Thoughts from the Porn Store: 100% Pure Class

[jilder]

Dear Maggotted Shoplifter;

If you're going to try and steal a penis pump, at least try and steal a nice penis pump. Why go for something trashy? Surely, if there's the chance of a sex-store related shoplifting charge showing up on your criminal record, you'd want to make damn sure it was worth the risk

Comments

[missedangel]

at least steal a nice penis pump
You made me laugh coffee out of my nose!
There is such a thing as a "nice" penis pump?

[jilder]

*laughs* Sticky keyboard for you!

Yes, there is. The one he pinched is in this bashed-up box, damaged from people opening it at least one a week, and it's really quite crummy. It's cheap and nasty, with valves that seize and rubberware (the seals and the vacuum bulb) that is only going to last a month or two before breaking.

It also has a crummy harness(NSFW, natch) you can snap it into so you don't have to hold it in place, made out of really rough PVC. I imagine that if you're having difficulty holding yourself upright, keeping a Brewer's Droop in a pump with your own hands may be a bit of a big ask.

Most exciting thing to happen to me all day. It's a quiet one out here in the trenches.

[drjon]

Why steal a penis pump? I always thought Considered Opinion said they were rubbish that didn't actually do any good, and could possibly hurts one's wang badly?

[jagwire]

There are a lot of "Why" questions to be asked of a person. By the time you reach "Why steal a penis pump?, it's already too late.

[drjon]

To be honest, I was kinda wondering why they still sell them.

[jagwire]

Because people think they need them. Why sell anything beyond this reason?

[poisongirll]

In case you didn't get my sms- Thank you for the cd, you are a simply marvellous creature. 'Gingerbread coffin' has wedged itself in my brain very effectively today.
Much love
xx

[jilder]

No problems petal. Gingerbread Coffin is a pain in the backside like that.