[Video | Private]smiling_uminoFebruary 23 2010, 11:59:16 UTC
I just --
[He laughs, a deep exhale of the breath and his lungs hurt. He didn't realize he had been holding his breath, he didn't realize that the cold feeling in his gut keeps growing and didn't stop ...
(You're afraid, aren't you?)
So he's waving a hand and consciously looking at Kakashi, focusing on his face and hair and eyes and expression. Because see, he doesn't look okay. You can help him, give him support, talk to him. ]
I was just ... I guess I wanted to know if I can get you anything, do anything. Or ...
[Iruka ducks his head and grounds his jaw at the useless babble of words that leaves his mouth. He looks apologetically at Kakashi; perhaps it would have been wiser to not say anything at all. It would have been wiser to look the other way, to pretend he didn't see it because Iruka isn't sure what he can do, or what comfort or words or anything he can give to this troubled looking man.
Because all he really wants to do is not make him look troubled.
Except Kakashi is. And Iruka ... lowers his gaze in some sort of indirect apology and smiles anyway.
(You don't know what to say, don't you?)]
You don't look okay so asking if you're okay is useless. Shall I leave you alone for a bit?
[Video | Private]ura_no_uraFebruary 23 2010, 12:14:31 UTC
[ Kakashi looks for a long moment at Iruka's smiling face. At the smile that is pulled too tightly and does not reach his eyes and the hurt that is pressed into the curve.
This is not the way Iruka should ever have to smile. ]
Do you want to come over?
[ He doesn't say Can you come over, because this isn't just about him -- it's also about the empty sound of that laugh and the tightness of Iruka's smile. The way Iruka tries to be strong, like he's bracing himself and holding his body upright, ready for a blow that will send him reeling ten feet back before falling to the ground. It's the kind of look one takes on when they think they've already lost, a kind of hopeless resignation.
Kakashi knows that smile and the tightness and the empty sound of resignation far too well. ]
I--
[ He takes a breath, and then lets it out, his voice and expression softening, the corner of his eye and the look he gives at the Hitomi growing gentle. ]
I'd like to see you.
[ Normally he'd say something a little less direct -- something that sounds more like I wouldn't mind. But Iruka might hear the wrong thing if Kakashi is too vague, right now. ]
[Video | Private]smiling_uminoFebruary 23 2010, 19:11:27 UTC
[He doesn't answer immediately because Iruka hesitates. He looks at the screen once more, searching, looking underneath the underneath.
When he doesn't really have to because he understands what Kakashi means, knows that tone, that look under the mask. And maybe - Iruka isn't sure - it makes his lungs feel less constricted, less painful, makes some of that blank disappear and replace it with a little more clarity.]
All right.
[Iruka swallows and the smile brightens a little. It is a touch more real as he sighs and breathes.
He shouldn't have doubted Kakashi at all. How can he say that he trusts Kakashi when he feels more than ready to question Kakashi's feelings? Second doubt it? Feel careful? And he's still careful.
(You must be strong. Stronger.)
He can think of this - of himself later. Kakashi ... he's asking for him. Kakashi ... needs him ...]
[Video | Private] / [Action]ura_no_uraFebruary 24 2010, 07:48:58 UTC
I'll be downstairs.
[ It's all he says, before he sends the video comment and gets out of bed to make his way downstairs to the living area with a futon tossed over his shoulder. He thinks a little alcohol might dull the burn, so by the time Iruka arrives, the irori will have a fire burning in it, the futon rolled out next to it, and Kakashi will be waiting for the water to boil in the kettle, decanters of shochu and sake sitting nearby. ]
[Action for the rest of the thread]smiling_uminoFebruary 24 2010, 10:25:55 UTC
[Iruka leaves to get dressed, taking his time and trying not to hurry. Except he's standing once more at a familiar doorstep and he's not sure how long it takes for him to get there. But he is and he's staring at the door for a long while and hesitating again.
He simply knocks a few times to make his presence formally known before he kneels and starts to disarm the traps. They're the same, he sees, like the ones before of the house that is warm and defined home to its very core. He doesn't linger much on it because he's pushing the door open quietly and stepping in, unstrapping his sandals with one hand and closing the door with the other.
The house is similar, but not. It doesn't hold the same memories that Iruka knows and keeps deep with in, the walls and floors do not whisper of words that makes Iruka smile. He finds himself looking at the roof as he makes his way to the living room, indulging on the urge because ah, that broken and replaced ceiling panel and beam is gone.
Funny how he's already spent a night in this house and it still feels too new to him.]
Kakashi ...?
[He speaks softly, before he steps in to the living room where it is the only place in the house that is lit.
Re: [Action for the rest of the thread]ura_no_uraFebruary 24 2010, 10:33:12 UTC
What are you doing, standing over there?
[ Kakashi's voice is gentle, almost teasing, when he sees Iruka pause in the doorway. He's sprawled on his stomach on his futon, holding himself up by his elbows, balancing a porcelain decanter of shochu in a steaming hot bowl of water. Another bowl sits next to it, near the irori, with a second decanter of fragrant sake. Kakashi's wearing his masked singlet, and the futon blanket is pulled up towards his waist, draped just over his lower back.
This house is no longer unlived in, like it was just a few days ago, and it may not have the memories of the home that they once shared, but they can make new ones, here. ]
Come here.
[ He beckons for Iruka to approach, pushing himself up to a seated position. The blanket pools near his hip. ]
[It is easy to sink down in the futon with his knees tucked underneath him and to smile now. Perhaps the house didn't echo of the old memories but they were still quite humorous when Iruka allows himself to remember them. It is just one of those things that he will have trouble forgetting.
He reaches out brush fingers against Kakashi's temple briefly, a touch of greeting, before he reaches out to pour their respective drinks. Shochu for Kakashi and sake for himself.]
Had I know you had drinks out, I would have brought something to go with it.
[ Kakashi murmurs, shifting around behind Iruka, wrapping his arms around the younger man, fingers working slowly to pull down on the zipper of his vest. The tension that had been building up like a knot within him slowly starts to unravel with the familiar warmth of Iruka in his arms and the scent of him filling his nose. And the house feels a little less empty, a little less cold, with Iruka here. ]
That's enough.
[ He knows Iruka was hurt and confused by the dream. Knows that it's probably still scratching at the back of his mind. But Kakashi wants to assuage the hurt, make the throb in Iruka's chest lessen, and put the easy warmth back into Iruka's smile. ]
Ehhh, but how can I deny such a request made with such a face?
[Iruka feels the chuckles rise from his stomach to his lungs and past his throat. And he's turning his head and reaching up with a hand to tug the mask downwards. He can focus on this, he can drown himself in the warmth and scent of earth that defines Kakashi.
He can believe Kakashi's words when he says it like this, quietly and just between them; the blank lifts a little more and Iruka can see things better. So he's got fingers tracing his chin and eyes closing as the smile grows a bit more on his lips.]
Kakashi bites back the ridiculous pun at the tip of his tongue that he knows would end up with Iruka giving him a shove backwards. Even though he'd get a bit of a kick out of it -- out of seeing that anger light up in Iruka's eyes and that familiar scowl tugging down the corners of his mouth, Kakashi doesn't really want to ruin this moment, regardless of how tempting it is. He smiles instead and leans forward over Iruka's shoulder, letting his nose brush against Iruka's. ]
Well, I'm glad you came.
[ Kakashi works the zipper down, then tugs at the vest to divest Iruka of it, as he closes the distance between their lips with a soft kiss. ]
[Iruka lingers on the kiss, shrugging the vest off his shoulder and spreading fingers to cup Kakashi's cheek. Iruka doesn't prolong their kiss too much, breaking it off to press lips against Kakashi's chin, sighing quietly to get that vest out of the way completely. It's very hard to deny Kakashi anything and it isn't like Iruka can ever deny him anything to start with.
And it's easy for Kakashi to make his stomach feel warm, and his cheeks tinge a bit in red. Kakashi knows what button to push, what not to; somehow, that makes the red on his cheeks spread all the way to the tips of his ears.
And you doubted him? When he's like this? You're a fool, aren't you?
Iruka answers the voice in his head with a soft, perhaps.]
Kakashi hums softly, nudging the vest away with his feet as he lets his hand flatten against Iruka's back in a slow stroke. ]
Mm....
[ It's a noncommittal hum that can be interpreted any which way. Kakashi likes to speak in non-absolutes, where the truth falls between the lines. He reaches past Iruka then, and one hand curls round the warm cup filled with hot water and shochu, and the other one, around Iruka's sake, which he hands to him. ]
[Iruka feels the answer more than he hears it and the cup of sake chugged back in one shot. The warmth of the drink spreads in his stomach and dusts over his cheeks and tips of his ears.
Perhaps it is a good idea that Kakashi had the drinks out. Iruka's throat feels dry as he pours himself a second cup.]
This is really, really good ...
[He's not holding back on the drinks because maybe he does want to erase the rest of the blank that still pulls like an annoying weight at the back of his mind. So he distracts himself by pouring their drinks and leaning against the warm frame of ...
[ Kakashi snorts an amused breath through his nose as he takes a long drink from his own cup. He can tell though that Iruka wants to forget what he saw. Wants to be in a place that's warm and comfortable and far away from the dream that had put doubt and confusion into his eyes and pressed down the curve of his smile.
Kakashi's fingers slide up Iruka's back. ]
You're drinking so fast, I'm surprised you're even tasting it.
[Iruka laughs at that around a sip, licking his lips because he's tasting it now. Sweet, warm, could be sweeter, but hey, it still tastes good; that what matters.]
What nonsense are you talking about? It's sweet.
[A pause.]
Well, sweeter than what you're drinking. Here, try it.
[Iruka doesn't offer Kakashi the half empty cup in his hand but presses a languid kiss against Kakashi's mouth, to prove his point. Forgetting and erasing never helps.
(It sure as hell didn't back then.)
So Iruka will deal with things, one step at a time.]
[ Kakashi laps his tongue against the seam of Iruka's moist mouth, tasting the mild, tangy sweetness of the sake clinging to his lips and tongue. He nips softly at Iruka's lower lip, then sucks it into his mouth, humming softly as he slides his hand down to Iruka's hip, then up under the hemline of his shirt, fingers lightly scraping over warm skin. The sake is sweet, but Kakashi likes the taste of Iruka more, and breaks the kiss to let his mouth travel over the edge of Iruka's jaw to the curve of his neck. He presses a hot kiss at the delineation of his jaw and throat, his tongue licking up the salt of Iruka's skin. ]
[He laughs, a deep exhale of the breath and his lungs hurt. He didn't realize he had been holding his breath, he didn't realize that the cold feeling in his gut keeps growing and didn't stop ...
(You're afraid, aren't you?)
So he's waving a hand and consciously looking at Kakashi, focusing on his face and hair and eyes and expression. Because see, he doesn't look okay. You can help him, give him support, talk to him. ]
I was just ... I guess I wanted to know if I can get you anything, do anything. Or ...
[Iruka ducks his head and grounds his jaw at the useless babble of words that leaves his mouth. He looks apologetically at Kakashi; perhaps it would have been wiser to not say anything at all. It would have been wiser to look the other way, to pretend he didn't see it because Iruka isn't sure what he can do, or what comfort or words or anything he can give to this troubled looking man.
Because all he really wants to do is not make him look troubled.
Except Kakashi is. And Iruka ... lowers his gaze in some sort of indirect apology and smiles anyway.
(You don't know what to say, don't you?)]
You don't look okay so asking if you're okay is useless. Shall I leave you alone for a bit?
Reply
This is not the way Iruka should ever have to smile. ]
Do you want to come over?
[ He doesn't say Can you come over, because this isn't just about him -- it's also about the empty sound of that laugh and the tightness of Iruka's smile. The way Iruka tries to be strong, like he's bracing himself and holding his body upright, ready for a blow that will send him reeling ten feet back before falling to the ground. It's the kind of look one takes on when they think they've already lost, a kind of hopeless resignation.
Kakashi knows that smile and the tightness and the empty sound of resignation far too well. ]
I--
[ He takes a breath, and then lets it out, his voice and expression softening, the corner of his eye and the look he gives at the Hitomi growing gentle. ]
I'd like to see you.
[ Normally he'd say something a little less direct -- something that sounds more like I wouldn't mind. But Iruka might hear the wrong thing if Kakashi is too vague, right now. ]
Reply
When he doesn't really have to because he understands what Kakashi means, knows that tone, that look under the mask. And maybe - Iruka isn't sure - it makes his lungs feel less constricted, less painful, makes some of that blank disappear and replace it with a little more clarity.]
All right.
[Iruka swallows and the smile brightens a little. It is a touch more real as he sighs and breathes.
He shouldn't have doubted Kakashi at all. How can he say that he trusts Kakashi when he feels more than ready to question Kakashi's feelings? Second doubt it? Feel careful? And he's still careful.
(You must be strong. Stronger.)
He can think of this - of himself later. Kakashi ... he's asking for him. Kakashi ... needs him ...]
I - I will be there.
Reply
[ It's all he says, before he sends the video comment and gets out of bed to make his way downstairs to the living area with a futon tossed over his shoulder. He thinks a little alcohol might dull the burn, so by the time Iruka arrives, the irori will have a fire burning in it, the futon rolled out next to it, and Kakashi will be waiting for the water to boil in the kettle, decanters of shochu and sake sitting nearby. ]
Reply
He simply knocks a few times to make his presence formally known before he kneels and starts to disarm the traps. They're the same, he sees, like the ones before of the house that is warm and defined home to its very core. He doesn't linger much on it because he's pushing the door open quietly and stepping in, unstrapping his sandals with one hand and closing the door with the other.
The house is similar, but not. It doesn't hold the same memories that Iruka knows and keeps deep with in, the walls and floors do not whisper of words that makes Iruka smile. He finds himself looking at the roof as he makes his way to the living room, indulging on the urge because ah, that broken and replaced ceiling panel and beam is gone.
Funny how he's already spent a night in this house and it still feels too new to him.]
Kakashi ...?
[He speaks softly, before he steps in to the living room where it is the only place in the house that is lit.
This ... this is warm too, see?]
Reply
[ Kakashi's voice is gentle, almost teasing, when he sees Iruka pause in the doorway. He's sprawled on his stomach on his futon, holding himself up by his elbows, balancing a porcelain decanter of shochu in a steaming hot bowl of water. Another bowl sits next to it, near the irori, with a second decanter of fragrant sake. Kakashi's wearing his masked singlet, and the futon blanket is pulled up towards his waist, draped just over his lower back.
This house is no longer unlived in, like it was just a few days ago, and it may not have the memories of the home that they once shared, but they can make new ones, here. ]
Come here.
[ He beckons for Iruka to approach, pushing himself up to a seated position. The blanket pools near his hip. ]
Reply
[It is easy to sink down in the futon with his knees tucked underneath him and to smile now. Perhaps the house didn't echo of the old memories but they were still quite humorous when Iruka allows himself to remember them. It is just one of those things that he will have trouble forgetting.
He reaches out brush fingers against Kakashi's temple briefly, a touch of greeting, before he reaches out to pour their respective drinks. Shochu for Kakashi and sake for himself.]
Had I know you had drinks out, I would have brought something to go with it.
Reply
[ Kakashi murmurs, shifting around behind Iruka, wrapping his arms around the younger man, fingers working slowly to pull down on the zipper of his vest. The tension that had been building up like a knot within him slowly starts to unravel with the familiar warmth of Iruka in his arms and the scent of him filling his nose. And the house feels a little less empty, a little less cold, with Iruka here. ]
That's enough.
[ He knows Iruka was hurt and confused by the dream. Knows that it's probably still scratching at the back of his mind. But Kakashi wants to assuage the hurt, make the throb in Iruka's chest lessen, and put the easy warmth back into Iruka's smile. ]
Reply
[Iruka feels the chuckles rise from his stomach to his lungs and past his throat. And he's turning his head and reaching up with a hand to tug the mask downwards. He can focus on this, he can drown himself in the warmth and scent of earth that defines Kakashi.
He can believe Kakashi's words when he says it like this, quietly and just between them; the blank lifts a little more and Iruka can see things better. So he's got fingers tracing his chin and eyes closing as the smile grows a bit more on his lips.]
It's hard, you know?
Reply
Kakashi bites back the ridiculous pun at the tip of his tongue that he knows would end up with Iruka giving him a shove backwards. Even though he'd get a bit of a kick out of it -- out of seeing that anger light up in Iruka's eyes and that familiar scowl tugging down the corners of his mouth, Kakashi doesn't really want to ruin this moment, regardless of how tempting it is. He smiles instead and leans forward over Iruka's shoulder, letting his nose brush against Iruka's. ]
Well, I'm glad you came.
[ Kakashi works the zipper down, then tugs at the vest to divest Iruka of it, as he closes the distance between their lips with a soft kiss. ]
Reply
And it's easy for Kakashi to make his stomach feel warm, and his cheeks tinge a bit in red. Kakashi knows what button to push, what not to; somehow, that makes the red on his cheeks spread all the way to the tips of his ears.
And you doubted him? When he's like this? You're a fool, aren't you?
Iruka answers the voice in his head with a soft, perhaps.]
Silly man. Why wouldn't I?
Reply
Kakashi hums softly, nudging the vest away with his feet as he lets his hand flatten against Iruka's back in a slow stroke. ]
Mm....
[ It's a noncommittal hum that can be interpreted any which way. Kakashi likes to speak in non-absolutes, where the truth falls between the lines. He reaches past Iruka then, and one hand curls round the warm cup filled with hot water and shochu, and the other one, around Iruka's sake, which he hands to him. ]
Reply
Perhaps it is a good idea that Kakashi had the drinks out. Iruka's throat feels dry as he pours himself a second cup.]
This is really, really good ...
[He's not holding back on the drinks because maybe he does want to erase the rest of the blank that still pulls like an annoying weight at the back of his mind. So he distracts himself by pouring their drinks and leaning against the warm frame of ...
Ahh, names and definitions aren't important.]
Reply
Kakashi's fingers slide up Iruka's back. ]
You're drinking so fast, I'm surprised you're even tasting it.
Reply
What nonsense are you talking about? It's sweet.
[A pause.]
Well, sweeter than what you're drinking. Here, try it.
[Iruka doesn't offer Kakashi the half empty cup in his hand but presses a languid kiss against Kakashi's mouth, to prove his point. Forgetting and erasing never helps.
(It sure as hell didn't back then.)
So Iruka will deal with things, one step at a time.]
Reply
You taste better.
[ Kakashi murmurs against Iruka's throat. ]
Reply
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