Stop Being Polite (A Glee/The Real World AU) 1/?
Kurt
Santana
Rachel
Puck
Sugar
Mike
Dave
Interview
Confessional
Kurt stands at baggage claim at LAX, staring straight ahead, trying not to look directly into the camera that’s going to be following his every move for the next six weeks. Nervous, he starts chewing his thumbnail while he waits for his baggage to arrive. He nearly jumps out of his skin when a tiny brunette reaches up to tap him on the shoulder.
“Hi, are you Kurt?” The tiny brunette smiles at him and sticks out her hand. “I’m Rachel and I’m going to be your roommate for the next six weeks. Well, maybe not your roommate specifically, I don’t know know how I feel about rooming with a boy, as I’m an only child and have only even had girl roommates, but it’s good to meet you.” She finished without taking a breath.
“Whoa.” Kurt says under his breath.
“Rachel, she talks a lot. And fast too. How does she not run out of breath?”
“Hi, Rachel. Yes, I’m Kurt. Nice to meet you. I don’t know how the rooming arrangements are going to work. I just hope we get there first so we can pick out the beds we want. It’s nice to meet you.” Kurt sees his bag and moves forward to grab it, just as Rachel grabs her very gaudy and very pink designer luggage set, half of which she hands off to him. He just looks at her bags but walks past them. She gets the hint and grabs it herself.
“So, Rachel, do you know if we’re supposed to be meeting any of our other roommates?”
Rachel stops and looks down at the sheet of paper in her hands. “Yes, someone named Michael and someone named David. Looks like there’s going to be more guys than girls in the house. Michael’s flight from Chicago should be in soon. Let’s get moving, I’ve heard Los Angeles is notorious for bad traffic, though being from New York, I’m sure it can’t be that bad, but still, we want to get a move on if we want to get to the house first.”
“You’re from New York?” Kurt asked breathlessly trying to keep up with Rachel’s pace, she moves fast for someone so tiny.
“Yes, I’m from Manhattan, the West Village to be exact. Where are you from?”
“I’m from Ohio, but I go to school in New York.”
“Oh my god, you do?” Rachel screeched, loudly. “Where do you go? I go to NYADA. That’s the New York School for the Dramatic Arts, it’s very famous. Many a Broadway legend has studied there.”
“I know of NYADA, I considered applying there myself, but I actually go to FIT. I’m studying fashion design.”
“FIT, very good school, probably not as good as NYADA, but still very good. I’m glad there’s someone in the house as ambitious as myself. I plan to keep up with my routine while I’m here, that means I’ll be up at 6am every day to work out as well as practice my scales, I can’t let my instrument get rusty.”
“While I’m here in Los Angeles, I plan to keep myself on the same rigorous schedule I’m usually on. My dads were the ones who convinced me to do this, reality shows can be the key to fame these days. But i won’t be participating in the typical debauchery, I’m going to use this opportunity to show that I am dedicated to my craft, I’m here as a social experiment and it will make for an excellent chapter in my memoirs where I describe how I tried the cheap way to fame, and decided the traditional way is much more for me.
“If Rachel wakes me up at six in the morning practicing her scales, I can’t be held responsible for what I do. No one comes between me and sleep.
****************
Santana walks into the house, pulling her luggage behind her. She walks into the living room, and drops her bags at the sight, huge windows, ocean view, white couches, on sectional with a chaise lounge at the end.
“Swanky. This is my kind of house.” She walks through the living room and through the dining room into the kitchen, to see the brand new stainless steel appliances. “It’s not like i cook or anything, but I’m sure someone here will want to eat something other than hot pockets and pizza.” She goes out to the patio outside of the dining room and looks around.
“It’s about time I got to live somewhere up to my ridiculously high standards.”
She drags her bags up the stairs. “Hey, anyone here?” No reply. “Yes, I get first dibs on the rooms, score.”
She looks into one room, decorated in light colors, three queen size beds lined up in a row. She looks into the bigger room, four beds, at different angles, she sees on secluded in a corner. “Yep. That’s my bed.” She pulls her bags over to the bed and lies down. “I dare someone to try and take this bed from me.”
***********************************************
“Kurt, look at this sweater, what do you think?” Kurt looks up from his magazine and over at Rachel’s and rolls his eyes, then turns back to his magazine.
“Rachel, you can’t be serious, that is hideous and it looks like it was made for a child.”
“Kurt, I’ll have you know that-”
They’re interrupted by a throat clearing softly. They look up to see Mike standing in front of them.
“Hi, I’m Mike, you must be Rachel and Kurt.” Rachel stands up, “Hello, Mike. It’s good to finally meet you.”
Rachel and Kurt each shake Mike’s hand. “So, how old are you guys, I’m pretty sure I’m going to be the oldest in the house.”
“I’m 19, and so is Rachel. How old are you, Mike?” Mike actually stops and helps Rachel with one of her bags along with his carry-on, Rachel smirks at Kurt, who rolls his eyes and keeps walking.
“I’m 23. Where are you guys from? Or maybe we should wait until we get to the house so we don’t have to answer these questions over and over.”
They get to the baggage claim, where David is already waiting. He turns around and smiles at the group.
“What’s up guys, I’m David.” He turns to shake hands with Rachel and Mike, and when he sees Kurt, he does a bit of a double take, shakes his hand quickly before turning back to look for his luggage. Rachel starts a bit, having noticed the odd exchange, but doesn’t really say anything.
“I don’t know, but something was up with the way David looked at Kurt back at the airport. I’m not sure yet, but I have a very good sense with these things, it’s very important for an artist like myself to be able to read a room and assess a situation and my assessment says to keep my eye on David.”
*********************************************
“Hey, anyone here?” Puck calls out when he walks into the house. He throws his bag down on the ground and runs up the stairs. He goes into the bedroom with the four beds where Santana is sitting painting her nails.
“It’s about time one of you showed up, for a second I thought I was getting this whole place to myself.”
Puck looks her up and down, and she rolls her eyes. He opens his mouth to speak, but Santana interrupts him immediately.
“Don’t even try it, Mohawk. I’m gay. And not the “make out with girls at parties kind of gay I’m sure you’ve wanked to, but I’m actually a lesbian with a girlfriend, so please save your line for one of the desperate girls looking to get famous for having sex on TV. Also, this is my bed, you can sleep wherever you want, but this is my bed. Got it?”
“I like Santana. And not just because she’s got a hot rack. She’s ballsy. I like that in a chick. Reminds me of myself.”
Puck drags his bag to a bed in the middle of the room, “I don’t mind sharing a room with a chich, especially if she’s a big of a badass as me. I’m Noah, by the way. But only my Mom calls me that. Everyone else calls me Puck.” He sticks his hand out and Santana takes it.
“Santana. And I don’t care who I share a room with as long as they don’t wake me up for something stupid and they don’t touch my stuff. Touch my stuff, draw back a nub, it’s pretty simple.”
“I don’t think you have anything I want to touch, seeing how you’re a girl and all, but I can respect that.”
“Hellooo?” A loud voice calls from downstairs and several voices can be heard. Santana and Puck run down stairs to meet their roommates, and see Mike, Kurt, Rachel and David running around the living room excited.
“Rachel! Look at this kitchen! I’m going to have so much fun in here, I’ve always wanted stainless steel appliances!” Kurt calls from the kitchen. Rachel squeals and runs after him, a tiny blur in front of Santana as she comes down the stairs.
“Of course he’s going to have fun in the kitchen.” David mutters. Mike raises an eyebrow at him, but doesn’t say anything.
“What’s up guys, I’m Mike.” Mike sticks a hang out to Puck and Santana and they introduce themselves.
Rachel and Kurt come back into the living room and everyone introduces themselves. They take their places on the couch, David sitting on the opposite end from Kurt.
“So, we’re short one more, should we wait before we do that whole getting to know you shit?”
“Might as well do it now, we can catch them up when they get here.” Mike says, leaning back against the couch.
“Do you guys think the last roommate will be a boy or a girl?” Rachel asks looking around.
“Probably a girl, Rachel. We’ve got four guys. It has to be a girl.” Kurt says, and Dave snorts.
“Yeah, dude’s right, no way I want it to be a sausage fest in here. There’s already too many dudes. So, spill it, boyfriends, girlfriends? Who’s attached?”
Mike ducks his head and raises his hand. “I have a girlfriend, Tina, we’ve been together since high school.”
“Dude, really? You’re practically married, she let you do this? Isn’t she worried that you’re gonn hook up with someone?”
“Puck, not everyone is planning on sleeping with everything with legs once they’re here. I for one plan to keep everything very platonic, and PG while I’m here, I need to keep my reputation clean.”
“Please, once we get some tequila in you, you’ll probably be dancing on a table. And I have a girlfriend, but she we talked about it, and as long there’s no sex, I’m free to do what I want. Plus, she lives like five minutes from here, so it’s not like we’re long distance or anything.”
“What about the rest of you?”
“I’m single, but I don’t expect to meet anyone here that I’d be interested in, so. Whatever.”
“Oh can it, Kurt. Let’s just address the pink elephant in the room. Kurt is gay, I’m gay, I’m taking your twink ass to West Hollywood and getting you wasted and laid. I can already tell five minutes after meeting you that you need it. So, let’s get it out of the way, is Kurt the only virgin here?”
Just as Kurt opens his mouth to argue, the door opens and a high pitched voice calls out, “I’m here, the show can start now!!”
Sugar walks in, dragging her bag behind her, “Hey, any of you hot boys want to help the lady with her bags, they’re out by the car.” Mike gets up and drags Dave with him.
“ ‘Sup guys, I’m Sugar. And you should know right away that I’m awesome.” Rachel gapes at her with a shocked expression on her face while Kurt muffles a laugh.
“What, Rachel, did you think you’d be the loudest one here?”
“Are we gonna get this party started or what?” Sugar crosses her arms impatiently. Everyone gets up to shake her hand and introduce themselves.
“People should know that there’s really no point in denying that I’m going to light up their lives. Aint’ no party like a Sugar party because Sugar is sweet and awesome.”
******************************************
Once Sugar’s bags are brought in, everyone is standing around the living room.
“So. Rooms. How is this gonna work? Boys room, girl’s room?” Mike asks, curious.
“Well, Puck and I have already picked our rooms, you guys are free to sleep wherever you want. We’re not five, so boy’s room girl’s room is completely unnecessary, unless your girlfriend has strict rules about where you can sleep.”
“Wait, Santana, what do you mean, you’ve picked your beds? How is that fair, you should have waited until everyone got here so we could all pick our rooms.”
“II meant what I said, Rachel. Puck and I picked our beds. There are five other beds to choose from.”
Rachel stomps up the stairs and the rest of the roommates follow her. She goes right into the room where Santana has already chosen a bed.
“No fair, you picked the only bed separated from the rest!”
“Sorry, I didn’t want to be in the middle of the room when Brits and I are having one of our conjugal visits. Is that a problem?”
“We should have done this fairly, like pull numbers or something. How is it fair that you get here first and get to pick your bed. Just because you had the shortest distance to travel?”
Kurt grabs Rachel by her shoulders and pulls her out of the room, “Rachel, do you want to share a room with Puck? I mean look at him, he probably snores and farts in his sleep. Do you really want to share with him?”
Rachel looks over to the other bed, where Puck is scratching his arm pit, “Ew, no. Kurt you’re right. Plus, this other room has a much more pleasant decor. Much better for keeping me balanced and getting more sleep. Where are you sleeping?”
“I don’t know. I’m thinking I might room with you and Sugar. I don’t know if the guys will be very comfortable with me sharing with them. I can already tell some of them are going to have some issues. You know?”
“Kurt, you should totally share with us. It will be fun!” Sugar calls from her bed where she’s started unpacking. Kurt looks at her pile of clothes and frowns.
“How can someone own so much faux fur and feathers? And not even nice feathers, the kind that look like she skinned the world’s tackiest peacock. I am itching to give her a makeover.”
********************************************
They tour the rest of the house, there’s a game room slash gym with a pool table, foosball and air hockey as well as an elliptical and treadmill and a set of weights. On the roof, there is a pool, jacuzzi and grill.
Puck grins a mile wide when he sees the grill and the pool. “What do you guys say, I light up the grill, make some drinks and we celebrate. Christen the hot tub and just party it up, it’s our first night, let’s do it right?”
Everyone cheers. “Okay, Santana, Dave and I will go get the supplies. Any suggestions?”
“I’m a vegan, and while I won’t judge you guys for choosing to dine on animal flesh, I would like some veggie burgers, please.”
“Marshmall vodka. It tastes amazing.”
“Okay, veggie burgers, marshmallow vodka. Kurt? Mike? Anything?”
They shake their heads and Santana grabs her keys and they head out.
***********************************************
Dave, and Santana walk through the grocery store looking for veggie burgers, cart already full with beef, hot dogs, beer and a variety of alcohol.
“Okay, spill it, Dave, you’ve been silent this entire day, what’s your deal?”
“Nothing. I don’t have a deal, I’m just not loud like the rest of you.”
“Sure. Don’t think I haven’t seen you eyeing up Kurt.”
“I wasn’t eyeing him, you’re crazy!”
“Whoa, who’s crazy, calm down, I just mean you clearly have an issue with the gay. But you don’t have a problem with me, so what’s your deal. ‘Cause that kid looks harmless.”
“I don’t have a problem. If he doesn’t bother me, I won’t bother him. As long as he doesn’t like start wearing makeup, or like hitting on me, then I don’t care about him.”
“Okay, I’m not even going to get into how what you said is ten different kinds of offensive, but I will say this. You have a problem with him being gay, keep it to yourself, I am not afriad of going all Ladera Heights on your ass. Got it, porkchop?”
“Got it. Jesus, you’re bossy.”
“And don’t you forget it. Let’s go find Puck.”
“Yeah, Dave’s totally homophobic, but he’s clearly one of those hicks who probably think lesbians are hot, so he’s gonna be all up in my grill when Brits comes to visit, but if he crosses me I will not hesitate to kick him in the balls. And I’m definitely keeping an eye on Kurt.”
***************************
“Okay, who do you think is the hottest guy so far?” Sugar asks, climbing into the jacuzzi in her hot pink bikini. Kurt and Mike sit on the edge of the pool with their feet in.
“Well, Puck is ruggedly attractive. Like he reminds of a something like the Outsiders. I could see myself maybe dating someone like him. I haven’t had my bad boy phase yet. It could be just like West Side Story.”
“I don’t know what that is, but he’s definitely a hottie. But then again, so are you Mike. Too bad you’re all married and stuff. Kurt? Who do you think is hot?”
“Oh no you don’t. I’ve had my fill of crushing on straight guys. Nothing good can come it. Not even entertaining the idea that any of them are attractive, and Rachel, West Side story does not end well. Heed my warning.”
At that moment, Puck, Santana and Dave return.
“Let’s get this party started!” Puck calls before he cracks open a beer.
***************************************
It doesn’t take long for people to get sloppy. Halfway through the party, Sugar is in the hottub making out with Puck, both of them leaning over Rachel’s lap, looking disgusted at the amount of tongue she sees. Santana is in the pool on Mike’s shoulder’s. Dave sits on one end of the pool watching, and Kurt sits next across from Rachel laughing at her plight.
“Kurt, it’s not funny! Help me.”
“Sorry, Rach. I’m gonna go to the bathroom. Hopefully one of them will get tired or their face will fall asleep. Or you could join them.”
Kurt gets up and goes towards the stairs.
“Hey Kurt, can you bring more ice when you come back up?” Santana calls from her spot on Mike’s shoulders. Kurt nods just as Mike slips and drops her in the pool.
********************************
When Kurt comes out of one of the bathroom stalls and goes up to the sinks to wash his hands, Dave is coming in.
“Hi, Dave. You’ve been quiet tonight. Having fun?”
“I’m fine. Just need to use the bathroom. You leavin? I’m not doing anything with you in here.”
“Are you serious right now? We’re roommates. I’m not going to check you out, trust me.”
Kurt starts to leave the bathroom.
“I don’t trust you. Just keep your homo crap to yourself. No one wants you spreading it around here.”
Shocked, Kurt leaves the bathroom and goes straight into his bedroom.
“You know, I knew it was a possibility that there’d be someone in the house that was uncomfortable with me being gay. I guess I just didn’t expect them to be so open about it.” Kurt takes a deep breath and drops his face into his hands before looking back up to the confessional camera, “It’s not like I’ve never dealt with homophobia before. I’m from a small town in Ohio, I went to Homophobia, high. But I’ve alway taken comfort in the fact that at the end of the day, I could go home to my Dad and have some peace, even if it was just for a few hours.” His voice cracks, “I don’t know how I’m supposed to live like this for six weeks. I don’t know what I’m going to do.”
Chapter 2
Santana
Rachel
Puck
Sugar
Mike
Dave
Interview
Confessional
Kurt stands at baggage claim at LAX, staring straight ahead, trying not to look directly into the camera that’s going to be following his every move for the next six weeks. Nervous, he starts chewing his thumbnail while he waits for his baggage to arrive. He nearly jumps out of his skin when a tiny brunette reaches up to tap him on the shoulder.
“Hi, are you Kurt?” The tiny brunette smiles at him and sticks out her hand. “I’m Rachel and I’m going to be your roommate for the next six weeks. Well, maybe not your roommate specifically, I don’t know know how I feel about rooming with a boy, as I’m an only child and have only even had girl roommates, but it’s good to meet you.” She finished without taking a breath.
“Whoa.” Kurt says under his breath.
“Rachel, she talks a lot. And fast too. How does she not run out of breath?”
“Hi, Rachel. Yes, I’m Kurt. Nice to meet you. I don’t know how the rooming arrangements are going to work. I just hope we get there first so we can pick out the beds we want. It’s nice to meet you.” Kurt sees his bag and moves forward to grab it, just as Rachel grabs her very gaudy and very pink designer luggage set, half of which she hands off to him. He just looks at her bags but walks past them. She gets the hint and grabs it herself.
“So, Rachel, do you know if we’re supposed to be meeting any of our other roommates?”
Rachel stops and looks down at the sheet of paper in her hands. “Yes, someone named Michael and someone named David. Looks like there’s going to be more guys than girls in the house. Michael’s flight from Chicago should be in soon. Let’s get moving, I’ve heard Los Angeles is notorious for bad traffic, though being from New York, I’m sure it can’t be that bad, but still, we want to get a move on if we want to get to the house first.”
“You’re from New York?” Kurt asked breathlessly trying to keep up with Rachel’s pace, she moves fast for someone so tiny.
“Yes, I’m from Manhattan, the West Village to be exact. Where are you from?”
“I’m from Ohio, but I go to school in New York.”
“Oh my god, you do?” Rachel screeched, loudly. “Where do you go? I go to NYADA. That’s the New York School for the Dramatic Arts, it’s very famous. Many a Broadway legend has studied there.”
“I know of NYADA, I considered applying there myself, but I actually go to FIT. I’m studying fashion design.”
“FIT, very good school, probably not as good as NYADA, but still very good. I’m glad there’s someone in the house as ambitious as myself. I plan to keep up with my routine while I’m here, that means I’ll be up at 6am every day to work out as well as practice my scales, I can’t let my instrument get rusty.”
“While I’m here in Los Angeles, I plan to keep myself on the same rigorous schedule I’m usually on. My dads were the ones who convinced me to do this, reality shows can be the key to fame these days. But i won’t be participating in the typical debauchery, I’m going to use this opportunity to show that I am dedicated to my craft, I’m here as a social experiment and it will make for an excellent chapter in my memoirs where I describe how I tried the cheap way to fame, and decided the traditional way is much more for me.
“If Rachel wakes me up at six in the morning practicing her scales, I can’t be held responsible for what I do. No one comes between me and sleep.
****************
Santana walks into the house, pulling her luggage behind her. She walks into the living room, and drops her bags at the sight, huge windows, ocean view, white couches, on sectional with a chaise lounge at the end.
“Swanky. This is my kind of house.” She walks through the living room and through the dining room into the kitchen, to see the brand new stainless steel appliances. “It’s not like i cook or anything, but I’m sure someone here will want to eat something other than hot pockets and pizza.” She goes out to the patio outside of the dining room and looks around.
“It’s about time I got to live somewhere up to my ridiculously high standards.”
She drags her bags up the stairs. “Hey, anyone here?” No reply. “Yes, I get first dibs on the rooms, score.”
She looks into one room, decorated in light colors, three queen size beds lined up in a row. She looks into the bigger room, four beds, at different angles, she sees on secluded in a corner. “Yep. That’s my bed.” She pulls her bags over to the bed and lies down. “I dare someone to try and take this bed from me.”
***********************************************
“Kurt, look at this sweater, what do you think?” Kurt looks up from his magazine and over at Rachel’s and rolls his eyes, then turns back to his magazine.
“Rachel, you can’t be serious, that is hideous and it looks like it was made for a child.”
“Kurt, I’ll have you know that-”
They’re interrupted by a throat clearing softly. They look up to see Mike standing in front of them.
“Hi, I’m Mike, you must be Rachel and Kurt.” Rachel stands up, “Hello, Mike. It’s good to finally meet you.”
Rachel and Kurt each shake Mike’s hand. “So, how old are you guys, I’m pretty sure I’m going to be the oldest in the house.”
“I’m 19, and so is Rachel. How old are you, Mike?” Mike actually stops and helps Rachel with one of her bags along with his carry-on, Rachel smirks at Kurt, who rolls his eyes and keeps walking.
“I’m 23. Where are you guys from? Or maybe we should wait until we get to the house so we don’t have to answer these questions over and over.”
They get to the baggage claim, where David is already waiting. He turns around and smiles at the group.
“What’s up guys, I’m David.” He turns to shake hands with Rachel and Mike, and when he sees Kurt, he does a bit of a double take, shakes his hand quickly before turning back to look for his luggage. Rachel starts a bit, having noticed the odd exchange, but doesn’t really say anything.
“I don’t know, but something was up with the way David looked at Kurt back at the airport. I’m not sure yet, but I have a very good sense with these things, it’s very important for an artist like myself to be able to read a room and assess a situation and my assessment says to keep my eye on David.”
*********************************************
“Hey, anyone here?” Puck calls out when he walks into the house. He throws his bag down on the ground and runs up the stairs. He goes into the bedroom with the four beds where Santana is sitting painting her nails.
“It’s about time one of you showed up, for a second I thought I was getting this whole place to myself.”
Puck looks her up and down, and she rolls her eyes. He opens his mouth to speak, but Santana interrupts him immediately.
“Don’t even try it, Mohawk. I’m gay. And not the “make out with girls at parties kind of gay I’m sure you’ve wanked to, but I’m actually a lesbian with a girlfriend, so please save your line for one of the desperate girls looking to get famous for having sex on TV. Also, this is my bed, you can sleep wherever you want, but this is my bed. Got it?”
“I like Santana. And not just because she’s got a hot rack. She’s ballsy. I like that in a chick. Reminds me of myself.”
Puck drags his bag to a bed in the middle of the room, “I don’t mind sharing a room with a chich, especially if she’s a big of a badass as me. I’m Noah, by the way. But only my Mom calls me that. Everyone else calls me Puck.” He sticks his hand out and Santana takes it.
“Santana. And I don’t care who I share a room with as long as they don’t wake me up for something stupid and they don’t touch my stuff. Touch my stuff, draw back a nub, it’s pretty simple.”
“I don’t think you have anything I want to touch, seeing how you’re a girl and all, but I can respect that.”
“Hellooo?” A loud voice calls from downstairs and several voices can be heard. Santana and Puck run down stairs to meet their roommates, and see Mike, Kurt, Rachel and David running around the living room excited.
“Rachel! Look at this kitchen! I’m going to have so much fun in here, I’ve always wanted stainless steel appliances!” Kurt calls from the kitchen. Rachel squeals and runs after him, a tiny blur in front of Santana as she comes down the stairs.
“Of course he’s going to have fun in the kitchen.” David mutters. Mike raises an eyebrow at him, but doesn’t say anything.
“What’s up guys, I’m Mike.” Mike sticks a hang out to Puck and Santana and they introduce themselves.
Rachel and Kurt come back into the living room and everyone introduces themselves. They take their places on the couch, David sitting on the opposite end from Kurt.
“So, we’re short one more, should we wait before we do that whole getting to know you shit?”
“Might as well do it now, we can catch them up when they get here.” Mike says, leaning back against the couch.
“Do you guys think the last roommate will be a boy or a girl?” Rachel asks looking around.
“Probably a girl, Rachel. We’ve got four guys. It has to be a girl.” Kurt says, and Dave snorts.
“Yeah, dude’s right, no way I want it to be a sausage fest in here. There’s already too many dudes. So, spill it, boyfriends, girlfriends? Who’s attached?”
Mike ducks his head and raises his hand. “I have a girlfriend, Tina, we’ve been together since high school.”
“Dude, really? You’re practically married, she let you do this? Isn’t she worried that you’re gonn hook up with someone?”
“Puck, not everyone is planning on sleeping with everything with legs once they’re here. I for one plan to keep everything very platonic, and PG while I’m here, I need to keep my reputation clean.”
“Please, once we get some tequila in you, you’ll probably be dancing on a table. And I have a girlfriend, but she we talked about it, and as long there’s no sex, I’m free to do what I want. Plus, she lives like five minutes from here, so it’s not like we’re long distance or anything.”
“What about the rest of you?”
“I’m single, but I don’t expect to meet anyone here that I’d be interested in, so. Whatever.”
“Oh can it, Kurt. Let’s just address the pink elephant in the room. Kurt is gay, I’m gay, I’m taking your twink ass to West Hollywood and getting you wasted and laid. I can already tell five minutes after meeting you that you need it. So, let’s get it out of the way, is Kurt the only virgin here?”
Just as Kurt opens his mouth to argue, the door opens and a high pitched voice calls out, “I’m here, the show can start now!!”
Sugar walks in, dragging her bag behind her, “Hey, any of you hot boys want to help the lady with her bags, they’re out by the car.” Mike gets up and drags Dave with him.
“ ‘Sup guys, I’m Sugar. And you should know right away that I’m awesome.” Rachel gapes at her with a shocked expression on her face while Kurt muffles a laugh.
“What, Rachel, did you think you’d be the loudest one here?”
“Are we gonna get this party started or what?” Sugar crosses her arms impatiently. Everyone gets up to shake her hand and introduce themselves.
“People should know that there’s really no point in denying that I’m going to light up their lives. Aint’ no party like a Sugar party because Sugar is sweet and awesome.”
******************************************
Once Sugar’s bags are brought in, everyone is standing around the living room.
“So. Rooms. How is this gonna work? Boys room, girl’s room?” Mike asks, curious.
“Well, Puck and I have already picked our rooms, you guys are free to sleep wherever you want. We’re not five, so boy’s room girl’s room is completely unnecessary, unless your girlfriend has strict rules about where you can sleep.”
“Wait, Santana, what do you mean, you’ve picked your beds? How is that fair, you should have waited until everyone got here so we could all pick our rooms.”
“II meant what I said, Rachel. Puck and I picked our beds. There are five other beds to choose from.”
Rachel stomps up the stairs and the rest of the roommates follow her. She goes right into the room where Santana has already chosen a bed.
“No fair, you picked the only bed separated from the rest!”
“Sorry, I didn’t want to be in the middle of the room when Brits and I are having one of our conjugal visits. Is that a problem?”
“We should have done this fairly, like pull numbers or something. How is it fair that you get here first and get to pick your bed. Just because you had the shortest distance to travel?”
Kurt grabs Rachel by her shoulders and pulls her out of the room, “Rachel, do you want to share a room with Puck? I mean look at him, he probably snores and farts in his sleep. Do you really want to share with him?”
Rachel looks over to the other bed, where Puck is scratching his arm pit, “Ew, no. Kurt you’re right. Plus, this other room has a much more pleasant decor. Much better for keeping me balanced and getting more sleep. Where are you sleeping?”
“I don’t know. I’m thinking I might room with you and Sugar. I don’t know if the guys will be very comfortable with me sharing with them. I can already tell some of them are going to have some issues. You know?”
“Kurt, you should totally share with us. It will be fun!” Sugar calls from her bed where she’s started unpacking. Kurt looks at her pile of clothes and frowns.
“How can someone own so much faux fur and feathers? And not even nice feathers, the kind that look like she skinned the world’s tackiest peacock. I am itching to give her a makeover.”
********************************************
They tour the rest of the house, there’s a game room slash gym with a pool table, foosball and air hockey as well as an elliptical and treadmill and a set of weights. On the roof, there is a pool, jacuzzi and grill.
Puck grins a mile wide when he sees the grill and the pool. “What do you guys say, I light up the grill, make some drinks and we celebrate. Christen the hot tub and just party it up, it’s our first night, let’s do it right?”
Everyone cheers. “Okay, Santana, Dave and I will go get the supplies. Any suggestions?”
“I’m a vegan, and while I won’t judge you guys for choosing to dine on animal flesh, I would like some veggie burgers, please.”
“Marshmall vodka. It tastes amazing.”
“Okay, veggie burgers, marshmallow vodka. Kurt? Mike? Anything?”
They shake their heads and Santana grabs her keys and they head out.
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Dave, and Santana walk through the grocery store looking for veggie burgers, cart already full with beef, hot dogs, beer and a variety of alcohol.
“Okay, spill it, Dave, you’ve been silent this entire day, what’s your deal?”
“Nothing. I don’t have a deal, I’m just not loud like the rest of you.”
“Sure. Don’t think I haven’t seen you eyeing up Kurt.”
“I wasn’t eyeing him, you’re crazy!”
“Whoa, who’s crazy, calm down, I just mean you clearly have an issue with the gay. But you don’t have a problem with me, so what’s your deal. ‘Cause that kid looks harmless.”
“I don’t have a problem. If he doesn’t bother me, I won’t bother him. As long as he doesn’t like start wearing makeup, or like hitting on me, then I don’t care about him.”
“Okay, I’m not even going to get into how what you said is ten different kinds of offensive, but I will say this. You have a problem with him being gay, keep it to yourself, I am not afriad of going all Ladera Heights on your ass. Got it, porkchop?”
“Got it. Jesus, you’re bossy.”
“And don’t you forget it. Let’s go find Puck.”
“Yeah, Dave’s totally homophobic, but he’s clearly one of those hicks who probably think lesbians are hot, so he’s gonna be all up in my grill when Brits comes to visit, but if he crosses me I will not hesitate to kick him in the balls. And I’m definitely keeping an eye on Kurt.”
***************************
“Okay, who do you think is the hottest guy so far?” Sugar asks, climbing into the jacuzzi in her hot pink bikini. Kurt and Mike sit on the edge of the pool with their feet in.
“Well, Puck is ruggedly attractive. Like he reminds of a something like the Outsiders. I could see myself maybe dating someone like him. I haven’t had my bad boy phase yet. It could be just like West Side Story.”
“I don’t know what that is, but he’s definitely a hottie. But then again, so are you Mike. Too bad you’re all married and stuff. Kurt? Who do you think is hot?”
“Oh no you don’t. I’ve had my fill of crushing on straight guys. Nothing good can come it. Not even entertaining the idea that any of them are attractive, and Rachel, West Side story does not end well. Heed my warning.”
At that moment, Puck, Santana and Dave return.
“Let’s get this party started!” Puck calls before he cracks open a beer.
***************************************
It doesn’t take long for people to get sloppy. Halfway through the party, Sugar is in the hottub making out with Puck, both of them leaning over Rachel’s lap, looking disgusted at the amount of tongue she sees. Santana is in the pool on Mike’s shoulder’s. Dave sits on one end of the pool watching, and Kurt sits next across from Rachel laughing at her plight.
“Kurt, it’s not funny! Help me.”
“Sorry, Rach. I’m gonna go to the bathroom. Hopefully one of them will get tired or their face will fall asleep. Or you could join them.”
Kurt gets up and goes towards the stairs.
“Hey Kurt, can you bring more ice when you come back up?” Santana calls from her spot on Mike’s shoulders. Kurt nods just as Mike slips and drops her in the pool.
********************************
When Kurt comes out of one of the bathroom stalls and goes up to the sinks to wash his hands, Dave is coming in.
“Hi, Dave. You’ve been quiet tonight. Having fun?”
“I’m fine. Just need to use the bathroom. You leavin? I’m not doing anything with you in here.”
“Are you serious right now? We’re roommates. I’m not going to check you out, trust me.”
Kurt starts to leave the bathroom.
“I don’t trust you. Just keep your homo crap to yourself. No one wants you spreading it around here.”
Shocked, Kurt leaves the bathroom and goes straight into his bedroom.
“You know, I knew it was a possibility that there’d be someone in the house that was uncomfortable with me being gay. I guess I just didn’t expect them to be so open about it.” Kurt takes a deep breath and drops his face into his hands before looking back up to the confessional camera, “It’s not like I’ve never dealt with homophobia before. I’m from a small town in Ohio, I went to Homophobia, high. But I’ve alway taken comfort in the fact that at the end of the day, I could go home to my Dad and have some peace, even if it was just for a few hours.” His voice cracks, “I don’t know how I’m supposed to live like this for six weeks. I don’t know what I’m going to do.”
Chapter 2