Comments | jilder: Thoughts from the Porn Store: 100% Pure Class

jilder

Thoughts from the Porn Store: 100% Pure Class

Jul 21, 2007 20:17

Dear Maggotted Shoplifter;

If you're going to try and steal a penis pump, at least try and steal a nice penis pump. Why go for something trashy? Surely, if there's the chance of a sex-store related shoplifting charge showing up on your criminal record, you'd want to make damn sure it was worth the risk ( Read more... )

rant, tfps

Leave a comment

Back to all threads

drjon July 21 2007, 13:48:11 UTC

Why steal a penis pump? I always thought Considered Opinion said they were rubbish that didn't actually do any good, and could possibly hurts one's wang badly?

jagwire July 21 2007, 13:50:02 UTC

There are a lot of "Why" questions to be asked of a person. By the time you reach "Why steal a penis pump?, it's already too late.

drjon July 21 2007, 14:05:08 UTC

To be honest, I was kinda wondering why they still sell them.

jagwire July 21 2007, 14:08:20 UTC

Because people think they need them. Why sell anything beyond this reason?

jilder July 21 2007, 14:15:16 UTC

I've had a guy once claiming they had a 10 incher who still wanted extra length. I sent him home to talk to the wifey first.

jagwire July 21 2007, 14:19:17 UTC

Motherfuck. Why are you still awake?

I wish I was 10 inches.

But then... ah fuckit. Not going there.

jilder July 21 2007, 14:51:19 UTC

Let's not. Besides, I thought you were happy being 6 foot whatever?

I am awake because I am waiting for my dinner to settle.

jagwire July 21 2007, 14:55:07 UTC

Ahahahaaahahaa. Oh man. So much I could say. But drunk + LJ = DO NOT MIX.

jagwire July 21 2007, 15:19:41 UTC

Tzimisce + twisted imagination = wrongness of a vast magnitude.

jilder July 21 2007, 21:32:40 UTC

Even yoga ain't helping a girl get over that one...*grins* Now who needs to get to bed?

Oh, and look, I'm awake at stupid oclock! Hurrah!

jilder July 21 2007, 14:14:12 UTC

They do actually have an effect, but it's something that takes a lot of attention and careful sheduling. The pump is used in conjuntion with a penis ring. The pump is used to suck large amounts of blood into the penis, and then the ring keeps it erect. Left for 25 mins, then let down again. It temporarily stretches the blood vessels in the penis, and over long periods of time does increase mass. The general idea isn't that far different from putting spacers in peircings, though it's much slower as you obviously can't leave it tensioned like that for large amounts of time. This needs to be done a few times a week for a few months before any effect is seen, and it's usually girth rather than length that's produced. Occasionally the urologists at the PA send guys with seriously bent wangs into get a pump to help straighten them out - the mechanics of the pump can help to straighten things too ( ... )

drjon July 22 2007, 03:04:51 UTC

My goodness. So they do kinda work?

Tell us about labia pumping. Labia are fun.

jilder July 22 2007, 03:41:52 UTC

Good god. Where to start? Labial pumping works on the same principle as penis pumping, but sweet Mother of God the results are hideous to behold. Swollen pudenda that remind one of chimps in heat, every wrinkle and pucker strained and stretched. It ain't pretty. (Not safe for the fragile of mind. Tragically, this is also the most tasteful site I could find). Things do reduce in size as time progresses, but the general effect is permanent.

When I started here, I was a pump skeptic, but it's hard to ignore the effectiveness of a device that turns and innie into an outie, so to speak.

drjon July 22 2007, 04:04:08 UTC

That's far more disturbing than I thought it would be.

I wonder if you could use one on ears... there's one for the bodmod folks to consider...

laurelleaf July 22 2007, 09:58:39 UTC

I love how that site has a link on the left hand side that says 'random gross picture' beneath a picture of Courtney's face.

Back to all threads