Thoughts from the Porn Store: 100% Pure Class
Dear Maggotted Shoplifter;
If you're going to try and steal a penis pump, at least try and steal a nice penis pump. Why go for something trashy? Surely, if there's the chance of a sex-store related shoplifting charge showing up on your criminal record, you'd want to make damn sure it was worth the risk.
I do have to award you points for being so drunk that you evaded arrest - no way in hell was I going to stress a man with vomit on his shoes. Must be a biiiiig night for you, especially judging by the lovely way you kept gripping things to prevent going arse over. Clearly, you and your tummy are not on speaking terms, and as you gently turned green before me I figured I could let go any other material you had stashed about your pickled body in return for not getting puked on.
I can only hope that tomorrow, as you piece together your shattered memory of this obviously huge night out, there will come a moment when you vaguely remember visiting me, all chunky-like, and the fog will clear to reveal my scowling demeanour, and you will explode out of embarrassment.
Yours,
Repulsed Porninatrix.
PS: Also, may the Gods guide your car towards a RBT, not into someone else's vehicle. Ta.
If you're going to try and steal a penis pump, at least try and steal a nice penis pump. Why go for something trashy? Surely, if there's the chance of a sex-store related shoplifting charge showing up on your criminal record, you'd want to make damn sure it was worth the risk.
I do have to award you points for being so drunk that you evaded arrest - no way in hell was I going to stress a man with vomit on his shoes. Must be a biiiiig night for you, especially judging by the lovely way you kept gripping things to prevent going arse over. Clearly, you and your tummy are not on speaking terms, and as you gently turned green before me I figured I could let go any other material you had stashed about your pickled body in return for not getting puked on.
I can only hope that tomorrow, as you piece together your shattered memory of this obviously huge night out, there will come a moment when you vaguely remember visiting me, all chunky-like, and the fog will clear to reveal my scowling demeanour, and you will explode out of embarrassment.
Yours,
Repulsed Porninatrix.
PS: Also, may the Gods guide your car towards a RBT, not into someone else's vehicle. Ta.