[Near doesn't say anything for a very long time. No reply is the best reply. He stays very still, staring at his hands. The sound of this voice isn't soothing at all. Too smooth, too sibilant.
He does not want to hear any voice right now. He especially does not want to hear this particular voice. He does not want to hear anything.
The dream was perhaps not as implicating or as damning as it could have been. It could have been worse, and the writing had been left unfinished. But it is still out there: things that aren't meant to be seen.
He stays very still for a few moments longer--then, eventually, dully, responds. Audio, the safest way.]
Video / PrivatekillswithapenJune 3 2010, 22:01:52 UTC
Then listen instead.
Each and every one of us has to face the fact that this network shows things we don't want it to, and we have to face up to that. I'm sure you already know what I've been accused of, though who knows what L told you. He's not exactly willing with that kind of information.
Still, when Mello arrived he showed his face on the network, and he was brought here to stay with us. I'm sure you've been made to stay away because it's safer if your face isn't known, but it's childish and it's downright dangerous, if anything. We have to survive here, not fixate on stupid games; it's life or death.
You're from our future--what year? Those people in the case file were Kira's victims, weren't they? How many people has he killed?
Audio / PrivateneargeniusJune 3 2010, 22:12:42 UTC
[Near stays quiet at all of that, too. Eventually:]
What you have been accused of. "Accused" may be the wrong word. I have looked at this network. I have seen the other dreams. They are more than mere accusation, I think.
And there are no stupid games.
[Another pause, longer this time.]
Why do you want this information? What good will it do you? Life or death-- do not fixate on stupid games. That's what you said. This information is part of that "stupid game". This information is useless to you. If I am from the future, then I know more than you--and I know who to share that information with.
[ Reaction ] 1/2 (possibly triggering)watashi_wa_eruJune 4 2010, 00:19:03 UTC
[ The stark black-on-white letter K stuns L, his spine seizing flagpole straight from its prior slouch. Fear-induced over-correction of his posture, and all because K is Kay and K is L and L is not Kay, but for an infinitesimal moment: he is Kay again, gone from his surroundings and seventeen years old.
Seventeen years old and paying the consequences for a singular teen rebellion, paying it in the home of a stranger with flowered wallpaper and chains and sociopaths for friends.
His fingers curl around the arms of his chair. Knuckles whiten.
L grits his teeth and sells it to himself -- his mantra of {I am not Kay, I am not Kay}. ]
[ Audio | Private ] 2/2watashi_wa_eruJune 4 2010, 00:42:04 UTC
[ L convinces himself that {No, he is L and L alone}, and he is stronger than this.
He is.
He's proven himself time and time again.
He will prove it now, and furthermore, he will prove to Near that, as one of his legacies, he can find the same strength. ]
Near.
You are stronger than this.
Your performance at the Wammy House was flawless, the last time I checked. I understand the sudden changes in your circumstances are startling. But, to lose your focus here is to die, just as it is in the Kira case.
You will find it within yourself to dull your neurons and forget your name. It can be done. It has been done and by a young young man already living here.
His name is Marco, and I believe he will never reveal so much as a trace of his last name. If he can do it, then you and Mello are equally capable.
[ Audio | Private ]neargeniusJune 4 2010, 01:09:08 UTC
[The other voice Near did not want to hear: L's voice. L saw this.
L is a loser.
He doesn't respond for a long time but stares hard at his hands, remembering the feeling of the cracks breaking on them. But it's useless to focus on that--it's useless to focus on things that he can't control (though he wants to control them; though he needs to control them)--and it's useless to pretend that L hasn't spoken to him, that L hasn't seen this, that L doesn't know.]
I will not lose focus. I do not do that.
[This dream belies that statement, in a way. But it's only here that he lets himself be unfocused, forget things, remember things. Otherwise he can control it. Otherwise he can work past everything, suppress it. Except his name.
His real name, practically tattooed into his memory. Forgetting it is important: the most important.
Second most important: Your performance at the Wammy House was flawless. Compliments should mean nothing, too, and they do. They should. Third most important, instead; yes, that's what it will be, no matter
( ... )
[ Video | Private ]watashi_wa_eruJune 4 2010, 01:39:33 UTC
[ This is good. In the question referring to Marco's 'technique', L reads Near's willingness to gain this vital skill.
And L is confident in Near's ability, needs to win the youth's trust and as such, opens the video feed. It adds to the intimacy of a conversation, opens the other person, makes them vulnerable.
[Video | Private]dramatic_capeJune 4 2010, 05:48:34 UTC
[ So soon after Lelouch's own dream, he feels again the sensation of coming apart, splitting at the seams, something lurking beneath the surface of his skin.
N. A. T.
Fragments of a name this young man - more a boy, really - is terrified to reveal. The sort of fear that goes along with the fear of death. If his name is revealed, it means death.
Lelouch Lamperouge - that is to say, Lelouch vi Britannia - that is to say, Zero - understands this emotion very well. ]
[Audio | Private]neargeniusJune 4 2010, 06:08:36 UTC
[Not a voice that he knows. Near pauses before replying, and when he does answer, his voice is at its usual quiet and steady pitch. He's had time to slow his breathing. There is no fear in him.]
Yes. That is what I have been told. Perhaps some will be able to be kept, for a time.
Though if it is difficult for everyone, perhaps it does not matter.
[Reaction/Voice||Private]searedsuccessorJune 5 2010, 00:55:51 UTC
[Mello dreads dreams like this. Of course, he won't admit it, but every night when he goes to sleep, he's terrified that there will be a dream in which his name is revealed. And like the snake that he is, Yagami will be watching, waiting, and then despite everything he's done, all of the shit he had fought for - is still - fighting for, it'll be the end of the line.
And as much as he wants to be the last one standing in the end, it wouldn't be fair to have his rival fall because of such a dumbshit, unconscious move.
But he can feel the fear: acute now, as if it's his own, and Mello sets the Hitomi down, inhales a long breath.]
Shit like that can get you killed around here.
[A pointless reprimand. Because in the end, dreams are unpredictable, and may be the end for any of them, at any time.]
[Voice||Private]neargeniusJune 5 2010, 01:27:10 UTC
[They aren't supposed to be afraid. Not of any of it. Fear is not an acceptable emotion, especially not in conjunction with the Kira case--because being afraid implies weakness, and even the smallest weakness implies a fingerhold, an in, a way to be killed and defeated and to lose.
And if anyone should not have seen this fear (anyone besides Kira, anyone besides L), it is his rival. Near should be a tower, unassailable. Not reduced to this: not reduced to fear.
But it's uncontrollable.
So, eventually, quietly, he answers:]
I know.
[A pause and he closes his hand over his sleeve, bringing it up to his mouth. A breath.]
[A blatant lie, but in the end, it doesn't matter. Mihael Keehl doesn't exist. Only Mello. Because when he gets that title, his original name will be dead to him anyway. Irrelevant detail, as far as he's concerned.
There's the sound of fabric on fabric rustling as Mello shifts, lying on his stomach, just an inch away from the Hitomi.]
And you should forget yours, if you haven't already. You know better than anyone that it's useless.
[Voice||Private]neargeniusJune 5 2010, 02:00:16 UTC
[Whether or not Mello is telling the truth is impossible to say. But the quick and immediate response jolts a reaction in Near. If Mello has forgotten, then in that way, he is superior.
But he doesn't say anything about that; he doesn't react. He holds still and quiet and stares at his Hitomi, listening. And, then--maybe this is admitting weakness in itself; maybe this is going too far, but he says it anyways.]
I can't.
[Like a tattoo, like a brand, his name is burned into his head. Important to forget, and impossible to forget in its importance. It is useless. Near, N, L--that is all that is important.]
Does it still matter, here? [A pause, and another breath.] Any of it.
Comments 80
Reply
He does not want to hear any voice right now. He especially does not want to hear this particular voice. He does not want to hear anything.
The dream was perhaps not as implicating or as damning as it could have been. It could have been worse, and the writing had been left unfinished. But it is still out there: things that aren't meant to be seen.
He stays very still for a few moments longer--then, eventually, dully, responds. Audio, the safest way.]
Talking is unnecessary.
Reply
Each and every one of us has to face the fact that this network shows things we don't want it to, and we have to face up to that. I'm sure you already know what I've been accused of, though who knows what L told you. He's not exactly willing with that kind of information.
Still, when Mello arrived he showed his face on the network, and he was brought here to stay with us. I'm sure you've been made to stay away because it's safer if your face isn't known, but it's childish and it's downright dangerous, if anything. We have to survive here, not fixate on stupid games; it's life or death.
You're from our future--what year? Those people in the case file were Kira's victims, weren't they? How many people has he killed?
Reply
What you have been accused of. "Accused" may be the wrong word. I have looked at this network. I have seen the other dreams. They are more than mere accusation, I think.
And there are no stupid games.
[Another pause, longer this time.]
Why do you want this information? What good will it do you? Life or death-- do not fixate on stupid games. That's what you said. This information is part of that "stupid game". This information is useless to you. If I am from the future, then I know more than you--and I know who to share that information with.
Reply
Seventeen years old and paying the consequences for a singular teen rebellion, paying it in the home of a stranger with flowered wallpaper and chains and sociopaths for friends.
His fingers curl around the arms of his chair. Knuckles whiten.
L grits his teeth and sells it to himself -- his mantra of {I am not Kay, I am not Kay}. ]
Reply
He is.
He's proven himself time and time again.
He will prove it now, and furthermore, he will prove to Near that, as one of his legacies, he can find the same strength. ]
Near.
You are stronger than this.
Your performance at the Wammy House was flawless, the last time I checked. I understand the sudden changes in your circumstances are startling. But, to lose your focus here is to die, just as it is in the Kira case.
You will find it within yourself to dull your neurons and forget your name. It can be done. It has been done and by a young young man already living here.
His name is Marco, and I believe he will never reveal so much as a trace of his last name. If he can do it, then you and Mello are equally capable.
Reply
L is a loser.
He doesn't respond for a long time but stares hard at his hands, remembering the feeling of the cracks breaking on them. But it's useless to focus on that--it's useless to focus on things that he can't control (though he wants to control them; though he needs to control them)--and it's useless to pretend that L hasn't spoken to him, that L hasn't seen this, that L doesn't know.]
I will not lose focus. I do not do that.
[This dream belies that statement, in a way. But it's only here that he lets himself be unfocused, forget things, remember things. Otherwise he can control it. Otherwise he can work past everything, suppress it. Except his name.
His real name, practically tattooed into his memory. Forgetting it is important: the most important.
Second most important: Your performance at the Wammy House was flawless. Compliments should mean nothing, too, and they do. They should. Third most important, instead; yes, that's what it will be, no matter ( ... )
Reply
And L is confident in Near's ability, needs to win the youth's trust and as such, opens the video feed. It adds to the intimacy of a conversation, opens the other person, makes them vulnerable.
Human. ]
Near.
Look at me.
Reply
N. A. T.
Fragments of a name this young man - more a boy, really - is terrified to reveal. The sort of fear that goes along with the fear of death. If his name is revealed, it means death.
Lelouch Lamperouge - that is to say, Lelouch vi Britannia - that is to say, Zero - understands this emotion very well. ]
Regrettably, it's difficult to keep secrets here.
Reply
Yes. That is what I have been told. Perhaps some will be able to be kept, for a time.
Though if it is difficult for everyone, perhaps it does not matter.
Reply
I wish you luck with yours. It seems like you have something worth hiding from.
Allow me to introduce myself; my name is Lelouch. If you don't wish to reveal your name, is there anything else I can call you by?
Reply
[A pause, and then, a little tentative:] N.
Why are we speaking?
Reply
And as much as he wants to be the last one standing in the end, it wouldn't be fair to have his rival fall because of such a dumbshit, unconscious move.
But he can feel the fear: acute now, as if it's his own, and Mello sets the Hitomi down, inhales a long breath.]
Shit like that can get you killed around here.
[A pointless reprimand. Because in the end, dreams are unpredictable, and may be the end for any of them, at any time.]
Reply
And if anyone should not have seen this fear (anyone besides Kira, anyone besides L), it is his rival. Near should be a tower, unassailable. Not reduced to this: not reduced to fear.
But it's uncontrollable.
So, eventually, quietly, he answers:]
I know.
[A pause and he closes his hand over his sleeve, bringing it up to his mouth. A breath.]
Do you remember your name?
Reply
[A blatant lie, but in the end, it doesn't matter. Mihael Keehl doesn't exist. Only Mello. Because when he gets that title, his original name will be dead to him anyway. Irrelevant detail, as far as he's concerned.
There's the sound of fabric on fabric rustling as Mello shifts, lying on his stomach, just an inch away from the Hitomi.]
And you should forget yours, if you haven't already. You know better than anyone that it's useless.
Reply
But he doesn't say anything about that; he doesn't react. He holds still and quiet and stares at his Hitomi, listening. And, then--maybe this is admitting weakness in itself; maybe this is going too far, but he says it anyways.]
I can't.
[Like a tattoo, like a brand, his name is burned into his head. Important to forget, and impossible to forget in its importance. It is useless. Near, N, L--that is all that is important.]
Does it still matter, here? [A pause, and another breath.] Any of it.
Reply
[A bit softly, he sounds... thoughtful, perhaps.]
Was it so bad? Playing with open cards?
Reply
The cards aren't entirely open. Yet. Dreams don't tell everything.
Reply
Besides... there's always the option of growing above it, hmn.
Reply
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