The After part five
Pairing: Jongup-centric
Rated: PG13
Length: 3.4K
Part Four
It came to a point where their nights free from watch were Jongup’s favorite parts of the week. Himchan’s deep eyes as he would gently pull Jongup against him, cradling him as if he were the most important thing in the world to him.
And he was, Jongup wasn’t blind. He saw the way Himchan looked at him, how he doted on him more than the other three boys. Himchan would serve him his food first at mealtime and his fingers would caress across the slope of his shoulders as he walked away.
“What was your girlfriend like?” He asked suddenly, curious to know what kind of a girl would attract someone like Himchan.
Himchan frowned. “Why do you ask?”
He shrugged as he dangled his legs over the top of the building’s roof. The ledge had somehow become the only place he could go to think easily and of course his constant shadow had to join him.
“Just wondering. Was she pretty?”
“This conversation is making me uncomfortable.” Himchan moved to stand up before Jongup caught him around the wrist.
“Did you like her more than you like me?”
Chuckling, Himchan shook his head and pulled Jongup’s fingers off. “What do you think?”
He bit his lip and looked nervously at his hands in his lap. “I think things are different now. And I don’t know if I want them to be different.” Delicate fingers traced across the bare skin of his shoulder before cupping the back of his head.
“They don’t have to be a bad different though.” Himchan’s voice was soft and deep and needy, vibrating against his flushed skin. Jongup visibly deflated as soon as Himchan pulled away, his warm lips no longer attached to his neck. “I’m not someone who would force you into anything, Jongup. If you want to be with me all you have to do is tell me.”
He turned away and headed towards the stairs to leave Jongup alone.
“What if I said yes?”
Himchan stopped at the doorway, his eyes not able to find Jongup’s in the inky blackness. “Then I’d say come to bed. It’s late and I’m cold.”
Jongup met him at the door, their hands finding each other’s and heartbeats sounding loud in the quiet air.
“I don’t think I could live through someone else breaking my heart.”
“That’s why we’re a good fit. Because I won’t.”
---
His mother being bit was the day everything changed in their small world. The day their father showed them just what he thought of them. The day that Jongup dug himself so deeply into Daehyun that it was hard to remember where Daehyun ended and he began.
No one ever knew how she had gotten bit. She had dragged herself home from work with a bleeding arm and wild eyes that couldn’t focus. Their father had blamed them, had cursed them until he was hoarse and then he had cried. For the first time in Jongup’s fourteen years he was seeing his father cry.
They locked her in the basement, under the stairs where no one in the house ever ventured. They locked her where the spiders and the rats and the shadows lived.
“But she's my mother.” Jongup pressed his forehead against the hard door, listening to the quiet singing and rough scratching she was making on the other side. “We can’t treat her like this!”
“Like she treated you any better?” Daehyun pulled him away and scoffed. “They didn’t raise you any more than the strangers on the street did.” He jerked Jongup around and forced his eyes up. “We have to stay together, okay? Stay together and stay alive. That’s all that matters. She’s gone now, there’s no saving her.”
“But-“
He shook his head. “No but’s, Guppie. If we ever reach that point then I want you to do the same to me. When all of this is over all that matters is that we are both safe together. No matter what you do not let her out. She. Cannot. Be. Saved.”
Come downstairs and play with mommy. She’s so sorry she’s been so bad. She’d do anything to make it up to you, baby.
And he opened the door.
---
“I’m worried about Junhong. He coughed all night and Yongguk’s had dark circles under his eyes all week.” Himchan cross his arms behind his head and stared blankly at the ceiling. “He needs medicine.”
Jongup twisted around so that he could watch Himchan’s face as he talked.
“I know we’ve all only been together for a little while but it’s nice. We’re like… We’re like a family.” He tilted his head to the side, his eyes so close that Jongup could count all the little individual lashes even in the dim room.
“Do you think we’ll be able to find any?”
Himchan’s eyes clenched shut and he slowly shook his head. “No.” He finally whispered. “The hospital’s too far away and there’s no way there’s anything left in it.”
The knowledge of Junhong’s future was always in the back of their minds, but this was the first time anyone had ever spoke their thoughts out loud. It suddenly hit Jongup that one day he could wake up and Junhong wouldn’t be there. The Junhong with the bright eyes and the easy smile. The little boy who stared at his big brother with so much awe and love in his eyes that Jongup ached for that feeling.
“Yongguk’s going to lose it.” He knew firsthand what it was like when you lost the person you loved the most. “He’ll be a wreck.”
Soft fingers stroked across the thin skin over his wrist. Himchan’s pale skin flickered in the candlelight and Jongup could feel the bottom of his stomach falling out from under him from the smell of Himchan’s skin.
“I lost Daehyun.” He blurted out, fist squeezing against Himchan’s t-shirt. “When I was fourteen, just a few months after everything started.” Himchan didn’t speak, he had to already know all of this from the way he and Youngjae spoke, but his eyes bored steadily into Jongup’s so he kept talking. “He was bitten. And he told me to kill him, he swore that if I didn’t shoot him he would never stop looking for me.” Knuckles dug into his eyes as he forced himself to calm down. “I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t kill him. Not him.”
Himchan tilted his chin up and smiled gently at him. “I won’t let anything happen to you.”
He missed Daehyun. Missed him so hard his gut hurt.
“I want my brother back.” He choked up, letting the wetness spill out over his cheeks.
“I know.” Himchan tugged him forward and let Jongup latch around him, face buried hotly against Himchan’s chest. “I know you do, Guppie. I’m so sorry.”
The dreams weren’t as dark the nights he fell asleep wrapped up in Himchan’s arms. He had promised Jongup that he would protect him and kept tight to his vow. The second the nightmares started Himchan would pull him closer and murmur soothingly against his cheek until Jongup would settle down.
“Shh sweetheart.” He pressed his thumb against the furrow in Jongup’s brow and smoothed it out. He waited for Jongup’s breaths to completely even out before closing his eyes and letting himself fall back asleep.
---
“Junhong’s getting worse.”
They stopped and dropped their breakfasts back to the table in shock. This was the first time Yongguk had ever openly commented on Junhong’s condition.
Yongguk rubbed a palm over his eyes and refused to look at any of them. “He was up all night with a fever and I can’t… I can’t get it to go down this time.”
They could all see the newly formed lines around Yongguk’s eyes, the complete and utter exhaustion that was etched into his skin.
“I’m going outside. Maybe if I can make it to the hospital there will be something left. Anything.” Yongguk took a deep breath and looked helplessly at Youngjae. “I’m going no matter what you say.”
Youngjae looked like he wanted to refuse to let him leave. The stubborn in-charge expression that Jongup knew so well was present in the clench of his jaw and the tightness in his shoulders. “You’re just asking to get killed, Yongguk. None of those medicines are going to be any good. It’s a death trip!”
They tensed at the wracking cough Junhong made from the bedroom. The boy’s strength was so depleted that he could barely force them out of his chest.
“I have to.” Yongguk finally replied. “I have to do whatever I can for him. He’s my baby brother. If I don’t fight for him then no one will.”
Fingers found Jongup’s under the table and squeezed. He knew Himchan could tell the effect Yongguk’s words were having on him. He couldn’t save his own brother, but maybe he could help save someone else’s.
“I’m going too.” Jongup ignored the shocked look on Youngjae’s face and focused on Yongguk’s hopeful one. “Himchan knows the area. He can draw us a map to the nearest hospital. We’ll leave in thirty minutes.”
“Jongup w-“
He cut Youngjae off. “I’m doing this, Jae. You’re my leader and I’ve gladly let you carry us for three years with no complaint. But I’m doing this. You know I have to.”
Youngjae nodded but his reluctance was still obvious in his eyes. “You better bring him home in one piece.” Was all he could hiss at Yongguk before storming out of the apartment.
It was the closest he knew he would ever get to affection from Youngjae. When he came home he would appreciate it more but right now he had a job to do and needed a one-track mind.
“What are you doing?” Himchan hissed, slamming the bedroom door behind them. He jerked the backpack out of Jongup’s hands. “What are you thinking?”
“Yongguk needs someone to help him save his brother. I won’t let him do it alone.”
Himchan stopped him from reaching towards his spare pistol under the bed. “Can you just… Just wait for a second. Please?” He pulled Jongup against his chest. “Let me go with you. I promised I’d take care of you!”
His eyes were filled with tears and Jongup hated that he was the reason Himchan was crying, but he had to understand why he needed to do this.
“I’m sorry.”
“No you’re not.” Himchan laughed before shaking his head and taking a step back. “You’re going to go even if I beg you to stay. There’s nothing I can do to change your mind.”
Jongup braided their fingers together, a sorry grimace on his face. “We’ll be home by tomorrow evening. I’ll come home to you no matter what.”
“He can’t be saved, Jongup. Junhong. Doing this won’t save him. It won’t save Daehyun either.”
His words were the wrong thing to say to an already adrenaline filled Jongup. Small brown eyes closed even further until all that was left were slits, the anger practically rolling off his body.
“Shut up. Just shut up!”
Himchan carefully stepped away from the murderous boy. “You’re only doing this because you think it will make up for what happened between you and Daehyun. You couldn’t save him so you’re going to save Junhong? Don’t do this. Please Jongup. For me.”
But it was too late. He could already see it in Jongup’s eyes that nothing was going to stop him. This was something he was going to do with or without anyone’s help.
With a sob of resignation, Himchan grabbed at a notebook off his shelf. “I’ll draw you a map.” He told him weakly, shoving past him towards the kitchen.
Yongguk bustled in a few moments later, his eyes glittering with excitement. This was the first ounce of hope he’d had in months and he was practically shaking. “Are you ready? I didn’t pack very much to save room for the medicine. I just grabbed some food and water and extra ammo for my gun. We might want to pack some candles for wherever we stay tonight, too.”
All Jongup had in his bad so far was his pistol, an extra round of bullets and his lock-picking kit. His trusty rifle was going to stay glued to his hands every second he was outside the building.
“Once Himchan is done drawing the map I’ll be ready. Let me go grab some water and a couple cans of food.” Youngjae had found some pocket knives a couple of years ago that had tiny can openers on them. The junk blades were worthless, just something to make whatever ten year old boy who owned it feel more grown-up, but they never left their apartments without them. Going anywhere without a can opener was basically a death sentence.
Junhong had managed to claw his way out to the living room and was sprawled out across the couch, his breaths coming in deep wheezes that sucked his chest down and left his frail body exhausted. “Gukkie…” His voice came out more as a tiny hiccup than a word and the reality of what was about to happen suddenly hit Jongup hard.
“He isn’t going to make it, Jongup.” Himchan’s whisper behind him was full of regret. “There’s a good chance he’ll be dead before Yongguk even gets home. Do you really want to do this to them?”
He watched Yongguk kneel down next to his brother, the little boy’s palm pressed flat against his unshaven cheek.
“Yongguk already knows this.” He murmured back, chest aching at the completely heartbroken smile Yongguk was giving his little brother. “He’s telling him goodbye, Himchan.”
They left the two boys alone, neither one wanting to watch their last moments together.
“I’m sorry.” Himchan snuck up behind him, his arms wrapping snugly around Jongup’s middle. “You know I didn’t mean anything I said.”
His body relaxed into the hold, turning his face so that he could nuzzle against Himchan’s throat. “I’ve been looking for Daehyun.” His lips moved across Himchan’s flesh as he admitted what he’d been keeping to himself for years. “Because I wanted to be with him again.”
All of this time the regret of walking away from his brother had been eating him alive. Turning his back on him was the scariest and cruelest thing he had ever done.
“But then I found you.” He slowly turned around until he was looking up into Himchan’s black eyes. “And I don’t know if I want to find him anymore.”
“Just come home, okay?” Himchan tried to appear strong, but he knew he had failed when he felt the sharp prickling at the corner of his eyes. “To me. Come home to me.”
Before he could reply Yongguk burst through the door, hastily scrubbing at his cheeks. “I’ll be in the lobby.” He spat out, ignoring the other two boy’s position as he crawled out from under the bookcase.
“I need to go say good-bye to Junhong.”
Youngjae still hadn’t returned and Jongup didn’t expect him to until long after they had left.
Junhong was trying to push himself up off the couch, but his bony arms were so weak that he couldn’t even get his bottom off the cushion.
“Hey, sit still!” Jongup settled him back against the pillows, pulling his blanket up around his neck. “Himchan can help you into your room, don’t hurt yourself.”
“This is stupid.” Junhong cracked out, near tears. “You’re both so stupid.”
Jongup wanted to tell him everything would be okay, but it was wasted breath. The way Junhong was breathing and the sweat rolling down his body were all signs he was close to falling over the edge.
“Yongguk loves you more than anything in this universe.” He told him, grabbing the edge of the blanket and dabbing at the boy’s clammy forehead. “And he would do anything physically possible to help you. I would do the same thing, trust me.” He smiled down gently at the sweet face he knew he would probably never see again. “I’ll be home tomorrow night okay?”
“Goodbye Jongup.” Junhong gave his hand one last squeeze before turning away from him. “Take care of my brother.”
The tears on Himchan’s cheeks had dried to tracks, but he still looked close to breaking down. As soon as Jongup entered the room he was jerked against his warm chest, shaking arms holding him tightly in place. “Come home as soon as you can.”
“I’ll be home tomorrow before it gets dark. Don’t worry.”
When Himchan pulled away his lips trailed across Jongup’s cheek leaving tingles over his skin. A piece of paper was slipped into his hand.
There wasn’t any reason for them to say goodbye. Jongup threw his backpack into the other apartment and crawled out after it, making sure to close the cabinet door behind him.
He found Yongguk nervously pacing the lobby, his hands tugging against his close-cropped hair. “You shouldn’t do this. I’m a bastard for dragging you along. You should just go back up to the apartment. I can do this on my own.”
Jongup carefully undid their trap by the front door knowing Youngjae would be back down later to re-do it. “Don’t worry about it. Let’s go.”
They entered the street slowly. Youngjae was somewhere in the building keeping an eye on them until they got out of sight. The knowledge that he had someone watching their backs had him walking a little easier. Even if Youngjae was angry at him Jongup knew he still cared and would keep watch for as long as he could.
“You got the map?”
Jongup pulled it out of his pocket and handed it over to him. “I’m bad at maps. You’ll have better luck than me.”
They turned left at the end of the block and headed north towards the heart of the city. Youngjae had refused to travel these streets when they first moved into this part of the city. He said they might have too many hostile people left living there.
“We need to find a place to stay before we attempt the hospital. That should wait until tomorrow when we have more time.”
The hospital was a thirty minute drive with little traffic, Himchan had written on the paper. Yongguk figured they would make it there within the next four hours if they hustled.
“What do we do if the hospital’s already been ransacked?” Jongup pulled his t-shirt off during a water break and wrapped it around his shoulders. The temperature was fair, but it was the middle of the day and the sun was beating down right against his black shirt.
Yongguk took a quick drink out of his thermos before answering. “Then we go home.” His eyes were trained off into the distance. “I had to try, Jongup. You’re the only one there who really gets that.”
“I do.” They were quiet as they repacked their bags and set off again. “Every time we would come across one of them, I always ask about him. Have they seen him, do they know him.” Jongup gulped. “Sometimes they say yes.”
Yongguk’s eyes shot over to him in shock. “They’re just telling you whatever they feel like Jongup. They aren’t smart enough to make friends with each other.”
He shrugged. “Maybe. That’s what Jae said, too. But I know him, Yongguk. I know how big of a trickster he is. Daehyun was the smartest person I’ve ever met. If he’s still… alive… he will be looking for me. He’ll have the entire damn zombie population on my trail and he’ll do it by convincing them it’s in their best interest.”
The other boy obviously didn’t believe him, but he didn’t know Daehyun. He didn’t grow up in his shadow and see the cunning look that appeared in his eyes when he saw something he wanted.
And Jongup knew Daehyun wanted him.
Part Six
Rated: PG13
Length: 3.4K
Part Four
It came to a point where their nights free from watch were Jongup’s favorite parts of the week. Himchan’s deep eyes as he would gently pull Jongup against him, cradling him as if he were the most important thing in the world to him.
And he was, Jongup wasn’t blind. He saw the way Himchan looked at him, how he doted on him more than the other three boys. Himchan would serve him his food first at mealtime and his fingers would caress across the slope of his shoulders as he walked away.
“What was your girlfriend like?” He asked suddenly, curious to know what kind of a girl would attract someone like Himchan.
Himchan frowned. “Why do you ask?”
He shrugged as he dangled his legs over the top of the building’s roof. The ledge had somehow become the only place he could go to think easily and of course his constant shadow had to join him.
“Just wondering. Was she pretty?”
“This conversation is making me uncomfortable.” Himchan moved to stand up before Jongup caught him around the wrist.
“Did you like her more than you like me?”
Chuckling, Himchan shook his head and pulled Jongup’s fingers off. “What do you think?”
He bit his lip and looked nervously at his hands in his lap. “I think things are different now. And I don’t know if I want them to be different.” Delicate fingers traced across the bare skin of his shoulder before cupping the back of his head.
“They don’t have to be a bad different though.” Himchan’s voice was soft and deep and needy, vibrating against his flushed skin. Jongup visibly deflated as soon as Himchan pulled away, his warm lips no longer attached to his neck. “I’m not someone who would force you into anything, Jongup. If you want to be with me all you have to do is tell me.”
He turned away and headed towards the stairs to leave Jongup alone.
“What if I said yes?”
Himchan stopped at the doorway, his eyes not able to find Jongup’s in the inky blackness. “Then I’d say come to bed. It’s late and I’m cold.”
Jongup met him at the door, their hands finding each other’s and heartbeats sounding loud in the quiet air.
“I don’t think I could live through someone else breaking my heart.”
“That’s why we’re a good fit. Because I won’t.”
---
His mother being bit was the day everything changed in their small world. The day their father showed them just what he thought of them. The day that Jongup dug himself so deeply into Daehyun that it was hard to remember where Daehyun ended and he began.
No one ever knew how she had gotten bit. She had dragged herself home from work with a bleeding arm and wild eyes that couldn’t focus. Their father had blamed them, had cursed them until he was hoarse and then he had cried. For the first time in Jongup’s fourteen years he was seeing his father cry.
They locked her in the basement, under the stairs where no one in the house ever ventured. They locked her where the spiders and the rats and the shadows lived.
“But she's my mother.” Jongup pressed his forehead against the hard door, listening to the quiet singing and rough scratching she was making on the other side. “We can’t treat her like this!”
“Like she treated you any better?” Daehyun pulled him away and scoffed. “They didn’t raise you any more than the strangers on the street did.” He jerked Jongup around and forced his eyes up. “We have to stay together, okay? Stay together and stay alive. That’s all that matters. She’s gone now, there’s no saving her.”
“But-“
He shook his head. “No but’s, Guppie. If we ever reach that point then I want you to do the same to me. When all of this is over all that matters is that we are both safe together. No matter what you do not let her out. She. Cannot. Be. Saved.”
Come downstairs and play with mommy. She’s so sorry she’s been so bad. She’d do anything to make it up to you, baby.
And he opened the door.
---
“I’m worried about Junhong. He coughed all night and Yongguk’s had dark circles under his eyes all week.” Himchan cross his arms behind his head and stared blankly at the ceiling. “He needs medicine.”
Jongup twisted around so that he could watch Himchan’s face as he talked.
“I know we’ve all only been together for a little while but it’s nice. We’re like… We’re like a family.” He tilted his head to the side, his eyes so close that Jongup could count all the little individual lashes even in the dim room.
“Do you think we’ll be able to find any?”
Himchan’s eyes clenched shut and he slowly shook his head. “No.” He finally whispered. “The hospital’s too far away and there’s no way there’s anything left in it.”
The knowledge of Junhong’s future was always in the back of their minds, but this was the first time anyone had ever spoke their thoughts out loud. It suddenly hit Jongup that one day he could wake up and Junhong wouldn’t be there. The Junhong with the bright eyes and the easy smile. The little boy who stared at his big brother with so much awe and love in his eyes that Jongup ached for that feeling.
“Yongguk’s going to lose it.” He knew firsthand what it was like when you lost the person you loved the most. “He’ll be a wreck.”
Soft fingers stroked across the thin skin over his wrist. Himchan’s pale skin flickered in the candlelight and Jongup could feel the bottom of his stomach falling out from under him from the smell of Himchan’s skin.
“I lost Daehyun.” He blurted out, fist squeezing against Himchan’s t-shirt. “When I was fourteen, just a few months after everything started.” Himchan didn’t speak, he had to already know all of this from the way he and Youngjae spoke, but his eyes bored steadily into Jongup’s so he kept talking. “He was bitten. And he told me to kill him, he swore that if I didn’t shoot him he would never stop looking for me.” Knuckles dug into his eyes as he forced himself to calm down. “I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t kill him. Not him.”
Himchan tilted his chin up and smiled gently at him. “I won’t let anything happen to you.”
He missed Daehyun. Missed him so hard his gut hurt.
“I want my brother back.” He choked up, letting the wetness spill out over his cheeks.
“I know.” Himchan tugged him forward and let Jongup latch around him, face buried hotly against Himchan’s chest. “I know you do, Guppie. I’m so sorry.”
The dreams weren’t as dark the nights he fell asleep wrapped up in Himchan’s arms. He had promised Jongup that he would protect him and kept tight to his vow. The second the nightmares started Himchan would pull him closer and murmur soothingly against his cheek until Jongup would settle down.
“Shh sweetheart.” He pressed his thumb against the furrow in Jongup’s brow and smoothed it out. He waited for Jongup’s breaths to completely even out before closing his eyes and letting himself fall back asleep.
---
“Junhong’s getting worse.”
They stopped and dropped their breakfasts back to the table in shock. This was the first time Yongguk had ever openly commented on Junhong’s condition.
Yongguk rubbed a palm over his eyes and refused to look at any of them. “He was up all night with a fever and I can’t… I can’t get it to go down this time.”
They could all see the newly formed lines around Yongguk’s eyes, the complete and utter exhaustion that was etched into his skin.
“I’m going outside. Maybe if I can make it to the hospital there will be something left. Anything.” Yongguk took a deep breath and looked helplessly at Youngjae. “I’m going no matter what you say.”
Youngjae looked like he wanted to refuse to let him leave. The stubborn in-charge expression that Jongup knew so well was present in the clench of his jaw and the tightness in his shoulders. “You’re just asking to get killed, Yongguk. None of those medicines are going to be any good. It’s a death trip!”
They tensed at the wracking cough Junhong made from the bedroom. The boy’s strength was so depleted that he could barely force them out of his chest.
“I have to.” Yongguk finally replied. “I have to do whatever I can for him. He’s my baby brother. If I don’t fight for him then no one will.”
Fingers found Jongup’s under the table and squeezed. He knew Himchan could tell the effect Yongguk’s words were having on him. He couldn’t save his own brother, but maybe he could help save someone else’s.
“I’m going too.” Jongup ignored the shocked look on Youngjae’s face and focused on Yongguk’s hopeful one. “Himchan knows the area. He can draw us a map to the nearest hospital. We’ll leave in thirty minutes.”
“Jongup w-“
He cut Youngjae off. “I’m doing this, Jae. You’re my leader and I’ve gladly let you carry us for three years with no complaint. But I’m doing this. You know I have to.”
Youngjae nodded but his reluctance was still obvious in his eyes. “You better bring him home in one piece.” Was all he could hiss at Yongguk before storming out of the apartment.
It was the closest he knew he would ever get to affection from Youngjae. When he came home he would appreciate it more but right now he had a job to do and needed a one-track mind.
“What are you doing?” Himchan hissed, slamming the bedroom door behind them. He jerked the backpack out of Jongup’s hands. “What are you thinking?”
“Yongguk needs someone to help him save his brother. I won’t let him do it alone.”
Himchan stopped him from reaching towards his spare pistol under the bed. “Can you just… Just wait for a second. Please?” He pulled Jongup against his chest. “Let me go with you. I promised I’d take care of you!”
His eyes were filled with tears and Jongup hated that he was the reason Himchan was crying, but he had to understand why he needed to do this.
“I’m sorry.”
“No you’re not.” Himchan laughed before shaking his head and taking a step back. “You’re going to go even if I beg you to stay. There’s nothing I can do to change your mind.”
Jongup braided their fingers together, a sorry grimace on his face. “We’ll be home by tomorrow evening. I’ll come home to you no matter what.”
“He can’t be saved, Jongup. Junhong. Doing this won’t save him. It won’t save Daehyun either.”
His words were the wrong thing to say to an already adrenaline filled Jongup. Small brown eyes closed even further until all that was left were slits, the anger practically rolling off his body.
“Shut up. Just shut up!”
Himchan carefully stepped away from the murderous boy. “You’re only doing this because you think it will make up for what happened between you and Daehyun. You couldn’t save him so you’re going to save Junhong? Don’t do this. Please Jongup. For me.”
But it was too late. He could already see it in Jongup’s eyes that nothing was going to stop him. This was something he was going to do with or without anyone’s help.
With a sob of resignation, Himchan grabbed at a notebook off his shelf. “I’ll draw you a map.” He told him weakly, shoving past him towards the kitchen.
Yongguk bustled in a few moments later, his eyes glittering with excitement. This was the first ounce of hope he’d had in months and he was practically shaking. “Are you ready? I didn’t pack very much to save room for the medicine. I just grabbed some food and water and extra ammo for my gun. We might want to pack some candles for wherever we stay tonight, too.”
All Jongup had in his bad so far was his pistol, an extra round of bullets and his lock-picking kit. His trusty rifle was going to stay glued to his hands every second he was outside the building.
“Once Himchan is done drawing the map I’ll be ready. Let me go grab some water and a couple cans of food.” Youngjae had found some pocket knives a couple of years ago that had tiny can openers on them. The junk blades were worthless, just something to make whatever ten year old boy who owned it feel more grown-up, but they never left their apartments without them. Going anywhere without a can opener was basically a death sentence.
Junhong had managed to claw his way out to the living room and was sprawled out across the couch, his breaths coming in deep wheezes that sucked his chest down and left his frail body exhausted. “Gukkie…” His voice came out more as a tiny hiccup than a word and the reality of what was about to happen suddenly hit Jongup hard.
“He isn’t going to make it, Jongup.” Himchan’s whisper behind him was full of regret. “There’s a good chance he’ll be dead before Yongguk even gets home. Do you really want to do this to them?”
He watched Yongguk kneel down next to his brother, the little boy’s palm pressed flat against his unshaven cheek.
“Yongguk already knows this.” He murmured back, chest aching at the completely heartbroken smile Yongguk was giving his little brother. “He’s telling him goodbye, Himchan.”
They left the two boys alone, neither one wanting to watch their last moments together.
“I’m sorry.” Himchan snuck up behind him, his arms wrapping snugly around Jongup’s middle. “You know I didn’t mean anything I said.”
His body relaxed into the hold, turning his face so that he could nuzzle against Himchan’s throat. “I’ve been looking for Daehyun.” His lips moved across Himchan’s flesh as he admitted what he’d been keeping to himself for years. “Because I wanted to be with him again.”
All of this time the regret of walking away from his brother had been eating him alive. Turning his back on him was the scariest and cruelest thing he had ever done.
“But then I found you.” He slowly turned around until he was looking up into Himchan’s black eyes. “And I don’t know if I want to find him anymore.”
“Just come home, okay?” Himchan tried to appear strong, but he knew he had failed when he felt the sharp prickling at the corner of his eyes. “To me. Come home to me.”
Before he could reply Yongguk burst through the door, hastily scrubbing at his cheeks. “I’ll be in the lobby.” He spat out, ignoring the other two boy’s position as he crawled out from under the bookcase.
“I need to go say good-bye to Junhong.”
Youngjae still hadn’t returned and Jongup didn’t expect him to until long after they had left.
Junhong was trying to push himself up off the couch, but his bony arms were so weak that he couldn’t even get his bottom off the cushion.
“Hey, sit still!” Jongup settled him back against the pillows, pulling his blanket up around his neck. “Himchan can help you into your room, don’t hurt yourself.”
“This is stupid.” Junhong cracked out, near tears. “You’re both so stupid.”
Jongup wanted to tell him everything would be okay, but it was wasted breath. The way Junhong was breathing and the sweat rolling down his body were all signs he was close to falling over the edge.
“Yongguk loves you more than anything in this universe.” He told him, grabbing the edge of the blanket and dabbing at the boy’s clammy forehead. “And he would do anything physically possible to help you. I would do the same thing, trust me.” He smiled down gently at the sweet face he knew he would probably never see again. “I’ll be home tomorrow night okay?”
“Goodbye Jongup.” Junhong gave his hand one last squeeze before turning away from him. “Take care of my brother.”
The tears on Himchan’s cheeks had dried to tracks, but he still looked close to breaking down. As soon as Jongup entered the room he was jerked against his warm chest, shaking arms holding him tightly in place. “Come home as soon as you can.”
“I’ll be home tomorrow before it gets dark. Don’t worry.”
When Himchan pulled away his lips trailed across Jongup’s cheek leaving tingles over his skin. A piece of paper was slipped into his hand.
There wasn’t any reason for them to say goodbye. Jongup threw his backpack into the other apartment and crawled out after it, making sure to close the cabinet door behind him.
He found Yongguk nervously pacing the lobby, his hands tugging against his close-cropped hair. “You shouldn’t do this. I’m a bastard for dragging you along. You should just go back up to the apartment. I can do this on my own.”
Jongup carefully undid their trap by the front door knowing Youngjae would be back down later to re-do it. “Don’t worry about it. Let’s go.”
They entered the street slowly. Youngjae was somewhere in the building keeping an eye on them until they got out of sight. The knowledge that he had someone watching their backs had him walking a little easier. Even if Youngjae was angry at him Jongup knew he still cared and would keep watch for as long as he could.
“You got the map?”
Jongup pulled it out of his pocket and handed it over to him. “I’m bad at maps. You’ll have better luck than me.”
They turned left at the end of the block and headed north towards the heart of the city. Youngjae had refused to travel these streets when they first moved into this part of the city. He said they might have too many hostile people left living there.
“We need to find a place to stay before we attempt the hospital. That should wait until tomorrow when we have more time.”
The hospital was a thirty minute drive with little traffic, Himchan had written on the paper. Yongguk figured they would make it there within the next four hours if they hustled.
“What do we do if the hospital’s already been ransacked?” Jongup pulled his t-shirt off during a water break and wrapped it around his shoulders. The temperature was fair, but it was the middle of the day and the sun was beating down right against his black shirt.
Yongguk took a quick drink out of his thermos before answering. “Then we go home.” His eyes were trained off into the distance. “I had to try, Jongup. You’re the only one there who really gets that.”
“I do.” They were quiet as they repacked their bags and set off again. “Every time we would come across one of them, I always ask about him. Have they seen him, do they know him.” Jongup gulped. “Sometimes they say yes.”
Yongguk’s eyes shot over to him in shock. “They’re just telling you whatever they feel like Jongup. They aren’t smart enough to make friends with each other.”
He shrugged. “Maybe. That’s what Jae said, too. But I know him, Yongguk. I know how big of a trickster he is. Daehyun was the smartest person I’ve ever met. If he’s still… alive… he will be looking for me. He’ll have the entire damn zombie population on my trail and he’ll do it by convincing them it’s in their best interest.”
The other boy obviously didn’t believe him, but he didn’t know Daehyun. He didn’t grow up in his shadow and see the cunning look that appeared in his eyes when he saw something he wanted.
And Jongup knew Daehyun wanted him.
Part Six