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[jbmcdragon]

I didn't hit my writing deadline last night (my Sip was due), so I got up at 7 this morning to edit, polish, and send it early. It's now sent, will hopefully be picked up (I'll be SHOCKED if it isn't -- they said they needed people to write July 4 short stories, I emailed and asked if they still needed writers, and they said, "YES PLEASE WRITE ONE

Comments

[kilerkki]

So I've been thinking about this a lot last night and this morning, and I think I've finally come up on an analogy that will explain my somewhat differing point of view. Every day as I walk to the bus stop on my way to work, I pass a house with a gorgeous rose garden in front. The rosebushes are actually trees (kind of like in Alice in Wonderland, you know?) and each has a different type of rose blooming at a different time of year, so the white ones with pink tips are in full bloom while the dark red ones are already losing their petals and the pale pink ones are still just buds. They're completely gorgeous and they put me in a fantastic mood every morning. And every morning as I walk by, I think, I should write a note to the gardener. Something like:

Dear gardener,

I just want to let you know how much I appreciate your hard work and the beauty of your roses. I know you didn't plant them for me, but they lift my spirits every time I see them. Thank you for contributing beauty to the world.Now, I'm not saying that's what that guy

[jbmcdragon]

I think the big difference between the two scenarios you gave and what I'm talking about is this:

In the rose-scenario, you're not ogling people, you're enjoying objects. If those roses were a bunch of handsome guys, staring longingly at them as you walked by would be creepy. Likewise, writing a thank you note to the gardener is different than staring at the gardener. Thanking the gardener for putting in the effort to grow a lovely garden and letting the gardener know you appreciate those objects is different than thanking someone for being pretty and letting them know you appreciate them as an object.

In the second scenario, if someone pays me a compliment then that's nice. I appreciate that. When the gay gentleman said, "You're attractive," I was flattered. That is a compliment that's pretty clearly, "you look good, you should be proud of yourself." It wasn't until the second part that I was upset. I'm willing to bet, to use your example, that your friend didn't thank you for looking good, which would imply you'd put together that

[keen_j]

Well said. Some mentioned in one of the comments that she has felt the same way but it helps to read out your explanation, agreed! I'm going to go blog now... :)