Sexism And The Victorians
A friend pointed me towards someone's journal who started discussing the concept of sexism in the Vintage Dance scene local to where he lives. Now, I have no personal exposure to that scene, so I can't really speak on the reality of the situation. But someone else wrote his own journal entry and veered off a little into the confusing issue of compliments.
I ignored all the scene-specific points, since, as I said, I don't have any first-hand information to bring to the table. But I did address the concept of compliments.
As a female, I'm bombarded by compliments and come-ons. Anyone who has read my journal for more than 5 minutes knows all about how I treat people who treat me as a sex object. I don't see myself as all that attractive (although I recognize that some people do see me as attractive) and I had very little to do with my appearance, so a compliment on my appearance doesn't mean all that much to me. It's far more meaningful to compliment my skill or my personality. I've ranted about this many times and I even have a section on my website dedicated towards my favorite compliments.
Now, I know there are lots of people who enjoy being complimented on their appearance and I know there are people who dress very specifically to get attention for their looks. And that's fine. The distinction I'm trying to make is to evaluate each person on his or her own merits and give compliments that are meaningful to that individual. Generic "you look great" compliments are empty and meaningless.
So, I put in my two cents to try and educate this guy on what it's like to be a female and why some of us are just exhausted by the come-ons and why these kinds of compliments are not valuable, as did my friend
corpsefairy. And his response was to tell her, explicitly, to just wear baggy sweats and dumpy clothing if she doesn't want to be noticed.
That is SO not the point! Why should ANYONE have to dress in baggy sweats to avoid having slobbering idiots falling all over them? There is a very wide spectrum of clothing and, frankly, we live in a fashion-conscious society and it should be acceptable to dress appropriately for the occasion without wolf-whistles and being turned into a sex-object. I think there are definately some outfits that are designed to draw attention, and some women who do so intentionally. But the majority of clothing, either every-day attire or costumes (especially in the Victorian era), are not designed specifically to make someone appreciate our bodies. They have other functions and just happen to fit some arbitrary rule for "fashionable".
And I think I have the right to wear such clothing without someone thinking that I wore it to get his attention.
This doesn't absolve me of being aware that certain outfits are going to be attention-grabbing. So yes, it's a little frustrating when women wear little tiny tube tops with glitter and skirts short enough to show ass cleavage and go to a meat-market nightclub who then get pissed at a guy for staring. I don't envy you guys for being put in that position. But wearing shorts and a tank top in Florida should not generate wolf-whistles. Being nude at a nudist party should not generate wolf-whistles. Wearing a Victorian ballgown at a Victorian ball should not generate wolf-whistles.
With costumes in particular, it's a sticky issue. It could be difficult to tell which women are there to get attention for their body and which women are there to get attention for the hundreds of hours of manual labor they put into their creation. When this guy tried to tell us not to dress a certain way if we don't want to get noticed, I tried to point out that dragging my costumes around behind me on a dress dummy is really not the most efficient way of showcasing my efforts.
There's a spectrum. There are outfits whose sole purpose is to get you to notice the wearer. There are outfits designed to hide the wearer. And there is everything in between. There are women who want to be appreciated for their appearance and there are women who want to be appreciated for their skill, their mind, their personality, or even just their choice in outfits but not their body specifically. It's up to the person who wants to pay a compliment to learn something about the individual and give her a compliment tailor-made for her based on what she would feel most meaningful.
And if you can't do that, if you simply must give a generic, empty compliment and/or you do not know the wearer well enough to give a unique and meaningful compliment, a simple "it's lovely to see you" will cover all the potential pitfalls that this landmine of a social situation can generate.
Any other women want to try and explain to him why wearing sweats in public is not the solution?
I ignored all the scene-specific points, since, as I said, I don't have any first-hand information to bring to the table. But I did address the concept of compliments.
As a female, I'm bombarded by compliments and come-ons. Anyone who has read my journal for more than 5 minutes knows all about how I treat people who treat me as a sex object. I don't see myself as all that attractive (although I recognize that some people do see me as attractive) and I had very little to do with my appearance, so a compliment on my appearance doesn't mean all that much to me. It's far more meaningful to compliment my skill or my personality. I've ranted about this many times and I even have a section on my website dedicated towards my favorite compliments.
Now, I know there are lots of people who enjoy being complimented on their appearance and I know there are people who dress very specifically to get attention for their looks. And that's fine. The distinction I'm trying to make is to evaluate each person on his or her own merits and give compliments that are meaningful to that individual. Generic "you look great" compliments are empty and meaningless.
So, I put in my two cents to try and educate this guy on what it's like to be a female and why some of us are just exhausted by the come-ons and why these kinds of compliments are not valuable, as did my friend
corpsefairy. And his response was to tell her, explicitly, to just wear baggy sweats and dumpy clothing if she doesn't want to be noticed.
That is SO not the point! Why should ANYONE have to dress in baggy sweats to avoid having slobbering idiots falling all over them? There is a very wide spectrum of clothing and, frankly, we live in a fashion-conscious society and it should be acceptable to dress appropriately for the occasion without wolf-whistles and being turned into a sex-object. I think there are definately some outfits that are designed to draw attention, and some women who do so intentionally. But the majority of clothing, either every-day attire or costumes (especially in the Victorian era), are not designed specifically to make someone appreciate our bodies. They have other functions and just happen to fit some arbitrary rule for "fashionable".
And I think I have the right to wear such clothing without someone thinking that I wore it to get his attention.
This doesn't absolve me of being aware that certain outfits are going to be attention-grabbing. So yes, it's a little frustrating when women wear little tiny tube tops with glitter and skirts short enough to show ass cleavage and go to a meat-market nightclub who then get pissed at a guy for staring. I don't envy you guys for being put in that position. But wearing shorts and a tank top in Florida should not generate wolf-whistles. Being nude at a nudist party should not generate wolf-whistles. Wearing a Victorian ballgown at a Victorian ball should not generate wolf-whistles.
With costumes in particular, it's a sticky issue. It could be difficult to tell which women are there to get attention for their body and which women are there to get attention for the hundreds of hours of manual labor they put into their creation. When this guy tried to tell us not to dress a certain way if we don't want to get noticed, I tried to point out that dragging my costumes around behind me on a dress dummy is really not the most efficient way of showcasing my efforts.
There's a spectrum. There are outfits whose sole purpose is to get you to notice the wearer. There are outfits designed to hide the wearer. And there is everything in between. There are women who want to be appreciated for their appearance and there are women who want to be appreciated for their skill, their mind, their personality, or even just their choice in outfits but not their body specifically. It's up to the person who wants to pay a compliment to learn something about the individual and give her a compliment tailor-made for her based on what she would feel most meaningful.
And if you can't do that, if you simply must give a generic, empty compliment and/or you do not know the wearer well enough to give a unique and meaningful compliment, a simple "it's lovely to see you" will cover all the potential pitfalls that this landmine of a social situation can generate.
Any other women want to try and explain to him why wearing sweats in public is not the solution?