Thinky thoughts about fear of creative endeavors

[jelazakazone]

So, this week I am apparently wrestling with fear about creative endeavors (which probably matter to no one but me).

1. I have been freaking out that I can't do paperlegends . I haven't even started properly to give myself a chance to fail.  My logical brain is urging my reptile to shut the hell up and just write something. Give it a try. Don't stop before you'

Comments

[alby_mangroves]

That art is so sweet!! It could totally be Gwen and girl!Arthur :D

AND STOP THINKING. Just write! Worry later. You have LOADS of time to worry later!!

[jelazakazone]

Hee:) The art is so terribly sweet, isn't it?

I was actually thinking Gwen/Morgause, even though there is absolutely no canon basis for it!

ETA: RIGHT! WILL DO. New plan is to write something every day on it and fix it later.

I wasn't actually looking for encouragement, but trying to talk about fear on a more abstract basis, but I do appreciate the encouragement:D

[millionstar]

I am experiencing the same fears about PL and I'm not sure why. Normally I don't worry so much over these things but I found myself wanting to drop out also before I've even put a word down. That's not like me and I'm curious also as to why it's happening. Hmm. It could be the word count, it could be that I still feel like such a newbie in the M/A fic fandom after spending 4 years writing solely for museslash, I have no idea.

I like how you are approaching this, though. It's interesting to dry and dissect where this fear is coming from - perhaps therein lies the clue to overcoming it. Either way, it makes for interesting discussion.

[millionstar]

*try and dissect

Sheesh, D.

[jelazakazone]

LOL. You know you can edit comments before they've been replied to, right? I didn't even notice.

I try to rationalize everything. I am tired of being afraid of stupid things. I mean, I'm stepping on my own toes here, stunting my own growth. What is that even about, right?

*fist bumps you* We can do this! Also, don't worry about being a newbie to M/A. I'm a newbie to writing fanfic!

[millionstar]

I sure do - but LJ refused to let me, it jammed up on me when i tried.

[jelazakazone]

Right. I wasn't actually looking for encouragement and I've had those same exact thoughts!

The high standards thing is an interesting question, perhaps best saved for another time. In a vacuum, I don't think I have particularly high standards, but when my standards are stacked next to "mainstream" standards, I think they are higher.

I don't feel criticized at all! This is exactly what I'm saying. These are dumb fears. Why am I afraid of stretching? Does it represent change? If so, it's not even radical change!

The writing thing is definitely a fear of failure -- that I won't be able to write a cohesive story that is 30K long, but who cares? What are the stakes, really? It doesn't hurt to have a go, right?

I should be pulling something together for dinner. <3

[dunderklumpen]

The first thing our quilt teacher said to us is that when the amish make their beautiful traditional quilts, every quilt has at least one mistake. And if they don't made one during the sewing they added one on purpose because "only God is perfect

[jelazakazone]

Do you know the Japanese phrase "wabi sabi"? Same idea. I am not even sure it's that I'm worried about doing it imperfectly, but the fear of failing completely? I can see that it's a completely irrational fear, but it still comes up.

Yes. New motto: write something every day, fix it later!

[dunderklumpen]

That's the thing with fears. Sometimes they're just there althoug you know it's irrational. The question is what could happen if you fail? - Nothing. Maybe a bit of hurt pride but that's it. There's nothing to loose and everything to gain.

Is there anything I can do to help you out? I will totally be your cheerlreader if you need one. Although bigger cheerleader posts first when I have my new NB and can actually load a site under 3 minutes:)

[jelazakazone]

I know, right? It's such a dumb fear because it's not like it's brain surgery, or anything dangerous or life threatening or even life changing. Am I really so afraid of personal growth? I actually think this fear has gotten better, not worse, but it still pops up.

Aw, thanks so much for your offer. I think I'm good. I have people who have offered to support me. It's just good to have a place to air my fears and make them disappear. ♥ ♥

[archaeologist_d]

Sounds like fear of failure. I know I don't start things for fear of not doing them properly or that I will run out of time. A bit of perfectionist, I am. Anyway, don't let it stop you!

[jelazakazone]

So, what do you do to get over the hump?

[archaeologist_d]

Tell myself to stop being such an idiot and just get on with it. As for the time issue, I give myself extra, extra time. I learned to do that with my costuming because it always takes much longer than I think it will - so when I'm writing, I give myself ages to do it. Honestly, I haven't signed up for PL, not because of the time or the worry about what people will say but because I just couldn't think of anything to write that would take that many words. When I do the merlinreversebb, it's only a 5K word minimum and I usually go way over that limit.

[jelazakazone]

I've never written anything over 8K, so I am definitely terrified of that aspect, but on the other hand, what is a 30K story but four 8K stories strung together? Or 5 6K stories? I am getting better at longer stories. I just need to try it.

So, yes, I'm giving myself that speech too:D