[ Reaction ] 1/2 (possibly triggering)watashi_wa_eruJune 4 2010, 00:19:03 UTC
[ The stark black-on-white letter K stuns L, his spine seizing flagpole straight from its prior slouch. Fear-induced over-correction of his posture, and all because K is Kay and K is L and L is not Kay, but for an infinitesimal moment: he is Kay again, gone from his surroundings and seventeen years old.
Seventeen years old and paying the consequences for a singular teen rebellion, paying it in the home of a stranger with flowered wallpaper and chains and sociopaths for friends.
His fingers curl around the arms of his chair. Knuckles whiten.
L grits his teeth and sells it to himself -- his mantra of {I am not Kay, I am not Kay}. ]
[ Audio | Private ] 2/2watashi_wa_eruJune 4 2010, 00:42:04 UTC
[ L convinces himself that {No, he is L and L alone}, and he is stronger than this.
He is.
He's proven himself time and time again.
He will prove it now, and furthermore, he will prove to Near that, as one of his legacies, he can find the same strength. ]
Near.
You are stronger than this.
Your performance at the Wammy House was flawless, the last time I checked. I understand the sudden changes in your circumstances are startling. But, to lose your focus here is to die, just as it is in the Kira case.
You will find it within yourself to dull your neurons and forget your name. It can be done. It has been done and by a young young man already living here.
His name is Marco, and I believe he will never reveal so much as a trace of his last name. If he can do it, then you and Mello are equally capable.
[ Audio | Private ]neargeniusJune 4 2010, 01:09:08 UTC
[The other voice Near did not want to hear: L's voice. L saw this.
L is a loser.
He doesn't respond for a long time but stares hard at his hands, remembering the feeling of the cracks breaking on them. But it's useless to focus on that--it's useless to focus on things that he can't control (though he wants to control them; though he needs to control them)--and it's useless to pretend that L hasn't spoken to him, that L hasn't seen this, that L doesn't know.]
I will not lose focus. I do not do that.
[This dream belies that statement, in a way. But it's only here that he lets himself be unfocused, forget things, remember things. Otherwise he can control it. Otherwise he can work past everything, suppress it. Except his name.
His real name, practically tattooed into his memory. Forgetting it is important: the most important.
Second most important: Your performance at the Wammy House was flawless. Compliments should mean nothing, too, and they do. They should. Third most important, instead; yes, that's what it will be, no matter
( ... )
[ Video | Private ]watashi_wa_eruJune 4 2010, 01:39:33 UTC
[ This is good. In the question referring to Marco's 'technique', L reads Near's willingness to gain this vital skill.
And L is confident in Near's ability, needs to win the youth's trust and as such, opens the video feed. It adds to the intimacy of a conversation, opens the other person, makes them vulnerable.
[ Video | Private ]neargeniusJune 4 2010, 02:38:58 UTC
[Another lengthy pause, and then he lays the Hitomi on the floor in front of him and pulls his knees up to his chest--tucks his face down, squashing his nose, his mouth, hiding everything, until just his eyes are peeking over the tops of his knees. Then he turns on the video and stares at L without saying anything, just waiting.]
[ Video | Private ]watashi_wa_eruJune 4 2010, 02:47:33 UTC
[ Well, this is as good a start as any, L supposes. He sips at his tea, tilts his head, deciding how to begin. ]
Near.
Do you believe I am the L who chose both you and Mello to succeed me in the event of my death? Or, perhaps I should say, the L who neglected to chose between you.
[ Video | Private ]neargeniusJune 4 2010, 02:57:06 UTC
Mello says that you are.
[He tips his head slightly in response, almost mimicking him, watching L closely. This is incredibly strange. There was never a time when he thought that he would see L. L has been dead for years now, and even before that...]
Re: [ Video | Private ]watashi_wa_eruJune 4 2010, 03:22:09 UTC
[ L studies his protégé with calm and solemn eyes. His final line is too blunt, too jolting to be anything but an emotional reaction.
L offers a small, consoling smile and drops his gaze to watch his reflection ripple on the tea's surface. ]
Yes, that's right. In the line of time from where you have been extracted, I have, indeed, lost. However, we are clearly not at home, which makes much of what has occurred there irrelevant.
But back to your question.
I believe you asked how Marco forgot his name. Well, I don't know that he has actually forgotten. No, in fact, the only thing I am certain of is the fact that, should he reveal his name at home, it would probably cost him his life.
[ Another sip. ] Mm. Near, do you understand what I'm saying?
[ Video | Private ]neargeniusJune 4 2010, 03:59:48 UTC
[Near stares hard back, his shoulders tense, his fingers gripping his arms. Even as he's pretending that he doesn't care, he's studying L intently. This is L. He's already seen his face, when he first arrived, but this reinforces it. This is L.
If what occurred before is irrelevant, then Near's work has been irrelevant. But that's something for another time. This is important, now. He relaxes, just slightly, uncurling his fingers a little.]
His situation is like our situation. [He pauses and unwraps one hand completely, bringing it up to his head to twirl around a lock of hair.] Tell me what you mean.
[ Video | Private ]watashi_wa_eruJune 4 2010, 04:19:48 UTC
[ L nods, once. ]
Correct.
You must rename yourself. You are no one but Near and L.
To speak plainly: if you fail to forget your birth name, you are subject to death by the notebook.
[ An eloquent shrug and L decides that, for now, Near doesn't need to know that death is rarely permanent. It may not be permanent at all.
Instead, he decides to change the topic to business. ]
I thought I should also mention that later today, I'll be testing the murder notebook. Mm. Would you care to attend its testing? I will guarantee your safety.
[ Video | Private ]neargeniusJune 4 2010, 04:25:18 UTC
Then you have forgotten yours.
[Easier said than done, certainly. Near is Near, and no one else. The other name doesn't mean anything, has no attachment for him. He can hardly remember being called by it. But in its unimportance it is important--and in its danger it is impossible to forget.
Still: if it can be done, then Near will do it. He will figure it out. So he nods back.
The end of that statement gets his attention, though.]
Testing it? [He sits up, straightening his spine slightly, and almost forgets to keep his face covered. Instead, he leans forward towards the Hitomi.]
Seventeen years old and paying the consequences for a singular teen rebellion, paying it in the home of a stranger with flowered wallpaper and chains and sociopaths for friends.
His fingers curl around the arms of his chair. Knuckles whiten.
L grits his teeth and sells it to himself -- his mantra of {I am not Kay, I am not Kay}. ]
Reply
He is.
He's proven himself time and time again.
He will prove it now, and furthermore, he will prove to Near that, as one of his legacies, he can find the same strength. ]
Near.
You are stronger than this.
Your performance at the Wammy House was flawless, the last time I checked. I understand the sudden changes in your circumstances are startling. But, to lose your focus here is to die, just as it is in the Kira case.
You will find it within yourself to dull your neurons and forget your name. It can be done. It has been done and by a young young man already living here.
His name is Marco, and I believe he will never reveal so much as a trace of his last name. If he can do it, then you and Mello are equally capable.
Reply
L is a loser.
He doesn't respond for a long time but stares hard at his hands, remembering the feeling of the cracks breaking on them. But it's useless to focus on that--it's useless to focus on things that he can't control (though he wants to control them; though he needs to control them)--and it's useless to pretend that L hasn't spoken to him, that L hasn't seen this, that L doesn't know.]
I will not lose focus. I do not do that.
[This dream belies that statement, in a way. But it's only here that he lets himself be unfocused, forget things, remember things. Otherwise he can control it. Otherwise he can work past everything, suppress it. Except his name.
His real name, practically tattooed into his memory. Forgetting it is important: the most important.
Second most important: Your performance at the Wammy House was flawless. Compliments should mean nothing, too, and they do. They should. Third most important, instead; yes, that's what it will be, no matter ( ... )
Reply
And L is confident in Near's ability, needs to win the youth's trust and as such, opens the video feed. It adds to the intimacy of a conversation, opens the other person, makes them vulnerable.
Human. ]
Near.
Look at me.
Reply
I am looking.
[He doesn't turn the video on, though; he still doesn't trust it. But he waits, and he watches.]
Reply
You can cover your face, if you like.
Reply
Reply
Near.
Do you believe I am the L who chose both you and Mello to succeed me in the event of my death? Or, perhaps I should say, the L who neglected to chose between you.
Reply
[He tips his head slightly in response, almost mimicking him, watching L closely. This is incredibly strange. There was never a time when he thought that he would see L. L has been dead for years now, and even before that...]
Mello would know. You are the L who lost.
Reply
L offers a small, consoling smile and drops his gaze to watch his reflection ripple on the tea's surface. ]
Yes, that's right. In the line of time from where you have been extracted, I have, indeed, lost. However, we are clearly not at home, which makes much of what has occurred there irrelevant.
But back to your question.
I believe you asked how Marco forgot his name. Well, I don't know that he has actually forgotten. No, in fact, the only thing I am certain of is the fact that, should he reveal his name at home, it would probably cost him his life.
[ Another sip. ] Mm. Near, do you understand what I'm saying?
Reply
If what occurred before is irrelevant, then Near's work has been irrelevant. But that's something for another time. This is important, now. He relaxes, just slightly, uncurling his fingers a little.]
His situation is like our situation. [He pauses and unwraps one hand completely, bringing it up to his head to twirl around a lock of hair.] Tell me what you mean.
Reply
Correct.
You must rename yourself. You are no one but Near and L.
To speak plainly: if you fail to forget your birth name, you are subject to death by the notebook.
[ An eloquent shrug and L decides that, for now, Near doesn't need to know that death is rarely permanent. It may not be permanent at all.
Instead, he decides to change the topic to business. ]
I thought I should also mention that later today, I'll be testing the murder notebook. Mm. Would you care to attend its testing? I will guarantee your safety.
Reply
[Easier said than done, certainly. Near is Near, and no one else. The other name doesn't mean anything, has no attachment for him. He can hardly remember being called by it. But in its unimportance it is important--and in its danger it is impossible to forget.
Still: if it can be done, then Near will do it. He will figure it out. So he nods back.
The end of that statement gets his attention, though.]
Testing it? [He sits up, straightening his spine slightly, and almost forgets to keep his face covered. Instead, he leans forward towards the Hitomi.]
Who will it be tested on?
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If Mello has advised you about him, then you should understand the danger he represents.
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I have been informed. Who will be present?
Reply
Including myself, every name we have touched upon during our conversation.
Reply
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