Good grief, that is pretty bad, and I'm quite surprised someone would be like that at a Reform shul, as there are normally quite a few converts at Reform shuls! You do get the odd weird person though or someone who is quite secular and believes that being Jewish is just an ethnicity so you can't really convert. Maybe this man was one of those. I've been pretty lucky, the only time I came across anything like this was when I went to the Limmud Conference and talked to an older woman who wanted to know my mother's name when I said she came from Cardiff (as this woman did) and then when I told her my mother wasn't Jewish she sort of snootily said 'Oh' and went off.
It *is* considered impolite, but when has that ever stopped some people?
Personally, however, I can't remember anybody at my shul being rude about it. I've noticed, though, that folks are actually *more* likely to ask questions after you've been around a while, apparently because they don't feel you're a stranger any more.
More distressing, to me, is people inadvertently embarrassing themselves because they assume things about me (most common is that I converted on account of my husband, which is not the case) (even the rabbi who handled my conversion 14 years ago forgot that detail the other day ...).
I think threnody has the right attitude and approach. Working up a stock answer in advance might help; something like "It's a long story, but the short version is I like this congregation a lot, the people are so friendly and polite!"
Once you've converted it's supposedly prohibited to remind you that you're a convert, but this rarely happens in practice. If you ever move and join a new temple, they will likely ask you where and who converted you on your paperwork (this is the case for he Reform shul I'm thinking about joining in my new city). Your Hebrew name will "out" you as well because you will be ben Avraham v'Sarah, which is a dead giveaway if you're ever called for an Aliyah. Regardless of your given name, people will always ask you where you come from and they will want to play Jewish Geography with you. You won't be very good at it. As a Reform convert this is something you are just going to have to learn to let roll of your back
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The acceptance thing is really hard, and from both angles. I converted Conservative, and I struggle with the fact that no matter how frum a lifestyle I might live, I will never be Jewish to some people. A completely secular Jew will always be more Jewish than hypothetically-uber-frum me. That sucks, and more than that, it hurts. But Orthodoxy is kinda shaking apart from the inside out these days, and even if I had converted Orthodox there would still be people who would never consider me Jewish. So I decided not to care
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Oh believe me, this is something I have struggled with on a daily basis. I honestly am not that attached to the Reform movement as a whole (actually, I'm just not a huge fan of labels in general) in spite of converting with a Reform rabbi. I'm definitely not Orthodox, for various reasons, and am ideologically probably more in line with the Conservative movement, but honestly--the closest Conservative shul to my old place (we recently moved) was not really noticeably different from our Reform shul. There's such a huge spectrum of observance across both movements that I think it's a bit silly to try to fit any one of them into any sort of box, and what it comes down to for me is the community that you connect with. Our old shul felt like home, and so that's where I converted. Our new shul is more conservative in some ways although it's still affiliated with the Reform movement (it's Reform or Chabad in our new city or you can drive 40+ miles to shul every week, which is...no. We are totally down with doing Chabad events and stuff, but
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Yeah, for me it really comes down to the fact that with so many people willing to tell any one of us we're not Jewish, we shouldn't be doing that crap to each other. Regardless of movement affiliation. The two words I hate more than any other two words together are "halachically Jewish". I've only ever seen them use to exclude someone
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I also think it's just easier for people to assume there's a spouse involved. I did not convert for my partner, but he was what sparked my interest in Judaism. Still, everyone assumes I converted for him. I think when people grow up Jewish, they sometimes don't understand how non-Jews could be so moved by Judaism that they would go through a long and intense conversion process.
As for your shul, I've had similar experiences. When I first started out, I stopped going to services after a few months because I didn't like the drama and cattiness (though this was a college town). I just had to learn that there are good and bad apples in every bunch. As long as you like the congregation overall, then you just have to ignore some people.
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Personally, however, I can't remember anybody at my shul being rude about it. I've noticed, though, that folks are actually *more* likely to ask questions after you've been around a while, apparently because they don't feel you're a stranger any more.
More distressing, to me, is people inadvertently embarrassing themselves because they assume things about me (most common is that I converted on account of my husband, which is not the case) (even the rabbi who handled my conversion 14 years ago forgot that detail the other day ...).
I think threnody has the right attitude and approach. Working up a stock answer in advance might help; something like "It's a long story, but the short version is I like this congregation a lot, the people are so friendly and polite!"
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As for your shul, I've had similar experiences. When I first started out, I stopped going to services after a few months because I didn't like the drama and cattiness (though this was a college town). I just had to learn that there are good and bad apples in every bunch. As long as you like the congregation overall, then you just have to ignore some people.
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