Screencaps and rant, now two for the price of one

[joyful_molly]

I recently got a hold of a prehistoric document of Damian's acting career - his appearance as Dean Larke in "Holby City", back in 2004.

GALLERY HERE

Comments

[delaese]

I... am so offended by this I don't even know where to begin. What is it exactly that it is that he has supposedly done wrong? Why is he horrible and she precious and perfect? I have a male friend who would love to be a father and he can't. His wife, fortunately, loves him regardless. I suppose that means he's a freak and she's sick for staying with him?

Disgusting. And frankly cold blooded and cruel. Whoever wrote this movie really needs her head pulled out of her ass because that attitude is sick.

[joyful_molly]

It was highly offensive. Being infertile = worst thing ever! Now, if one partner, before you get married, makes it absolutely clear that having children is the no. one priority to them, it's nothing but fair to be honest about it if you can't have kids/don't want them. But this? So insulting. I wonder how many people watched this back in the day and actually felt pity with her. I so loathe this "Cult of Baby"; as if a person who can't have children is a lesser being, and relationships were only worthy if a child is involved.

If this stinker had been on today, the BBC and the author would have received a letter of protest. I'm still not sure if I should let her know how angry this thingy made me. >:(

[delaese]

I think you absolutely should. I think you absolutely should and if you know where to send the letter/email/brick/whathaveyou then let me know because it offends the piss out of me too.

[veronica_rich]

Heh. I've long ago decided if I ever date anyone again (I'm not big on dating or relationships, as much as I love to write about them in fiction - but then again, I do like fantasy *G*), there's no way I'm telling him for a while about the hysterectomy. Let him prove during dating if he wants me for ME first, then we'll talk about it at some point.

Now, children. That's a different kettle of fish. You can want children and not be insistent they're your own DNA. Any guy who wants to talk about THAT aspect of it, I'm willing to tell him upfront I have no desire to be a parent.

(The icon was made for me long ago by a fellow (reasonable; most of us really are) childfree after an amusing discussion where we talked about being uppity whores for wanting to have sex and men and careers and such without "paying" for it by having kids. Because to us, being forced to raise children without the very necessary desire to do so WAS paying a price of some sort.)

[joyful_molly]

I want to be loved and appreciated in a relationship for who I am, not for my abilities or the lack thereof to procreate. More power to those who see having children as the main reason and purpose of marriage; better discuss it before exchanging vows than afterwards. But this portrayal of infertility as something shameful, so heinous that cheating seems to be a small issue in comparision, made me rage.

As I'm not taking meds anymore, I could have children now, but I appreciate the life I have, and see no reason to turn it upside down just to spread my DNA. It's helpful that I could make that decision, rather than having it forced on me by a medical condition, but I never felt "less" of a woman, or my relationships less intense because of lack of children.

we talked about being uppity whores for wanting to have sex and men and careers and such without "paying" for it by having kids...what planet are these people living on?! Kids are neither "payment" nor "punishment"; with that attitude they show lower respect for children than us

[jaiden_s]

I don't even know what to say. I'm too pissed off at the concept of infertility being something shameful that I can't come up with any coherent thoughts.

[joyful_molly]

I'm with you there. This is so insulting! I can't remember when a tv show pissed me off that much. I hope attitudes have changed since this stinker was produced, but even back then, I doubt many people felt sorry for her! Debatting with myself whether to mail the author and give her a piece of my mind or not. Eight years or not, but I feel this should be left uncommented.

[chloe_amethyst]

I was fortunate to have grown up with relatives who were childless, either by choice or circumstances I didn't really know or care, and my mother was never disparaging or critical in any way. In fact, I'm pretty sure she envied them, lol. Never grew up thinking children were a requirement. I chose to be childless (again my mother was fine with that) and by a total fluke ended up with one. Now I get weird questions about why I only have one, like I've inflicted some curse on the child and society at large. Neither of my brothers have children, nor does my stepsister.

I don't understand the anti-ginger thing, either, once again because of my mother who adored children with red hair, male or female. And so many of our favorite actors from the golden age were redheads. I never heard those unfortunate expressions like "red-headed stepchild" or what-not until a few years ago, and I still don't understand it.

[veronica_rich]

I think however many children you have is your right, of course - but speaking as someone who was an only child for 11 years, I can also totally see the value in having two children. The other forces the one to learn to share and deal with other people their own age and gives them a close bond (hopefully) to keep with a peer through their life. (Meaning, I get what these people are thinking when they question you, but it's still none of their business. ;-) )

I too was lucky my parents didn't push for grandchildren. Almost all my mother's workmates had grandkids, especially when their own kids were young, and they would ask her if she missed not having any. Her answer was always "you don't miss what you didn't have." LOL

[joyful_molly]

Most of my friends are childless; it's not unusual here as people have children late in their lives and usually put their careers first. So this is mostly a non-issue here, and I was never made feel inferior for not having children (on the contrary, I was often envied for living my life the way I wanted, without having to worry about kids).

I'll just never understand why people's reproductive choices should be of any concern to the rest of the population - have children, don't have children, have two, have ten, who cares, really?

I don't understand the anti-ginger thing, either,Nor do I. Ginger is lovely! And while I do understand of sorts why this line was used in the episode (to "increase tension" and not give away immediately that he was infertile), I felt it was both an insult to redheads and an insult to the actor, in a way. (And really, what father would say "I hope my son doesn't look like me" first thing after he arrives at the hospital

[chaotic_binky]

I hate Holby City - on the rare occasion when I have to watch it - visiting friends, family etc - I am always amazed by just how preposterous the storylines are. People suffer enough from the judgmental opinions of others when they have fertility problems they do not need this reinforced by programmes like this.

About a year ago my daughter's partner found out that he was nearly infertile - the unkind and damaging taunts from his family had to be heard to be believed. I wonder how a family can be like that.

[joyful_molly]

Holby is horrible. I've only seen a handful of episodes, and though I'm not working in a medical profession, the unprofessional behaviour and the mind-blowing blunders made me boggle. And everybody is self-righteous! Urgh.

I wonder how a family can be like that.

I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope he won't take it too much to heart. With family like that, it's sometimes best to take a distance or just cut them off completely from your life. Just because people are related doesn't mean they have a right to turn life toxic.