(no subject)
I had the weirdest ninja visit this morning. My regular doctor was booked, so I opted to see his nurse-practicioner. I don't remember her being a total space cadet, though. I hope she was high on allergy medicine or having a terrible day, because if she's like that with all the patients, it's no wonder hospitals get a bad rap.
"How are you doing?"
"Kind of crappy."
"That's great."
"The glucose test messed me up. I haven't eaten anything but syrup this morning, and I've been getting really sick when I skip meals. Plus I've been having heartburn a lot, so--"
"You can always put some phone books under the bed so you sleep on an incline."
"Well, I already sleep on a stack of pillows, and that helps some--"
"Phone books."
It was like she'd read the script, but showed up for the wrong shoot. She measured the ninja's dojo, then when she whipped out the mini-ultrasound, I had to point out that he was actually sitting on the other side from where she was listening. It's not like he was hard to find, he was kicking up a storm-- I guess at least one of us likes glucose syrup for breakfast.
She asked if we had any questions, and then it got weird. My main concern is that I absolutely don't want a c-section unless it's a last resort, and since I'm giving birth at a hospital, I know that's a better-than-average possibility. I want to make sure all the docs involved get the memo that there's to be no cutting unless the ninja is trying to come out butt first.
"Well, emergency c-sections don't happen too often--"
(Dude, what? You do read your own medical literature, right? Because I do.) "Um. Yeah. But--" *Coleman interjects with a question about forceps*
"Well, they'll keep you informed."
"Well, obviously, but--"
"Everything will be fine."
(*sigh* Well, this is fruitless. I'll try another tack.) "Right. So when we did the birth class, the woman running it mentioned that we should talk to our doctor about a birth plan--" As soon as we mentioned "birth plan", she literally could not get out of the room fast enough.
"... so should we bring that in to the next visit? Or just bring a copy for the hospital? How does that work?"
"Was she a doctor?"
"Um. I guess not, but she's one of your childbirth educators that works with your OB staff in your hospital. I figure she'd know what was up."
"Well, you should bring it, but don't, you know, hand it to anyone. Or, just tell it to them. They don't really like birth plans." (*flees*)
"Dude."
Now the really strange thing is that we've seen her before for our first visit, and she seemed all right. I called the office back when we got home to complain, and asked to reschedule my next appointment with "Dr. Brock, or if he's still not available, his partner is fine, just give me anyone but Ms. Blum."
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* Dr. Brock is a no-nonsense kind of guy, and seems like he's doing ten things at once. But he's also got a sense of humor and I've never got the impression that he's not listening or doesn't know what he's doing. He doesn't bolt for the door while I'm trying to ask a question, and I've never wondered if he might be high on Robotussin.
"How are you doing?"
"Kind of crappy."
"That's great."
"The glucose test messed me up. I haven't eaten anything but syrup this morning, and I've been getting really sick when I skip meals. Plus I've been having heartburn a lot, so--"
"You can always put some phone books under the bed so you sleep on an incline."
"Well, I already sleep on a stack of pillows, and that helps some--"
"Phone books."
It was like she'd read the script, but showed up for the wrong shoot. She measured the ninja's dojo, then when she whipped out the mini-ultrasound, I had to point out that he was actually sitting on the other side from where she was listening. It's not like he was hard to find, he was kicking up a storm-- I guess at least one of us likes glucose syrup for breakfast.
She asked if we had any questions, and then it got weird. My main concern is that I absolutely don't want a c-section unless it's a last resort, and since I'm giving birth at a hospital, I know that's a better-than-average possibility. I want to make sure all the docs involved get the memo that there's to be no cutting unless the ninja is trying to come out butt first.
"Well, emergency c-sections don't happen too often--"
(Dude, what? You do read your own medical literature, right? Because I do.) "Um. Yeah. But--" *Coleman interjects with a question about forceps*
"Well, they'll keep you informed."
"Well, obviously, but--"
"Everything will be fine."
(*sigh* Well, this is fruitless. I'll try another tack.) "Right. So when we did the birth class, the woman running it mentioned that we should talk to our doctor about a birth plan--" As soon as we mentioned "birth plan", she literally could not get out of the room fast enough.
"... so should we bring that in to the next visit? Or just bring a copy for the hospital? How does that work?"
"Was she a doctor?"
"Um. I guess not, but she's one of your childbirth educators that works with your OB staff in your hospital. I figure she'd know what was up."
"Well, you should bring it, but don't, you know, hand it to anyone. Or, just tell it to them. They don't really like birth plans." (*flees*)
"Dude."
Now the really strange thing is that we've seen her before for our first visit, and she seemed all right. I called the office back when we got home to complain, and asked to reschedule my next appointment with "Dr. Brock, or if he's still not available, his partner is fine, just give me anyone but Ms. Blum."
----------------
* Dr. Brock is a no-nonsense kind of guy, and seems like he's doing ten things at once. But he's also got a sense of humor and I've never got the impression that he's not listening or doesn't know what he's doing. He doesn't bolt for the door while I'm trying to ask a question, and I've never wondered if he might be high on Robotussin.