Seven is the stupidest number for Idol Results
My favorite part of the show? When they were "clearing things up" at the beginning and Ryan got the last word, telling Simon to do "a little more of this" (points to ear) "and a little less of this" (makes talking sign with hand). It was so awesome, so gently scolding, so grade school teacher. Ryan as kaalee. As usual, I loved the group song, though the song itself was sort of lame, and loved Chris and Blake giggling together in their own private perfect world of either true love and fucking, or we're the cool kids, whichever, while Sanjaya was singing. Also, the segment where they talked about the music they liked where Melinda said she needed Jesus to help counteract all the hotness that the boys were bringing and Chris was all, "sing it sister" revealing that his inner woman is black, which is awesome; and then Blake, just sitting there singing the praises of Incubus (and of course he likes Incubus, because they are all about tricky rhythms) and looking like every single musician guy that I've ever known, and now I want to be BFFs with him, like Gina in all the Cake stories, only I'm too old, so I'll just call my own BFF, who is also a musician guy, and is also smallish and adorable, so maybe my yearning for Blake is just my missing of C____.
I'm going to tell you a story about top sevens. Nigel, Our Producer and Dance Judge, has done this little trick for the past three years. Back three years ago, in a season very similar to this one, there were Three Amazing Divas named Fantasia, Jennifer, and LaToya, and Three Baby Singers named John, Diana and Jasmine. Now, Diana was a fairly good Baby Singer who was getting better every week, not unlike Jordin but not as good, but Jasmine and John? They sucked. John was the singer you wanted gone every single week. He was 16 and red-haired and unthreatening and liked to sing big band songs. John Stevens is the reason that I kept saying last season that Chicken LIttle wasn't going anyplace, and this season that Sanjaya wasn't, because John lasted into the Top Six on his fanbase of young girls and grandmothers. George Huff, possibly the nicest man who ever graced the Idol stage, was told he was safe and told to join the top three, so he walked over to the divas … and Ryan said "not so fast, cowboy" and sent him over to the baby singers, and the audience freaked out. And that was the night Jennifer Hudson was sent home because everyone thought that everyone else was voting for her because she'd been so amazing.
Nigel, pleased with his fake out, tried his little trick the next year, only it wasn't so easy since the three groups each included people who should stay and people who should go, as they do because top seven is really the fulcrum when most of the bad and boring are gone, mostly the good are left, and there are one or two who aren't that great hanging around. (That's why Idol Gives Back was slated for the Top Six, who can usually be relied upon to at least not suck.) The "George Huff Memorial Goat" that year was Bo Bice, who infamously refused to pick because homey don't play dat. I didn't watch that season but even I heard about it and in his recap Jacob talks about how that moment was used by the show to build the Myth of Bo. Anyway, that night Anwar was out and A-Fed, who had that John Stevens fanbase of grandmas and small girls and similarly couldn't sing that well, lived to warble another day.
Last year, the two groups were similarly confusing, because the two singers who should have been the bottom two, Pickler and Ace, were split in the groups. So Taylor did his typical Taylor bullshit, being the odd man out, and mostly danced around in the middle of the stage such that when Ryan said he went to the wrong group he could play it as a fake out. It was ridiculous and tiresome like everything else that Taylor ever did, and Chris and Ace were the bottom two, and Ace went home, and that was the end of ChAce, and fangirls were sad. That year's John Stevens, Chicken Little, had been booted before his time because he'd mouthed off to Simon, but we did have to live with Pickler for far too long, so you win some and you lose some.
So this year, given the way that the show wants to use this episode for Significance and Mythbuilding, I reckoned that the monkey in the middle would be either Melinda or Blake, because Jordin wouldn't be able to handle it, and I think it was Melinda only because Blake ended up in the bottom three-if he'd been in the top three, he would have been asked to choose, and would have refused to choose because he watches this show, but it would have been more about his integrity rather than just how nice he is, which is what it was for Melinda.
All that said, I think I'll have to go with quoting the TWoP recaplet, with the caveat that when ali_wildgoose and I were at samgrrrl's place refreshing americanidol over and over I never thought Blake was going anyplace, never thought he was even in the bottom two, and watching the show I didn't think that Blake and Chris thought that for a second, either, sort of like Chris last week. I give you Sars:whatever whatever, get to the part where Blake gets unfairly punted so I can start bitching abou--
Hold on! Wait! Blake is safe, it's LaKisha and Sanjaya left, and -- holy shit! America, you finally got your shit together! Sanjaya's gone! It's long overdue, but I will take it! Thank you! […] And we can finally begin to repair the nation's cultural dignity, because Jesus H., people.
Seriously. I hope this means no one will sing "I Believe I Can Fly" next week. That's right, Phil, I'm looking at YOU.
In other news, I was rewatching the moments when Ryan was talking to Melinda because there was some sort of Cake sillyness about it, and my god, when did Ryan start running his finger along his lower lip like Simon does? Has he done that before? Piles of Britishisms have crept into his speech, like he's in HP fandom or something, but I'd never noticed any gestures he picked up from Simon.
Next week: Lots of footage of Ryan and Simon's African honeymoon, six sing songs of inspiration (my guess, at least three gospel numbers), and two big bloated shows full of celebs. Then rock one week and disco the other, and then top three with Clive, and then the big finale. Jeez. I'll also say that my picks for top three right now are Blake, Jordin and Melinda, and who wins is entirely up to them.
I'm going to tell you a story about top sevens. Nigel, Our Producer and Dance Judge, has done this little trick for the past three years. Back three years ago, in a season very similar to this one, there were Three Amazing Divas named Fantasia, Jennifer, and LaToya, and Three Baby Singers named John, Diana and Jasmine. Now, Diana was a fairly good Baby Singer who was getting better every week, not unlike Jordin but not as good, but Jasmine and John? They sucked. John was the singer you wanted gone every single week. He was 16 and red-haired and unthreatening and liked to sing big band songs. John Stevens is the reason that I kept saying last season that Chicken LIttle wasn't going anyplace, and this season that Sanjaya wasn't, because John lasted into the Top Six on his fanbase of young girls and grandmothers. George Huff, possibly the nicest man who ever graced the Idol stage, was told he was safe and told to join the top three, so he walked over to the divas … and Ryan said "not so fast, cowboy" and sent him over to the baby singers, and the audience freaked out. And that was the night Jennifer Hudson was sent home because everyone thought that everyone else was voting for her because she'd been so amazing.
Nigel, pleased with his fake out, tried his little trick the next year, only it wasn't so easy since the three groups each included people who should stay and people who should go, as they do because top seven is really the fulcrum when most of the bad and boring are gone, mostly the good are left, and there are one or two who aren't that great hanging around. (That's why Idol Gives Back was slated for the Top Six, who can usually be relied upon to at least not suck.) The "George Huff Memorial Goat" that year was Bo Bice, who infamously refused to pick because homey don't play dat. I didn't watch that season but even I heard about it and in his recap Jacob talks about how that moment was used by the show to build the Myth of Bo. Anyway, that night Anwar was out and A-Fed, who had that John Stevens fanbase of grandmas and small girls and similarly couldn't sing that well, lived to warble another day.
Last year, the two groups were similarly confusing, because the two singers who should have been the bottom two, Pickler and Ace, were split in the groups. So Taylor did his typical Taylor bullshit, being the odd man out, and mostly danced around in the middle of the stage such that when Ryan said he went to the wrong group he could play it as a fake out. It was ridiculous and tiresome like everything else that Taylor ever did, and Chris and Ace were the bottom two, and Ace went home, and that was the end of ChAce, and fangirls were sad. That year's John Stevens, Chicken Little, had been booted before his time because he'd mouthed off to Simon, but we did have to live with Pickler for far too long, so you win some and you lose some.
So this year, given the way that the show wants to use this episode for Significance and Mythbuilding, I reckoned that the monkey in the middle would be either Melinda or Blake, because Jordin wouldn't be able to handle it, and I think it was Melinda only because Blake ended up in the bottom three-if he'd been in the top three, he would have been asked to choose, and would have refused to choose because he watches this show, but it would have been more about his integrity rather than just how nice he is, which is what it was for Melinda.
All that said, I think I'll have to go with quoting the TWoP recaplet, with the caveat that when ali_wildgoose and I were at samgrrrl's place refreshing americanidol over and over I never thought Blake was going anyplace, never thought he was even in the bottom two, and watching the show I didn't think that Blake and Chris thought that for a second, either, sort of like Chris last week. I give you Sars:whatever whatever, get to the part where Blake gets unfairly punted so I can start bitching abou--
Hold on! Wait! Blake is safe, it's LaKisha and Sanjaya left, and -- holy shit! America, you finally got your shit together! Sanjaya's gone! It's long overdue, but I will take it! Thank you! […] And we can finally begin to repair the nation's cultural dignity, because Jesus H., people.
Seriously. I hope this means no one will sing "I Believe I Can Fly" next week. That's right, Phil, I'm looking at YOU.
In other news, I was rewatching the moments when Ryan was talking to Melinda because there was some sort of Cake sillyness about it, and my god, when did Ryan start running his finger along his lower lip like Simon does? Has he done that before? Piles of Britishisms have crept into his speech, like he's in HP fandom or something, but I'd never noticed any gestures he picked up from Simon.
Next week: Lots of footage of Ryan and Simon's African honeymoon, six sing songs of inspiration (my guess, at least three gospel numbers), and two big bloated shows full of celebs. Then rock one week and disco the other, and then top three with Clive, and then the big finale. Jeez. I'll also say that my picks for top three right now are Blake, Jordin and Melinda, and who wins is entirely up to them.