[There are three things Iruka feels at the same time after seeing this.
One:
There is pain. It is the kind of anger that makes him want to lash out and at the same time fall to his knees. Because this is the part of him that is deeply rooted in to Konoha's system, the system that moulds his way of living, the system that gives him a purpose. The very system that causes war and had him watching people die before his eyes. Logic tells him that the case is simple; Sasuke left of his own accord, associated himself with people of his own choosing.
(It is the purpose of man to choose his own destiny and he must be responsible for his own actions and ripples it may cause.)
But Konoha has done so much damage; Iruka knows this
( ... )
[Video | Private]ura_no_uraFebruary 23 2010, 11:16:12 UTC
Iruka...
[ This is the last thing Kakashi wanted him to see. He was hoping, hoping for some kind of miracle, that somehow Iruka would just miss this particular dream. The ground they stand on is still so shaky, and though Kakashi knows how he feels for Iruka, and how Iruka feels for him, he's never really been good at this whole relationship thing. Doesn't even know what's supposed to really go into one, when he's got this fucked up mess between his ears that he's still trying to sort out. Nevermind trying to figure out a mess between two people. He's got enough to handle.
And now this. This -- whatever it is with Sasuke
( ... )
[Video | Private]smiling_uminoFebruary 23 2010, 11:59:16 UTC
I just --
[He laughs, a deep exhale of the breath and his lungs hurt. He didn't realize he had been holding his breath, he didn't realize that the cold feeling in his gut keeps growing and didn't stop ...
(You're afraid, aren't you?)
So he's waving a hand and consciously looking at Kakashi, focusing on his face and hair and eyes and expression. Because see, he doesn't look okay. You can help him, give him support, talk to him. ]
I was just ... I guess I wanted to know if I can get you anything, do anything. Or ...
[Iruka ducks his head and grounds his jaw at the useless babble of words that leaves his mouth. He looks apologetically at Kakashi; perhaps it would have been wiser to not say anything at all. It would have been wiser to look the other way, to pretend he didn't see it because Iruka isn't sure what he can do, or what comfort or words or anything he can give to this troubled looking man
( ... )
[Video | Private]ura_no_uraFebruary 23 2010, 12:14:31 UTC
[ Kakashi looks for a long moment at Iruka's smiling face. At the smile that is pulled too tightly and does not reach his eyes and the hurt that is pressed into the curve.
This is not the way Iruka should ever have to smile. ]
Do you want to come over?
[ He doesn't say Can you come over, because this isn't just about him -- it's also about the empty sound of that laugh and the tightness of Iruka's smile. The way Iruka tries to be strong, like he's bracing himself and holding his body upright, ready for a blow that will send him reeling ten feet back before falling to the ground. It's the kind of look one takes on when they think they've already lost, a kind of hopeless resignation
( ... )
[Voice | Private]a_for_tioriFebruary 23 2010, 12:36:36 UTC
[He knows nothing.
Kakashi was always telling them to look underneath the underneath in order to seek out the truth. But as usual, Kakashi is an idiot and a liar and a hypocrite and he knows nothing. Of course, Sasuke should have seen this coming - everyone lies and he shouldn't trust anyone, he should know that, he should - and he didn't trust Kakashi, he didn't but this was not the lie he was expecting
( ... )
[Video | Private]a_for_tioriFebruary 27 2010, 05:09:37 UTC
[No excuse. That's no excuse, because even if it's just a dream - even if it's just Kakashi's mind firing off randomly, even if it's just a random bunch of thoughts all tossed together in a way that makes no sense at all - it doesn't make sense, for Kakashi to be thinking about that, about having sex with him and now it is broadcast and everyone can see it and Sasuke can see it (he wonders vaguely what Itachi would think - would he be disgusted? Would he think that Sasuke really - no, he hasn't, it's not like that) and why the fuck would Kakashi -
But. But even if it's just a dream. Even so, he thinks that. Kakashi thinks those things. He pities Sasuke. That weird look he's always giving Sasuke - that is the look of Kakashi thinking about how pathetic he is. That is the look of Kakashi thinking that all his self-sufficiency, which he bled for, which he cut himself open and emptied himself out for, is a lie. Thinking that he is still weak, despite how badly he wanted to be strong. How hard he worked to be strong
( ... )
[Video | Private]ura_no_uraFebruary 27 2010, 06:55:26 UTC
[ But Kakashi doesn't even understand his own thoughts in this dream, so how can someone else understand them more? Know what it is like to be him, to have walked in his skin and felt the press of emotion that surges in his chest and tightens inextricably at the bite in Sasuke's tone? And underneath it all there is that nameless something Kakashi doesn't understand and doesn't know if he's ready to.
He looks at the anger burning there in Sasuke's eyes. At the sharp edge of his jaw and remembers the soft expression that had been there just two days ago, when Sasuke had wound his arms around him. The small smile that had eased across his mouth. ]
Sasuke...
[ He murmurs, and he's not sure what to say. He's not sure what Sasuke wants him to, either. ]
Comments 84
Where'd you get that, a Saturday morning cartoon?
[Joker didn't even watch it. He started to feel whatever it was and threw the Hitomi down.]
Reply
Reply
One:
There is pain. It is the kind of anger that makes him want to lash out and at the same time fall to his knees. Because this is the part of him that is deeply rooted in to Konoha's system, the system that moulds his way of living, the system that gives him a purpose. The very system that causes war and had him watching people die before his eyes. Logic tells him that the case is simple; Sasuke left of his own accord, associated himself with people of his own choosing.
(It is the purpose of man to choose his own destiny and he must be responsible for his own actions and ripples it may cause.)
But Konoha has done so much damage; Iruka knows this ( ... )
Reply
[ This is the last thing Kakashi wanted him to see. He was hoping, hoping for some kind of miracle, that somehow Iruka would just miss this particular dream. The ground they stand on is still so shaky, and though Kakashi knows how he feels for Iruka, and how Iruka feels for him, he's never really been good at this whole relationship thing. Doesn't even know what's supposed to really go into one, when he's got this fucked up mess between his ears that he's still trying to sort out. Nevermind trying to figure out a mess between two people. He's got enough to handle.
And now this. This -- whatever it is with Sasuke ( ... )
Reply
[He laughs, a deep exhale of the breath and his lungs hurt. He didn't realize he had been holding his breath, he didn't realize that the cold feeling in his gut keeps growing and didn't stop ...
(You're afraid, aren't you?)
So he's waving a hand and consciously looking at Kakashi, focusing on his face and hair and eyes and expression. Because see, he doesn't look okay. You can help him, give him support, talk to him. ]
I was just ... I guess I wanted to know if I can get you anything, do anything. Or ...
[Iruka ducks his head and grounds his jaw at the useless babble of words that leaves his mouth. He looks apologetically at Kakashi; perhaps it would have been wiser to not say anything at all. It would have been wiser to look the other way, to pretend he didn't see it because Iruka isn't sure what he can do, or what comfort or words or anything he can give to this troubled looking man ( ... )
Reply
This is not the way Iruka should ever have to smile. ]
Do you want to come over?
[ He doesn't say Can you come over, because this isn't just about him -- it's also about the empty sound of that laugh and the tightness of Iruka's smile. The way Iruka tries to be strong, like he's bracing himself and holding his body upright, ready for a blow that will send him reeling ten feet back before falling to the ground. It's the kind of look one takes on when they think they've already lost, a kind of hopeless resignation ( ... )
Reply
Kakashi was always telling them to look underneath the underneath in order to seek out the truth. But as usual, Kakashi is an idiot and a liar and a hypocrite and he knows nothing. Of course, Sasuke should have seen this coming - everyone lies and he shouldn't trust anyone, he should know that, he should - and he didn't trust Kakashi, he didn't but this was not the lie he was expecting ( ... )
Reply
Reply
But. But even if it's just a dream. Even so, he thinks that. Kakashi thinks those things. He pities Sasuke. That weird look he's always giving Sasuke - that is the look of Kakashi thinking about how pathetic he is. That is the look of Kakashi thinking that all his self-sufficiency, which he bled for, which he cut himself open and emptied himself out for, is a lie. Thinking that he is still weak, despite how badly he wanted to be strong. How hard he worked to be strong ( ... )
Reply
He looks at the anger burning there in Sasuke's eyes. At the sharp edge of his jaw and remembers the soft expression that had been there just two days ago, when Sasuke had wound his arms around him. The small smile that had eased across his mouth. ]
Sasuke...
[ He murmurs, and he's not sure what to say. He's not sure what Sasuke wants him to, either. ]
Reply
Leave a comment