From the Soul to the Song - Verse Ten
From the Soul to the Song
Verse Ten
Several hours after their singing had ended, Henry had put away his violin, dinner had been finished, and most of the men in the room were beginning to feel the pull of sleep. “Well I think we need to head out,” Yunho said with a yawn. He reached over and shook Jaejoong, who was dozing lightly on his shoulder.
“We should probably be getting to bed too,” Leeteuk said as he looked around at his members, several of whom were avoiding eye contact.
“Why? It’s not that late, and there are no bugs out,” Hyunjoong said.
Vidyagauri stepped out of the darkness and into the warm light of the room. “That is why,” Changmin muttered. The more experienced men knew what was coming and they didn’t want to be around for it. She waited politely while the ten men that were not a part of Super Junior rose and said their goodbyes. Once the last had stepped out of the room, she stepped further in.
“You know I am getting less and less excited to see you. Every time you show up we learn something new that isn’t always fun and is generally a guarantee to overload my head with information,” Kangin told her.
“I know there is a lot to learn, but we do not have time to waste,” she replied.
“Uh actually because of the time flow, don’t we have just about all of the time in the world to waste?” Kyuhyun pointed out.
“I am afraid that power uncontrolled and untaught for too long can do more hurt then it can good. We also don’t know if the time in Turmoil flows as it does here. If that is the case then we have not a moment to spare.”
Kyuhyun sighed. Zhou mi reached over and patted him on the knee. “Don’t worry Kui Xian. Life will slow down when we are eighty. If not by then, then it will when we are dead.”
“Oh that is comforting,” Kyuhyun replied.
“Glad to be of service,” the other man beamed.
“Getting back to the matter at hand,” Leeteuk called them to order again. “What do you have for us tonight?”
“Tonight,” Vidyagauri began. “I am here to teach you how to cut the connection between Weaver and Singer. A Weaver and Singer cannot remain connected at all times. To the Weaver, the Singer’s power will become like a drug and it will become dangerous for all parties involved, so the bond must be severed.”
“Why does this sound like it is going to hurt,” Donghae muttered.
“I am afraid it will,” Vidyagauri agreed. “I am sure all of the Weavers have gotten used to being connect to their Singers. Cutting the connection is often more emotionally painful then physically. The process is simple. All the Weaver has to is find the connection between them and their Singer and sever it. I think it will be best if the Weaver returns to their rooms with their Singers. If it is only your team it may be less intense. Are there any questions?” When no one said anything she bowed her head in farewell and vanished into the night.
“Why do I feel like she just told us to cut off a limb and left us to do it by ourselves?” Sungmin asked after a moment.
Heechul sighed. “Look it’s not that hard to do process wise,” he said in a softer tone then he had used recently. “But it will hurt like a bitch. Whatever you do, don’t try to reconnect. That will only make it so much worse. Just do it, but probably not here unless you want everyone to see you cry like a baby.”
“Heechul,” Hankyung cautioned.
“It’s true. You’ll probably cry. I did.” The last part Heechul spoke very softly. He knew exactly what it was that they were about to go through. That feeling of loneliness and anguish was one he never wanted to experience again. Putting a false smile onto his face he stood and stretched. “Well I’m off to bed,” he didn’t wait for a response before he trotted off down the hall to his and Hankyung’s room.
He remembered all too clearly how he had felt when he had been forced to sever their bond for the first time. It had hurt worse then when he had gotten into his car accident. He had felt so alone and not only unloved, but completely unlovable. That night had been spent sobbing between his Singers as they had tried to reassure him that he was both loveable and loved. Since that time it had never been quite as bad. He didn’t like thinking about what the rest of the members would be going through tonight.
The door opened and Hankyung slipped in the room. He crossed the area in three quick strides and enveloped Heechul in his arms. Leaning down he captured the man’s lips in a gentle kiss. Heechul let himself relax into Hankyung’s larger body. He was grateful for the distraction it brought.
Heechul was so caught up in Hankyung that he didn’t notice the door open and close again until he heard Siwon’s laughter from behind him. Hankyung broke their kiss smiling. “Never thought I would see the day that a kiss made Kim Heechul go weak in the knees,” Siwon said with a smile.
Narrowing his eyes, Heechul scowled. “You’re just jealous because he discovered all of this,” Heechul gestured to himself, “first.” Siwon simply laughed and shook his head. “What are you doing here anyway? If you want to watch Hankyung and I have sex then you are going to have to pay a fee.”
Instead of blushing and stuttering, Siwon laughed and rose to his feet. “You two aren’t going to have sex,” he declared confidently as he stepped up behind Heechul and lifted his hands to rub at the smaller man’s shoulders.
“How would you know?” Heechul snapped, trying diligently not to lean into the rubbing and give away how he felt about it.
Another gentle smile. “Because I know you Heechul. You aren’t in the mood. You are remembering how it was the first time you had to do that. All you want is to be reminded that you are loved.”
“Hankyung does that very well through sex,” Heechul snapped irritated. Siwon was much closer to the truth then he liked.
“I do,” Hankyung said amused. “But we both know there are different kinds of love. Siwon loves you too.” He glanced at Heechul and then stole another quick kiss. “We love you deal with it.”
“Bastard,” Heechul muttered defeated. Hankyung laughed and walked them over to the bed.
It only took a few moments for them to fall into bed and arrange Heechul between them. It took Heechul a few more minutes of squirming until he had gotten everyone arranged to where he was satisfied: Hankyung on his side facing Heechul, with the other man’s head tucked under his chin, their legs intertwined, and Siwon pressed against Heechul’s back with his arm thrown over their sides.
“Thanks,” Heechul muttered so softly that it almost couldn’t be heard. Neither man commented, knowing that Heechul wouldn’t want any sort of comment. Instead they closed their eyes and relaxed into sleep.
~♪~♪♫♪~♪~
“So here is the plan. I’ll cut our bond and Sungmin you knock me out,” Kyuhyun said cheerily as he, Sungmin and Shindong settled onto his bed.
Sungmin scowled. “I don’t even know if I could do that without seriously hurting you.”
“I’ve seen this sort of stuff in movies and video games. If Heechul is willing to admit it made him cry, then it is probably decently bad.”
“I am not knocking you out,” Sungmin said firmly.
“Well I tried,” Kyuhyun shrugged seemingly indifferent. “If I try to run my head through a wall you have to let me.” Sungmin glared at him again.
“I’ll get this half,” Shindong volunteered, placing a hand on Kyuhyun’s arm.
“Why don’t you just get it over with,” Sungmin suggested.
Kyuhyun sighed. He knew the man was right. What was the point in prolonging the inevitable? Inside himself he gathered the connection that he felt to both Sungmin and Shindong. Instead of marveling in the feeling of it, he imagined a knife slicing straight through their connection. A moment later he wished he would have thought of something else as their connection abruptly severed.
He lunged forward and both Sungmin and Shindong caught him with an arm around his chest so he didn’t fly off the bed. It felt like he couldn’t breathe, as if all the air inside him had abruptly disappeared with the severing of their connection. Like a fish out of water he began to gasp for air and shake. Then panic set in, instincts causing him to start thrashing in fear. His body, however, was unable to move and this only served to heighten his fear.
“Kyuhyun!” the man heard Sungmin call sharply through the haze of panic. “You need to breathe! Come on Kyu!”
Kyuhyun blinked. He wanted to tell Sungmin that he was trying really he was, but his lungs just wouldn’t take in the air. He was fairly certain that if he could see himself his lips were probably turning blue and his eyes were probably impossibly wide. Now that he thought about it he couldn’t really see clearly any more.
Suddenly he felt Sungmin’s lips press to his own. He wanted to scream that this was a horrible time for Sungmin to be trying to kiss him. Then his chest rose and he felt air fill his lungs. It was gone as quickly as it had arrived but it didn’t matter because Sungmin’s lips were back bringing more air.
Somewhere in the back of his mind, Kyuhyun found it all rather hilarious that Sungmin may have perfected this technique thanks to an experiment performed on a television show. Funny, that what they thought was only for a simple recording could be saving his life now. It took four presses of Sungmin’s lips for his eyes to clear, another five for him to stop jerking spasmodically in Shindong’s arms, and yet another three before his lungs finally began to fill on their own. As he took in the first breath of air on his own, Kyuhyun knew he would never take breathing for granted again.
“Min,” he croaked softly.
“Kyuhyun,” Sungmin responded. He distractedly noticed tears running down the other man’s checks. Behind him he felt Shindong shaking and very likely crying. It occurred to him that his inability to move moments ago was caused by Shindong’s arms wrapped firmly around his upper body, keeping him locked tightly to the other man’s chest. Sungmin rested a hand on Kyuhyun’s chest, afraid that it would stop moving on its own at any moment.
“Sorry, my fault,” Kyuhyun croaked. “I think if I did it a little more gradually it would have worked better.”
“Damn it Kyuhyun, I can’t take the scare of you dying. It’s happened to many times. You have to stop doing this to me.”
Kyuhyun laughed weakly. “It’s not like I’m trying to die.” He relaxed his body back into Shindong, who in turn relaxed his hold a bit.
“You can’t leave us Kyuhyun, we need you,” Shindong said softly.
“I’m not leaving. Well at least I don’t plan on it.”
“Are you ok?” Shindong asked.
“Yeah. It helps that I can breathe.”
“I thought they said the issue would be emotional. They didn’t say anything about this,” Sungmin said darkly.
Kyuhyun shrugged. “They said it was different for everyone. I’m tired. Let’s get into bed.” Sungmin nodded and pulled away long enough that he could pull back the blanket and he and Shindong could help Kyuhyun crawled beneath it.
Sungmin turned off the light before crawling into Kyuhyun’s bed and Shindong slid in on the other side. Kyuhyun didn’t protest. He understood why they wanted to stay with him. Part of him wanted them to stay for fear that he might stop breathing again.
It was several moments before anyone spoke and then Kyuhyun muttered, “Sungmin, you just stole my first kiss.” Light giggles filled the darkness.
“I did not,” Sungmin replied indignantly, pushing at his shoulder. “Don’t lie that was probably more like you fifth, sixth, seventh and so on, kisses.”
“Those are still important!” Kyuhyun declared. The he laughed. “We should have recorded it, the fans would have paid good money to see that.” Sungmin swatted him on the chest.
“Next time you try to die on us, we will be sure to catch it all on film.”
“Good,” Kyuhyun said, as if satisfied. There was moment of silence before the trio burst into laughter.
~♪~♪♫♪~♪~
Donghae was well used to emotional upheaval in his life. Experiencing the death of a parent, gave the child completely new ways to deal with emotions, sadness, and loss. That still didn’t prevent him from waking up in a cold sweat with tears drying on his face at least once a month, after having dreamt about losing someone else in his life he loved.
Over time he had learned that the sorrow doesn’t fully disappear, it just lessens and becomes easier to handle. Due to his experience with the emotion he thought he would be able to handle anything severing the connection between him and his Singers could bring. As he sat on his bed with Kibum on one side and Eunhyuk on the other, he found that he had been very wrong.
He choked back a sob as he felt the pain, raw and fresh, of a losing a person in his life to death. It had been so long since he had felt the pain like this sharply. This time instead of being his beloved father, he felt as though it was his two best friends that had died. Donghae buried his head in his hands and his shoulders shook with silent sobs. He tried as hard as he could not to reach for their Songs, knowing that if Kibum and Eunhyuk touched him and sang to him everything would be alright again.
Both had been there when Donghae’s father had passed. Eunhyuk had offered cheer when Donghae had thought there had been none left. Kibum had quietly gathered him into his arms and simply held him, offering him the strength that Donghae did not have himself. Now yet again, Kibum reached out and pulled Donghae to him, offering his own strength. Eunhyuk turned off the light and pulled the blanket over him as he curled around Donghae’s other side.
No words were spoken, but none were needed. Donghae knew that despite his fear, they were both there for as long as he needed them. For the first time in a long time Donghae let himself simply feel without trying to bury it. He let himself feel the loss of his father, the near loss of some of his members, the pain of being apart from his family, and the pain of occasionally being apart from his members. He let himself feel it all and, in quiet darkness and the safely of their arms, Donghae let himself cry.
~♪~♪♫♪~♪~
Ryeowook and Zhou mi were frozen at the doorway to Yesung’s room. The shorter man blinked. “Did you do this all last night?” Ryeowook asked.
“Yep,” Yesung said almost proudly.
Mouths wide in surprise they looked around the room. Yesung’s bed had been lofted and draped with blankets that oddly enough matched the ones they had at home. Underneath it was an electronic keyboard and a laptop. A dresser that looked suspiciously like theirs was sitting off in the corner of the room. The closet was full of clothing that Ryeowook recognized as Yesung’s.
The most notable thing in the room was the tank that sat in the very center. Ryeowook would recognize that turtle and its younger counterpart anywhere. “What did you do?”
Yesung shrugged. “I didn’t want Ddang Ko Ma and his little brother to get lonely so I brought them here.”
“Hyung, we are only going to be gone less than a second. I think they would have been fine,” Zhou mi commented.
“They would have known I was gone and been sad that I hadn’t taken them.” Ryeowook didn’t know what was worse: the presence of the turtle or the fact that Yesung was dead serious.
“How did you know how to do this?” Ryeowook asked as he poked around. It looked like Yesung had somehow obtained everything in their room.
“I don’t know. I just did.”
“Hey,” Ryeowook exclaimed as he examined the keyboard and laptop more closely. “This is mine!” He narrowed his eyes at Yesung.
“I thought you might want it. You like to compose a lot and we have more free time now than we ever have.”
Ryeowook blinked startled. “Thanks,” he said softly. “Maybe we should do the cutting off the connection thing.”
“I did that on the way to my room,” Yesung said.
“What?” the other two could only blink in confusion. When they concentrated inside themselves they found that it was indeed true that they were no longer feeding him power.
“Actually I did it the first time last night. I wanted to see what would happen. It felt sort of strange at first. I figured out if I separate us and then grab your Songs again really fast, I don’t have to touch you to get them back. Even though we aren’t connected right now, I can still sort of hear your Songs, I just can’t get any power from them. It’s sort of like someone turned the volume down really low.”
Ryeowook sank down onto the chair in the corner of the room. “This place is going to kill me I think. Just when I think I get used to something things change.”
Zhou mi smirked as he bent down to look at the turtles. “It just keeps you on your toes.”
“Wait, Yesung, you can get anything from home?” Ryeowook asked brightening. Yesung nodded. “Could you get me some stuff?”
“Sure I just need one of your Songs.”
Ryeowook smirked in a way that most people would not believe he was capable of. “Great. I’ll make you a list.”
~♪~♪♫♪~♪~
Leeteuk glanced at the door for the fifth time since he had entered Kangin’s room. “Maybe I should go check on the others just to make sure they are alright.”
“Leeteuk let it be. I’m sure they are fine,” Kangin replied.
“Yes but -“
“No buts. You are going to worry yourself sick, again. You are just starting to look healthier. Don’t ruin that.” Leeteuk sighed. “Teukie it will be fine. Stop trying to put this off.”
“I’m not trying to put this off. I just want to know that they are alright,” Leeteuk argued.
“If they weren’t I’m sure you would know,” Kangin placed a finger over Leeteuk’s lips to keep him from talking. “I don’t know how you would, you just would. I’m going to do this now.” He didn’t give Leeteuk a chance to respond before he felt for their connection and slowly began to sever it.
As it lessened trickle by trickle Kangin felt emotion well up in him. By the time he had severed the connection, there were tears running down his cheeks without explanation. “Jungsoo,” he sobbed out. Leeteuk didn’t say a word. He simply opened his arms and let Kangin nearly crawl to him. The younger man buried his head in Leeteuk’s stomach and began to shake with sobs.
“Shh,” he soothed, running his fingers through the others short hair.
“Don’t leave me,” Kangin sobbed pitifully. He knew it was irrational to feel that Leeteuk was only moments away from leaving him. He knew that Leeteuk was the most loyal, loving person he knew, but that didn’t stop the emotions rolling up inside him.
“I’m here Youngwoon. I’m not going anywhere,” Leeteuk told him softly. Kangin’s fingers shifted until they found the hem of his shirt and slid underneath. There they found the scars. Scars left by the accident that had almost torn their group apart. Some were faint and barely able to be felt, others were still very easy to feel. His fingers drifted over them, marks from the glass and the surgeries necessary to remove it.
As he gently felt the damage on Leeteuk’s back he began to sob harder. It was not fair that this sweet man that was willing to hold him as he cried, sooth away all of his fear, look out for more members then any one person should ever be responsible for and love each and every one of them just as they were, had to go through every day with pain that would not fade.
Leeteuk held him long into the night, soothing him from sorrow that would not disappear, yet at the same time was completely unfounded, and rubbing his back for comfort. By the time his sobs had subsided, both were too exhausted to move and if either were honest with themselves, they didn’t want to. Before he drifted off into sleep, Kangin’s fingers ran down one of the scars one last time. He made a silent promise that he would do whatever was in his power to fix the damage that had been done. In response to his touch Leeteuk shifted and murmured in his sleep. Kangin sighed and let himself finally join Leeteuk in slumber.
Verse Eleven
Masterlist
AN: So it's not that I want to be mean and torture our boys, I don't I swear! I am simply trying to create a world that makes sense. I only like to read fantasy things if they logically make sense, so it just fit in my head that if you are that connected, breaking that will hurt. Any who I have a question for you all. I know where I am going with this and have the few next chapters written. I was wondering if there was anything you as the readers would like to see? I won't promise that your request will show up, but it definitely might especially in the form of those little refrains. So if there is anything, past, present, or future that you would like to see let me know. Also this is my first betaed chapter in a few chapters! College ate her soul and she decided to send me this out of the abyss. Thanks dear! Love you!
Verse Ten
Several hours after their singing had ended, Henry had put away his violin, dinner had been finished, and most of the men in the room were beginning to feel the pull of sleep. “Well I think we need to head out,” Yunho said with a yawn. He reached over and shook Jaejoong, who was dozing lightly on his shoulder.
“We should probably be getting to bed too,” Leeteuk said as he looked around at his members, several of whom were avoiding eye contact.
“Why? It’s not that late, and there are no bugs out,” Hyunjoong said.
Vidyagauri stepped out of the darkness and into the warm light of the room. “That is why,” Changmin muttered. The more experienced men knew what was coming and they didn’t want to be around for it. She waited politely while the ten men that were not a part of Super Junior rose and said their goodbyes. Once the last had stepped out of the room, she stepped further in.
“You know I am getting less and less excited to see you. Every time you show up we learn something new that isn’t always fun and is generally a guarantee to overload my head with information,” Kangin told her.
“I know there is a lot to learn, but we do not have time to waste,” she replied.
“Uh actually because of the time flow, don’t we have just about all of the time in the world to waste?” Kyuhyun pointed out.
“I am afraid that power uncontrolled and untaught for too long can do more hurt then it can good. We also don’t know if the time in Turmoil flows as it does here. If that is the case then we have not a moment to spare.”
Kyuhyun sighed. Zhou mi reached over and patted him on the knee. “Don’t worry Kui Xian. Life will slow down when we are eighty. If not by then, then it will when we are dead.”
“Oh that is comforting,” Kyuhyun replied.
“Glad to be of service,” the other man beamed.
“Getting back to the matter at hand,” Leeteuk called them to order again. “What do you have for us tonight?”
“Tonight,” Vidyagauri began. “I am here to teach you how to cut the connection between Weaver and Singer. A Weaver and Singer cannot remain connected at all times. To the Weaver, the Singer’s power will become like a drug and it will become dangerous for all parties involved, so the bond must be severed.”
“Why does this sound like it is going to hurt,” Donghae muttered.
“I am afraid it will,” Vidyagauri agreed. “I am sure all of the Weavers have gotten used to being connect to their Singers. Cutting the connection is often more emotionally painful then physically. The process is simple. All the Weaver has to is find the connection between them and their Singer and sever it. I think it will be best if the Weaver returns to their rooms with their Singers. If it is only your team it may be less intense. Are there any questions?” When no one said anything she bowed her head in farewell and vanished into the night.
“Why do I feel like she just told us to cut off a limb and left us to do it by ourselves?” Sungmin asked after a moment.
Heechul sighed. “Look it’s not that hard to do process wise,” he said in a softer tone then he had used recently. “But it will hurt like a bitch. Whatever you do, don’t try to reconnect. That will only make it so much worse. Just do it, but probably not here unless you want everyone to see you cry like a baby.”
“Heechul,” Hankyung cautioned.
“It’s true. You’ll probably cry. I did.” The last part Heechul spoke very softly. He knew exactly what it was that they were about to go through. That feeling of loneliness and anguish was one he never wanted to experience again. Putting a false smile onto his face he stood and stretched. “Well I’m off to bed,” he didn’t wait for a response before he trotted off down the hall to his and Hankyung’s room.
He remembered all too clearly how he had felt when he had been forced to sever their bond for the first time. It had hurt worse then when he had gotten into his car accident. He had felt so alone and not only unloved, but completely unlovable. That night had been spent sobbing between his Singers as they had tried to reassure him that he was both loveable and loved. Since that time it had never been quite as bad. He didn’t like thinking about what the rest of the members would be going through tonight.
The door opened and Hankyung slipped in the room. He crossed the area in three quick strides and enveloped Heechul in his arms. Leaning down he captured the man’s lips in a gentle kiss. Heechul let himself relax into Hankyung’s larger body. He was grateful for the distraction it brought.
Heechul was so caught up in Hankyung that he didn’t notice the door open and close again until he heard Siwon’s laughter from behind him. Hankyung broke their kiss smiling. “Never thought I would see the day that a kiss made Kim Heechul go weak in the knees,” Siwon said with a smile.
Narrowing his eyes, Heechul scowled. “You’re just jealous because he discovered all of this,” Heechul gestured to himself, “first.” Siwon simply laughed and shook his head. “What are you doing here anyway? If you want to watch Hankyung and I have sex then you are going to have to pay a fee.”
Instead of blushing and stuttering, Siwon laughed and rose to his feet. “You two aren’t going to have sex,” he declared confidently as he stepped up behind Heechul and lifted his hands to rub at the smaller man’s shoulders.
“How would you know?” Heechul snapped, trying diligently not to lean into the rubbing and give away how he felt about it.
Another gentle smile. “Because I know you Heechul. You aren’t in the mood. You are remembering how it was the first time you had to do that. All you want is to be reminded that you are loved.”
“Hankyung does that very well through sex,” Heechul snapped irritated. Siwon was much closer to the truth then he liked.
“I do,” Hankyung said amused. “But we both know there are different kinds of love. Siwon loves you too.” He glanced at Heechul and then stole another quick kiss. “We love you deal with it.”
“Bastard,” Heechul muttered defeated. Hankyung laughed and walked them over to the bed.
It only took a few moments for them to fall into bed and arrange Heechul between them. It took Heechul a few more minutes of squirming until he had gotten everyone arranged to where he was satisfied: Hankyung on his side facing Heechul, with the other man’s head tucked under his chin, their legs intertwined, and Siwon pressed against Heechul’s back with his arm thrown over their sides.
“Thanks,” Heechul muttered so softly that it almost couldn’t be heard. Neither man commented, knowing that Heechul wouldn’t want any sort of comment. Instead they closed their eyes and relaxed into sleep.
~♪~♪♫♪~♪~
“So here is the plan. I’ll cut our bond and Sungmin you knock me out,” Kyuhyun said cheerily as he, Sungmin and Shindong settled onto his bed.
Sungmin scowled. “I don’t even know if I could do that without seriously hurting you.”
“I’ve seen this sort of stuff in movies and video games. If Heechul is willing to admit it made him cry, then it is probably decently bad.”
“I am not knocking you out,” Sungmin said firmly.
“Well I tried,” Kyuhyun shrugged seemingly indifferent. “If I try to run my head through a wall you have to let me.” Sungmin glared at him again.
“I’ll get this half,” Shindong volunteered, placing a hand on Kyuhyun’s arm.
“Why don’t you just get it over with,” Sungmin suggested.
Kyuhyun sighed. He knew the man was right. What was the point in prolonging the inevitable? Inside himself he gathered the connection that he felt to both Sungmin and Shindong. Instead of marveling in the feeling of it, he imagined a knife slicing straight through their connection. A moment later he wished he would have thought of something else as their connection abruptly severed.
He lunged forward and both Sungmin and Shindong caught him with an arm around his chest so he didn’t fly off the bed. It felt like he couldn’t breathe, as if all the air inside him had abruptly disappeared with the severing of their connection. Like a fish out of water he began to gasp for air and shake. Then panic set in, instincts causing him to start thrashing in fear. His body, however, was unable to move and this only served to heighten his fear.
“Kyuhyun!” the man heard Sungmin call sharply through the haze of panic. “You need to breathe! Come on Kyu!”
Kyuhyun blinked. He wanted to tell Sungmin that he was trying really he was, but his lungs just wouldn’t take in the air. He was fairly certain that if he could see himself his lips were probably turning blue and his eyes were probably impossibly wide. Now that he thought about it he couldn’t really see clearly any more.
Suddenly he felt Sungmin’s lips press to his own. He wanted to scream that this was a horrible time for Sungmin to be trying to kiss him. Then his chest rose and he felt air fill his lungs. It was gone as quickly as it had arrived but it didn’t matter because Sungmin’s lips were back bringing more air.
Somewhere in the back of his mind, Kyuhyun found it all rather hilarious that Sungmin may have perfected this technique thanks to an experiment performed on a television show. Funny, that what they thought was only for a simple recording could be saving his life now. It took four presses of Sungmin’s lips for his eyes to clear, another five for him to stop jerking spasmodically in Shindong’s arms, and yet another three before his lungs finally began to fill on their own. As he took in the first breath of air on his own, Kyuhyun knew he would never take breathing for granted again.
“Min,” he croaked softly.
“Kyuhyun,” Sungmin responded. He distractedly noticed tears running down the other man’s checks. Behind him he felt Shindong shaking and very likely crying. It occurred to him that his inability to move moments ago was caused by Shindong’s arms wrapped firmly around his upper body, keeping him locked tightly to the other man’s chest. Sungmin rested a hand on Kyuhyun’s chest, afraid that it would stop moving on its own at any moment.
“Sorry, my fault,” Kyuhyun croaked. “I think if I did it a little more gradually it would have worked better.”
“Damn it Kyuhyun, I can’t take the scare of you dying. It’s happened to many times. You have to stop doing this to me.”
Kyuhyun laughed weakly. “It’s not like I’m trying to die.” He relaxed his body back into Shindong, who in turn relaxed his hold a bit.
“You can’t leave us Kyuhyun, we need you,” Shindong said softly.
“I’m not leaving. Well at least I don’t plan on it.”
“Are you ok?” Shindong asked.
“Yeah. It helps that I can breathe.”
“I thought they said the issue would be emotional. They didn’t say anything about this,” Sungmin said darkly.
Kyuhyun shrugged. “They said it was different for everyone. I’m tired. Let’s get into bed.” Sungmin nodded and pulled away long enough that he could pull back the blanket and he and Shindong could help Kyuhyun crawled beneath it.
Sungmin turned off the light before crawling into Kyuhyun’s bed and Shindong slid in on the other side. Kyuhyun didn’t protest. He understood why they wanted to stay with him. Part of him wanted them to stay for fear that he might stop breathing again.
It was several moments before anyone spoke and then Kyuhyun muttered, “Sungmin, you just stole my first kiss.” Light giggles filled the darkness.
“I did not,” Sungmin replied indignantly, pushing at his shoulder. “Don’t lie that was probably more like you fifth, sixth, seventh and so on, kisses.”
“Those are still important!” Kyuhyun declared. The he laughed. “We should have recorded it, the fans would have paid good money to see that.” Sungmin swatted him on the chest.
“Next time you try to die on us, we will be sure to catch it all on film.”
“Good,” Kyuhyun said, as if satisfied. There was moment of silence before the trio burst into laughter.
~♪~♪♫♪~♪~
Donghae was well used to emotional upheaval in his life. Experiencing the death of a parent, gave the child completely new ways to deal with emotions, sadness, and loss. That still didn’t prevent him from waking up in a cold sweat with tears drying on his face at least once a month, after having dreamt about losing someone else in his life he loved.
Over time he had learned that the sorrow doesn’t fully disappear, it just lessens and becomes easier to handle. Due to his experience with the emotion he thought he would be able to handle anything severing the connection between him and his Singers could bring. As he sat on his bed with Kibum on one side and Eunhyuk on the other, he found that he had been very wrong.
He choked back a sob as he felt the pain, raw and fresh, of a losing a person in his life to death. It had been so long since he had felt the pain like this sharply. This time instead of being his beloved father, he felt as though it was his two best friends that had died. Donghae buried his head in his hands and his shoulders shook with silent sobs. He tried as hard as he could not to reach for their Songs, knowing that if Kibum and Eunhyuk touched him and sang to him everything would be alright again.
Both had been there when Donghae’s father had passed. Eunhyuk had offered cheer when Donghae had thought there had been none left. Kibum had quietly gathered him into his arms and simply held him, offering him the strength that Donghae did not have himself. Now yet again, Kibum reached out and pulled Donghae to him, offering his own strength. Eunhyuk turned off the light and pulled the blanket over him as he curled around Donghae’s other side.
No words were spoken, but none were needed. Donghae knew that despite his fear, they were both there for as long as he needed them. For the first time in a long time Donghae let himself simply feel without trying to bury it. He let himself feel the loss of his father, the near loss of some of his members, the pain of being apart from his family, and the pain of occasionally being apart from his members. He let himself feel it all and, in quiet darkness and the safely of their arms, Donghae let himself cry.
~♪~♪♫♪~♪~
Ryeowook and Zhou mi were frozen at the doorway to Yesung’s room. The shorter man blinked. “Did you do this all last night?” Ryeowook asked.
“Yep,” Yesung said almost proudly.
Mouths wide in surprise they looked around the room. Yesung’s bed had been lofted and draped with blankets that oddly enough matched the ones they had at home. Underneath it was an electronic keyboard and a laptop. A dresser that looked suspiciously like theirs was sitting off in the corner of the room. The closet was full of clothing that Ryeowook recognized as Yesung’s.
The most notable thing in the room was the tank that sat in the very center. Ryeowook would recognize that turtle and its younger counterpart anywhere. “What did you do?”
Yesung shrugged. “I didn’t want Ddang Ko Ma and his little brother to get lonely so I brought them here.”
“Hyung, we are only going to be gone less than a second. I think they would have been fine,” Zhou mi commented.
“They would have known I was gone and been sad that I hadn’t taken them.” Ryeowook didn’t know what was worse: the presence of the turtle or the fact that Yesung was dead serious.
“How did you know how to do this?” Ryeowook asked as he poked around. It looked like Yesung had somehow obtained everything in their room.
“I don’t know. I just did.”
“Hey,” Ryeowook exclaimed as he examined the keyboard and laptop more closely. “This is mine!” He narrowed his eyes at Yesung.
“I thought you might want it. You like to compose a lot and we have more free time now than we ever have.”
Ryeowook blinked startled. “Thanks,” he said softly. “Maybe we should do the cutting off the connection thing.”
“I did that on the way to my room,” Yesung said.
“What?” the other two could only blink in confusion. When they concentrated inside themselves they found that it was indeed true that they were no longer feeding him power.
“Actually I did it the first time last night. I wanted to see what would happen. It felt sort of strange at first. I figured out if I separate us and then grab your Songs again really fast, I don’t have to touch you to get them back. Even though we aren’t connected right now, I can still sort of hear your Songs, I just can’t get any power from them. It’s sort of like someone turned the volume down really low.”
Ryeowook sank down onto the chair in the corner of the room. “This place is going to kill me I think. Just when I think I get used to something things change.”
Zhou mi smirked as he bent down to look at the turtles. “It just keeps you on your toes.”
“Wait, Yesung, you can get anything from home?” Ryeowook asked brightening. Yesung nodded. “Could you get me some stuff?”
“Sure I just need one of your Songs.”
Ryeowook smirked in a way that most people would not believe he was capable of. “Great. I’ll make you a list.”
~♪~♪♫♪~♪~
Leeteuk glanced at the door for the fifth time since he had entered Kangin’s room. “Maybe I should go check on the others just to make sure they are alright.”
“Leeteuk let it be. I’m sure they are fine,” Kangin replied.
“Yes but -“
“No buts. You are going to worry yourself sick, again. You are just starting to look healthier. Don’t ruin that.” Leeteuk sighed. “Teukie it will be fine. Stop trying to put this off.”
“I’m not trying to put this off. I just want to know that they are alright,” Leeteuk argued.
“If they weren’t I’m sure you would know,” Kangin placed a finger over Leeteuk’s lips to keep him from talking. “I don’t know how you would, you just would. I’m going to do this now.” He didn’t give Leeteuk a chance to respond before he felt for their connection and slowly began to sever it.
As it lessened trickle by trickle Kangin felt emotion well up in him. By the time he had severed the connection, there were tears running down his cheeks without explanation. “Jungsoo,” he sobbed out. Leeteuk didn’t say a word. He simply opened his arms and let Kangin nearly crawl to him. The younger man buried his head in Leeteuk’s stomach and began to shake with sobs.
“Shh,” he soothed, running his fingers through the others short hair.
“Don’t leave me,” Kangin sobbed pitifully. He knew it was irrational to feel that Leeteuk was only moments away from leaving him. He knew that Leeteuk was the most loyal, loving person he knew, but that didn’t stop the emotions rolling up inside him.
“I’m here Youngwoon. I’m not going anywhere,” Leeteuk told him softly. Kangin’s fingers shifted until they found the hem of his shirt and slid underneath. There they found the scars. Scars left by the accident that had almost torn their group apart. Some were faint and barely able to be felt, others were still very easy to feel. His fingers drifted over them, marks from the glass and the surgeries necessary to remove it.
As he gently felt the damage on Leeteuk’s back he began to sob harder. It was not fair that this sweet man that was willing to hold him as he cried, sooth away all of his fear, look out for more members then any one person should ever be responsible for and love each and every one of them just as they were, had to go through every day with pain that would not fade.
Leeteuk held him long into the night, soothing him from sorrow that would not disappear, yet at the same time was completely unfounded, and rubbing his back for comfort. By the time his sobs had subsided, both were too exhausted to move and if either were honest with themselves, they didn’t want to. Before he drifted off into sleep, Kangin’s fingers ran down one of the scars one last time. He made a silent promise that he would do whatever was in his power to fix the damage that had been done. In response to his touch Leeteuk shifted and murmured in his sleep. Kangin sighed and let himself finally join Leeteuk in slumber.
Verse Eleven
Masterlist
AN: So it's not that I want to be mean and torture our boys, I don't I swear! I am simply trying to create a world that makes sense. I only like to read fantasy things if they logically make sense, so it just fit in my head that if you are that connected, breaking that will hurt. Any who I have a question for you all. I know where I am going with this and have the few next chapters written. I was wondering if there was anything you as the readers would like to see? I won't promise that your request will show up, but it definitely might especially in the form of those little refrains. So if there is anything, past, present, or future that you would like to see let me know. Also this is my first betaed chapter in a few chapters! College ate her soul and she decided to send me this out of the abyss. Thanks dear! Love you!