Dancing
In a couple of places, there have been threads / comments about dacning, getting dance partners, interactions between older males and "cute young things", etc. I'm going to comment here, and post likes elsewhere, so that I can get all my thoughts on this in one place.
1: Compliments.
A couple of people (purchasemonkey and corpsefairy come immediately to mind) have complained about people complimenting young women on their looks, rather than their outfits. I am amused. (Edit on 8/21: the original complaint was about people complimenting young women on their looks at a dance, i.e. a social event where you're expecting to interact with members of the opposite sex. All I've written here has been based on that last part. Some reactions I've gotten have led me to believe that, while that was obvious to me, it wasn't obvious to everyone else. If it wasn't clear to you that that was the kind of situation I was talking about, I apologize.)
Two weeks ago I was at Worldcon. I took over a hundred pictures while I was there. There were many times I went up to someone I didn't know, and said "Hi, that's a georgous outfit, may I take your picture?" (For example, IMG_0785 or IMG_0879.) But, let's get real here. You're at an event, and someone you know is going to walk up to you and say one of the following. Which do you want to hear?
2: Dance partners.
It is a common complaint about the dance scene: It's hard to get a dance partner when you're > 30, and / or not single. My comments on the subject follow.
The greatest dance partner in the Bay Area dance scene is "Adrienne". When last I danced with her, she lived in Santa Rosa, had a long term boyfriend, and if there were 20 partners as good as her I'd never dance with anyone else (given a reasonable supply of dance partners, I'm never going to dance more than two dances at an event w/ anyone, other than an SO). She is the perfect dance partner, because when I lead, she follows, immediately. There is no hesitation, no delay, it is as if we have a psychic connection. (And it's not just with me. Rollie and I have raved to each other about dancing with her.) She is not the youngest, the prettiest, or the best dressed, but, other than an SO, there's no one in the world I'd rather dance with.
The second best dance partner I've found in the Bay Area Dance scene is "Dr Debbie". Debbie defines the phrase "light on her feet". When I dance with Debbie, she supports herself, and she helps connect us. She does not make me do all the work. I always try to get at least one dance with Debbie, because she is always fun to dance with.
Now, women, I cannot tell you how to be an "Adrienne". But I can tell you how to be a "Debbie". And if you do dance partner like Debbie, you will never lack for dance partners at any dance venue where the men have danced with you, because you will be a better dance partner than 90%+ of the women at the dance:
1: Stand up straight, and support your own weight. Don't make me carry you.
2: Provide connection with your left arm. By that I mean that if I were to let go for a second, your arm should hold us together. This one is critical. By the end of a Friday Night Waltz, PEERS, or Gaskells, my right arm hurts. The reason it hurts is because most women suck at helping to provide the connection. And if I have to chose between supporting 100 lbs, and 130, which weight do you think I'm going to want to have to carry?
3: Follow. If you don't want to go 180 degrees with each measure of a waltz or polka, that's fine. Tell me before hand, and I won't bother you by asking you to dance with me. Not so long as I can find someone who will go 180 with me. (Am I going to knowingly force a partner to spin until she gets sick? No. But given a choice between a partner who will spin, and one who won't, I'm going for the one who will.) You want to lead? Great. We'll switch arm positions, and you can take all the burdens of leading, and I'll take the joys of following. But so long as I'm in the leader's position, I'm leading. And given a choice between someone who I know will try to back-lead me, and someone who won't / can't, I'm going to dance with the later.
3: Getting dance partners
A question for those ladies who feel that they're not getting enough dances: How often do you take your ego into your hands, and offer it to someone else with the phrase "would you like to crush this?" "would you like to dance with me?"
I am not the youngest, or most attractive, guy at the dance events I go to. I'm not even the best male dancer there (much though it hurts my ego to admit that). But I almost always get dance partners, and almost always get into the dances I want to get into, because I think, I pay attention, and I plan ahead. (And, yes, I've been to dances where there were more men than women. It's where I first learned how to plan ahead.) If you require the guys to do the work of finding partners, then the guy's priorities are going to dominate, and should. Because it's the person who takes the risks who deserves to get the rewards.
And, all other things being equal, "more attractive" beats "less attractive". By definition.
4. The whole "jailbait" thing.
You know, I hear a lot of people complaining about guys saying "oh, I can't wait until so and so turns 18." I haven't, so far as I can recall, ever heard a guy actually say that. Do I just hang out with the "wrong" crowd?
Did I know when Ashley's 18th birthday was? Sure. I also knew when her 16th, 17th, 19th, and 20th birthdays were. Which is to say, I know when her birthday is, and I'm capable of doing addition. So?
IOW, I do wonder how much of this is a real issue this is, vs. how much of a "people getting a chance to feel self-righteous and wonderful about themselves while having drama in their lives" "issue" this is. (Note: I'm not immune to that love of drama myself. In fact, just last weekend I took the opportuntity to point out to a 16 year olds' boyfriend that, whether or not he found her mother intimidating, I am available for backup, and I like to shoot things. While my comment was serious, I highly doubt it wsa necessary.)
1: Compliments.
A couple of people (purchasemonkey and corpsefairy come immediately to mind) have complained about people complimenting young women on their looks, rather than their outfits. I am amused. (Edit on 8/21: the original complaint was about people complimenting young women on their looks at a dance, i.e. a social event where you're expecting to interact with members of the opposite sex. All I've written here has been based on that last part. Some reactions I've gotten have led me to believe that, while that was obvious to me, it wasn't obvious to everyone else. If it wasn't clear to you that that was the kind of situation I was talking about, I apologize.)
Two weeks ago I was at Worldcon. I took over a hundred pictures while I was there. There were many times I went up to someone I didn't know, and said "Hi, that's a georgous outfit, may I take your picture?" (For example, IMG_0785 or IMG_0879.) But, let's get real here. You're at an event, and someone you know is going to walk up to you and say one of the following. Which do you want to hear?
- That's a beautiful outfit you're wearing.
- That outfit really flatters you.
- Wow, you look great in that outfit
- Wow, you look great
2: Dance partners.
It is a common complaint about the dance scene: It's hard to get a dance partner when you're > 30, and / or not single. My comments on the subject follow.
The greatest dance partner in the Bay Area dance scene is "Adrienne". When last I danced with her, she lived in Santa Rosa, had a long term boyfriend, and if there were 20 partners as good as her I'd never dance with anyone else (given a reasonable supply of dance partners, I'm never going to dance more than two dances at an event w/ anyone, other than an SO). She is the perfect dance partner, because when I lead, she follows, immediately. There is no hesitation, no delay, it is as if we have a psychic connection. (And it's not just with me. Rollie and I have raved to each other about dancing with her.) She is not the youngest, the prettiest, or the best dressed, but, other than an SO, there's no one in the world I'd rather dance with.
The second best dance partner I've found in the Bay Area Dance scene is "Dr Debbie". Debbie defines the phrase "light on her feet". When I dance with Debbie, she supports herself, and she helps connect us. She does not make me do all the work. I always try to get at least one dance with Debbie, because she is always fun to dance with.
Now, women, I cannot tell you how to be an "Adrienne". But I can tell you how to be a "Debbie". And if you do dance partner like Debbie, you will never lack for dance partners at any dance venue where the men have danced with you, because you will be a better dance partner than 90%+ of the women at the dance:
1: Stand up straight, and support your own weight. Don't make me carry you.
2: Provide connection with your left arm. By that I mean that if I were to let go for a second, your arm should hold us together. This one is critical. By the end of a Friday Night Waltz, PEERS, or Gaskells, my right arm hurts. The reason it hurts is because most women suck at helping to provide the connection. And if I have to chose between supporting 100 lbs, and 130, which weight do you think I'm going to want to have to carry?
3: Follow. If you don't want to go 180 degrees with each measure of a waltz or polka, that's fine. Tell me before hand, and I won't bother you by asking you to dance with me. Not so long as I can find someone who will go 180 with me. (Am I going to knowingly force a partner to spin until she gets sick? No. But given a choice between a partner who will spin, and one who won't, I'm going for the one who will.) You want to lead? Great. We'll switch arm positions, and you can take all the burdens of leading, and I'll take the joys of following. But so long as I'm in the leader's position, I'm leading. And given a choice between someone who I know will try to back-lead me, and someone who won't / can't, I'm going to dance with the later.
3: Getting dance partners
A question for those ladies who feel that they're not getting enough dances: How often do you take your ego into your hands, and offer it to someone else with the phrase "would you like to crush this?" "would you like to dance with me?"
I am not the youngest, or most attractive, guy at the dance events I go to. I'm not even the best male dancer there (much though it hurts my ego to admit that). But I almost always get dance partners, and almost always get into the dances I want to get into, because I think, I pay attention, and I plan ahead. (And, yes, I've been to dances where there were more men than women. It's where I first learned how to plan ahead.) If you require the guys to do the work of finding partners, then the guy's priorities are going to dominate, and should. Because it's the person who takes the risks who deserves to get the rewards.
And, all other things being equal, "more attractive" beats "less attractive". By definition.
4. The whole "jailbait" thing.
You know, I hear a lot of people complaining about guys saying "oh, I can't wait until so and so turns 18." I haven't, so far as I can recall, ever heard a guy actually say that. Do I just hang out with the "wrong" crowd?
Did I know when Ashley's 18th birthday was? Sure. I also knew when her 16th, 17th, 19th, and 20th birthdays were. Which is to say, I know when her birthday is, and I'm capable of doing addition. So?
IOW, I do wonder how much of this is a real issue this is, vs. how much of a "people getting a chance to feel self-righteous and wonderful about themselves while having drama in their lives" "issue" this is. (Note: I'm not immune to that love of drama myself. In fact, just last weekend I took the opportuntity to point out to a 16 year olds' boyfriend that, whether or not he found her mother intimidating, I am available for backup, and I like to shoot things. While my comment was serious, I highly doubt it wsa necessary.)