizes the other lawyers from Daniella Capelli's team. No tie, royal blue shirt unbuttoned to his collarbone, and hair falling into his face.
"Oh god," Jensen exhales. He feels stuck. Rick's waiting for him at the bar and Jared's across the room. It makes no sense - and maybe it's the Patrón - but he wants to go over, draw Jared's attention, and exorcise the feeling he gets every time he thinks about the younger man.
Maybe it's fate that finally decides.
Walking back to Rick, Jensen looks back. Jared's watching him, recognition clear even at a distance. He smiles and Jensen's night changes course. There's another tumbler of Patrón waiting for him and his friend's chatting with a shorter man.
"Oh hey, Jensen, this is Mark," Rick sounds pleased, probably ready to start into some buddy story meant to impress.
"Nice to meet you," Jensen gives a quick handshake and picks up the tequila, ditching the empty beer bottle. He cuts his friend off before he can start. "Sorry Rick, there's someone I've got to talk to. Have a great night, both of you."
He doesn't wait for an answer and crosses the room, bright eyes watching his approach. Jared's body shifts, opening his circle of colleagues, automatically making space for Jensen. It's a small gesture but it warms his stomach more than the tequila.
"Hey."
It's not Jensen's best opening line but it's enough for Jared to step away from his group.
"I guess this means your case ended well."
"'My case' is an overstatement, but yeah, thanks." Jared's smile is warm and Jensen remembers they haven't actually introduced themselves.
"I'm Jensen, by the way."
"Of 'Morgan and Ackles', I know." Jared doesn't look embarrassed at his knowledge. The tequila must be dulling Jensen's reactions because he's not surprised. "I read the court dockets and saw your case. Actually, I went to your website and since you're clearly not closing in on fifty, Jensen Ackles was the only other option. I'm-"
"Jared Padalecki, youngest associate on this season's headline divorce trial." Now Jared's chuckling. "I saw your picture in the Times, and God, I hope I didn't butcher your last name."
"No man, you nailed it. But talk about a non-traditional introduction!"
The ice is very much broken and Jensen takes a swallow of his drink.
"Hey, I'm empty," Jared tilts his empty bottle. "What are you drinking?"
"Would you believe Patrón?"
Jared claps a hand on Jensen's shoulder, solid and large, throwing his head back and laughing again.
"Tonight, I definitely believe it. Would you settle for a beer?"
Jensen grins.
"Absolutely."
<><>
"You look really good, by the way."
Jared picks up a new bottle from their bucket of beer. Jensen's face is already red from the alcohol so his immediate blush probably goes unnoticed.
"Shit, that's terrible!" He's not sure if he pulls off a straight face, but Jared looks semi-horrified.
"What?"
"Rick, the friend I came with, told me not to look better than him."
Jared's expression softens. "Why?"
"He wanted to impress a guy."
"The things we do for friends, huh?"
"Seriously." Jensen brings the tip of his bottle to Jared's for a toast.
"Well, you failed your mission," Jared starts, fully peeling the label off his bottle. "I don't know who your friend is, but you look better than every guy in here."
Jensen can't not meet Jared's eyes and his face feels fluorescent. The younger man looks absolutely sincere, his words go beyond flattery to honest compliment.
They've moved to an open booth, staying close but it gives them privacy. Jensen knows where the night is headed, unwilling to stop the momentum, but he's nervous. He and Jared are emptying bottles at a decent pace - eyes getting softer and movements more languid.
The conversation is easy and steady, and before long the bar's crowd has thinned. Even Rick's gone, hopefully with Mark. Jensen doesn't spare much thought for his friend, too focused on Jared. The bucket is empty and Jared's looking over at him. He knows what's about to be asked - the question's already been answered.
Jared's voice isn't slurred, but it's quiet and careful.
"I live a couple of blocks aw-"
"Yes."
Jared blinks. Jensen probably should have waited for the actual question. But thank God, he smiles and slides out of the booth.
"So let's get out of here."
<><>
The hurried walk to Jared's place is a blur and if quizzed, he has no clue what the apartment looks like. As soon as he's pressed up against Jared's bedroom door, his senses wake up and kick back into gear.
It's a new and fucking exciting sensation, being with a guy big enough to manhandle Jensen. Jared's got a grip on his waist, lifting Jensen to anchor him between his hard body and the door.
They'd started kissing when they walked in and it's gone way beyond making out. It's licking and sucking, moaning and breathing. It’s far from perfect and so damn wet, but it's fucking hot. Jared's tongue winds around Jensen's, almost distracting him from what's going on with the rest of their bodies.
Fortunately, Jared's ready to move things along even if Jensen's content to be pinned against the door for the rest of his friggin' life. His hazy mind doesn't miss that Jared is practically carrying him to the bed, grateful when he's dropped onto the firm mattress.
"God, from the first time I saw you," Jared starts and leans back, taking in Jensen's sprawled form before reaching down and yanking Jensen's shirt off. "Wanted you then...needed to know what you tasted like. Fuck...how you kissed."
Jensen tries to help Jared undress him but he's eager to get beyond that - wants to see Jared naked and huge and over him. But Jared keeps talking, short circuiting Jensen's actions.
"So fuckin' gorgeous, wanted to throw you on that table in the courtroom and just fuck."
Jensen's belt is the next to go, clearing the way for Jared to undo the button fly of Jensen's jeans.
"Thought about it, seeing you again..."
As hot as Jared's voice is making him, Jensen's just got to get in on the talking thing.
"Me too, Jared - fuck. Imagined you like this."
Hazel eyes immediately focus on him. "You did, huh, Jensen?"
"Yeah. God, yeah."
"What did you think about?" Jared's lips are inches away, blood full and parted. The truth clearly won't hurt Jensen here, even if the alcohol wasn't making half his decisions.
"You, naked like this, with me."
"What'd you want to do?" His brain tries to keep up. Jared's starting to strip, dress shirt hitting the floor and exposing his tanned torso, just as perfect as Jensen imagined when he caught the first tantalizing glimpse of Jared's throat. He keeps talking and Jared keeps shedding clothes, straddling Jensen again when he's completely naked.
"Wanted everything with you," Jensen can't get much hotter. Liquor warms him from the inside and Jared takes care of the rest, hands never ceasing. He's more in control than Jensen, listening and doing. Everything's happening so quickly and he's so caught up, nearly missing the next dirty whisper.
"You like me over you, Jensen?"
Jared's biting along his throat, grinding down onto him. He can feel Jared's dick against his through his open jeans.
"Fuck yes!"
"Gonna like this, then."
He misses Jared's body heat for a moment but when it returns, Jensen arches into the warmth, mouth closing around Jared's tongue. A condom packet and lube drop next to him and Jensen's so fucking ready. He tries to spread his legs but Jared's just laughs low and soft.
"No Jensen, not like that. This."
It's a dream. Just a big damn dream and Jensen's going to wake up hung-over and hard. There's no way Jared's stretching himself. Only he is. Jared slicks himself, moaning sogood and driving Jensen out of his mind. He rolls the condom on Jensen, so much better than any fantasy he dreamt up. He doesn't wake up when Jared sinks onto him, hot flesh adding to the burn already under Jensen's skin. Jared's hips are solid in his hands, but the younger man's doing all the work.
If Jensen could fucking think, he'd be amused that he's the bottom here in every single way except for the important fact that Jared. Is. Riding. Him. Jared's controlling the rhythm he needs, making it phenomenal for Jensen at the same time.
He can't think, though - only feel. Jared's done talking and so is Jensen. They're both moaning and gasping into each other's mouths when Jared bends low enough, their bodies rocking fast and hard. It's amazing and before he can process, Jared's jacking himself, spilling on Jensen's chest. It feels amazing and Jensen realizes he's coming too.
"Jared. Jared. Jared." Jensen's groaning and the sensations around him are too much, too everything. It's almost a relief when Jared pulls off, collapsing next to him. Jensen catches the snap of the condom when Jared removes it for him, another gesture that would surprise him if his brain cells weren't rendered useless by orgasm.
Relaxing, he feels Jared's hands soft against his chest, the tip of his nose tucked into Jensen's neck. He's trying to remember. Something about this needs to change - feels unusual and uncomfortable. The feeling nags until he finds his voice.
"I should go."
"No, you shouldn't."
Jared kisses his throat gently then gets up. He wants to move but it's difficult. Sex-sated limbs fight the suggestion of movement. Jared reappears with two bottled waters and a handful of ibuprofen, offering the treasures to Jensen. His body still doesn't want to cooperate and it should be embarrassing the way Jared helps him take two pills and down the water, but his mind settles on 'nice'.
But the strange feeling remains.
"I have to go, Jared," he attempts weakly, unconvinced he's telling the truth.
"No, you don't."
Jared's back beside him and Jensen gives up. He pushes away the dizzying swirl of thoughts and falls asleep.
<><>
Jensen gasps and sits up, fingers clutching soft navy sheets that definitely don't belong to him.
Jared. They're Jared's sheets.
The younger man doesn't wake up with Jensen's harsh breathing, alcohol and exhaustion leaving him dead to the world. Jensen might be in the same condition if he were in his own bed, but the overwhelming feeling of wrong won't him sleep here.
Looking down, he gets the chance to study Jared without the soft haze of alcohol. He's truly handsome, even if Jensen knew that, but there's something about watching another person sleep, reading into positions and expressions.
Jared's on his side, facing where Jensen would have been, almost conscious of his partner's place even in sleep. They weren't cuddled together, but in a way this seems more intimate. Jared knew he was still there, didn't have to be pressed against him to know and take comfort in it. Jensen's eyes move along Jared's strong shoulder, down his arm to where Jared's hand is still clasped in his.
Jensen's breath hitches and stops momentarily. He wants this, God, he does. But he's never stayed, doesn't know what to say or do when Jared wakes up. Afraid it could be nothing more than a one-night thing for Jared and like a coward, Jensen would rather avoid it than find out. He's never wanted to fall in love, never sought it, but he's sure rejection is the worst part of it.
Remembering this, Jared's hand in his as a perfect moment, seems like the better option, even if it means running away.
He sits for a minute, caught by the quiet breaths Jared's taking and the feel of his hand, before breaking contact. It's a miracle he finds his clothing, scattered between the bedroom and the front door. It's a crumb trail in reverse, leading him away from the thing he's pretty sure he wants, but doesn't know how to have.
The sky is just starting to lighten when Jensen slips out of the brownstone, feet heavy with the knowledge that he's fucking up.
THREE
You left early, everything okay?
Fine, sorry. Just a lot of work to catch up on.
We should meet up later this week.
Hey Jensen, I'm heading out to Cutler's Brewery tonight with some friends. Meet me there?
I would, but I'm taking on part of Jeff's caseload. Maybe next time?
I came to your office yesterday but I think you were in court. Call me if you want to get together this weekend...
...Jensen, I really want to see you.
<><>
"Are you sure, Jeff? You've been planning your speech for this conference since before Christmas."
"Well I can't exactly give a talk on small practice divorce law in a hospital gown and bare feet, can I?" Jeff's voice is weak and scratchy over the phone reinforcing his point and Jensen clicks up the volume on his cell.
"Fine, I'll go up to Boston," Jensen concedes. "But I can write my own lecture in, dammit, a week."
"I heard that," Jeff coughs. "If you want to write something, that's fine. You can find my talk printed out in my desk if you want to use part of it. I don't care."
"If you start feeling better before I leave, tell me, Jeff."
"Will do, Jensen. Thanks for taking care of all my crap, I owe you."
"Get well, man. I'll call you later this week."
Jeff hangs up and Jensen sighs. His partner's out for the count with mono of all fucking things, leaving Jensen with his cases and obligations. And apparently, his appearance at a divorce law conference in Boston next week. It's icing on the fact that's Jensen's worked nonstop for over three weeks and he's starting to go insane.
He thinks about Jared, the way he slinked out of the apartment, and he's tempted to drown in regret and cheap beer but he can't. Jensen doesn't have the time. After the conference he'll actually call Jared, attempt to explain why he suddenly panicked and ran away from something that could have been, well, something. It's even written in his agenda - 'talk to Jared, you pussy' - marked like a commandment to follow on March 18th. A little over a week to figure out how he can explain his flight, the fact that he couldn't stay to see Jared's face when he woke up even though right now, he'd do anything for a do-over of that morning.
The more he thinks about it, the more he doesn't want to wait. Jared might have forgotten him by now - the one-line emails back and forth have stopped, no calls, no chance meetings in court - but he hopes not. Hopes that what he remembers from their night together was real and not a drunken hallucination.
Jensen pushes it all from his mind before he's distracted too badly. He's due in court in less than forty-five minutes and dear God, he needs a Red Bull.
<><>
Jensen sits down as the applause for his speech - and Jeff's - starts to quiet. The next speaker is introduced and he breathes a deep sigh of relief. Finally, I can sleep. After another week run ragged, he nearly missed his train to Boston, and pulled an all-nighter polishing his additions to Jeff's presentation. Jensen's beyond tired.
He barely notices the final speakers, caught in an uncaffeinated daze. When the conference is over he's just glad no one saw him drift off once or twice. Making his way out of the hotel's lavish conference hall with the well dressed crowd, Jensen's nearly at the elevators when his arm is grabbed.
"Dude-" he starts but loses his voice when he turns and finds a familiar face.
"Hey Jensen."
Jared looks amazing. The tailored, deep brown suit and powder blue tie make his eyes seem lighter and more intense, silky hair that Jensen's fingers itch to remember is pushed back from his face, curling against the collar of his jacket. But his expression, still welcoming and excited, carries a trace of hesitation and shyness. Suddenly, instead of feeling tired, Jensen feels guilty and tired.
"Jared, man, I didn't know you were going to be here." It's a perfect opening for sarcasm, but Jared doesn't take it like Jensen expects and deserves.
"Yeah, my firm thought it would be a good opportunity to meet and greet," Jared's smiling, oblivious to everyone trying to get around them to the elevators. "I couldn't pass up St. Patrick's Day in Boston, though. A few of my friends from Stanford practice here."
Jensen's too ashamed to admit he'd completely forgotten about the holiday until he'd set foot in Boston. After that, it would be hard to ignore. He'd spent one infamous St. Patrick's Day in Savannah during college, and was glad to see that Boston celebrated a whole different way. Less focus on alcohol and nudity, and more on true celebration, thank goodness.
"It's great that you get to see friends," Jensen finally manages. "I don't really know anyone up here."
"Well, you can't stay in tonight," Jared's practically bouncing and before he can cause bodily harm to passerby, Jensen moves them away from the elevators. "How about coming out with us?"
"I don't know-"
"You can't have an excuse, Jensen." Softer now, almost a plea, and it aims straight for Jensen's gut. "If it's me, there'll be tons of other people. I promise, it will be fun."
"God, it's not you," he wants to reach out and touch Jared, smooth down the rich fabric of his jacket, anything to connect them. “It's going to sound like a horrible excuse, but I'm exhausted, Jared. You don't want to hear it, I know, but this last month has been hell."
"Believe me, I know." Jared never looks away, as if he could read more into Jensen by examination rather than listening. "I would have understood, Jensen."
Jensen doesn't want to walk away, but he has to. He's too tired and one more look in Jared's eyes and he'll start spilling everything he's kept hidden for the last month.
"How about this," he meets Jared's gaze. "If I don't catch a few hours of sleep, I'll turn into a zombie. But, I'll come out with you later tonight."
Jared's body language immediately changes. "That's great! I think we're heading out around seven, and that gives you a few hours to sleep. Can I come down to your room around then? I'll call first."
"I'm in room 1181 and unless I'm in a coma, I'll be ready. Now can I go before I collapse right here?"
"I'd carry you if you passed out," Jared jokes.
"Seriously..." Jensen wasn't kidding about falling over.
"Fine, go! I'll see you tonight!" With a wave he's gone, leaving Jensen wondering what the hell he's getting himself into.
<><>
"All right, people! What're we drinking?"
Jared's friend Jackson, a bulky, long haired blonde, yells towards their group. He's the closest to the bar and automatically becomes the designated order-man.
"How about some green beer?" Jared asks, low enough for only Jensen to hear.
"You order me a green beer, and I'm leaving."
Jared laughs and orders them a couple pints of Smithwick's, uncolored. They're in a small, crowded bar, basically a hole-in-the-wall. Jared's friends had led them there, swearing it was a well-kept secret but the place to be on St. Patrick's Day. It's comfortable and their group is large enough to spread from the bar to a corner where Jensen and Jared are tucked into their own small table.
A few hours of sleep had been enough to help Jensen recover, but he blames Jared for the eagerness thrumming through him, making him more awake. Once beers are passed around, Jared doesn't monopolize Jensen's time. Like the first time they'd hung out, Jared includes him and draws him into conversations. His friends are a varied group; mostly lawyers like Jackson and his girlfriend Tara, but there's also Parker, a social worker, a computer programmer named Alec, and an older acquaintance Nathan, who's actually a judge, out with his wife, Sophie.
Between nerves and the bar's jovial atmosphere, Jensen finishes his first beer quickly. Jackson passes down another before he can ask. He doesn't want to drink heavily but he needs something to dull the manic edge he feels, unsure where the night is going. Last time it was easy, the anticipation mellowing their actions and the attraction already obvious.
But when Jared gives him a soft, easy smile, he thinks for a moment that perhaps this doesn't need to be weird or awkward. The attraction is still there - Jared's one of the most gorgeous men he's ever seen and it's becoming clear, purely because he puts up with Jensen, that his heart is just as flawless.
"Glad you came out yet?" Jared asks, switching to his second beer.
"Getting there."
He leans closer to Jared's side of the table, trying to convey what his mind's telling him. The younger man picks up on the movement and mirrors it, sliding his chair without anyone noticing.
Jensen's content to listen to the cheery conversations going on around him, feeling Jared's presence mere millimeters away, when Jackson's yell turns the night in a new and horrifying direction.
"Time to step it up, guys!" He calls, grabbing everyone's attention. "I'm ordering shots!"
Tara, the pretty brunette with Jackson, groans and speaks for everyone. "You're kidding, right?"
"No one has to work tomorrow, baby. Why not? Bartender!" Clearly Tara and the others are used to this behavior - they roll their eyes and laugh while Alec shuffles up to the bar to help Jackson.
Jensen can smell the alcohol before the shot glass is dropped in front of him. Fucking tequila. Jared chuckles and yells something at Jackson.
"You don't have to drink it, Jensen," Jared slides his own shot over towards Parker who's eyeing it with near-lust. "Don't be afraid to tell Jackson to shove it, we do it a lot."
It's tempting, but the clear liquor might go a long way towards easing the last traces of strangeness. Jensen swallows it down, Jared's eyes wide as he watches, not waiting for the salt shaker and limes Alec is passing around. He can't help the reactive shudder the burn causes.
"Guess that wasn't Patrón, huh?" Jensen coughs, thinking the burn is worth it when Jared pats and rubs his back.
"Hell no, not if Jacks is buying!"
He notices that Jared's hand stays at the small of his back as they watch the bitter expressions when the others take their shots. Sophie sips hers as her husband downs his without salt and citrus.
An hour, two beers and another tequila shot later, Jensen can't feel much besides warmth. The bar's gotten busier, no one in Boston missing the chance to live it up on St. Patrick's Day. Jared's flirty and charming, gradually working his way beneath Jensen's defenses and objections as the alcohol works into his blood. After Nate started drinking a single-malt and telling lewd stories to Alec and Jackson, Sophie moved to their table, unabashedly asking Jared and Jensen to 'spill their story'.
Surprisingly, it's Jensen who speaks up after catching a worried look on Jared's face. Thanks to the tequila, he probably says more than he intends but Sophie is hooked on every word, ooooh-ing and awww-ing at the appropriate moments. Jared is blushing as he listens, subtly moving to twine his fingers with Jensen's underneath the table, the affection in Jensen's words spreading through both of them.
As thrilled as Sophie is with their extremely short-but-dramatic saga, Jensen wishes she wasn't there when Jared finally asks the question he's dreading.
"Why'd you leave, Jensen?" His hand is gripped tighter. "It didn't feel like a one-night stand to me..."
Jared trails off, looking down at the table, and Jensen can't lie.
"Honestly, I don't know," he starts quietly, desperate to keep the explanation between the two of them. Sophie catches onto the plea in his voice and she turns back to Parker and Alec. "I woke up and saw myself with you and..."
"What?"
"You were so perfect," he finally says, the simple explanation coming to him. "I've never been the guy who stays, but I wanted to. I know it doesn't make any sense..."
"So, you ran away?"
"I realized I wanted to stay, wake up with you, and I was terrified." In truth, Jensen's a little shocked by his own honesty. Even his closest friends, Rick and Jeff, don't get this much from him. He blames it on the tequila and the open expression Jared wears. "I didn't know what to do with that."
"You're right, that makes absolutely no sense.” Jared looks up at him, a smile pulling at the corners of his mouth and Jensen lets out a breath. The younger man leans closer, creating a private space between them even in the midst of the crowd. "But I understand. I'm sorry if my emails pushed you..."
"No, Jared. I got them and I felt so horrible. When they stopped, that's when I figured I needed to fix this. I just couldn't, not with everything that was going on." His hands shift to Jared's forearms, pulling the other man closer, the next words spoken against his cheek. "I'm sorry."
"You're forgiven," he feels whispered into the curve of his neck.
"I don't deserve it," Jensen rests his face against Jared's, oblivious to everyone else.
"You do, you said I was perfect."
"I meant it."
Jared relaxes until his forehead is pressed against Jensen's shoulder. Out of the corner of his eye he catches Sophie's gaze, sees the warm smile on her face. She doesn't point them out to the others, lets them have their moment alone and he suddenly loves Jared's friends, even Jackson.
But when the larger blonde spots them a few moments later, privacy is a thing of the past.
"To the happy couple," he shouts, the noise in the room meaning that really, they're the only ones who can hear him. Jackson raises his beer and orders more for the table, Jared still hiding his face letting Jensen bear the brunt of everyone's jovial teasing. He grabs a new beer when Alec passes them down, drinking carefully with one hand, unwilling to lose his hold on Jared.
Sophie and Tara are giddy-drunk, cooing over the picture he and Jared are making, and he's glad he can't really hear anyone. Parker's studying the beer menu with an intensity Jensen usually reserves for legal briefs and subpoenas, while Alec, Nate, and Jackson are slapping each other's shoulders and pointing around the room.
Taking another long swallow of beer, Jensen nudges Jared, getting him to look up and shift even closer. There's no space left between their chairs, and Jared's legs sprawled out to encompass Jensen's.
"Hey," Jared mumbles softly, the word unslurred; he hasn't had nearly as much to drink as Jensen.
"I'm glad I came out," he responds just as quietly, earning a bright smile. His hands moves to Jared's chest, pressing over his collarbone, thumb toying with the undone top buttons of his dress shirt. Their moment's broken when Alec jumps up.
"Oh, I have a great idea, y'all!" Alec's practically shaking Nate in his excitement, drawing Jensen and Jared's eyes away from each other. He's gesturing wildly, long arms forcing Parker to duck and Jackson to move behind him. "Nate should marry you guys!"
Parker snorts and Sophie gasps, but Jared draws Jensen in for a slow kiss as if he hadn't even been listening, tuning out everything and everyone. There's almost no heat to the kiss, a soft touch of tongue to Jensen's lips, supple muscle tracing but not pushing inside. He's sleepy and happy and well past tipsy, never imagined that a simple kiss could feel so damn good. Jensen tries to ignore everyone else, the man tucked up against him utterly distracting, but Alec is loud.
"Naw, naw, it's perfect," Alec continues, gripping Nate and pulling him front and center. "You can do it, man, right? Well, why not? More of a reason to party!" He keeps going, sputtering about printing certificates, witnesses, and rings until Parker reaches back and smacks him.
But all Jensen can process is Jared's warm palm on his arm, the feel of his hand still on Jared's chest. He doesn't listen to the scuffle five feet away, just concentrates when Jared looks up, the barest hint of something in his eyes.
"Jensen..." he starts, and the worry is evident. It's panic in Jared's expression, Jensen realizes. They've spent all night building whatever this is back up and now Jared expects a crash more monumental and heartbreaking than the last. At least when Jensen snuck out like a coward, Jared didn't have to watch him do it. He needs to show Jared that fleeing is the absolute last thing on his mind, leaning forward and laying soft kisses along Jared's cheekbones.
His body knows exactly what to do to calm Jared. His mind...well, his drunksleepyhappy mind takes it a step further.
"So what'dya say, Jared?" Jensen's lips travel across Jared's jaw, move so they're just barely brushing the skin of his neck. "Want to marry me?"
Part Two