J2: I'll Keep Tossing Rocks At Your Window [ Part 3 & Notes ]
Back to Part Two.
SIX
Jared's not in bed when Jensen wakes up. He's not even in the apartment.
It's not surprising and Jensen feels sick, knowing it's not entirely from the alcohol. Everything from last night rushes back in vivid Technicolor when he collapses in his own bed. Bleary eyes find that his jeans and button down are folded on his comforter, his boots set by his closet.
Jared stays away for most of the day and Jensen barely makes it out of bed. It gives him a chance to think even if thinking is the last thing his brain wants. Jared's disappearance says a lot, forces Jensen to think of avoidance and question what they're doing. Something's got to give.
He's managed to put on jeans and a t-shirt by the time Jared shows up. Jensen's in the kitchen eating cereal when he hears the door and comes out to find Jared sitting at the dining room table. Jared's silent, picking at invisible scratches on the table, so it's on Jensen to start.
Another apology is on the tip of his tongue, but that's not what comes out.
"What are we doing, Jared?"
Jared's fingers still and he meets Jensen's eyes. "What do you mean?"
"This, whatever we are," Jensen explains awkwardly. "I don't know what do to around you anymore."
"Is this because of what happened last night? Because I didn't go out with you?" Jensen shakes his head. "Because we didn't have sex?"
Jensen's caught off guard. Touching Jared last night felt amazing; it's everything else that's frustrating him.
Jared laughs fumblingly. "We're married, I'm pretty sure I'm required to not put out."
"Don't joke," Jensen fires back harshly. "Last night, you let me...even after we fought."
"I wanted to put it behind us."
"So you think we should ignore it?"
"Jensen..."
"No," Jensen moves around the table so he can see Jared's face better. "I can't sweep this all away and pretend that something's not wrong."
That gets to Jared and his hazel eyes harden. "You think this is wrong?"
"It's not really a marriage, Jared!" Jensen gestures sweepingly between them, trying to drive his point home, hopes Jared will understand. "You walk on eggshells around me, and I've done it too, I know. We spend too much time easing around each other. You don't argue for what you want, you don't fight."
"I've been fighting for this since day one!" Jared stands and faces him.
Jensen refuses to pull his punches. For them, it's now or never. "What, for us to be roommates? That isn't what I want. If this is what you want, you're crazy."
"I don't want to argue," the younger man leans on his chair, head dropping. "It doesn't accomplish anything."
"I want you to argue! I want the bickering and the disagreements. The forgiveness and the make up sex!" Jensen waits for Jared to look back up at him. "I don't think I can deal with this anymore."
If Jensen's honest with himself, this is the moment he expects Jared to give in. To smile and be willing to pursue everything Jensen thinks they could be. But life rarely goes how it should and Jared walks out of the room without a single word. The sudden fear hits him that everything he just said might have been interpreted so horribly wrong.
He doesn't chase Jared and it might be a mistake. Instead, Jensen waits in the dining room, listening to the sounds of Jared moving around in his bedroom. It's another blow to Jensen when he finally returns, duffel bag in one hand and a large envelope in the other.
"I'm sorry this isn't what you want," he starts and yeah, Jensen's messed up again. He goes to interrupt but Jared stops him. "No, wait. That night in Boston, when you asked me...we may have been drinking but I looked in your eyes and I thought you meant it. Maybe I am delusional, and I knew you'd pull away, but I thought we'd eventually get through it and figure things out."
"We still can, Jared. I didn't mean..."
But Jared keeps going. "I knew this was something more and I wanted to spend time with you, but maybe that was a mistake. I should have..." He pauses and Jensen's too stunned to jump in. Jared shakes his head and starts again. "I think I'm gonna head up to Jackson's for the rest of the weekend."
"Jared."
The younger man moves to the front door, leaving the envelope on the table. "Just let me go. Please...stay here when I'm gone, if you want. You don't have to leave."
Jensen's stuck where he stands as Jared hoists the duffel over his shoulder and leaves. He's not sure how long he remains motionless after the door closes but when he finally shakes himself out of it, the envelope is screaming at him from the table.
Inside is a very familiar bunch of documents. Divorce papers.
Fuck.
Flipping through, he catches the date the papers were drawn up. March 19th. The day after he and Jared got back from Boston.
Fuck fuck fuck.
<><>
Jensen's always thought marriages should end with a bang - the same way they start. Sometimes, it happens.
Now, his marriage to Jared is going to end quietly, with heartbreak. And it's the last thing Jensen wants.
<><>
Sunday afternoon, still in his pajamas and three beers deep into one of Jared's six packs, Jensen's phone rings. It's not a tinny rendition of Head Games, so it's not Jared. No surprise there. He doesn't recognize the incoming number.
"Jensen Ackles."
"Ah, Jensen, it's Nate. Nathan Ford?"
"Oh, hi." He sits up and sets his current bottle on the coffee table.
Jensen can hear Nate take a deep breath over the line. "Listen, I know Jared's up here staying with Jackson and Tara. I just wanted to call and see how you were doing."
This is a man he barely knows, but Nate's the one who married them, part of their lives no matter what. And he's clearly close to Jared, a mentor.
"I have no idea," he finally manages to say truthfully. "Maybe I was right at the beginning, this was such a crazy plan. We barely know each other."
"You know each other now." It's not a question. Nate's voice is soft and confident. He sighs. "I'm not a sadist, Jensen, it's never my intention to cause pain. I wouldn't have married you and Jared if I hadn't seen some spark between you, a feeling that it would all work out. Even if Sophie had begged me and Alec had hounded me more than he did, I wouldn't have gone through with it."
"But you did."
"Yeah." Jensen can almost hear the self-satisfied smirk. "I did. Now I don't know everything you boys are going through, but I think it'll be worth sticking out. Hell, I barely knew Sophie when I married her, but I was head over heels."
"And now?"
Nate chuckles. "And now she's the most infuriating, backwards woman I know."
Jensen can hear the affection in Nate's voice and knows what he's saying. "And you love her and you wouldn't regret it for anything, right?"
"Damn right."
He smiles to himself. It's not his answer, but it'll help him along. "Thanks, Nate."
"No problem. I know Jared's going home tomorrow night, so just give yourself some more time to think. You boys take care."
Later, and just like the night before, Jensen forgoes the living room and takes his briefcase and laptop into Jared's bedroom. It's more comfortable spreading out there, Kara DeMaio's files all around him. Jared's been gone one day but without his presence, it's the only way Jensen feels connected to him, surrounded by his things.
There's no reason for him to sleep there too, curled up in Jared's sheets, but he does. Just like the night before.
<><>
Court kicks Jensen's ass on Monday. Between Kara and her husband's constant bickering and insult throwing, and watching the minutes tick slowly by, Jensen's about to throw his hands up in surrender.
When he finally makes it back to Jared's, there's no sign of his husband yet and he chokes down the disappointment. The innocuous folder is still on the table and Jensen collapses on a dining room chair. The day he's had, the weekend, the month he's been having, all rise up at once and Jensen buries his head in his arms.
The quiet voice from behind startles him.
"I drew them up when I thought you'd never agree to see this through."
He snaps his head around and Jared's here, holding two bags from the deli down the street, eyes locked on the divorce papers. He wants to get up and do something, but Jared doesn't look any happier now than when he'd left, freezing Jensen where he sits. When he doesn't make a move, Jared sets the bags on the table and stands across from him.
"Jared," he sighs. "What I said before you left, I didn't mean it like..."
"Yeah, I figured that out," Jared cuts him off. "I thought a lot in Boston."
"Jackson left you alone long enough to think?"
"I managed a few hours between Jack-attacks." Jared's eyes light up for a second at the joke before softening again. "We could go back to the beginning, back to the night I saw you at the bar," he suggests meekly. "Start over without all of this craziness."
Jensen swallows and catches his heart before it falls to the floor. "That's what you want?" He'd do it, gladly, if that's what Jared decides.
"I want whatever lets me have something close to this. I walked away this weekend because I needed to get my head straight, but I could never walk away forever." The deep breath Jared draws sounds like a barrier to Jensen. "I know you think you can't understand another person without years of experience, but I think it only takes an instant. One moment of fascination and attraction that shapes the rest of your life, whether you know it or not. I saw you in that bar and I stopped breathing, Jensen. I knew you were something to me, and I'd be insane not to jump in with both feet. That was my moment."
Jensen's holding his breath; Jared's not finished yet. "And this weekend, I thought maybe I was ignoring the fact that there wasn't a moment for you. But I can back off until you find it. If you want to find it..."
"Jared."
"...So I guess you can sign the papers and I'll take care of them..."
"Jared?"
"...but only if you promise me you won't disappear, that this will still be something..."
"Hey!"
There's been enough talking for Jensen, and there's only one thing he can say. He waits until Jared's looking at him, adorably confused.
"Maybe your moment was that night we first hooked up. But not for me." Jared's shoulders drop. "Mine was today. It was me sitting here, waiting for you to come back so I could set things right."
Jared's response is sharp. "What?"
"I don't want to erase all of this," Jensen says, standing up and coming to face Jared. "I can't go back to the beginning." It's not the time to get into deeper explanations, he thinks. They'll have years for that. Instead, Jensen goes with his gut and kisses Jared. Clear-headed and certain beyond a doubt that this is what he wants.
He kisses like he needs to convince Jared, long sweeps of tongue meant to explore and encourage, but when the other man's arms wind around him, Jensen knows they're on the right path. Fucking FINALLY. Jared deepens the kiss, responding full force in a way Jensen's never felt before. It's all encompassing - it's flawless. Jensen's mind flashes back to the kiss he'd dreamed of the night they got married. Whether it was a dream of remembrance or of the future, he'll never be sure, but now he gets the experience for real.
Jensen's heart does a giddy flip when Jared's tongue slides along his palate, the sensation making him shiver and he returns the favor. It somersaults again when he realizes that he gets to have this, whenever he wants. Making out with Jared leaps to the top of his list of favorite activities, and even if he's content to stand here getting mauled by Jared's mouth for hours, a sudden rush of blood to his groin reminds him there's much more he gets to experience. There are sensations he needs to solidify, replace hazy memories with touch and taste, never again to be lost.
And he doesn't want to waste any more time.
They're in the middle of the dining room, Jensen's back pressed against the hardwood table. The part of his brain not fully focused on Jared's wandering and squeezing hands take a mental inventory of the apartment, needing to move this show right along.
The table? As unwilling as he is to move, it's starting to hurt Jensen's back. The floor? Hell no, Jared had it polished two weeks ago, they're not going through that again for a while. Kitchen counter? At least it's clean. Couch? Maybe later.
Jared decides for him with a low growl. "Bedroom, now." Not very creative, but it does the trick and Jensen pulls him down the hallway. It has to set a record for slowest trip to the bedroom, but Jensen can't help stopping every few feet to reacquaint himself with Jared's body. His husband doesn't mind, uses the stops to yank off their shirts and ditch his own shoes, leaving them both in only pants when they stumble into Jared's room.
They never make it to the bed. Jared seems to think the wall beside the dresser is perfectly acceptable, shoving Jensen back against it with a firm grip. His lips leave Jensen's, wet a path down his throat and settle on the smooth flesh of his shoulder.
Jensen can feel the deep inhales Jared takes, allowing a moment to regroup, whispered questions against Jensen's skin.
"We doing this, Jensen?"
He threads fingers through Jared's hair, holding him close. Jensen can't fault Jared's last minute hesitation, but tilts the younger man's chin up to meet his eyes.
"All the way, Jared," he murmurs, loving the answering smile and a full show of dimples. "Don't hold out on me now, baby."
After that, it's on.
Jared's mouth is everywhere at once and Jensen tries his best to keep up. Their bodies respond to each other the only way they know how - passionately and without reservation. This is no intimate dance; Jensen's already hot for it and the gleam in Jared's eyes shows he's all in.
Jensen blinks and their jeans are gone, Jared already pushing boxers down and off until hot skin is all Jensen can feel. He's lost in the sensation for a moment before it's taken away, Jared dropping to his knees. His cheek is pressed against Jensen's hip, lips barely brushing his dick. His tongue sneaks out for one gentle lick and Jensen's knees want to throw in the towel. It's at once the most amazing and hottest thing Jensen's ever seen, suddenly afraid he's going to come on the spot when Jared's mouth closes around him.
Feeling what Jared's lips and tongue can really do, Jensen's pretty sure he'll never be able to kiss his husband without getting hard. The pressure, the sensations, the fucking sounds make Jensen desperate to return the favor but Jared holds him prisoner against the wall. He's a willing victim, lets Jared take what he wants.
Every slide of Jared's tongue against him, every press of fingers into tense muscle and supple flesh, gives Jensen a million ideas of the things he can do with Jared from now on. He'll get the chance to swallow Jared like his husband's doing now - deep, wet strokes and intimate enthusiasm. Jensen can stretch himself out for Jared, give up his body however Jared wants him, and be blown away by what he gets in exchange.
Jensen's throat is dry from gasping and keening when Jared finally pulls off, raising back up to lick into Jensen's mouth. Jared's out of breath and Jensen's trembling but they remained locked for a moment until Jared reaches into the dresser and grabs a bottle of lube. Jensen doesn't want the tables turned this time; he finally wants to feel all of Jared, know him in every possible way, and he tries to convey that to Jared with desperate nips and kisses along his throat.
Jared's fully hard against him, but Jensen's hand is smacked away when he reaches for Jared's arousal.
"Not a good idea, Jen," he gasps brokenly when Jensen settles for a sharp bite of Jared's earlobe. In retaliation, Jared pulls one of Jensen's legs around his waist, opening him wide enough for the slick penetration of Jared's fingers one at a time.
It's been a while since Jensen's taken anyone, but his body remembers quickly, spreading itself instinctively and relaxing muscles enough to let Jared's fingers stretch him. Jensen's mouth keeps finding Jared, open kisses exchanged even as their eyes are drawn to where they're more intimately joined below.
Jared works his fingers into Jensen's eager body, adding a third when Jensen begs, keeping them both on edge. He only stops when Jensen's hips unceasingly press down for more.
"Has anyone...since we...?"
It's obvious what Jared's asking and Jensen doesn't hide his smirk, repeating Jared's words playfully. "I'm pretty sure I'm married, Jared."
And that earns him a deliciously possessive growl before Jared nips at his collarbone.
"Damn straight, you are," he pants out and flips Jensen around to face the wall.
Jared teases first, slides up and into the curve of Jensen's ass, his cock drawing whines from Jensen whenever it presses justthere but doesn't enter. Fed up and shaking, he draws Jared's mouth to his for one last dirty kiss before moaning. "Please..."
And Jared can no longer deny him - deny them. The initial burn of Jared pushing into him shocks him silent, much larger than three fingers, but he doesn't mind the ache.
He cries out, long and low, when Jared thrusts deeply. It's not from pain, even though his muscles seize momentarily before Jared massages out the tension. It's a cry of relief, of completion, and of a sensation he's never felt before.
Despite their initial frenzy, Jared works him slowly. Almost instinctively, or from the way Jensen clenches and gasps raggedly every time, Jared pulls out completely every few strokes. The repeated thrill of Jared entering him, stretching sensitive muscles in and out, makes Jensen just as crazy as when Jared's pressed deep, cock striking his prostate.
Jared's got one hand on his stomach, the other wrapped around his neck and grabbing the opposite shoulder, giving Jensen a perfect anchor to hold on to. The strong body behind him is all the support Jensen needs, only steadying himself against the wall for particularly hard thrusts.
"God, you feel incredible, Jen," Jared groans as his tempo picks up, but Jensen doesn't want this to end. He reaches back with his free hand to grip Jared's thigh, trying to slow his rhythm.
"Slow, Jared. Want to go slow..."
Jared's lips return to his ear, strokes losing their urgency as he's whispering. "Want it nice and long, Jen?" His hand is firm and warm on Jensen's belly, thumb sweeping circles around his navel and holding them close together.
Jensen can't recall anyone ever telling him that he's loud in bed, but Jared's making him scream with every perfect thrust and withdrawal. By the time Jared's hand drops to stroke his cock, he's got no voice left. The steady pace of Jared's hips finally falters as his arousal starts to overwhelm. Jensen braces one hand on the wall as Jared starts fucking him, fingers still twined together on Jensen's chest.
It's not long before Jensen feels Jared coming inside him, pulsing and shuddering, muffling his cries against Jensen's neck.
Jensen can't stop panting, hips still rocking back onto his husband, desperate for his own climax.
"Jared...Jared..."
"I know, baby, I'll get you there," Jared reassures and even as he softens, he keeps driving his spent dick into Jensen's body, the motion slicked and enhanced by his own release. Just imagining that is enough for Jensen to come in Jared's hand, saved from face-planting against the wall by Jared's strong embrace.
His husband pulls out with a groan but stays close, supporting Jensen as they both catch their breath. Jared's hand squeezes his in a silent question and Jensen hums his quiet response. Yeah, that was amazing.
Jensen's pretty sure that even exhausted, he won't be able to stop smiling for days. He can feel Jared's grin without looking back and while they still have a lot to talk about, Jensen knows they'll be good. Because he's sure there's nothing else better in the world than what he's found and fought to keep.
A few minutes later, Jared gets them both to the bed, Jensen immediately cuddling down into familiar sheets and waiting for Jared to join him. When he does, Jensen finds Jared's hand reaching into the space between them, intent on never letting go again.
The mood is light and easy, anxiety worked out on each other, and Jared starts laughing quietly. "Jen, is that your laptop on the floor?"
Shit. He'd forgotten about that. At least it's still in one piece after their heated coupling. Jensen ignores the question easily. "Does this mean I can move out of the guestroom?"
"Means you can move whatever you want," Jared yawns, curling a little closer. "Call my mother, she'll move all of your stuff."
"Mother-in-law," Jensen jokes, overcome with amusement that he's actually married to New York Society. The thought is baffling; his own mother's going to die.
"Christ," his husband groans. "She already likes you more than me."
Jensen yawns too, the roller-coaster weekend finally catching up. He presses his face closer into one of Jared's - his - pillows. "Maybe I'll leave my room as is..."
He can hear Jared's breath stop.
"You know, in case I want to lock my husband out. He can be pretty ann-"
Jensen doesn't get to finish his quip as Jared rolls them both over, ending up atop Jensen and shutting him up with another perfect kiss. Just like that, sleep is banished and Jensen's new life begins.
<><>
So yes, Jared Padalecki ruined Jensen's perfectly planned life.
But it turns out Jensen's 'plan' had been missing a few crucial things. His practice with Jeff was successful, he'd gained a new group of loyal friends, and he'd gotten married. Twice.
The second time was for show, and mostly for Sharon Padalecki to throw them a "proper goddamn reception", but Jensen tried not to complain. Especially when Jared reminded him it was a brilliant way to make up for being too drunk the first time.
"Damn manipulator." He'd whispered in Jared's ear as they sat none-too-patiently through another toast.
"Damn straight." Jared agreed with a swift kiss, drawing a cheer from their rowdier guests. Namely Alec and Jackson.
Neither man was surprised when Nate's and Rick's gifts turned out to be expensive bottles of tequila. Jensen had smiled, cheeks burning with embarrassment, and tucked the bottles away to be enjoyed long after the reception.
Fucking tequila.
FIN.
Additional Notes: THANK YOU for reading this. Feedback is more than welcomed, it does a mushy heart good. Many thanks to everyone [writers, cheerleaders, and readers] who participated in the support groups for whenboymeetsboy - I know they helped me stay motivated, and hopefully we can all do the same for Big Bang 2009!
The scene where Jensen wakes up married, and the scene with the ring exchange are the only two I really grabbed from the movie. The dialogue when they woke up was too funny and perfect to pass up, and the ring scene I couldn't have done better. So thank you, Laws of Attraction, for those.
Title from 'Check Yes Juliet' by We The Kings.
I'm borderline obsessed with lawyer!Jared, first in Voir Dire and now this. He'd be so snarky and awesome, and juries would listen to whatever he said based solely on his hotness. Also, despite my many friends in law school, I know little about actual divorce law and how it's practiced. Unfortunately, I know a little about divorce. Beyond that, I made most of this up.
As far as reality goes, same-sex marriage is legal in Massachusetts, hence the Boston setting. New York State recognizes same-sex marriages performed in other states, so this isn't totally far fetched. Getting a marriage license close to midnight on St. Patrick's Day? Yeah, Alec could do it. A normal person could not.
Tequila makes people do crazy things. TRUFAX.
Jackson and Tara are borrowed from Sons of Anarchy. Nate, Sophie, Parker, and Hardison are borrowed [with so much love] from Leverage. Rick Taylor borrowed from no one, he's mine.
The rest of my stories can be found H E R E.